Session One: Introduction & First Down
Introduction:
Some marriages start out with a big play.
A. What are "Big Plays?"
a. $40,000 wedding, new homes, new cars, birth a kid, vacations, graduations, financial success.
b. Although they have a big play....many of those marriages will fail.
(Big plays rarely win a football game either.)
B. Winning football teams string together enough first downs (small plays) to do two things.
a. Move the ball into a position to score.
b. Keep possession of the ball so the other team doesn’t get a chance to score.
C. Over the course of this weekend I want to give you four key plays that make a winning marriage.
The four plays....
1 First Down: Focus on the goal
2 Second Down: Commitment
3 Third Down: Honor
4 Fourth Down: Teachability
D. Let’s Pray and get busy.
First Down: Focus On The Goal
Intro.
Most of us have fond memories of our wedding.
*So much emphasis was put on the cultural and social blessing of the wedding/marriage.
*vows, promises were made before family, friends and God.
*We sometimes lose focus of the fact that it is God that will give us the power that will allow us to keep those vows/promises.
A It’s hard to keep focused. (Can you remember your wedding ceremony w/o watching the video tape?)
a It’s easy to forget that it is God...and not the photographer/caterer...that authors and blesses your union.
b Successful football teams will line up for first down with one clear goal:
To execute the play as a single unit. (Not flawlessly, just successfully)
Matthew 19:5-6
"[5] and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ ? [6] So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
*The play we are trying to execute is to become ONE.
B Men and Women tend to focus on different areas.
a Women tend to focus on significance inside the home/family. The Home is Cursed!
GE 3:16 To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
Men tend to focus on significance outside the home. Career is Cursed!
GE 3:18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field.19 By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return
(IL) Put 20 women in a room and their husbands in another room and ease drop on each room. The women will talk about their families and men will talk about their jobs.
b Take your pen and draw a squiggly line going to the left and write "She Chases Kids".
Now take your pen and draw a squiggly line going to the right and write "He Chases Career"
*They are drifting apart just the way married couples can drift apart!!!
C A better focus comes by acting like Christ.
a Another picture. (Dray a Cross) Draw a line going to Jesus from the right and another going to Jesus from the left. (Two things happen)
*As men and women we draw closer to God.
*As husbands and wives, we draw closer to each other.
b How do we do this? Matt. 7:24-27
MT 7:24 "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. [25] The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. [26] But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. [27] The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."
We can build our marriages on solid ground by...vv:26
(1) Listing to God
(2) Doing what He says. (It’s that easy!)
*Jesus Never calls a bad play. People who want to follow God’s game plan spend a lot of time with the play book. (Bible)
D How do we talk to the coach? (Ex. 33:11)[11] The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent.
a How do you get advice from a friend? (Ask!)
*Rarely do I hear an audible voice. It’s more of a leading...gut feeling.
*Secret is to listen.
b Sometimes God will lead us to the right song, sermon, scripture, friend & sometimes He will speak to our soul.
E Follow Jesus by DOING two things.
a Sundays
*Worship is when we have an intimate experience with God through music, scripture, prayer and the days message.
*Your marriage is a place for intimacy! Put Sundays in there too!
*When husband and wife go to different churches...usually it brings division. (Never seen it bring unity to the home.)
*If you can’t come together in unity on God and church family......"Houston, We have a problem."
b Money 2 Peter 2:11 [14] With eyes full of adultery, they never stop sinning; they seduce the unstable; they are experts in greed--an accursed brood! Greed will tackle marriages as fast as infidelity.
There are two main reasons married couples don’t tithe.
(1) They don’t believe they can live well on 90%.
God can heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the sinner, control the world but He can’t stretch a buck!
(2) People don’t know where their money goes. (Not on a lavish lifestyle for your pastor.)
*Your money goes to ministry. A $100 bucks will buy $100 of ministry
*Some people plunck a 5 or 10 in the plate and think their tithing. If you make $50 or $100 your right.
*Your church is fighting a war. (Divorce, gambling, addiction, pornography, poverty, crime, lies, hate.....) We drop a million dollar missile in Kubal and don’t bat an eye...were at war. You give ten bucks to church and have second thoughts about it.
Questions:
Individual
1. Do you agree that if you and your spouse grow closer to Christ, it will benefit your marriage? Why or Why not.
2. List two things that you and your spouse can do together to focus on Christ
Small Group
1. Think of a couple you know who have a great marriage. What makes their marriage so perfect?
2. Do you agree that following Jesus on Sundays will draw you closer to your spouse? Explain.
3. What about the money thing, what do you think about that?
Session Two: Commitment
A Commitment to the right things makes a marriage safe.
a Commit to each other, marriage home.
b If your committed to getting your way, your agenda, your dreams, yourself....your in deep weeds.
B Commitment is nurtured by spending time together. (It’s not quality time that matters. It’s just time.)
a You don’t have to spend thousands at 19% APR on extravagant vacations to spend quality time.
b Turn off the TV, put down the paper, get off the phone and talk. Get alone and spend time together.
C Do you remember these words.......
"I __________, take you______, to be my husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death; as God is my witness, I give you my promise."
a You are either going to keep these vows...or your not.
b You swore to God you would. This is a big deal!!!
*You’ve got to have the right attitude. "I’m going to keep my promise."
*You’ve got to protect your marriage.
Questions:
Individuals
1. On a scale of one to 10 (ten being perfect), rate your general attitude about your marriage. Are you being realistic? Would your spouse agree with your assessment? How can you improve your attitude?
2. Will you schedule "alone" time for your spouse and for each one of your children in the coming week?
For Small Groups
1. How do you keep your attitude good?
2. How much time is enough time? Why?
Third Down: HONOR
Love that keeps marriages together gives honor in all four domains of life.
(Emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual)
A Love her, Respect him-Emotional and intellectual honor.
a Eph. 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
"Successful marriages are successful because...both parties met the needs of their spouse."
b What each party needs.......
(WIVES need their guy to.....)
*Care for her emotional honor. (She needs to know she’s loved.)
*Tell her everyday, take her to dinner, buy her a flower, turn off the game on the radio on that drive to grandma’s and just talk to her.
(HUSBANDS need gal to....)
*respect from his babe...care for his intellectual honor.
*It sounds like ego stroking, (not a bad idea), but honoring intellectually is different.
*Honoring intellectually means you respect his intentions, ideas, decisions as they work to provide for the family.
B Adam & Eve are a great case study in honor. (Gen 2:23-25)
GE 2:23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called `woman,’ for she was taken out of man." 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
a Adam and Eve’s marriage started just like yours......in love.
*In chapter 3 Eve falls as prey to the serpent. Breaks Dad’s only rule!
*When God saw what had happened, He went looking for the responsible parties. (Gen. 3:8)
GE 3:8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. [9] But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"
*The MAN was responsible in guys eyes. (Big)
*vv:12 GE 3:12 The man said, "The woman you put here with me--she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."
b Adam blamed his wife. Ouch!!! TWO BIG MISTAKES!!!
(1) He blamed God for giving him a crummy wife.
(2) Adam gave Eve reason to doubt his love for her.
*We’ve been hurting ever sense!!
C Sexuality-Physical Honor
(When you start honoring your spouse emotionally/intellectually you’ll start more days like Bob and Libby Dole. Heck, you may not even the little blue pill.)
a If your looking at anyone else and thinking about being naked with that somebody that your not married....stop it.(Shameful to your marriage)
b Guys/Gals: We don’t ever need to discuss our sexual life with anyone other than our spouse, and God. (On rare occasions, a clinically trained therapist who believes God brings healing)
*Not.....your hairdresser, boss, co-workers, parents, Oprah.
*God gave sex to you and your spouse to enjoy privately.
D Spiritual honoring (I Peter 3:1-5, 7)
1PE 3:1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, [2] when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. [3] Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. [4] Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. [5] For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands,
(I can see how vv:1-5 causes a problem with women who don’t believe in God, don’t accept J.C. died for sin, don’t believe in the resurrection, don’t believe that to live forever she must die to her own agenda)
a If you know the Lord, vv:1-5 are not a license for someone to walk on you. It’s simply God’s instruction to you. Submission isn’t a simile for doormat.
b Verse 7 isn’t your license to nag either. It’s simply God’s instruction to your husband.
1PE 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
a Men, Your wife is God’s little girl. *If you mistreat her, Big Daddy has no time for you!
*Speak blessing to her, to your home. (So many of us spread anger, jealousy & criticism. We spread a curse instead of blessings.)
*Men, bless your home and don’t leave the blessing to the next guy. It’s your job.
b Ladies, what possible reason could you have for not wanting your husband to be a godly leader in your home?
Questions:
Individual
1. What one specific thing will you do to respond to your spouse’s basic need to hear you love her or to know that he has your respect?
2. Write down a blessing that you will deliver to your spouse in the next 24 hours.
3. What does your spouse do that shows they honor you?
4. What do you do that shows you honor your spouse?
Small Group
1. Tell about a time when your husband or wife blessed you.
FOURTH DOWN: TEACHABILITY
In football, your 4th down is your last play before the other team gets the ball back. It’s do or die.
If your marriage faces fourth down, here are some plays you can run.
A Seek advice. (Not from just anybody)
a Find a couple in your church or the church next door.
b You can trust them to keep a confidence.
c They are on their first marriage. (Why do people get advice from divorced friends? ) (IL) You wouldn’t get a guy with 3 DUI’s, wrapped his car around several trees to teach your kid to drive
d They have celebrated at least 10 more wedding anniversaries than you.
(They have seen at least one 4th down play themselves.)
B Seek out your pastor. (Part of my ministry)
a Its is free to you because you already care for me through your tithes.
(If you don’t trust God with your money enough to support your own church, you’ve got bigger problems than I could handle anyway.)
b I’ll give you scriptural guidance, prayer, practical guidance.
(I don’t know of one divorced couple who took biblical advice and stuck with it.)
*Couple. "It takes two to tango. It take one not to tango."
C Seek out a mediator. (Pastor/Chosen Couple)
MT 18:15 "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. [16] But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that `every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ [17] If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
a Talk to each other first and then go to the next level.
b Lawyers are not mediators. (They want YOU to win. Lawyers are advocates.)
Pastors ARE mediators. Mediators want to see both of you win!!!!
D I’ve heard couples say "We got counseling." (Sounds like you fixed a car.)
*You do counseling.
a If you spill milk in your living room, your wife is out changing oil in your truck, whose got to clean it up?
*Why? If you don’t it will stink up your whole house like a skunk in a septic tank.
*It’s your mess....pick it up before your whole house gets stunk up.
b Pride will stop you from picking up your messes.
*Let somebody else pick it up.
*It’s their house too.
*I’ll get it later.
*I’ll blame him/her for the mess.
*Hey dummy....It’s your mess. Pick it up.
E Be teachable. (Pick up your messes.)
a Realize that there is a God and your not it.
b Give your marriage your all and don’t stop short.
Questions:
Individual:
1. Write down a mess that you need to clean up and go clean it up.
2. If your marriage is bad, do you believe that you and God can heal it?
Small Group:
1. How do you stay teachable?
