Christ’s Style of Counseling
John 15:1-7
Case Study - Recently, one of the students at our seminary asked me, "How should I counsel my Father who is about ready to take a second wife? He wants to have enough male children that he will be properly remembered and honored. My Mother is very upset about his plans, but she does not know what to do. She has asked me to talk to my Father about his unfaithful attitude, but I hesitate for fear that he will reject me. My brothers all look to me as the senior son, but I know that my father is very stubborn. Once my Father makes up his mind, no one seems to be able to dissuade him. My Father is at an age when he could not adequately support another wife, another child, or an additional extended family. Most of my brothers are afraid that the burden for providing the money, the school fees, and the extra resources will fall on our shoulders. They are pressuring me to talk my Father out of taking another wife. However, one of my brothers is afraid that our Father secretly made a deal with a rich Muslim Alhaji to take a second wife in order that he could receive a generous pay-off for his conversion to Islam. All of this leads us to believe that our Father is compromising his faith, his marriage, and his family responsibilities in a time of weakness. Please, sir, I am desperate to know what to do next?"
I asked the student, "What do you think Jesus would approach your Father?" The following is a distillation of the lessons that we learned together about counseling through Christ’s contextualized approach:
Any type of counseling requires a knowledge of the scriptures, but knowing the style of Jesus Christ’s counseling techniques requires further training. First, one must have a close personal relationship with Jesus Christ in a way that evidences a born-again experience through the fruits of Spirit. Trying to counsel without having the Spirit of God controlling your thinking is like trying to fly off a cliff without wings, it is contradictory to all the laws of the universe.
Second, a counselor needs to understand the attributes of Jesus Christ and exemplify them in your personal lifestyle. So many people are counseling others who do not really know who Jesus Christ is. Paul, the apostle, after years of ministry wrote to the Philippians, "I have counted all things as manure in comparison with the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and the power of His resurrection." (Phil. 3:10) It would be inconsistent for someone to counsel another when their own life is not worth emulating. Having a proper view of Christ’s power, wisdom, might, holiness, truth, justice, love, faithfulness, integrity, grace, compassion, and shepherdly qualities is essential to counseling. Study the attributes of Christ through His words, His works, and what other Biblical writers say about Him. Balance His attributes in a way that you do not overemphasize His justice over His mercy. Notice how in John 15:5-7 Jesus teaches us how to balance our passive and active elements of faith. Jesus said, "
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, and thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be given you."
Jesus wants us to exhibit a balance between our reactive and proactive counseling approaches. He realizes how important it is to know when to listen while patiently bearing the burdens of our counselees. However, the Lord also knows how important it is to give people exhortations to take responsibility to initiate changes in their attitudes and actions. Jesus knew how to help people harmonize their understanding of His sovereignty with His permissive will. Counseling through Christ’s approach frees people to live by the Spirit rather than by a set of rules. Jesus wants to give every counselee the capacity to let the Holy Spirit both will and do His good pleasure through their transformed minds. Many aspects of a proper Christology for counseling becomes essential in order to see life from His perspective. He wants to help us feel issues from His convictions and behave as He would in similar situations.
Thirdly, remember that acquiring the counseling techniques of Jesus involves your mind, will, and emotions. A counselor cannot simply counsel like Jesus in a cognitive manner. This would lead you to become so reliant on the intellectual aspects of Him that you would subtly diminish the spirit of Jesus and His behavioral skills (Not to mention His cultural contextualization facilities). Similarly a counselor would not want to emphasize Christ’s humanity as the expense of His divinity in counseling with people. This would put far too much weight on the human side of problems while forgetting the divine intervention of the Spirit of God in persuading people to grow up into all aspects of life. Contrastingly, some counselors too much emphasis on their own experience with Jesus insisting on a narrow range of methods. They lose sight of the fact that in Christ there is no partiality to any particular culture, gender, age, level of education, occupation, class, race, tribe, or language group. Giving people the ability to consult the Lord directly with their problems, emotions, and decisions through prayer and the study of His word supersedes all other styles of counseling. Try not to rely too much on the counseling process for your counseling focus. Christ’s counseling methods are used to bring people into greater intimacy with the Lord, His will, and His Spirit.
Fourthly, study the interactions that Jesus had with people like the rich young ruler. When the proud aristocrat came to Jesus he asked, "What must I do to inherit eternal life? Jesus said, "Keep the commandments". Smugly the young ruler said, "I have kept all of the commandments since my youth. Just then Jesus interrupted him and objected, "You have kept all the commands, but one. Sell all that you have, give it to the poor and come follow me!" Even though Jesus accepted the young man, He refused to deal with him on the basis of his status, role, or wealth. Jesus shows His insights into people by concentrating on their attitudes, beliefs, and allegiances. Whenever you are counseling anyone, ask the Lord’s help in getting to their real ATTITUDES, BELIEFS, AND ALLEGIANCES. If these are not soundly rooted and developed around the scripture, the person of Christ, and His will for their lives, one’s priorities will be misaligned.
Example - This morning I had a terrible financial set back. Some money that someone had promised to pay back failed to come in. Since it is a considerable amount of money, I am worried. I hesitated to sit down and write this chapter preferring instead to worry or get on the telephone and express my anger at those who are responsible for causing me this much distress. In a human sense I feel quite desperate. In fact even as I write these words I am realizing the benefits of concentrating on His will for my life rather than my own anxieties. Thankfully, the Lord promised in Psa. 37:3-5, "Delight yourself in the Lord and His will and He will give you the desires of your heart. Trust also in Him and He will bring it to pass!" When I contemplate His assurances, it fills my heart and soul with sweet peace. Jesus is far more interested in developing my attitudes of rest, trust, and hope in Him than anything else. Although it seems painful presently, He is shaping me for something far greater in the days ahead.
Fourthly, Jesus worked on developing people’s self-esteem. The Lord gave people plenty of reason to feel important, wanted, and worthy of His providential care. He told the people who would listen to Him during the sermon of mount, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father in heaven knowing about them? How much more valuable are you to Him!" (Matt. 10:29) One of my friends is a very wealthy businessman who is advanced in years. However, despite all of his possessions, stocks, bonds, businesses, and farms, he is basically insecure about his personal worth. He finds that he feels good about himself only when he has acquired more possessions. But, on days when the stock market dips, he may take his anger out on whoever is around him. Until, he realizes that his worth is not dependent on what he can do for God, but in what the Lord has done for Him through creation and the ministry of His Spirit, he will continue to suffer needlessly!
Fifth, a counselor may acquire more of the discernment of Jesus Christ when that person learns to see the deeper needs, views, and motivations of their counselees. I have known many Christians who have tried counseling without a discerning spirit from God. Proverbs calls this people a vexation. Solomon described a person lacking discernment as the pain one experiences with a sore tooth or a foot out of joint. Jesus showed marvelous discernment when He came to Peter and said, "Do you love me more than these (referring to his family and their fishing). Probably, I would have rebuked the disciples by saying, "After three years of instruction, discipling, and mentoring and still you have not learned the most important lessons. What is wrong with you guys. Do you not remember that I promised to make you fishers of men. All of you have failed me terribly!"
Yet, Jesus’ discernment led Him to ask people the most important questions, "Where is your allegiance Peter? Who are you really committed to? What is it that you are depending on? What is your real goal in life? Who is it that really motivates you to do what you are doing? Instead of addressing the outward, Jesus had the insight to address inward issues. Jesus teaches us how to discern the real problems, felt needs, and deepest levels of our counselees’ problems. Gary Collins in his book How To Be a People Helper says this:
"Jesus not only dealt with people in different ways, but He also related to individuals at different levels of depth or closeness. John was the disciple whom Jesus loved, perhaps the Master’s nearest friend, while Peter, James and John together appear to have comprised an inner circle with whom the Lord has a special relationship. Although, they were not as close as the inner three, the other apostles were Christ’s companions; a band of twelve men who had been handpicked to carry on the work after Christ’s departure. In Luke 10 we read of a group of seventy men to whom Jesus gave special training. Following the resurrection He appeared to a larger group of five hundred people, and then the multitudes numbering in the thousands."
Jesus knew how to deal with people in various stages of crisis. Our Lord knew how to relate to certain people as individuals and others as members of significant groups. Christ realized that His words were equally important as His actions in counseling. Even through the tone of His voice, Christ communicated sensitivity to some and authority to others. Many of us fail to discern how to counsel different people at different stages of their growth. Perhaps, it would be better to refer them to others who have a greater facility based on their gender, experience, or cultural affinity. This is where discerning maturity and experience becomes an invaluable asset in the counseling ministry.
Sixth, Jesus’ counseling techniques helped people face a sinful world of opposition. He recognized that unless people were willing to do battle with the world, the flesh, and the devil, all the counseling in the world would not help. He led people to manage their emotions, fears, and doubts through great faith. It has always fascinated me to learn that the most often used commandment of Jesus was
"Fear not for I am with you"!
Jesus knew that faith has the multiple ability to quell anxiety and propel us forward. This past year I was so captivated by the power of faith that I wrote a book called 365 Ways To Increase Your Faith. The book analyzes 365 contextualized case studies of how people grew or failed to grow in faith. The books seeks to analyze the different dimensions of a passive and active faith. Many of the scenarios come from experiences with my students at our seminary in Nigeria and life as a missionary within Africa. Perhaps, the entire book is a window to what Jesus meant when He said, "He who BELIEVES in me the works that I do will he do also and greater works than these will he do because I go to the Father." (John 14:12)
Seventh, Jesus’ counseling centered around obedience and trust in the Father. Instead of simply offering comforting words, Jesus expected His counselees to serve the Father. He told his ambitious disciples who were arguing over who deserved to sit next to Him on the throne in heaven, in Mark 10:45, "Even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many!" Again, when the disciples wanted Jesus to promise them special privilege of positions, Jesus redirected their thinking to what is most important - service, obedience, and trust. A servant is vindicated from guilt, shame, or ridicule when others learn who he is serving. He need not feel that his efforts are in vain neither should he feel satisfied with mediocre work. Counselors should emphasize ways of improving the counselee’s relationship to the Father through service that contributes to the qualitative and quantitative growth of the kingdom and His righteousness.
Eighth, Jesus helped His counselees deal with temptation by strengthening their relationship with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Often counselors forget that the greatest Counselor is the Holy Spirit. Even though a human counselor may have access to modern theories of counseling one will never be able to know the mind of the counselee. The Holy Spirit lives to make intercession for each of us. The Holy Spirit indwells us with His eternal presence, power, and wisdom. He guides us into all truth. He even guarantee our victory over evil through His filling. This is especially important in a world which is highly influenced by the forces of evil spirits.
For example, one day a student asked me for advice in completing his thesis on demonic cult in Nigeria. He felt frightened about his inability to complete his thesis on a former cult that he had belonged to before becoming a Christian. No matter what he did, he said he could not muster the energy to put his thoughts down on paper. For three years, without success, the student struggled to finish his research, analysis, and evaluation of the cult. Years later, the faculty discovered that the student continued to dabble with the practices of the cult. He subtly refused to grant the Holy Spirit reign over all the areas of his life. As a result, the student continued to lack the power to overcome the evil that oppressed him. The demonic influence continued to have some degree of influence over his ability to express the secrets of the cult in his thesis. Somehow the student inability to surrender complete control to the Spirit of God distorted his ability to tell the complete truth about the cult’s inner workings. Without a complete surrender to the Holy Spirit our counselees will lack the overcoming power of the Spirit to rid themselves of evil and think discerningly!
Ninth, Jesus taught how to handle hatred, threats, and antagonism through truthful counseling. In Mark 3:1-6 the Pharisees joined with the Herodians to co-operate against Jesus. Mounting such intense hatred against Jesus, the religious and political leaders were even willing to put aside their political and theological differences. Here were two groups of men who for years had hated each other. Now they were directing their antagonisms directly at the Son of God. Satan had possessed the leaders in a way that they wanted to destroy the one who was sent to save the world from sin. How did Jesus respond to such animosity? At times Jesus withdrew as He moved through the crowds unharmed. During other times Jesus referred to the truths in the scripture by saying, "Is it lawful to do so?" Still at other times, Jesus pointed to scriptures identifying Himself with David and said, "Have you never read what David did when he was in need and was hungry?" Jesus drew implications from the scripture, history, and the full meanings of being the Messiah. Counselors should learn to follow Jesus’ examples in helping counselees face anger with truth, grace, and ownership of who they are in Christ. Persistence in the midst of persecution is often the most difficult challenge in counseling.
Tenth, Jesus continually reassured people of His love, and care by practicing empathetic counseling. Counselors often forget how much the unseen emotional, personal, and attitudinal aspects affect counselees. Whenever the disciples quarreled with one another, faced opposition, or struggled to know how to reach shore safely, Jesus encouraged them with the breadth of His love. The wonderful love of Jesus included His protection, concern, warmth, assurance, and affection of a Father toward His children. It always amazes me with my Nigerian seminary students that when intellectual reasons fail to bring change in their thinking, love will. One of my slowest students recently got caught cheating during a Greek exam. Yet, after accepting a loving rebuke, he expressed such remorse and regret that he overcame his mistake. Today, he is one of the most successful Pastors in Niger state. This fine Pastor has discipled dozens of young men who are presently in vernacular Bible Training Schools. Many of his disciples were not transformed by his preaching, but by his loving counseling ministry in helping them overcome their problems. Jesus must have been the greatest friend anyone could have had. He knew how to make everyone feel valuable and loved.
Eleventh, Jesus gave each person the right to chose their own paths. A discerning counselor gives people choices and explains the probable consequences of those choices. Take for instance Simon the Pharisee. Here was a religious leader who took the risk to invite Jesus in for a meal. Instead of condemning Simon, our Lord tells him a story and asks Simon to judge correctly between several choices. Jesus said, "To whom is forgiven much, loves much, but whoever thinks he has little to forgive will love little!" His story reveals three key techniques:
1). Jesus gives the woman freedom to express her love in her own unique way.
2). Jesus gives Simon an opportunity to show his disapproval in terms that make sense to him.
3). Jesus does not condemn either person in the story. He paints a picture of comparison for Simon to make up his own mind. He presents the alternatives between repentance and prideful rejection.
Twelfth, Jesus often focused on problem-solving by the counselee. Jesus provided the information needed to correctly assess a person’s problem. By interacting with each person, Jesus was able to objectively and subjectively sort out their feelings. All the while He provided support, love, and the authority of truth while counseling. Even when people like Mary Magdalene wanted to express her intimate dependence on Jesus, He gives her a way to actualize her feelings. He takes her focus away from herself and on to the processes of solving her problems. In doing so He gives Mary a sense of worth. Jesus gave people the motivations as well as the methods for a life of righteousness. Jesus does not allow her dependence on Him to become a handicap. He tells her, "Do not touch me." Jesus wanted to show Mary how emotions are not as important as her faith. Jesus knew that the answer to Mary’s problems lie in her hungering and thirsting for righteousness. The key to long term problem-solving is to direct your counselees to solving their deeper problems through His ways, His truth, and His life.
Thirteenth, Jesus dealt non-judgmentally with people without condoning wrong. Consider His dilemma with the woman caught in adultery. The religious leaders were ready to stone the woman, but Jesus intervened. As the hypocritical leaders tried to use the case to discredit Him in publically, Jesus used the predicament for a case study in crisis management. Jesus knew how to face multiple level problems with grace and truth. The religious leaders saw only a human being who has sinned in a way that deserved severe punishment. Even though Jesus agreed that the woman was guilty of sin, He saw something more important in the woman. He knew that His love would overcome all. Jesus certainly does not want to see the society decay morally. However, Jesus dealt with the woman and the religious leaders separately. He showed the custodians of Law and the nation stones and said, "You who are without sin, cast the first stone!" The crowd froze with conviction and shame. Many were afraid that the by-standers would instantly beat them for their hypocrisy if they did stone the woman. Many learned a lesson that harshness and legalism could easily be returned to its administrators. The woman, however, is told in no uncertain terms, "Go and sin no more!" There are several great principles to apply to us our counselors from this case:
1). Jesus recognizes the sin, but does not condemn the sinner. In counseling be bold enough to bring the sin out in the open, but be careful to not prematurely pass sentence on anyone .
2). Jesus does not excuse the sin, but leads the woman to a new set of opportunities for liberation from her self-imposed imprisonment. Find out what the moral, legal, and cultural morays are and show respect for them. Be careful to be right in the sight of all men, as far as it is possible.
3). Jesus asked the right questions to the right people. Questions have a unique way of disarming the belligerent and defusing dangerous situations.
Fourteenth, Jesus attracted people of all religions, races, and creeds. Perhaps, the best example of Christ’s ability to arrest the attention of a great religious leaders is given to us by John in his description of Nicodemus. In John 3, Nicodemus is seen sneaking over to Jesus’ carpentry shop, at night, to inquire about eternal life. Dissatisfied with his own religious knowledge and insights, he asked Jesus the most important question of life, "What must I do to inherit eternal life?" Jesus recognized the courage it must have taken for this Pharisee to humble himself in such a way. Instead of engaging Nicodemus in a debate on the hypostatic union or supralapsarianism, Jesus answered him with simplicity. Jesus said, "Unless a man is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God." Jesus makes comparison with Himself and the serpent that Moses lifted up in the wilderness. He wanted to help Nicodemus understand truth in terms that he was familiar with. Jesus said, "And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of man be lifted up. that whoever believes in him may have eternal life." (John 3:14,15) Jesus started with something new and ended with a challenge. Essentially, Jesus is faced Nicodemus with the following techniques of counseling:
1). He gave Nicodemus choices implying, "Do you prefer darkness (coming in the cover of the night escaping from the social embarrassment of being seen with Me) to light?" (Believing in Me as the only Savior of the world) In counseling help counselees know that they have choices that have long lasting implications!
2). Jesus realized the effects that Nicodemus could make in influencing others. Later, in John’s gospel, we read of how Nicodemus defends Jesus in the council. At Christ’s burial, Nicodemus is the first to come by night. Christ always saw people in terms of how they could bring greater glory to God through evangelism and edification.
3). Jesus overcame intellectual, traditional, and social barriers by focusing on faith. When counsellors encourage their clients they should remember the words of Jesus in Luke 1:37 when He said, "The things that are impossible with men are possible with God!"
Conclusion
Whenever you want to be guided by the Spirit of God in counseling, look to Jesus as your model. He gives us the power, wisdom, and love for those who struggling with emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual problems. The above fourteen characteristics are by no means comprehensive, but reflect the emphasis of Christ’s counseling strategies. Further reflection will yield greater riches of insights as you ask the Spirit of God to illuminate the scriptures to you. Allow the life, work, and sayings of Jesus to form a balance of teaching, correction, rebuking, and training in righteousness for those with whom you counsel. To put too much emphasis on one area at the expense of another area is to risk lessening His ministry through you.
End Notes
1. Howard Clinebell, Basic Types of Pastoral Counseling, p. 135, Asbury Press, Kentucky, 1981
2. Norman Wright, Training Christians To Counsel, p.24-30, Harvest House, 1979
3. Norman Wright, Crisis Counseling - Helping in Crisis and Stress, p. 28-32, Here’s Life Publishers, San Bernadino, 1983
4. Duncan Buchanan The Counseling of Jesus, p. 139-147, Inter Varsity Press, Downers Grove, Illinois, 1985
