Communication:
Building a Foundation of Trust
(Part 1, Building a Stronger Family)
Text: Proverbs 3:1-6 (READ)
This morning I want to issue you a challenge. I want to challenge you to put what we are going to talk about this month into practice. We will be looking at biblical foundations for Building a Stronger Family. From this series, we will look at some different areas within the family life that touch all of us in many ways. The first foundation is Communication; the second foundation is Finances; the third foundation is Quality-Time; and the last thing we will cover this month is Leaving a Legacy. During this month of November, we celebrate Thanksgiving. It usually is a time of fellowship among our family and friends that we prepare for many days in advance. This month, by the way, is the only time of the year when Cranberry Sauce is a best-seller. Never could develop a taste for that stuff. But, I am looking forward to the time I will get to spend with my family and friends around a dinner table, football game, and somebody’s car problem.
What makes this time of family so special to us? Maybe for some of you, it can’t be over soon enough. I have to admit that sometimes I feel that way as well. But, the times we spend with our distant and not-so-distant family members should be times to remember. This month we are going to examine the biblical foundations behind God’s view of family and what He desires from us as part of the family of God.
The first foundation we will look at is Communication. Communication begins building foundations of trust by laying cornerstones of example, commitment, and persistence. It is through the language we speak in our homes that we shape and mold our family into what God desires it to be or into what God gets disappointed by. How do you communicate in your home?
(Get string and cups with Brandon; Talk with him and then cut the line)
Sometimes, we have a tendency to eliminate the access lines of communication in our homes. Maybe you have a hard time getting your kids to open up to you. Maybe your children don’t think you are interested in what they have to say. These things all add up to communication breakdown. What can we do as parents to eliminate this failure to communicate?
I believe the first cornerstone for effective communication in the family comes through your example as husband and wife.
Cornerstone 1: Example
“…do not forget my teaching.”(v1)
Solomon urges his son to remember his teaching. Do you think Solomon taught his son by merely explaining everything to him or did he give him a fatherly example? The latter provides a living testament to what God says is the role for the Father and Mother to play in the home. The example you and your spouse set in the home for communication directly correlates to how your children think they can communicate with you.
Let me illustrate: Listen to a typical example of a counseling session with Dr. James Dobson.
“Joe and I were deeply in love when we got married. We struggled during the first few years, especially with financial problems. I knew that we loved each other very much, though. But then, something changed. He got a promotion about five years ago that required him to work longer hours. We needed the money so we didn’t mind, but it never stopped. Now he comes home late every night. He so tired that I can actually hear his feet dragging as he comes to the door. I look forward to him coming home ‘cause I have so much to tell him, but he doesn’t feel like talking. So I fix his dinner and he eats alone, ‘cause the kids and I have already eaten. After dinner, he makes a few phone calls and works at his desk. Frankly, I like for him to use the telephone just so I can hear his voice. Then he watches TV for a few hours and goes to bed. Except on Tuesday night he plays basketball and sometimes he has a meeting at the office. Every Saturday night he plays golf with his buddies. Then Sunday we are in church most of the day. Believe me there are times when we go for one or two months without having a real, in-depth conversation. You know what I mean? And I get so lonely in that house with three kids climbing all over me. There aren’t even any other women in the neighborhood to talk with ‘cause they have all gone back to work. But there are other irritations about Joe. He rarely takes me out to dinner and he forgot our anniversary last month, and I honestly don’t think he’s ever had a romantic thought. He wouldn’t know a rose from a carnation, and his Christmas cards are just signed, “Joe”. There is no closeness or warmth between us and yet he wants me to be intimate with him at the end of the day. There we are lying in bed, having no communication between us in weeks. He hasn’t tried to be sweet or understanding or tender, yet he expects me to be affectionate and responsive to him.
…This is the case with too many homes today. This is the case in too many homes in the church. Gentlemen, I have a message for you.
It’s high time we realized that our wives are under attack today. We live in a time where everything your mother was taught as a little girl is now ridiculed and scorned.
- The notion that motherhood is a worthwhile investment of a woman’s time suffers endless bombardment.
- The idea that wives should yield to their husbands leadership, as commanded by Ephesians 5:21-33 is considered almost medieval in its stupidity.
- And the concept that a man and a woman should become one flesh, finding their identity in each other rather than as separate and competing individuals, is said to be intolerably insulting to women.
- And the belief that divorce is an unacceptable alternative has been abandoned by practically everybody.
- And the role of the female as the help-mate, bread-baker, wound-patcher, love-giver, home-builder, and child-bearer is nothing short of disgusting.
Can this world make being a wife any more bitter? As leaders in our homes it is our responsibility to do something. If we can appreciate the willingness of our wives to stand against the tide of public opinion – staying at home in her empty neighborhood with jelly-faced toddlers and strong-willed adolescents – it’s about time we gave her some help. I mean the constant provision of emotional support…of conversation…of making her feel like a lady…of building her ego…of telling her that you love her…of letting her have some free time during the week…What I mean is, being willing to communicate and lead by example. I have to hurry, but we could spend all month on just the relationship between husbands and wives and their roles in the family, but that’s another series. Communication is done in your family through the mommy and the daddy first. Your communication efforts and habits become your children’s. So I ask again, How do you communicate in your home?
Cornerstone 2: Commitment
“Let love…”(v3)
The second cornerstone for effective communication in the family is commitment. A problem that is relevant to communicating today, is that communication takes time. And in a busy world of over commitment and trying to do everything, it is the time for those desperately needed relationships that get lost in the middle of everything else. We trade relationships for achievements. We trade communication for busyness. We trade time spent talking for time spent running around and trying to keep up with the Joneses’. These are all bad trade-offs, but we get in the habit of doing them.
The things that were once viewed as trademarks of communication, family dinners, long walks, bedtime stories, Sunday drives, just don’t happen anymore. They are replaced in families by TV, sports games, electronics, and more meetings and lessons than our parents could have ever imagined.
But it’s not just the traditions and places of communication that have gone, it’s the desire and the effort. When Solomon wrote these words, he understood what love meant. Love means commitment. Ask anyone who has been married for over 50 years, what the secret to longevity in marriage was…9 times out of 10 it will be because they valued their commitment to each other. There are a few here I could ask that question to. We have to realize that everything that matters most – our happiness, our values, and our families – depends on our communication. When we put communication at the highest priority, we have to devote ourselves to it. That’s what the bible means by love. A devotion to God, our wives, our families, and the church. Communication in each of these relationships is vital for a healthy family. We put nothing ahead of it, we insist on it, we demand it of ourselves and ask and work and plead for it from those we love. Too many people have said God doesn’t really talk to us. The problem they have is they don’t talk to Him. Communication is a two-way street and we have to be committed to making it a top priority in our families. I urge you to take the marriage class that David and Nancy Headley will be teaching when it comes time, because there are many practical ways to tackle communication breakdowns and rebuild the lines of communication within your home. We don’t have time to get into all that today. But, it is important for us to realize the love we have for our families is shown in the commitment we give them.
Cornerstone 3: Persistence
“…and faithfulness…”(v3)
The third cornerstone for effective communication in the family is persistence. Look at what it says there in verse 3 of our text. We are to never let love and faithfulness leave us. Wrap those things around our necks like lockets. Have them so ingrained within our character that they spill out of every part of our lives. They are written on our hearts. Why? So we can win favor and a good name in front of God as well as man. Does this contend with what the world projects as favorable and worthy of a good name? Remember I said that we will confront the world and exist in tension with it if we truly are God’s children? This is where the rubber meets the road. We have to be persistent in our task to see that communication is priority number one in our families. You know the story of the tortoise and the hare.
The hare runs off full blast excited about the race and about a quarter of the way through he stops and says, “That’s good enough. I can rest here.” And the tortoise plods away taking it slow and deliberate, pacing himself and making every step count. He passes the hare and finally sees the finish line. Everybody sees the tortoise and can’t believe their eyes. They are shouting and yelling encouragement and they wake the hare. The hare scrambles to his feet and speeds off to the finish line, only to be beaten by the tortoise anyway.
We have this hare complex ingrained into our systems in many more things than our family communication, but nowhere is it more important to make a change. We have to become persistent in seeing communication take place in our homes, with our wives, with our children, and most importantly, with our heavenly father, Jesus Christ.
It has been said that children spell love, T-I-M-E. Time spent involved with your kids is never wasted. Time spent with your father in heaven in never wasted. The parallels made between our relationship with God and how it should carry over into our family life are unending. We have to not just make an effort in our example as parents, husbands and wives, but in our commitment to see communication happen, and our persistence to see it become reality. Verses 5 and 6 give us the solution to seeing this through.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart…”(v5)
This is not just an option for you to take, it is a command. It’s not just a passing thought by someone who may not have known better, it’s a way of life given by the wisest man ever. Who better to take advice from? This Thanksgiving season, you could end up with something more than just the sight of your in-laws leaving to be thankful for, you could have a family drawn together by the love of the Lord because of your willingness to communicate.
Everything depends on communication. It is what solves problems; it is what draws people together; it is how love grows; it is what builds trust, security, and identity. Our ability as parents to establish trust through communicating with our families comes from our willingness to lead by example, stay committed to the task, and to remain persistent in our roles. These cornerstones will help build a foundation of trust essential in building a stronger, Godly family.
These issues of communication are just as true for our families as they are for the family of God. Each one of us needs to be an example in our communication with our Father, Jesus Christ. We need to make a commitment to Him, to be available for him when He needs us. We must be persistent in our efforts to stay in His will. It is not a one time thing. God requires our whole lives, all the way through, not just a moment of them. The same thing applies to us with our families. God desires you to be part of His family, and He wants to build a stronger family through communication.
