I receive somewhere between 25 and 50 e-mails a day — sometimes more. Faxes come into the office. There is a pile of mail at our home and the church every day. I hate to think of how many times the phone rings — and I even carry a cell phone to make sure I can always be reached. The answering machine catches any calls I may have missed. I listen to the radio while I drive, to catch up on news and hear what is going on in the world. The television reminds me of all the things I need, what I should buy, how I should look and what I should do. We live in a culture which is overstimulated with messages and demands. How do we sort through all these and find balance in our lives? How do you handle the pressure of what the boss is telling you to do, what your spouse is asking you to do, what the kids want you to do, what the school is requiring of you, what the church is calling for you to do, the expectations of friends, extended family, and community?
There are several approaches. Some people try to do it all. When someone asks them to do something, they try to do it even if they don’t have time or don’t want to do it. They are people pleasers. They cannot say, “No.” Sometimes people try to do it all because they flourish on a crammed calendar. The more they have to do, the better they like it.
I remember one time I became concerned about a young mother in another church I served. I thought the church was asking more than it should from her and she was doing too much. As much as I hated to lose her excellent help, I relieved her of one of the committees she was on. The next month I learned that she accepted the presidency of the local PTO. She was not happy unless she had more than her share of responsibility and work. And she was the kind of amazing person who could do a lot and do it well. Some people even thrive on chaos — the more the better. Their days are a swirl of overwhelming activity from beginning to end.
Still other people handle it by withdrawing from everything. Maybe they have been burned out by people and activities, and now they just say “No” to everything. They never join anything, or if they were involved they quit everything they used to do. It’s the only way they know how to handle it. Others withdraw by retreating into a world of fantasy. They enter a false world where they do not have to be involved with other people on a real level. They sit for hours in front of the television, read countless books or watch an endless string of movies. They retreat into the chat rooms of the internet with its pretend relationships. They withdraw into the imaginary world of internet pornography where they do not have to perform or meet anyone’s expectations, and they can imagine that these women are delighted to meet their needs for love and acceptance. Fantasy becomes preferable to reality. Others become sullen and non-communicative in their withdrawal from life.
But neither hyper-activity nor withdrawal is the answer to feeling good about life and adjusting to its realities. There must be balance. We were not meant to live like this. What happens when a tire is out of balance on your car? One tire out of balance by just a few ounces can shake a whole car. What happens when you have inner ear problems and lose your sense of balance. Your whole world becomes disoriented. It is the same when your life is unbalanced. There must be a balance between home, work, rest and fun. There has to be a balance between the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual part of you.
That balance will look different for each person, because we all have such different God-given personality make-ups. I know people who cannot stand quiet and lack of contact with other people. Inactivity drives them wild. For others too much busyness and contact with other people absolutely drains them of energy. Balance will not be the same for every person, but there are some principles that apply to all of us.
The first thing you have to do, if you are going to have balance in your life is: You have to discover your PURPOSE. What is your purpose in this world? This is the core question of our lives. If you have not thought seriously about this, you have not taken life seriously. Many of the problems in people’s lives would be settled if they understood their purpose in life and lived it out. The Bible says, “If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord” (Romans 14:8). If it is true that we belong to the Lord, then we have the obligation to live for the Lord. As the Word says, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Our lives are not our own. They do not belong to us. We belong to God.
One day our granddaughters were at our house and I told one of them to do something. She looked up at me and said, “No, you’re in charge of ice-cream. Grandma is in charge of us.” They knew who the soft touch was. But there are many grown adults who look up at God and say, “You’re in charge of ice-cream, and I’m in charge of me.” We find surrendering to God’s purpose difficult.
The Bible says, “Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose” (Philippians 2:12-13). Your purpose is to live out and fulfill the purpose of God for your life. He is working to unfold that plan in your life, and your responsibility is to cooperate with his work in you. The Bible says, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). The grand purpose of your life is to know God and have an ongoing relationship with him that brings him glory in the way you live your life. The Bible says, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10). What is your purpose? It is to know God through his Son Jesus Christ and live for him. Your purpose is to do as much good as you can do for him and others. You are not here to serve and please yourself; you have a higher calling. If you don’t understand your purpose, then your life is built on the wrong foundation. And if your life is built on the wrong foundation, it does not matter how magnificent the structure is, it will crumble and fall.
Your primary purpose here is not to be successful or have a wonderful career. Your purpose is not to be happy or earn a lot of money. Your purpose is not even to find love and have a family. The Bible says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). It is not that these other things are bad, they are not, it is just that they cannot come before the main purpose for which you were created — to know God and glorify him with your life. When you get that straight, then the rest will all fall into place.
The second thing you have to do, if you are going to have balance in your life is: You have to establish your PRIORITIES. You may have a firm grasp of what your real purpose is in this world. You may understand that your life belongs to God, and that you are to live for him rather than yourself. But now you need to understand God’s specific plan for you. Begin by asking yourself, “What are my gifts? What are the specific talents and interests that God has put into my life? How can I use these to fulfill his purpose for me in this world?” The reason that these questions are important is that you may be doing many good things, but you may not be doing the things that God has in mind for you. Your area of interest may be music and you are serving on the finance committee of the church. That is probably not where you should be spending your time.
Setting priorities is not about choosing between what is good and what is bad. That has been settled when you decide to live out your God-given purpose in life. Priorities have to be set when the choice is between what is good and what is best — between what will be beneficial and what is actually God’s will for you. He has made you with particular interests, skills and gifts. Go in the direction of your interests and gifts, because this is how and why God has created you. It is about getting the most from your life. Setting priorities helps you to trim down your involvement to a reasonable level.
A recent CNN poll revealed that 69% of Americans said, “I would like to slow down. I would like more time to relax.” At the same time the latest Harris poll says that we are actually spending 8 ½ hours less time per week in leisure than we did ten years ago. In Time magazine’s cover article entitled, “Stress, Anxiety and Depression,” the author calls our condition “The twentieth century blues.” We are over-involved and stressed-out. As a nation, we are driving ourselves at an increasingly frenzied rate that is pushing us over the edge. We are trying to live out our dreams and finding ourselves living in a nightmare.
Here is the bottom line: If you do not take charge of your life, someone else will. Someone else will be making your life decisions and determining how your time is being spent. But God has given you the responsibility of ordering your life — no one else. You cannot learn to say no until your understand your purpose and set your priorities. Once you do, you are prepared to say yes to the things that you enjoy and ultimately matter, and no to the things that do not fit in your list of priorities or God’s plan for you. You are freed from guilt, because you understand the purpose and direction that God intended your life to take. You know that he wants you to be in control.
The third thing you have to do, if you are going to have balance in your life is: You have to make your PLAN. You can understand your purpose and set your priorities, but if you have no plan on how to make it happen, it will never happen. Nothing is going to happen until you make it happen. It is too easy to let life sweep you along and your agenda be filled with the urgent little things of the day. If you are not deliberate in planning out your life, your life will drift, and life will “just happen.” You want your life to happen on purpose. If you can’t get everything done, it is because you are trying to do more than God wants you to do. You have just enough time to do what God wants you to do.
Take the time to sit down and write out your life purpose. Put your priorities down on paper. Make a plan to fulfill those priorities and make them happen. Begin to say no to some things and cut out other things. Make sure there is enough time for the important things. Pencil in time for God and for ministry to other people. Your ministry may be encouraging someone over the phone, baking a pie, singing a song, teaching a class, witnessing to your neighbor, writing a story, leading a group, going with a jail ministry team, working with children, youth or the elderly. Your ministry will be unique to your personal gifts and calling, and you will have time for God to use you because you have made a plan.
The reason this is so important is that it will determine whether you are going to waste the rest of your life or live it on purpose. Will you make your life count? Will you get balance in your life by discovering your purpose, establishing your priorities and making your plan?
If the earth ever got out of balance it would spin chaotically into space destroying life as we know it. The same is true of your life. Jesus Christ needs to be at the center of your life, and all other things need to come from your relationship with him if there is to be balance in your life. Concerning Christ, Paul wrote: “He is before all things, and in him all things hold together” (Colossians 1:17). If your life is falling apart it is because he is not holding together. Without him at the center holding your life together, your life is out of balance and spinning out of control. You will be a people pleaser rather than pleasing God.
When your life is in balance you will find more contentment, and you will be more confident. You will be free to be yourself, and not as pressured by the expectations of other people. You will have direction, and your life will take on a new energy as it finds an explosive power from a new direction. You won’t repeat the same old mistakes and spend your time and effort on things that do not ultimately matter. You will enjoy life more. You will grow closer to God and your relationships will be richer. People will take priority over things. God’s will for your life will take priority over your own selfish plans. Your life will take on an eternal dimension. Your life will be grounded in God if you discover your purpose, establish your priorities and make your plan.
At a pastor’s conference I attended earlier this year, one of the speakers said, “A basketball in my hands is worth about $19. A basketball in Michael Jordan’s hands is worth about $33 million. It depends whose hands it’s in. A baseball in my hands is worth about $6. A baseball in Mark McGuire’s hands is worth $19 million. It depends whose hands it’s in. A tennis racket is useless in my hands. A tennis racket in Pete Sampras’ hands is a Wimbledon Championship. It depends whose hands it’s in. A sling shot in my hands is a kid’s toy. A sling shot in David’s hand is a mighty weapon that brings down giants. It depends whose hands it’s in. Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my hands is a couple of fish sandwiches. Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in God’s hands will feed thousands. It depends whose hands it’s in. Nails in my hands might produce a birdhouse. Nails in Jesus Christ’s hands will produce salvation for the entire world. It depends whose hands it’s in.” Your life in your hands is a mess, but your life in God’s hands will produce a miracle. It all depends on whose hands it’s in.
Romans 12:1-2 says, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God — this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Rodney J. Buchanan
September 9, 2001
Mulberry St. UMC
Mt. Vernon, OH
www.MulberryUMC.org
Rod.Buchanan@MulberryUMC.org
