SEEKING GOD FAITHFULLY-
A LOOK AT THE LIFE OF DAVID
Message#6
"How To Deal With People Who Hurt You"
1 Samuel 24:1-6
INTRODUCTION
In a recent issue of READER’S DIGEST, Janey Walser wrote these words: I once worked in a grocery store and often assisted elderly people when they came in. One woman shopped nearly every day, asking for just a few items each time. After a month, she said to me, "I suppose you wonder why I’m here so often. You see, I live with my nephew. I can’t stand him, and I am not going to die and leave him with a refrigerator full of food." Great attitude, wouldn’t you say?
An elderly lady was getting ready to pull her Cadillac into a parking space when a young man whipped into her spot in his red sports car. He got out....she said, "who do you think you are sonny?" and he replied, "I’m young and I’m fast." He went on into the mall. When he returned to his car, he found the elderly woman taking her caddy and backing up and ramming his sports car, back and forth... He said, "Lady, who do you think you are?" she said, "I’m old and I’m rich."
One more story. A college professor answered his telephone at 3:00 A.M. "This is your neighbor, Mr. Smith," said the voice. "Your dog is barking and keeping me awake." The professor thanked him kindly and hung up. The next morning Mr. Smith’s telephone rang at exactly 3 A.M. "This is the professor," said the caller. "I just wanted you to know that I don’t have a dog!"
What these stories have in common, of course is that they all involve vengeance - getting mad and getting even - something that is as natural as breathing for the majority of the human race.
Our natural reaction is retaliation. I don’t get mad, I get even! BOY now that’s a proud slogan.
It is just human nature if you are cursed at- to curse back. You are insulted, insult in return, you are struck in the cheek - strike back. And we get caught up in a cycle of vengeance.
Retaliation is always hard to identify because it masquerades as a sense of justice "I have the right to retaliate" we say. "I am just giving them a little dose of what they gave me." "I am just helping them feel what I felt when they hurt me."
Have you ever been hurt very badly by someone and fought the urge to go over and even things up? If you have, then you have walked a path that many others have walked before you, including David, the soon-to-be king of Israel, whose life we have been studying from First and Second Samuel. If ever there were a case that could be made for taking vengeance, it is in the passage we are going to look at this morning. Please turn to I Samuel 24.
We left David last time in the Cave of Adullum, chased there by Saul, he was discouraged, defeated, and pouring out his heart in song. He had lost all his worldly possessions and was desperately crying out to God in prayer.
It wasn’t long before God sent him some companionship. I Samuel 22:1 says, "...and when his brothers and all his father’s household heard of it, they went down there to him." Others soon joined also. The next verse records: "And everyone who was in distress, and everyone who was in debt, and everyone who was discontented, gathered to him; and he became captain over them. Now there were about four hundred men with him."
David was able to discipline that rag-tag group of misfits into a small army that would ultimately come to be known as "David’s Mighty Men."
David left the cave of Adullum upon word from the prophet Gad that he would no longer be safe there. He and his men went and hid out in the forests of Judah.
Saul continued to pursue David. I Samuel 23:14 says, "And Saul sought him every day, but God did not deliver him into his hand." David had little rest from the pursuit of Saul. Day after day he was on the run.
Now, it is important for you to remember that David had done nothing to deserve this trouble, and by now he has had quite a belly full of Saul’s insane jealousy. If it was vengeance he wanted, he soon would get his chance.
Read 1 Sam 24:1-4. Saul goes into a cave by himself to go to the bathroom. Who happened to be in the back of the cave? David. Here was his chance to kill Saul. Even his men said- "Hey, here’s you’re opportunity. This is God’s way of providing you a chance to move into the position he’s promised you. Go get him, David! This is your moment."
And who would have blamed David if he would have taken his sword and plunged it into the back of Saul for all that Saul had done to him, the way Saul had destroyed David’s life because of his own jealousy.
David drew his sword, but he didn’t plunge it into Saul’s back.
He sliced off a portion of Saul’s robe, then returned to his place in the cave. Saul didn’t detect a thing.
But after he did that, David felt guilty. He couldn’t believe he had allowed himself to do what he did.
Read verses 6,7
Oh, come on, David! This is the man who has tried for months to kill you! And you’re feeling guilty for cutting off the tail of his robe?
I think David felt guilty for two reasons.
He had a tremendous respect for the office of the King even if he didn’t have much respect for the king himself. No matter how low Saul stooped, he was still the king and should be respected. To cut off the corner of his robe was a blatant act of disrespect to the King of Israel.
He knew what he had done was done initially out of anger and bitterness, and afterward, he was disturbed with himself for allowing his anger and bitterness to gain control over him, even for a moment. David had such a desire to honor God with his life that he felt remorse because he allowed sin to lead him to do something he knew was not right, no matter what everyone else thought and said.
So what can we learn from the word of God that can help us when we are so angry at someone that we want to seek revenge? How do we deal with...
The person at work who manipulates situations to make himself look good at your expense?
The family member who has said some really hurtful and untrue things about you?
The supposed friend who borrowed money from you, promising to pay you back, but you haven’t seen a dime of it?
The person who in their own anger strikes you and causes you physical harm?
The spouse who walked out on you, leaving you alone to deal with the kids?
The parent who verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually abused you?
Let’s spend some time talking about vengeance today.
WAYS WE RETALIATE
We humans have devised a number of ways to retaliate and get even with people who have done us wrong.
Physical Violence
Physical violence is at an epidemic rate today. Way too many of us are ready to put this fists up and strike out.
Spend any time watching the evening news and you pretty much assume that this is the natural way to handle things. From car bombs in Israel to rock throwing clashes in Indonesia to gun battles on the streets of Chechnia, violence is all around us.
Schools report a significant rise in the number of fights on school property, not to mention all the school shootings. Drive by shootings are a major problem in our cities.
Road rage has become a real problems here as well. People getting in fights and in some cases shooting someone who cut them off or made them mad for some reason while driving. Tell story of the fight Jerry and I broke up.
Verbal Assaults
James 3:5-10 A large forest can be set on fire by a little flame. [6] The tongue is that kind of flame. It is a world of evil among the parts of our bodies, and it completely contaminates our bodies. The tongue sets our lives on fire, and is itself set on fire from hell. [7] People have tamed all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and sea creatures. [8] Yet, no one can tame the tongue. It is an uncontrollable evil filled with deadly poison. [9] With our tongues we praise our Lord and Father. Yet, with the same tongues we curse people, who were created in God’s likeness. [10] Praise and curses come from the same mouth. My brothers and sisters, this should not happen!
We know how dangerous the tongue can be and we like to use it dangerously. Someone has done something that we take offense to, and the dam breaks open with a barrage of hurtful, stinging words that cannot be taken back.
Marriage counselors will tell you that verbal abuse is at an epidemic rate. We can be nasty and mean with our words.
Cold Shoulder Treatment
As Christians, we know that we shouldn’t assault people physically or verbally, no matter what they do to us, so instead, we retaliate and seek revenge using the cold shoulder treatment.
We ignore the person, avoid the person, don’t include the person, and do whatever we pretty much can to let that person know that we are mad.
Its like the basketball referee who recently told a strange thing that happened to him. A substitute came into the game and started guarding the referee. Everywhere the referee went this guy would go and guard him. The ref. couldn’t shake this guy. The players team went on offense and the player still guarded the ref. Finally there was a time out called and ref went over to the coach and said, "I want to see you a minute, I don’t know how to tell you this but one of your players is guarding me." And the coach with a sly grin on his face said. "well, I always told my boys to guard the man who is hurting the team the most."
We figure out who has hurt us the most and then we give the person the cold shoulder.
So how do we handle the person that has hurt us? Let’s consider the following principles.
APPLICATION
Expect to be mistreated.
The same nature that beat in the heart of Saul beats in the heart of every person, including yourself. People will mistreat us, they will hurt us, they will cause us deep pain, they will anger us, they will evoke emotions within us that we may never thought ourselves capable of.
Conflicts with people are inevitable.
Romans 12:18 As much as it is possible, live in peace with everyone.
We might as well face the facts that we are not going to get along with everybody. I know Christians who are crushed because not everybody likes them. And they bend over backwards and compromise their position and lose their self-respect just to try and bring about harmony.
Be realistic--some conflicts are inevitable and we shouldn’t be afraid of them. Even Jesus wasn’t loved by everyone. He had enemies- they crucified Him.
Just make sure you aren’t the one responsible for the conflict. Don’t deliberately be controversial, don’t deliberately antagonize people. If YOU have to, bite your lip or swallow your pride. Be willing to be humble to keep the peace.
Anticipate feelings of revenge
I’m not saying retaliate. I’m saying, anticipate the feelings of revenge, because you can be sure they will come. It’s the nature of the beast.
Handling mistreatment in a godly way doesn’t come naturally. That’s why Jesus’ instruction to do unto others as you would have them do unto you, not as they do to you, is so revolutionary. Rare is the person who will not retaliate, or at least not want to.
When someone hurts you or does something to you that you determine is wrong, the natural feeling is to want to get even. Our human nature is crying out for retaliation and revenge.
One person said, "Vengeance is mine saith the Lord. I just want to be about the Lord’s work."
Know for sure that you will need to deal with the desire to retaliate and get even. Those feelings will be there.
But a mature, Spirit-led Christian does not act on feelings. They act on what they know is right and wrong.
Refuse to fight in the flesh
David’s men said, "Go get him David. He deserves it. This is your moment!"
It took all of David’s integrity and spiritual maturity not to plunge that sword deep into Saul. But David would not give into those strong feelings that made him want to retaliate. David was Spirit-led, so he refused to fight mistreatment with retaliation and revenge.
Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Instincts say, Curse....God says, BLESS. Now, that’s hard but its possible. When Jesus was crucified He prayed, "Father forgive them my enemies , for they know not what they are doing."
And I challenge you today to take a name of a person you find very difficult to love------and pray everyday for that person. It is really hard to hate someone when you are praying for then.
After Saul left the cave and went his way, David also went out of the cave and he calls out to Saul.
Read 24:8-10. David offers a passionate plea to Saul to "let’s make up and be friends."
I think David had enough of being on the run as a fugitive and decided to go and talk to Saul. If Saul was going to kill him, so be it. But he was going to end this thing once and for all.
Sometimes we have to do that. I think one of the best ways to deal with people who have hurt us or in our opinion have done something wrong to us is to go and talk to them.
You may not convince them that they are wrong, but you can be sure that they understand the facts.
Our tendency is to say, "Oh just leave it alone. It’ll eventually all work out."
But David didn’t leave it all alone. He said, "King Saul, you don’t have the facts straight. I am not trying to kill you and I am not trying to take over your position as King. People are telling you lies about me. Why do you listen to them? Let me prove it. If I was going to kill you, I would have back there in that cave. But I didn’t"
Jesus instructed us in Matthew 18:15 "If a believer does something wrong, go, confront him when the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have won back that believer."
Instead, we go to everyone else and let everyone else know what a low life the person is, and the nerve the person must have to do what they did.
We need to go to the person directly and not to everyone else.
CONCLUSION
In addition to David, there is another person who left vengeance where it needs to be left, in the hands of God. That person was Jesus.
1 Peter 2:21-23 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. [22] "He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth." [23] When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
Jesus was a sinless, completely pure and totally innocent man. Yet he was insulted, beaten, abused and put to death in an inhumane fashion. He once taught, If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. Peter says that is exactly what Jesus did. When Jesus was mistreated, he left retaliation and revenge in God’s hands.
Why would the mighty Son of God allow himself to be subjected to such mistreatment without an ounce of retaliation or revenge?
1 Peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.
Jesus allowed himself to be mistreated and abused without retaliating or seeking revenge because of you and I.
He did not retaliate or make threats when he was insulted and abused because he knew he had to die. In his death he was punished by God for our sins. He committed no sin but he was punished for the sins of mankind. He died so our slate could be wiped clean. Because of this, we can have salvation.
1 John 2:2 He is the payment for our sins, and not only for our sins, but also for the sins of the whole world.
To pay for our sins- this is why Jesus did not retaliate.
The wonderful message of the gospel is that because Jesus willingly went to the cross, without retaliating the injustices done to him, our sins have been punished and we can now stand before God white as snow. God is offering us an eternity in heaven. But each individual needs to make a decision to accept that gift or not. It’s accepted through faith, repentance and baptism.
