P A R E N T I N G: T H E B I G P I C T U R E
Proverbs 22:6
¡§Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.¡¨
That verse tells me there are two basic gifts we are to give our children: Roots and Wings.
Train up a child in the way he should go¡XWe are to give our children roots ¡V a solid biblical roots or a foundation for living. Part of those roots = helping them understand the way to God, through Jesus Christ our Savior and Lord, and secondly, how to walk with God in a personal relationship¡K. It says,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it. ¡V Wings ¡V Releasing them with the tools, power and training to live their own lives in close relationship with Jesus Christ¡K influencing others for Him.
There is no more important calling in all the world than that of being a parent¡K
Today Begin A Series: ¡§The Word On Parenting¡¨
Our aim is to present, in a relevant way, basic scriptural principles essential to providing our children with godly Christian Roots and Wings.
Four Preliminary Comments:
1. This subject is of interest to some more than to others. (True of any topical series). But I say to you, young or old, married or single, parent or grand parent ¡K if your are not in some way blessed, affirmed, guided, corrected or healed in your spirit through the teaching of the Word in this series, week in and week out, then I will be very surprised and disappointed. God is going to meet us where we are and apply His word to our hearts and lives. 2 Tim 3:16 All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do what is right. 2 Tim 3:17 It is God’s way of preparing us in every way, fully equipped for every good thing God wants us to do.
Mat 18:5 And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.
Mat 18:6 But if anyone causes one of these little ones who trusts in me to lose faith, it would be better for that person to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around the neck. Children are important to God and we will all learn better how to view, value and treat children as precious to God.
2. A Biblical Study: not lessons in child psychology --- ¡§The WORD on Parenting¡¨
3. I am not (NOT) a perfect example of all I that I will teach¡K God has been gracious to us in that we have been blessed with four sons, all grown, and I am very proud of them all. But I am still learning just like you and I have made mistakes, some funny and some not so funny.
4. It¡¦s never to late to begin¡K
TODAY¡¦s TITLE: PARENTING: THE BIG PICTURE (OVERVIEW)
PROP: GOD INTENDS FOR YOU TO SUCCEED IN PARENTING
TRANS: FOUR RELATIONSHIPS WE MUST PAY ATTENTION TO
IN ORDER TO SUCCEED IN PARENTING
(1) God and Your Child (2) You and Your God
(3) You and Your Child (4) You, Your Teen and Beyond
Our series is organized around those four relationships. Each of the 16 messages beyond today¡¦s, will fall under one of four categories based on those four relationships. Today¡¦s message will be an introduction to the total series by highlighting the four main divisions of the series as individual points in the sermon outline.
Part I: 1ST Relationship „³ God and Your Child
Healthy parenting begins in the heart and mind of the parent or prospective parent.
LESSON: In order to parent right we must think right about children.
QUESTION: How does God view your child? ¡K children?
Trans: Two Ways Treasure & a trust
„« A Treasure „³ Precious and valuable¡K important
„« A Trust „³ Entrusted to us/ to you for a purpose ¡K raising godly offspring.
Psalm 127: 3&4 ¡§Behold, children are a gift of the LORD; The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth.¡¨
(Psalm 139 ¡V tells us He fashioned them right in the womb¡K
Treasure: Precious, valuable¡K important
Trust: to be cared for as God would care for them¡K raise godly offspring¡K
Common Mistake: ¡§Can you imagine bringing a child into this troubled world today?¡¨ Reaction often out of fear, convenience or may I say even ignorance¡K.
God tells us the whole point is to bring godly offspring into an ungodly world so they can make a difference for Christ¡K ¡§Be fruitful and multiply...¡¨ has never been retracted¡K
Malachi 2:15 reason for marriage: ¡§He God seeks godly offspring.¡¨
What Is that your attitude about children?
ILL: Foster children¡K Your own children: An image Still fresh in my mind = youngest grandson: Brendan in a very godly family¡K Adopted: little fire plug or bowling ball. Precious child from a father who didn¡¦t want him and a mother who would not care for him. DESCRIBE setting¡Kwith kids (Playing with parents and 3 godly sisters.
Why? Because his parents think rightly about children (Treasure & a trust)
Children are not optional equipment in marriage. (Commanded)
Children are not unnecessary expenses, a bother nor an unwelcome interference with a career.
Children are not pets, ornaments or living dolls to fill up your needs.
Children are not property to be broken or divided because mom and dad won¡¦t get along.
Children are not robots that you program and then put away¡K
Children are God¡¦s special creation, in His image, and entrusted to parents to raise godly offspring!
We are commanded to have them in marriage ¡K If you can¡¦t, or are not married, then be involved in the lives of other people¡¦s children, influencing them for Jesus Christ.
In order to parent right we must think right about children.
Part II: 2ND Relationship „³ You and Your God
The most important quality you or I can bring to the parent-child relationship is that of being a spiritually healthy person who loves the Lord with all his/her heart, mind, soul and strength. Foundational to all you will do as a parent is dependent on the authenticity and depth of your walk with the Lord.
LESSON: In order to impart godliness we must possess godliness. Why?
You cannot impart what you do not possess.
Mark 12:30,31 JESUS SAID: ¡§And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ’Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these."
Deu 6:1 "Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the judgments which the LORD your God has commanded me to teach you, that you might do them in the land where you are going over to possess it, 2 so that you and your son and your grandson might fear the LORD your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged. ¡K 5 "And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 "And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; 7 and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
NOTICE THE ORDER¡K.
1st the parents and grandparents are to love God & obey God, Then we are to teach our children. Not a classroom setting, but the ins and outs of life¡K
Prerequisite for raising godly offspring is an authentic Christian walk with God.
LESSON: In order to impart godliness we must possess godliness. You cannot impart what you do not possess. Note: Youth? Jr High? CC, SS, AWANA, children¡K
May I ask you a question: What five people have influenced you the most for Jesus Christ?
My wife¡K One Pastor /friend (Syd, in Oregon)¡K Joe Stowell¡K Several men and women of prayer¡K To their surprise: My sons as I watch them each define and live out their faith for God¡K
WHO MADE YOUR LIST?
Answer: The people who both cared for you and had the Christian Character --- authentic and deep Christian lives to back up what she or he taught you¡K You looked up to them ¡K You trusted them, not because they were perfect, but because they were or are authentic: the real thing! Consistent¡K public life and private life are devoted to Jesus¡K
Parents: Your job assignment from God is to be on that list of your children and grand children.
2 LESSONs:
„« God and Your Child: In order to parent right we must think right about children.
„« You and Your God: In order to impart godliness we must possess godliness. You cannot impart what you do not possess.
Part III: 3RD Relationship „³ You and Your Child
OT and NT use the analogies from the culture: agriculture¡K
Psalm 128:1 (A Song of Ascents.) How blessed is everyone who fears the LORD, Who walks in His ways. 2 When you shall eat of the fruit of your hands, You will be happy and it will be well with you.
3 Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine, Within your house, Your children like olive plants Around your table. 4 Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed Who fears the LORD.
Wife: fruitful vine --- source of life and nourishment, bearing fruit
Children ¡V little olive plants ¡K individuals, own bents and traits, yet born to reproduce after their kind.
LESSON: Growing godly children requires the right environment.
May I List Several Ingredients of a healthy home environment of the You and Your Child relationship:
ƒá Modeling ¡K. (mentor / example)
ƒá Prayer ¡V Success: with prayer you can/ without it you won¡¦t; Offensively --- daily conversion, protection, purity, power, future, friends, wisdom, companionship¡K every issue facing them and you.
ƒá Love ¡V like God¡¦s love choice/commitment to use what we are and have in the best interest of our children (not wants or desires) Not I love you IF¡K or BECAUSE
ƒá Boundaries ¡V If you don¡¦t establish boundaries, they will and you won¡¦t like them. Parents: talk through, decide on appropriate and biblical boundaries for your home and children.
Classic mistake some Dad¡¦s make: PAL vs Parent (early years)
ƒá Involvement - rules without relationship produce rebellion. (Time, Communication, listening, activities¡K crawlinginto their lives, their turf, their interests) ¡§Comma¡¨
ƒá Honor ¡V Treat them with respect.
ƒá Instruction/Training ¡V Works of God, Word of God, Jesus as Savior, how to be a man or woman
ƒá Discipline ¡V consistent and appropriate consequences for disobedience, disrespect and dishonesty.
Assuming you have instructed your child: speak once, expect obedience, discipline if obedience is not forthcoming (Don¡¦t warn, snap, remind, beg or plead): speak once (making sure you are understood), expect obedience, discipline if obedience is not forthcoming)
ƒá Christian Community ¡V church, peers
ƒá Patience/perseverance ¡V. Never give up
ć Good humor & fun
ć Grace & Forgiveness
ć Faith
ć Purity --- (media, language)
ƒá Christ ¡V the center of your home and life
PROP: GOD INTENDS FOR YOU TO SUCCEED IN PARENTING
TRANS: FOUR RELATIONSHIPS WE MUST PAY ATTENTION TO
IN ORDER TO SUCCEED IN PARENTING
(1) God and Your Child (2) You and Your God
(3) You and Your Child (4) You, Your Teen and Beyond
„Y God and Your Child: In order to parent right you must think right about children.
„Y You and Your God: In order to impart godliness we must possess godliness.
Why? You cannot impart what you do not possess.
„Y You and Your Child: Growing godly children requires the right environment.
That brings us to the last relationship: growing and grown children
Part IV: 4TH Relationship „³ You, Your Teenager and Beyond
LESSON: Since you are the grown up¡K be one.
Parenting doesn¡¦t really end, but it does changeand how we relate to our children will change over time as well. As our children grow we gradually increase their responsibility and freedom until we one day release them and transfer accountability to God. If we have done our job we will have given them Roots¡K a strong Christian foundation, but we must also give them wings: release them to live for God with families of their own. This Section is scheduled to be taught in February: Four messages/lessons
#14: The Teen Years: The Best Of Times --- enjoyed these the most with my kids
#15: The Teen Years: The Worst Of Times --- some of the trials teens and parents experience
#16: Parenting Beyond The Teen years --- relating to our adult children
#17: Healing The Wounds of The Soul--- I want to touch on this as we close today¡K
LESSON: Since you are the grown up¡K be one. In order to parent our growing children and relate well to our grown children we must act like grown ups ourselves (not respond to them as a hurt or angry child might). LISTEN!!! IMPORTANT!!! In order to effectively parent and relate to our children at any stage in their lives we must deal with what some have called ¡§Soul Wounds¡¨: ours and theirs. Soul Wound: emotional injury that hinders the relationship between a parent and child¡K SW= Heart Wounds --- Injuries the eyes cannot see, the mind can¡¦t explain, but the heart feels never-the-less. They are heart wounds. One of the leading causes of marital break ups, poor communication between couples / parents & children ¡K. and leading cause of hurtful homes ¡K dysfunctional homes are unresolved souls wounds in one or both of the parents/spouses. SW¡¦s effect how we parent, function as a spouse ¡K all our relationships. Symptom: over react in anger, hurt to a relatively small infraction¡K Personalizing a comment that was not personal. In order to be the grown up we must (1) deal with our own soul wounds and (2) deal with any soul wounds we have inflicted upon our children through, anger, shaming, neglect, yelling, abusing, divorce, well intentioned but misguided desires for them in life¡K etc.
Mat 18:21-35 --- forgive from the heart those who may have hurt us in the past.
Hebrews 12:14/15 Pursue/Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile/stain many (relationships).
TWO QUESTIONS TO PARENTS:
(1) How many of you have soul wounds from a parent that have crippled or hindered your life to this point? Deep and camouflaged) Who has hurt you? Earliest memory of a deep hurt? Need to deal with that today --- not by blowing it off¡K not by saying it doesn¡¦t matter --- or its no big deal --- or I dealt with that ¡K. just the way it was¡K
BUT AS Jesus said Forgiving that person from the heart¡K. (Seeing that person as Jesus does--- a frail human in need of the savior¡K operating out of his/her own soul wounds and sinful nature) ¡K and then seeing yourself as Jesus sees you: His precious child.. recipient of His grace and love..
(2) Have you given a soul wound to another¡K child or a spouse?
Isn¡¦t it time for you to be the grown up and talk with the child¡K young or grown and confess your sin and ask forgiveness? Yes¡K
Never too late¡K
PROP: GOD INTENDS FOR YOU TO SUCCEED IN PARENTING
TRANS: FOUR RELATIONSHIPS WE MUST PAY ATTENTION TO
IN ORDER TO SUCCEED IN PARENTING
(1) God and Your Child
(2) You and Your God
(3) You and Your Child
(4) You, Your Teen and Beyond
RESPONSE TODAY:
God may have spoken to you¡K altar, go to? Letter?
