In Defense of Marriage
Matt 19:1 (KJS) And it came to pass, [that] when Jesus had finished these sayings, he departed from Galilee, and came into the coasts of Judaea beyond Jordan; 2 And great multitudes followed him; and he healed them there. 3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? 4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
The attitude toward marriage today was revealed in the office of a marriage counselor when a young woman said, "When I got married I was looking for an ideal but I married an ordeal and now I want a new deal!"
A Loving Spouse: A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office for a checkup. Afterwards, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "Unless you do the following things, your husband will surely die."
The good doctor then said, "Here’s what you need to do. Every morning make sure he gets a good healthy breakfast. Have him come home for lunch each day so you can feed him a well-balanced meal. Make sure you feed him a good, hot dinner every night and don’t overburden him with any household chores. Also, keep the house spotless and clean so he doesn’t get exposed to any unnecessary germs." On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said.
She replied, "You’re going to die." --American Health, March 1992, p. 73.
A doctor was talking to my wife about my condition when I was in the hospital for a checkup. "I don’t like the looks of your husband," he said.
"I don’t either," the woman said, "but I could have done worse. He has a good job and is nice to the children.
Whenever a fellow opens the door of a car for his wife, you can either assume that the car is new or the wife is new. There is that tendency to take one another for granted, and we husbands need to be aware of that. Somebody once said, "Before a man gets married, he lies awake in bed all night thinking about what his beloved said. After they are married, he falls asleep before she has finished saying it. " I suspect that many of you can identify with that. There is that continuing need for romance in marriage.
I. Let me begin by defining marriage - Marriage is the bonding, legally and before God of a man and woman into a relationship that is physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.
II. As an instituition marriage is under an incredible attack on every side. Researchers say America will experience a continued, slow growth in the proportion of adults who reject moral absolutes until the turn of the century at which time there will be virtually no growth potential left untapped for moral relativity. Expect to live in an era of moral anarchy, in which anything goes and, void of a core of truths which may act as the standard for evaluation and response, there is little hope, other than spiritual revival, for a recovery of morality and decency. The essentiality of marriage is being questioned. Young people, middle aged, and elders are cohabiting without marriage. Some of them are people who know better and who are influencing the minds of a generation that is following after them. As a pastor, concerned for the well being and maintenance of our family structures, I must raise a standard of righteousness and warning.
III. Pre-marital relationships
A. In his book Marriage Savers, nationally syndicated columnist Michael McManus noted, "Of 100 couples who begin living together, 40 will break up before marriage. And of the 60 who marry, at least 45 will divorce. That leaves only 15 intact marriages out of the original 100 couples."
B. If a couple abstained from sex before marriage, they are 29 to 47 percent more likely to enjoy sex afterward. A recent study by the Family Research Council titled What’s Marriage Got To Do With It? found "72 percent of all married ’traditionalists’ (those who strongly believe out-of-wedlock sex is wrong) report high sexual satisfaction. This is roughly 31 percentage points higher than the level registered by unmarried ’non-traditionalists.’ "
C. Another source reported, "It was those with the least sexual experience who were more likely to report their marriage as always warm and supportive”
D. Other recent surveys on family life: From Macquarie University in Australia (about the cohabiting lifestyle) * Wives who had cohabited before marriage showed "less commitment to their present partner" than wives who had not. * Couples who had cohabited before marriage are more likely to split up. * Husbands who cohabited before marriage were less likely to be employed full time and more likely to have "lower occupational status."
IV. Divorce
A. In the past 30 years, the divorce rate in Unitedd States has tripled, as has the percentage of children living in single-parent families. In 1965, the illegitimacy rate among the black population stood at 26% - enough for Democratic Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan of New York, then an assistant secretary of labor, to call the situation a crisis. Today, the rate is 68% and climbing, while the illegitimacy rate in the white population has risen to 22%.
V. Results of the marriage mess:
A. For Children:
1. One out of four American Children is gowing up in a single-parent household, according to the Census Bureau. That’s 18 million children, double the number who lived with only one parent in 1970. Divorced people account for 37% of single parents, but almost as many (35%) are in the never-married category, a group whose numbers have also doubled since 1970.
2. It affects the life of the child. Current legal marital status of parents of youth in Wisconsin juvenile correctional facilities. Married, widowed 8%, Never married 29%, Divorced 44%, Married,currently seperated 4%, Married 13% - 87% are the product of single parent homes
3. It affects emotionally: From Duke University and North Carolina State University (about suicide rates among white male adolescents and young adults) Unemployment is not a good predictor of suicide rates. Instead, "the family structure index," - a composite index based on the annual rate of children involved in divorce and the percentage of families with children present that are headed by a female - is a strong predictor of suicide among young adult and adolescent white males.
4. Historian Barbara Defoe Whitehead of the Council on Families in America drew together recent findings in a controversial essay published in the Atlantic Monthly titled "Dan Quayle Was Right." Children in single-parent families are six times more likely to be poor and three times more likely to have emotional or behavioral problems as children in two-parent families. Their rates of teenage pregnancy and drug abuse are much higher as well, and they are more likely to drop out of high school.
5. Nor do the negative effects of growing up in a one-parent home end with childhood. The statistics show that children from single parent families have a more difficult time achieving intimacy in a relationship and in forming a stable marriage themselves. They even have more trouble holding a steady job.
6. Surprisingly, the statistics are just as bad or worse for children whose parents remarry after divorce; only the presence of two biological parents seems to provide the stability most children need during their formative years.
B. For the adult: Research studies indicate that divorce and the process of marital breakup puts people at much higher risk for both psychiatric and physical disease-even cancer," Avoiding divorce may keep the monkey of medical risk off your back because "divorce, like smoking, takes its toll on people’s health," One research said that health wise divorce is only slightly less dangerous than smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.
1. Along with physical illness, separation and divorce put former spouses at much greater risk for psychiatric illness, especially for men," said Larson. "Divorced or separated men had 10 times the risk for outpatient or inpatient psychiatric care. The risk for women increased fivefold," he said.
2. And marriage, like religion, keeps suicide rates down. Suicide is lowest among the married, perhaps because of the tranquilizing influence of continuous intimacy.
3. Marriage also inhibits alcohol abuse. A Canadian survey of 3,430 men revealed the lowest proportion of heavy drinkers are among the married.)
4. Researcher j.J. Lynch writing in the Broken Heart: The Medical Consequences of Loneliness, notes that divorced men are twice as likely to die from heart disease, stroke, hypertension and cancer as married men in any given year.-+
5. Buttressing that research is a 1989 American Demographics report that stated, "Many studies show that broken marriages create stress, resulting in weight change, stomach upset, fatigue appetite loss, headaches, nervousness, nightmares, difficulty in sleeping, and tension. No wonder divorced men and women are more likely than the married to suffer from chronic conditions, acute illnesses and injuries. And no wonder they are less likely than the married to report that their health is good or excellent."
VI. Remedying the wrong:
A. A commitment to wait. At Truth Tabernacle from this day forward virginity is in. But for us to live purity, we must think purity, talk purity, dress purity, and act purity. We will not castigate, ostracize, or destroy someone who sins and repents; but the heroes are going to be those who commit to wait and stay with it.
1. It has to start with adults. We are too loose with our talk. Too much of our conversation has double meaning. We laugh and say, “I remember when I was that age.” You’d better remember some of the heartache it has brought you.
2. Failure has to be contained. If older young people are going to maintain a lifestyle of sexual involvement don’t be influencing someone else.
3. Our young people need to sign a well thought out pledge to wait. A movement started in the SBC has resulted in several million young people committing to wait till marriage for sexual participation. It means having to withdraw from some buddies who want to tell you all about their exploits and involvment. But you should question their friendship anyway.
B. Our pulpit must declare that cohabitation outside of marriage is sin. Since 1960, the number of people living together without being married has doubled. Have no question. This is sin! If you want to be saved, repent, get out of the house. Find another place to live! Get married! Do something to get right before God.
C. Finally, we need a mature commitment to marriage. Divorce is the easy way out. Reconciliation and restoration require more work. Yet there rewards are much more significant.
1. Husbands and wives need to pray together.
2. Husbands and wives need to pray for each other.
3. Be careful of financial pressures that is a marriage wrecker.
4. Church is important to keeping God at the center of the relationship.
5. A very mature Christian who can help hold the husband or the wife accountable to the things necessary to be a good wife or husband.
6. A revival of the household - Acts 10: Cornelius
VII. Strengths of marriage:
