SEEKING GOD FAITHFULLY-
A LOOK AT THE LIFE OF DAVID
Message#8
"Affair Proofing Your Marriage"
INTRODUCTION
We have been in a study of the life of David for the past two months. To properly cover David’s life, could take a whole year of preaching. But we will conclude this series this morning as we talk about the most well known incidents in David’s life, his affair with Bathsheba.
This series of messages has been well received because we have touched on a number of issues in David’s life that we can all relate to- we all have giants to fight in our life, many of us have lost things in life we banked on for security, we have had to deal with feelings of wanting to get even and retaliate, we battle issues of anger.
I had one lady come up to me after last week’s message and say to me, "this series has been so helpful because I can relate to every topic you have preached on." I thanked the lady for her kind comment and than said to her, "I hope that won’t be true for next week’s message." She looked at me and asked me why. So I told her that I the next message from David’s life would deal with adultery. She quickly assured me that she couldn’t relate to that issue.
No sin, except maybe the sin of Adam and Eve has received more press than the sin of David and Bathsheba. Movie makers have exploited this story with their "David and Bathsheba" films, making David look like a some sort of sexual addict with uncontrollable animallike drives.
That’s not the case at all. David was a man after God’s own heart. True he sinned, but his sin was no greater than your sin or mine, ours simply have not been recorded for all to read.
How would you like to have your secret sins known to all? Much like Bill Clinton’s sexual sins became well known, David was the king of Israel and he had an affair with the wife of a high ranking army official, and this became front page news in Jerusalem tabloids.
When we last left David, he was still on the run from Saul. He still had not been made king. Well eventually Saul takes his own life and David does become the second king of Israel. He was about 30 when he became king and this incident with Bathsheba occurs about twenty years after David had become King.
David’s first twenty years as King was marked by integrity and valor. David had distinguished himself as a man of God, a valiant warrior on the battlefield and as a respected leader of the people. He returned respect and honor back to the office of King after Saul’s had dishonored the office by his actions.
So as we study this incident in David’s life, understand that we are not examining the life of a sexual pervert or wild rebel. David was a godly man who fell into a period of sin and that sin had devastating consequences to his family, to his position as king and to the entire nation of Israel. Sin always has grave consequences. That is why we all need to be careful, whether you are in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s or 50’s like David. No one is too young or ever gets too old to sin.
I want to look at some things David did that put him in a vulnerable position to fall to this temptation and then I want to share some things you can do to affair proof your marriage.
Read 2 Sam 11:1-4a
WHAT DAVID DID WRONG
He forgot who he was.
David was a well respected man who not only led the nation of Israel as their King, he also was the unofficial spiritual leader of Israel. He was a man that displayed great passion for God and because of his musical skills, put much of that passion down on paper as he wrote many of the Psalms in our Bible. For over twenty years, David had led the nation of Israel with great honor and integrity.
But for one night on the roof of his palace, David forgot who he was and he allowed his desires to overtake him.
Just about every person in this room has someone that looks up to them. If you are a parent, you have someone who looks up to you. If you are a Christian and have let people at work or school know that you are a Christian, you have people who look up to you. If you are in any type of leadership position in this church, you have people who look up to you. And when we forget who we are, we make ourselves vulnerable to sin.
Dave Stone co-pastors a very large church in Louisville, KY. On his desk he keeps a picture of his family, a picture of the church facility and a newspaper article of a well known pastor who had an affair. He keeps all this on his desk to remind him of who he is and who would be hurt if he was to ever sin sexually.
We cannot forget who we are. We are Christians who are looked to by others for an example of correct living.
He wasn’t wear he should have been
David should have been with his troops on the battlefield. Instead he was back in the palace lounging around.
Had he been where he belonged, with his troops on the battlefield, there would never have been a Bathsheba episode.
Our greatest battles don’t usually come when we’re working hard, they come when we have too much free time, when we’ve got time on our hands, when we’re bored. That is often when we make those fateful decisions that come back to haunt us.
David belonged in the battle, not in the bedroom.
When you go where you shouldn’t be, you are opening up the door wide open to a great fall.
You decide to meet her just for a drink after work, you stop by his place of business just to say hello. You call her just to see how she’s doing. You write him a note just to let him know you’re thinking of him. No intention to jump in bed with the person. But we go where we shouldn’t be.
We go out with the rest of the girls from work to a local nightspot for some drinks and dancing. We go with the guys after work to the local gentlemen’s club. We go on the weekend ski trip with the group from work that parties hard.
We Christians need to stay away from places we should not be. Because when you are where you shouldn’t be, you are making yourself vulnerable to a fall.
He let his curiosity lead him to sin
David’s bedroom in the palace was upstairs, probably two or three stories up. The palace bedroom would have a door that would lead out to a roof top patio. It was spring time in Jerusalem, probably was a very nice evening with a gentle breeze blowing. David was just lounging on his bed when he walked out on the rooftop patio and looked across Jerusalem. Then his eye caught a very beautiful woman who was bathing, perhaps on her rooftop, perhaps in front of a window with no blinds. More than likely, Bathsheba wanted to be noticed. She was a fine looking lady, and for whatever her reasons were, she was not showing much in the way of modesty.
So David sent someone to find out about her. This was a big mistake. It is my guess that Bathsheba may have been trying to seduce David. She had to have seen David strolling on his rooftop patio on many other occasions and she knew she was in full view of David when she decided to bathe.
David made a huge mistake when instead of turning right around and going back into his palace, he stared at Bathsheba and then took the first step toward adultery- he sent someone to find out about her.
David was curious and inquisitive and this just opened the door wider. When sin attracts our attention, we have to be smart enough to not mover toward it, but away from it. We get curious about what it might feel like to get drunk, we think about what affect the drug will have on us, we spend time thinking about how pleasurable the sex might be, we’re wanting more information about it.
Curiosity will almost always lead you into sin. Have the fortitude to move away from the sin without satisfying your curiosity.
He made a conscious decision to sin
After David found out who this enticing woman was, he sent some of his servants to her to bring her back to him where they slept together.
There are some sins where you don’t plan them out, they just sort of happen, you’re driving and someone cuts you off and your lose your temper and curse at them. Not a good thing to do, not the right thing to do, but it’s a spur of the moment sin.
But then there are the deliberate, premeditated, planned out decision to sin.
David had plenty of time to get out of this situation. But he just kept taking one step closer, one at a time and then with all the emotions and hormones racing at full speed, he took the one final big step and plunged into the sin.
Hebrews 10:26 If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left.
A spiritually mature, Spirit led Christian who is not living in the flesh will never premeditatively decide to sin. They know what they ought to avoid and not do and they don’t. At this point, David was living in the flesh and was apart from God. He made a conscious decision to sin. He chose sin and its temporary, fleeting pleasures over obedience to God.
He failed to think about consequences of his sin
Sin always has grave consequences. This was so true with David and his sin. He and Bathsheba suffered terribly for their sin. David’s family suffered for his sin. The nation of Israel suffered because of their sin.
Before we make that conscious decision to in some way sin, be smart enough to think about the consequences of your actions when you get caught, and you will be found out. Sin has a way of revealing itself. Before you take that final big step into the sin, think about the lives that will be destroyed and the damage you will cause when your sin becomes known to others. It is never worth it. No pleasure, no matter how intense or how much you think you need it will ever be worth the pain and suffering you and people close to you will experience because of your sin.
There’s no way David would have done what he did, had he thought about what the consequences of his actions would be.
WHAT WE MUST DO RIGHT
Admit Your Sin
People rationalize sin away all the time, including sexual sin and the sin of adultery.
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
I have heard some say, "the prohibition against adultery does not apply in certain extreme cases." Guess what- it applies in all cases.
I hear Christian people rationalizing all the time. "I know what the Bible says but God understands my situation." Or "I’m single and over 30." Or "I’m divorced and lonely." Or "My mate has been very unaffectionate to me for a long time."
You can throw out all your reasons for why you think it is ok for you to be involved in a sexual relationship with someone you are not married to, but all your excuses do not change the fact that God in his word has reserved the beautiful and wonderful act of sex for husband and wife exclusively.
Single people say, "I would keep the command if I was married" and married people say "I’d be a lot happier if I was single."
Marriage is kind of like the flies on a screen door. The ones on the inside want out and the ones on the outside want in.
People today are looking for a way around this command. They say, "It is just difficult to be morally pure in our society." They are right. It is difficult, but it is not impossible.
You can say, "Hey Mike, that’s easy for you to say, You have a happy and healthy marriage." And I do, but Jesus was a single man who was tempted in every way.
What about Joseph of the OT. He was in his early 20’s, a young successful man alone in a foreign country. His bosses wife was making advances on him, but he resisted. Then his boss had to take a business trip out of town and his wife came onto Joseph big time.
If anybody could have rationalized his behavior, Joseph could have. I am young and attractive, she is neglected, I grew up in a dysfunctional family, I was sold into slavery, everyone has their limits, God will understand.
Instead, Joseph ran away from the sin as fast as he could.
If you are involved in a sexual sin of some sort, don’t rationalize it or excuse it away. Admit it is a sin and then do something about it.
Accept God’s Forgiveness
If you are involved in a sexual sin, whether its adultery or a battle with pornography, or if you are single and are involved sexually with someone you’re not married to, if you will admit your sin and come to God in repentance, he is ready to receive you back and forgive you.
Though David did sin and faced grave consequences for his sins, he did come to a point where he realized the gravity of his sin and he went through an extended period of repentance.
He realized he had sinned and how wrong he had been. During his period of repentance he wrote Psalm 51. Have pity on me, O God, in keeping with your mercy. In keeping with your unlimited compassion, wipe out my rebellious acts. Wash me thoroughly from my guilt, and cleanse me from my sin. I admit that I am rebellious. My sin is always in front of me. I have sinned against you, especially you. I have done what you consider evil.
David didn’t try to rationalize, he didn’t blame Bathsheba, he didn’t say, "God understands why I did it." He said, "God, I am sorry, I sinned, I did wrong."
He then wrote, Psalm 51:7, 9-10 Purify me from sin with hyssop, and I will be clean. Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Hide your face from my sins, and wipe out all that I have done wrong. Create a clean heart in me, O God, and renew a faithful spirit within me.
David was broken and David repented and God forgave him completely. He had to live with the consequences of his sin, but he was forgiven.
God forgave and God forgot.
What can wash away your sin, nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can make you whole again, nothing but the blood of Jesus. And if you come to God with a sorrowful heart, he can wash you and make you whiter than snow, no matter what sins you have been involved in.
Sometimes we have a tough time forgiving ourselves even when we know God has forgiven us. If you come to God in repentance, you need to accept God’s forgiveness. But there is a condition that goes along with God’s offer of forgiveness.
Change Your Lifestyle
If we are truly repentant of sin, there must be a change of lifestyle. When Jesus encountered a woman who was involved in an adulterous relationship, he offered her forgiveness, but then said to her, "Now go and sin no more."
It is not enough to pray, "God forgive me" and then continue in the same sinful actions.
Forgiveness follows genuine repentance that has led to a change of lifestyle.
In Acts 26, the Apostle Paul is giving a summary of his preaching career to King Agrippa. Listen to what he says about repentance. Acts 26:20 I spread the message that I first told to the Jewish people in Damascus and Jerusalem and throughout the whole country of Judea. I spread the same message to non-Jewish people. Both groups were expected to change the way they thought and acted and to turn to God. I told them to do things that prove they had changed their lives.
A person who is caught up in a sin like adultery or any other sexual sin, can be forgiven if they will admit their sin, seek God’s forgiveness and change their lifestyle. They must prove they have repented by changing their lifestyle, particularly in the area of sin they are repenting of.
This doesn’t mean that we are to live a perfect life, but there has to be a change of attitude and a change of habit.
The change in our life must be recognizable and noticeable. We must go and sin no more. If we are involved in an adulterous relationship, end that relationship immediately. If we are involved with pornography, get rid of all the stuff out of your house and computer and find someone you can trust and seek forgiveness for your sins and seek counseling to help you over come this addiction.
If you are single and involved sexually, even with someone you are deeply committed to in a monogamous relationship, you need to submit to God’s word and admit your activity is sin. You need to confess that sin, seek God’s forgiveness and change your lifestyle, committing to abstinence until you are married. If you want to be in God’s will, then you will cease your sexual activity until you are married. I have had couples who live together start coming to our church and as we taught them they realized they wanted to be Christians but knew their relationship was not in God’s will. I have challenged these couples to separate sexually until marriage. And they have. It is possible. It is not easy but being in God’s will isn’t always easy, but it is the right thing to do. And when the couples eventually were married, they shared that they were glad they had separated from each other sexually until they were married. They sensed God’s blessing on that decision.
A change of lifestyle always follows a genuine experience of repentance.
CONCLUSION
Sexual sins are very devastating. They destroy lives, families, careers, self-esteem. Much of today’s world believes the Bible is outdated and not realistic in the things it teaches about sex. But the truth is this- as a culture we have adopted the world’s standards and not God’s standards, and as a culture we are suffering the consequences of that decision.
David faced grave consequences and so will each of us if we sin sexually. Sexual sin is not a worse sin than other sins in God’s eye because all sin is equal. But sexual sin often has much greater and more destructive results and consequences than other sins.
If you are involved in sexual sin, there is forgiveness and grace available. Admit your sin, come to God for forgiveness and healing and commit to a change of lifestyle.
