¡§T H E Y C A L L M E ¡K D A D!¡¨
EPHESIANS 6:4
If you were to choose one word to describe the most powerful influence in a child¡¦s life, what word would you choose? When it comes to the power of influence in a child¡¦s life or world, I would choose the word ¡§Dad.¡¨ (A father¡¦s influence ¡K positive or negative on a child¡¦s life)
In Ramsey County, Minnesota, 9th and 10th graders were interviewed about their dads. The students were all asked this question, ¡§What comes to mind when you think of the word ¡¥dad?¡¨ Their answers could be separated into two distinct categories: At one end of the spectrum were answers like: ¡§I think of wholeness, kindness, security, safety, love and integrity.¡¨ But there was a second category: These students said, ¡§I think of the word jerk¡Kangry, mad, hurtful and absent.¡¨
Dad is an immensely powerful word because the influence of a father is an immensely powerful influence.
The influence of a father, every father, reaches far beyond one¡¦s childhood. ¡§What comes to mind when you think of the word ¡¥dad?¡¨ Each of us answered that question. Each of us remembers. Each of our answers fell into one of the two piles. Someone correctly observed that there are two ways to recognize the power of a father¡¦s influence. One is to see it at work. The other is to see what happens when it is absent or gone. Present or absent, positive or negative, the power of influence of the father is staggering. If you are a father, your influence (positive or negative, present or absent) will span generations.
Our Series: The Word On Parenting (Looking at the parent¡¦s relationship to God) Today: What is the role of the father in the home? (essentials)
Big Idea: Every Father Has A God-given Role To Fulfill
Primary Text: Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,
but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Trans: Three Essentials of Every Father¡¦s Role
ć His Role as a Leader
ć His Role as a Teacher (Mentor)
ć His Role as an Example (Model)
1. HIS ROLE AS A LEADER
Every Father is responsible to be a, Spirit controlled, loving, Christ-like leader in the home.
¡§Fathers¡¨ (not parents, not mothers, not guardians, not grandparents --- but fathers)
ƒá Pat`er (pateres - pl)--- from a root word signifying a nourisher, protector, upholder¡K
Can the Greek word refer to both parents? Yes.
Does it here? No! (Other words he could have used to signify parents. It does not fit the context. Why not?
Stress in Ephesians 5&6 is walking with God and individual responsibilities and relationships in the home¡K
Not all inclusive (telling everything we are to do), but what is at the core of each ones roles¡K
¡§Fathers¡¨ (pateres) is a statement of position and responsibility: He is responsible to see that what God commands are done and in a certain manner. He is responsible to set the spiritual climate of the the home.
Context: Chapters 1 ¡V 3 „³ What God has done for us¡K. Doctrine, who we are in Christ, our purpose.
Chapters 4 ¡V 6 „³ What we are to be doing in God¡¦s power, because of who & whose we are.
3 Relationships & responsibilities of Christian men¡K husbands:
ć To His God 5:1-3; 15 -18
ƒá To His Wife 5:21 (subject to ¡K serve her¡K arrange yourself under her needs)
5:23 „³ leader
5:25ff „³ loving Christ-like leader (her needs, her purity, her nourishment, her honor,
security, provision, her protection¡K)
AS CHRIST WOULD LOVE HER¡K.
Does anything change in the marriage relationship when a young couple has their first child?
Answer: YES!!!!! Everything changes and you wonder what happened. Instead of a tropical paradise = a zoo or a 3 ring circus¡K. couples begin to ask: What happened to our marriage? Wives say: My husband isn¡¦t the same person I married. We¡¦re more like roommates than lovers now. What about my needs? When do I get time off? We have little time or energy left for each other. We are in trouble, help!
When asked the question, ¡§Now that you have children what does our marriage need the most?¡¦
Wives answered: Time, time and more time; Time alone with my husband; time alone --- to myself; Bed rest; Help in sharing the household tasks; To know that I am still a desirable woman; I need understanding, affirmation, acceptance, sensitivity, loving touches, deeper spiritual commitment, money¡Kmore money¡K
My translation: She needs a Spirit controlled, loving Christ-like leader¡K
What might that look like?
[1 Corithians 13 --- ¡§Love never gives up on her, Love cares more for one¡¦s wife than for self, Love doesn¡¦t want what it doesn¡¦t have at her expense, Love doesn¡¦t strut it stuff, doesn¡¦t have a swelled head/ isn¡¦t full of himself, doesn¡¦t force his desires on her, Isn¡¦t always ¡¥me first¡¦, Doesn¡¦t fly off the handle at her, Doesn¡¦t keep score of her mistakes; [LOVE] takes pleasure in hearing her honest thoughts and feelings, puts up with anything seeking her welfare, [LOVE] trusts God always, always looks for the best in her, never looks back¡Kbut keeps on going¡K. Love never dies but deepens and grows with their changing roles.
Why talk about a husband¡¦s relationship to God and his wife while looking at fatherhood?
Answer: Because they can not be separated from fatherhood.
In fact they are the foundation of your role as a father!
ć To His Children
6:1-3 talks to children ¡K. Instill in your children: Obedience & honor toward you and mom¡K
How ? 6:4
6:4 Talks to Dads¡K.
Bring up¡K nourish, nurture, feed , raise¡K = ENVIRONMENT
As a dad we are to provide the security of that right environment by being a Spirit controlled, loving, Christ-like leader in the home. Every child needs that type of leadership.
ILL: ¡§Not if He¡¦s like you, Dad.¡¨
Last Friday morning I read of Christian parents whose young son had become very ill. After a series of exhaustive medical tests they learned that their son was going to die. The boy had already trusted in Christ as his Savior, so they knew the child would be with Christ. But they still had to tell their son. Dad went to the bedside of his son and told him that the doctors said he only had a short time to live. They hugged and wept together and then the father asked, ¡§Are you afraid to meet Jesus?¡¨ Blinking away a few tears, the little boy answered, ¡§No, not if He¡¦s like you, Dad!¡¨
Every Father is responsible to be a, Spirit controlled, loving, Christ-like leader in the home.
Trans: Three Essentials of Every Father¡¦s Role
1. His Role as a Leader -Spirit controlled, loving, Christ-like leader in the home.
2. His Role as a Teacher ¡V a wise and trusted teacher in the home
2. HIS ROLE AS A TEACHER
Every Father is responsible to be a wise and trusted teacher in the home.
Eph 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,
but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
There are two commands here. One has to do with wisdom and the other has to do with teaching.
1st Command: ¡§Do not provoke your children to anger¡K¡¨
There is a right way and a wrong way to bring up and teach our children.
There is a wise way and an unwise way.
Proverbs 24:3-5 By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established;
through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.
A wise man has great power, and a man of knowledge increases strength;
This is counsel regarding the home¡K leading it, managing it and raising children wisely.
Three action words: (Built, established and filled)
ć Built: from the Hebrew word meaning to restore. (requires: Wisdom)
ć Established: to set in order or upright that which has fallen (requires: Understanding)
ƒá Filled: overflowing¡K satisfaction (requires: Knowledge)
Wisdom --- The Wisdom of God. The wisdom of God is not found in man¡¦s speculation not in psychology books or the world¡¦s way of parenting, but in the Word of God: The Bible. Means to see with discernment gleaned from the Scriptures. Wisdom: Skill or craftsmanship learned from the architect how to build into the life of a child. (Where does it begin? Fear of God)
Understanding--- Responding with discernment¡K insight/ apply the Word to life situations.
Knowledge --- Learning with perception (teachable spirit, willingness to learn), but also implies relationship, with God and with those in the home. This knowledge is experiential knowledge/relational knowledge (Basis = the fear of the Lord¡Kin submission to Him).
EPHESIANS 6:4 The Unwise father provokes his children to anger
¡§anger¡¨ = can mean a slow burn on the inside; or to be enraged
Colossians 3:21 „³ Parallel Passage (teaches same thing)
¡§Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.¡¨
(provoke) Exasperate/ = embitter to be sharp with
(anger) Lose heart (become discouraged and quit)
The unwise father¡¦s children will not be built up, extablished and filled¡K
ć Instead of being built up/restored = broken
ć Instead of being established/ set in order = deep damage to the heart
ƒá Instead of being a home filled with good things = bad/ hurtful memories/words¡K.
How can we do these things to our children (embitter, anger, discourage)?
Too hard, too easy, withdraw love, talk down, keep them moving w/o helping them transition (I.e. Boca Raton, Fl 1989), unrealistic goals, favoritism, over protection, over indulgence, compromise in your own life (drinking, media, $, etc.) neglect, discourage them, demand perfection to show love, criticism, be absent¡K
ILL: Syd and Ken (twins) ¡§You¡¦re too hard on your kids!¡¨
Needed to hear that. Needed to hear that from two trusted friends.
Deb¡K demand more of them than you do men in the church. Right! Because I love them more than I do the men in my church. MESSAGE RECEIVED: I needed to Lighten up¡K
Some of you need to lighten up¡K stiffen up¡K straighten up (stop walking the path of compromise)
WHAT DOES THE WISE FATHER DO? HE TEACHES HIS CHILDREN WELL
2nd Command: ¡§¡K brings them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.¡¨
bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Three Do¡¦s for Dad: Thermostat, Training and Togetherness
ƒá Thermostat: You set the climate of the home. Bring them up (they won¡¦t raise themselves) ---
Enviroment and nurturing you are to provide¡K
(Prov 29:15-17) The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother. {16} When the wicked thrive, so does sin, but the righteous will see their downfall. {17} Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.
ƒá Training: In the discipline (paidia) or training of the Lord: guidance, instruction, rewards, punishment, nurturing¡K
ƒá Togetherness: And instruction/admonition of the Lord¡K.
Instruction, encouragement and confrontation/correcting¡K simply adds to what we have just said¡K.
Empahsizes the idea of encourging them rather than discouraging them¡K.helping them
Son¡¦s need from a dad: Approval¡K how to become a man ¡K time of passage and release¡K affirmation
I do not know any man that did not wish he knew his father better¡K
Daughter¡¦s need from their dad: Affection & security (Christlike); How a godly man should treat a
woman. Affirmation of her womanhood; model of purity and love
Deuteronomy 6 formal and informal times¡K a way of life¡K always connecting life situations to the
wisdom and ways of God. His understanding or principles brought in to a situation.
Proverbs: Every father/mother ought to carefully and deliberately read through and learn what God says
about parenting in Proverbs¡K. Filled with how tos and what to teach and the consequences of doing
it ¡§my way¡¨ or our parents way instead of God¡¦s way.
(Prov 1:8-9) Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching(reward)
(Prov 2:1-4) My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, {2} turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, {3} and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, {4} and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord¡K
(Prov 3:1-3) My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, {2} for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. {3} Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.
(Prov 3:21-23) My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; {22} they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. {23} Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble;
(Prov 4:1-2) Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. {2} I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching.
(Prov 4:20-22) My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. {21} Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; {22} for they are life to those who find them
(Prov 5:1) My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of insight,
(Prov 6:20) My son, keep your father’s commands and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
(Prov 7:1) My son, keep my words and store up my commands within you.
PROVERBS: Wealth of knowledge on how to live and on what to teach your children: on finances, sexualaity to choosing a mate¡K, temptation, living honestly, etc¡K..
Big Idea: Every Father Has A God-given Role To Fulfill
Trans: Three Essentials of Every Father¡¦s Role
ć His Role as a Leader: He is to be Spirit controlled, loving Christ-like leader
ć His Role as a Teacher: He is to be a wise and trusted teacher
3. HIS ROLE AS AN EXAMPLE
Every father is to be an authentic and worthy example for his children to follow.
We call that a role ( model ).
ILL: Elephants:
Discovery Channel ran a segment that tells us something important about the importance of role models:
The park rangers at a South African wildlife preserve were concerned about the slaughter of 39 rare white rhinos in their park. It turned out that the rhinos were killed not by poachers but rather by juvenile delinquents¡Xteen elephants.
The story began a decade ago when the park could no longer sustain the increasing population of elephants. They decided to kill many of the adult elephants whose young were old enough to survive without them. And so, the young elephants grew up fatherless.
As time went on, many of these young elephants roamed together in gangs and began to do things elephants normally don’t do. They threw sticks and water at rhinos and acted like neighborhood bullies. Without dominant males, the young bulls became sexually active, producing excessive testosterone and exhibiting aggressive behavior. A few young males grew especially violent, knocking down rhinos and stepping or kneeling on them, crushing the life out of them. Mafuto the gang leader eventually had to be killed.
The park rangers theorized that these young teen-aged elephants were acting badly because they lacked role models. The solution was to bring in a large male to lead them and to counteract their bully behaviors. Soon the new male established dominance and put the young bulls in their places. The killing stopped. The young males were mentored¡Xand saved.
Why? Role models.
Every father is to be an authentic and worthy example for his children to follow¡K
Why? Every child needs an authentic and worthy example¡K
Paul did not begin by telling fathers what to do with their children.
Paul began by telling fathers to be imitators of God¡K
Paul did not begin by telling fathers to fill their children¡¦s minds with Bible.
Paul began by telling fathers to first be filled with the Holy Spirit of God.
Paul did not begin by telling fathers to impart wisdom.
Paul began by telling fathers to walk wisely, understanding the will of the Lord.
Paul did not begin by telling fathers to demand obedience and honor.
Paul began by telling fathers to love and honor their wives.
Every father is to be an authentic and worthy example for his children to follow.
ƒá Be there¡K
ć Be real, authentic (not perfect)
ƒá Be worthy¡K someone they can look up to.
Cost of compromise is all around us: Compromise ¡K sports, hobbies, work, pleasure, time¡K
2 Corinthians 5:10 ¡§We must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, that each one (dad) may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body (on earth, in the home), whether good or bad.¡¨
Every father has a God-given Role To Fulfill¡K
ƒá Leader ¡V Spirit controlled, loving, Christ-like (Scale 1 ¡V10¡K take to move up)
ƒá Teacher-- a wise and trusted teacher in the home (Scale 1 ¡V10¡K take to move up)
ƒá Example-- authentic and worthy (Scale 1 ¡V10¡K take to move up)
