What Parents Owe Their Children: A Pattern of Friendship
Everyone needs friends. Our children as they grow make and break friendships. And there have been plenty of sermons and lessons documenting how friendships can break our children. We all want our children to have the right kind of friendships, the kind of friendships that grow them and bless them in their walk with Christ.
Where do our children learn what friendship really is? From us. So we have to model for our children what a friend really is.
What does the Bible say about friendship?
A Friend is a Companion
They like you for who you are
o “The sweet smell of incense can make you feel good, but true friendship is better still.” Proverbs 27:9, CEV
o I like what Erma Bombeck said about friends. She said, “A friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though you’re a little cracked.”
(Visa commercial – Hogettes – Accepted anywhere…)
They look to your interests as well as their own
o “Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.” Philippians 2:4, NLT
o Story of a neighbor he had who was trying to put a TV antenna on his roof, but was having a terrible time. Hewett decided to give him a hand. He went over and took with him his best tools and soon had the antenna up. His neighbor asked him what he made with such fancy tools. Hewett replied, “Friends, mostly.”
o A farmer was detained for questioning about an election scandal. "Did you sell your vote?" the attorney asked. "No sir, not me," the farmer protested. "I voted for that there fella ’cause I liked him." "Come, now," threatened the attorney. "I have evidence that he gave you fifty dollars for a vote." "Well, now," the farmer said, "it’s plain common sense that when a fella gives you fifty dollars you like him."
o Someone has said that in each of our lives, there is a gauge that measures our emotional health. It is like a gas gauge on the dashboard of our car. When it is all the way over to empty, we had better go to the gas station and get filled up or we will break down. We fill it up and the needle goes over to full. There are friends that when you spend time with them, our gauge goes all the way over to full.
They look beyond your faults or mistakes
o “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.” Proverbs 11:12 (NIV)
o “One who forgives an affront fosters friendship, but one who dwells on disputes will alienate a friend.” Proverbs 17:9 (NRSV)
o “Home, Home on the Range.” There is a line that says, “Where seldom is heard a discouraging word.” Wouldn’t it be wonderful if that were true of every home?
o Saying - "If you really want to know who your friends are, just make a mistake!"
A Friend is a Collaborator
In the challenges of the day
o “Two people are better than one, because they get more done by working together. If one falls down, the other can help him up. But it is bad for the person who is alone and falls, because no one is there to help.” (NCV) Ecc. 4: 9-10
o “A true friendship is like toothpaste, when it is put under pressure, it appears!”
In the growth of your Soul
o “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 (NIV)
o Someone once said, "A friend is one who knows you as you are, understands where you’ve been, accepts who you’ve become and still gently invites you to grow."
In the burdens of your life
o “Share each other’s troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ” Galatians 6:2 (NLT)
o Prosperity begets friends, adversity proves them
A Friend is a Confidant
They are Trustworthy with your treasures
o “…do not throw your pearls in front of pigs, or they may trample them and then turn on you and tear you to pieces.” Matthew 7:6 (NJB)
o Won’t trample on what is important, sacred or treasured to you…
They Defend You from attacks
o “An enemy might defeat one person, but two people together can defend themselves; a rope that is woven of three strings is hard to break.” Ecc. 4:12 (NCV)
o "A friend is one who warns you." - Old Jewish proverb.
o JACKIE ROBINSON was the first African American to play baseball in the major leagues. Breaking baseball’s color barrier, he faced hostile crowds in every stadium. While playing one day in his home stadium of Ebbets Field in Brooklyn, he committed an error. The fans began to jeer him. He stood at second base, humiliated, while the crowd booed. Then, without saying a word, shortstop Pee Wee Reese went over and stood next to Jackie. He put his arm around him and faced the crowd. Suddenly the fans grew quiet. Robinson later said that that arm around his shoulder saved his career.
They are Constant in their love
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Prov. 17:17 (NIV)
o Friends are people with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with them. They ask you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. When you are with them, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think. Friends understand those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With them, you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities, and in opening them up to friends, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of their loyalty. They understand. You do not have to be careful. Best of all, you can keep still with them. It makes no matter. They like you. They are like fire that purges to the bone. They understand. You can weep with them, sing with them, laugh with them, pray with them. Through it all-and underneath-they see, know, and love you. A friend? What is a friend? Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself.
“The Furnace Keeper”
One of the ancient kings of Persia loved to mingle with his people in disguise. Once, dressed as a poor man, he descended the long flight of stairs, dark and damp to the tiny cellar where the fireman, seated on ashes, was tending the furnace.. The king sat down beside him and began to talk. At meal time the fireman produced some coarse black bread and a jug of water and they ate and drank. The king went away but returned again and again for his heart was filled with sympathy for the lonely man. They became very good friends as time passed. At last the king thought, “I’ll tell him who I am, and see what gift he will ask.” So he did, but the fireman didn’t ask for a thing. The king was astonished and said, “Don’t you realize that I can give you anything—a city, a throne?” The man gently replied, “I understand your Majesty. You have already given the greatest gift a man could receive. You left your palace to sit with me here in this dark and lonely place. You could give nothing more precious. You have given yourself and that is far more than I could ever deserve.”
Observation 1 – Want to be a better friend? Think of these are a job description.
- Compasion, Collaborator, Confidant
· Make friendship a priority. Find the time to be with friends even if it means letting the lawn go unmowed or the dishes unwashed for a while. When you can’t get together, use the phone to keep in touch.
· Open up to close friends. Maintaining a deep friendship requires a level of "psychological intimacy." Don’t be afraid to express your inner fears and disappointments. Listen to your friends when they have problems, but offer advice only when it’s wanted. Help reaffirm friends’ self-esteem when they are shaken by a job loss, divorce, or other such event.
· Don’t wait for a friend to ask a favor. When a friend has the flu, offer to go to the store or drive the children to their after-school activities.
· Never take a friendship for granted. Like a good marriage, friendship needs nurturing and patience.
If you want to know how to be someone’s friend, just look at this list!
Observation 2 – Isn’t this how God has acted as our friend?
- Compasion, Collaborator, Confidant
Observation 3 – If you are visiting with us today…
If you are visiting with us today, a friend of one of our members, you are a person like this!
"We always thank God for all of you mentioning you in our prayers. We remember your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love and your endurance inspired by hope in OUR Lord Jesus Christ." (I Thes. 1:2,3)
- Pray this prayer!
