Counseling During Human & Spiritual Crisis
"To work out our problems we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error."
Introduction - Imagine if you are faced with the loss of your family, home, and health all in the same week, what would you feel like? Add to this the fact that your precious son instigated your crisis, how would you react? Suppose that most of your former friends, colleagues and trusted supporters deserted you for someone known to be corrupt, cunning, and deceitful, what would be your reaction? These incidents are recorded for us in 2 Samuel 15:19-23 to help us learn from David’s crisis:
"And David said to his servant Ittai, "Go return to serve my son Absalom who has taken the throne. I do not know where I will go or what I will do...And the whole country wept aloud as all the people left David. Then David crossed the brook Kidron and all the people passed on toward the wilderness. And David said, "Even my own son seeks my life."
Crisis upset everything about David’s life, his identity, responsibilities, security, and relations. Somehow, David found the secret in navigating his way through the crisis of living like a fugitive Nevertheless, David turned his crisis into the most spectacular era of his life. .
As a counselor you have hundreds of case studies in the scriptures that may help you find positive and negative examples of counseling people through crisis. A crisis is a crucial time and a turning point in the course of an event. Learning how to deal with crisis is essential for growth, survival, and working with people. A counselor can distinguish the people who have succeeded in life by the way they handled crisis. We can either look at crisis as a reason for despair, depression, or discouragement or we can look at it as an opportunity from our good. Crisis usually signals a fork in the road of our decision making processes. We can either see conflicts as leading us to further crisis and defeat or we can view them as pointing us in a direction of growth. Often times, how we deal with crisis is the index of how much pain, disappointment, and dissatisfaction we have to face in life.
I. Causes of Crisis
Let us begin by looking at how help people can determine what are some of the common causes of crisis. If we are able to learn from the causes of our crisis we will be better able to alter their effects.
A. Crisis may be allowed to come into our life through the Lord’s chastening or disciplining. Hebrews 12:10 tells us that God disciplines us for our good that we may avoid evil and be drawn closer into the light of His will. There may be patterns in our life that need changing, attitudes that need adjusting, or behavior patterns that need correcting. Our heavenly Father always knows what is best. Assure your counselee of this marvelous truth.
B. Crisis may be allowed into our life to create more Godly character. Jesus said, "Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. To be poor in spirit is to realize how dependent one is on the Lord for everything. It indicates that a person is not self-sufficient in his own strengths or backgrounds. When we are "weak we are made strong through His grace." (2 Cor. 12:9)
C. Crisis to one person may only be an annoyance to another. Realize that crisis are effected by one’s emotional state, maturity, physical health, knowledge of the truth, degree of one’s faith, friends, one’s occupation, experiences, or general perspectives towards difficulties. When we are walking close to the Lord, in the power of His Spirit, and intent on His purposes we are able to cope with many crisis that tear others apart. God assures us that no temptation will be allowed into our lives that we do not have the capacity to bear. (I Cor. 10:13)
D. Crisis are the means that the devil often uses to trip us up. When the Lord allowed the devil to tempt, pester, and afflict Job, it taught Job more about the dimensions of God’s sovereignty. Job said, in Job 42:1,2 "I know that you can do all things and no purpose of your can be thwarted." When we are counseling those in distress assure them that God maintains control of the devil’s tricks. He is quickly able to come to our rescue when we call out to Him for deliverance.
E. Crisis brings out true character of all people. Some students of mine at the seminary are quick to complain about any little problem while others overlook the trivial obstacles of life. When I think of how Jesus Christ would have responded to various crisis it fills my mind with all sorts of pictures, conversations, and principles that can be brought to bear on a whole range of issues. Jesus would often refuse to engage in arguments for He knew that it would be far better to press on toward higher objectives. When the Pharisees were about to stone the woman caught in adultery, Jesus said, "He who without sin cast the first stone." Instead of becoming the judge, jury, and trial lawyer, He referred to a higher truth.
Case Study #1 - This year Pastor Rabo Aburu risked his life to start his fourth church in as many years. However, unlike before, Rabo felt led of God to begin a fellowship in a Muslim city named Dangoma, here in the northern part of Nigeria. After meeting with the chief and traditional ruler of the 20,000 population community, Rabo was warned not to do any evangelism or face persecution. Not bowing to the pressure of their threats, Rabo proceeded to find silent Christians who might be related to men of power in the village. As it turned out, Rabo discovered sixteen "believers who were afraid to make their faith known publically". Through this small remnant, Rabo managed to dramatically lead the son of the Muslim chief to Christ. When the chief heard about his son’s conversion, he tried to have Rabo killed six times through poisoning, hired assassins, and "kamikaze taxi drivers", but each time the Lord delivered miraculously Rabo . After three months, the people in the Dangoma complained to the chief that Pastor Rabo’s God seemed to possess such great power that he should be left alone to carry out his ministry. With the Muslims traditional religious background they feared that God would punish them for harming a "Real Man of God". Not wishing to create a tribal-religious war in his village, the chief declared "Pastoral Immunity" for Rabo and his church planting ministry.
Within three weeks, the Rabo led a team of seminary trained evangelists in showing the "Jesus Film" in Dangoma where 110 people prayed to receive Christ. Counsellors were trained to give people the full implicational meanings of what it meant to become a Christian in a Muslim community. The people were unmoved by the fear of recriminations. Isa, the son of the Muslim chief of the village, became one of the most successful Christian counselors as he assisted Pastor Rabo that victorious evening. Today, the village head has donated several plots of land and the people have made 1,000 mud bricks to build the new church building.
Learn to separate the symptoms and the root causes of the crisis faced by the counselee. What some people think is a crisis may only be a surface symptom of a far deeper problem. For example, last year one of my students came to my house late one night and humbly asked, "Sir, do you think that you might be able to help me with a serious problem?" I said, "First, tell me what the extent of the problem is. Only then will I be in a better position to help you!" The student took a deep breath and said, "Sir, my wife needs N300.00 ($15.00) for handouts in her nurses training institute, could you kindly help her?" After, I found out more information, I made some inquiries and found out that the wife could cooperate with several other students to share their materials. What the student thought was a serious crisis just turned out to be a matter of working amiably with the other students who shared common goals. We need to help people explore alternative ways to solving their problems without short circuiting God’s superior remedies to everyday problems.
Crisis may signal dysfunctional ways of perceiving problems. When some people run into trouble they automatically panic. Without a proper outlook on personal crisis we may develop a persecution complex. Bitterness results from a negative attitude in a self-fulfilling prophecy manner. When we think that others are out to harm us, that suspicious mind set tends to hinder growth, healthy friendships, and the benefits of a Christian body life. Correcting these improper views is essential for a counselor to help people recognize crisis as James teaches us in James 1:2-4, "Count it all joy, my brethren, when you meet various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
Case Study #2 - Over the summer months of 1992 our Jos E.C.W.A. seminary students teamed with the Evangelical Missionary Society (980 Nigerian missionaries) to show evangelistic films in over 130 largely unreached villages. In one lonely village called Sabon Wuse, the Gade people previously resisted Christianity since they identified it as the religion of the neighboring "inferior" Gwari (Gbagyi- Belonging to the E.C.W.A President’s tribe). For years the Gade people remained resistant to the gospel until one of our E.M.S. missionaries named Thomas Aduga went to his own people with the gospel. When our seminary students, Zachariah Chinne and Hassan Dicks arrived with the Jesus film that night, Thomas seemed ready to quit, he was so discouraged. "These people are too proud to accept a Christ that has been embraced by the inferior Gwari tribe. Only weak people like the Gwari people need a Savior like that," the chief had told Thomas.
However, when the people saw the all powerful Jesus as portrayed in the film, willing to go the weak, sick, and the blind, the Gade people became convicted of their prideful attitudes. That night, 150 new Gade men and women, along with an untold number of children, began their eternal life. The newly planted church now averages over 50 adults every Sunday morning. One of the chief’s sons became so convicted by the humility of Christ that he said, "If the God of all gods can humble himself like that, I must go to the Bible School to train to be a missionary to other tribes even if it means going to people like the Gwaris. Perhaps, one of the biggest benefits of the program is the dozens of new career missionaries like the chief’s son who have dedicated themselves to cross-cultural church planting ministries.
The Gade story is only a microcosm of what went on in the other 129 villages this past summer. We are thanking God that over 150,000 people viewed movies like the Jesus film during difficult rainy season days. 5,492 people received Christ as their Savior for the first time while nearly 4,000 rededicated themselves to Christ as Lord. Over the past 10 years, the seminary’ film evangelism teams have led over 62,000 people to Christ and planted over 102 functioning new churches.
Crisis may also signal a false dichotomous outlook of winning or losing. Most of life cannot be characterized by winning or losing, but growing in the will of God or refusing to. Many of my seminary students get very depressed when they fail a test because they have wrongly viewed learning as a competitive race to be the best in the class. I have been through 24 years of schooling and can assure anyone that the top students are usually not the best Pastors, teachers, doctors, lawyers, farmers, or leaders. Often times the best Christian leaders are the ones who have had to struggle to learn. They have acquired something far more valuable than a number one ranking in their graduating classes. They have developed the strength, stability, and wholeness of Godly character. Attitude and determination through crisis is far more valuable than scoring high on examinations or gaining praise from people.
Crisis may teach people that they have become too dependent on other people. Whenever the Lord allows trouble to come into our lives, He primarily wants us to depend on Him for help. Surely it is easier to turn to our family, our wife, our brothers, our parents, or even our closest friends. Yet if our dependence is too heavily weighted with on people, God will surely allow hardships into your life to get your attention that He should be your chief source of strength, resources, and support. God is a jealous God who desires His rightful place as Lord and Master of everyone’s life.
Crisis must also be seen as a time for reflection, slowing down, and assessing of our relationships. Instead of panicking, crisis should allow us to get on our knees, humble ourselves before the Lord and spend time in fellowshipping with Him through His word. We may have to resign ourselves to be less active, less efficient, less productive, and less capable of meeting others needs. The greater the crisis the more we may have to scale back on some activities. Allow for these periods of readjustment. They will help us from overexerting our emotional, physical, and mental energies.
Case Study - A man named John lost his job, his wife, and his position when a girl accused him of sexually abusing her. Everyone seemed so quick to believe the girl that John was stunned. Even his best friends refused to have anything to do with him. The only people who seemed willing to help John were the money hungry lawyers who saw John as wounded prey. However, as the months wore on, John asked God for a close friend to pray with. Soon, the Lord, gave him his mother. The two prayed daily for an hour for six months until a miracle happened. The girl came forward, to admit she had made the entire story up. In her desperate attempt to win John’s affection, she had tried to win him away from his wife and family without success, so she grew desperate. She falsely accused John of rape when all she really wanted was his attention. This true story indicates the two sides of crisis; the contrived and the actual. All crisis situations usually have a equal percentage of both. A counselor should ask God for the convicting ministry of His Holy Spirit to bring out the truth on both dimensions of the crisis. Only He is capable of convicting, directing, and instructing people in the perfect way!
Crisis may be caused through unwarranted fear. Abraham practiced deceit in referring to his wife as his sister out of fear of Pharaoh. However, when Pharaoh, attempted to take Sarah to bed with him, God visited him in the night through a dream and said to him, "Behold, you are a dead man, because of the woman whom you have taken; for she is a man’s wife. Abraham then defended his deception by trying to explain to the King""There is no fear of God at all in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife. Besides she is indeed my sister, the daughter of my father, but not the daughter of my mother." (Gen. 20:11-18) God had to intercede before a disaster occurred. A crisis could have resulted because of Abraham inability to assertively face a dilemma with courage.
Crisis may be given for guidance and correction. The Psalmist once said, "Before I was afflicted I went astray but now I keep your law." (Psalm 119:67) Crisis has a way of limiting our wanderings and misdirections in our thinking and acting. For example, when Peter separated himself from the Gentile Christians fellowship for fear of the Jews’ rejections. Paul the apostle, fortunately rebuked Peter over the incident in his letter to the Galatians. Paul wrote, ""But when I saw that they were not straightforward about the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas before them all, ’If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you compel the Gentiles to live like Jews... Yet a man is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ." (Gal. 2:14-16) Crisis has untold benefits in helping us avert misdirections in many erroneous beliefs.
Crisis may be allowed to come into our life for confirmation, affirmation, and assurance of our standing in Christ. When Peter, James, and John were thrown in jail they sang praises to God and saw a miraculous deliverance. God wanted to affirm to them His ability to rescue them from the clutches of death and destruction. Hardships have a way of showing us how miraculous God can work on our behalf.
II. How To Adjust During Crisis
Without the ability to keep oneself balanced emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually a crisis may lead to further complications. The way you help your counselee view their circumstances through these four lenses of life will tend to affect their efforts to keep their perceptions in balance. For example, if a wife loses a child during delivery, she may become unbalanced in all four of the vital areas of life. It should be a part of the family’s job to help bring the wife back into wholeness. This may take time, prayer, patience, understanding, and scriptural teaching about the ministry of the Holy Spirit restoring capacities. Having adequate connections with friends, your church, and mentors aids adjustments during crisis. Eccl. 4:9-11 say, "Woe to the one who is alone during crisis for he has no one to help him out of his predicaments." Help the counselee find suitable supporting networks of personnel who can console, comfort, and counsel him during difficulties.
Provide instruction in coping skills. Many people lose their ability to think logically, peacefully, and spiritually when emergencies strike. Help people through hard times by providing assistance in talking through the crisis, praying with them, listening to their problems. and reading relevant scripture to them. The greater the coping skills, the greater the capacity of the person to deal with the dangers of crisis.
Assure the counselee that most crises have a limit in their duration, severity, and effects. Although you do not want to minimize the problem, you do want to bring the crisis into a larger perspective. Remind the counselee that many other people have gone through equally serious crisis and have been able to weather out the storms of life.
III. Anticipate Crisis of Change
Many calamities in life can be anticipated. These come in forms of pregnancies, major transitions in education, marriage, some childrens’ illnesses, some changes in our bodies, old age, and loss of relatives. A transition is a period of moving from one state of certainty to another, with an interval of uncertainty and change in between. One man knew that he would soon have to retire so he made preparations. He set up enough money so that he would have an adequate amount to take care of him in his waning years. He re-educated himself so that he would be able to teach Sunday School classes to the elderly in his church about making a successful transition to retirement. He even made provisions for certain people to take care of his farms when he fell sick. All of this was worked out before the crises of old age would overwhelm him. This strategy can work for a number of transitions of employment, schooling, relationships, or financial standings.
For the less predictable changes we need alternative contingency plans. For example, if your counselee has just lost his job, suggest other alternatives that he might be able to use during the transition times. Help the counselee to look on the bright side of the possibilities for something new, better, and more spiritually beneficial. Adjusting to crisis in advance is done best by staying close to the scriptures, the Holy Spirit, and the will of God. Whenever, a counselee has been walking with God, they are much better equipped to handle difficulties than those who have backslidden. Those who have done the will of God in the past are better able to live up to His expectations in the present and future. In Matt. 7:24-27 Jesus contrasts the lifestyles of two men. One could not cope with a crisis because his house was built on the shifting sands of disobedience. The second man stood the storms of stress as his house was anchored securely through years of trust and obedience to God. The more we obey God, the better are our chances of coping during emergencies.
Help your counselee build their identity, security, and responsibilities on the Lord’s will and not their own will. This is a critical step for counselors to teach their counselee before, during, and after crisis. One time a university student came to my church office seeking advice about marrying a certain young man. It seemed that her entire identity, security, and future responsibilities would be found through marriage to this young man. I cautioned her to realize that whatever she did, her primary identity, security, and role in life must be rooted in Jesus Christ and His will. Unfortunately, she married the young man with her faulty expectations of marriage and disaster struck. Within a year she was pregnant, divorced, and fighting with her parents over what to do next. Without our anchors in Christ and His plans, we are easily tossed about by the winds and waves of life.
IV. Dealing With the Range of Needs in Crisis Management
Aaron Lazare conducted a survey of the variety of needs that people expressed during crisis counseling. Here were the eleven different types of needs expressed by his clients. As you look at them you can determine which types of approaches are best to take with your counselee:
1). Some people wanted a strong person to protect and control them during their times of crisis. They simply want to hand over their problems to a more stable person who could take control of the situation. This person needs to see that God often allows crisis to produce Godly characteristics in us. Escape is not always in the perfect will of God.
2). Others needed people who will help them keep current with reality. They wanted affirmation that their experience was not too abnormal. They expected others to comfort them with words like, "Many others are going through similar hardships, we understand your situation."
3). Some folks needed lots of care and reassurance of their importance. During crisis many people tend to lose their self-security and esteem. These people wanted someone to say, "You are a valuable person with lots of gifts vital to all of us."
4). Many people just wanted someone to be available to ventilate their frustrations to. Really all these people wanted was someone to confide in and to listen to their problems.
5). Some are ridden by guilt and shame. These people want relief from their inner feelings of shame, guilt, and anxiety. They primarily desire face saving approvals to eradicate their shame.
6). Sometimes people come to their counselor with requests for advice. Student often ask me. "Please advise me about what I should do with my financial problems." Generally this should be interpreted as a surface problem. Try to treat the root causes of the problems after giving empathetic concern for the superficial symptoms.
7). Occasionally people want you as a counselor to give them added perspective to their difficulties. "Perhaps you can add some fresh insights into the struggles that I am facing," they will often ask. Be sure that you follow the eternal advice of Proverbs 3:5,6 which says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insights. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths!"
8). Men often expect their counseling to be done on an informal level. Many men prefer listening to how other men have tackled their problems. This gives them a face saving opportunity to learn by example and the experiences of others.
9). Women usually like to talk out their problems while expressing their emotions freely. Allow women to sift out their insights using the scripture and their own intuitive wisdom gathered through the years of experience in dealing with relationships. Women are skilled at solving many problems through various levels of interpersonal sharing.
10). Some people expect the counselor to be their intercessor. Instead of facing up to their own responsibilities these folks want the counselor to come to their house and address their husband or wife about a problem. There is value in working through intercessors, but ultimately each person will have to stand on their two feet. Help these people not only learn about their rights, but also about their personal responsibilities. Assist the counselee in moving progressively through the smoothest means of maturity according to their present cultural backgrounds.
11). Those who are brought to the counselor against their own wills are the most difficult to counsel in crisis. Generally, it is best to try to establish a bridge of trust with the reluctant counselee. Provide critical advice, and pray with the counselee for the Holy Spirit’s intercessory help. Using friendly intercessors often helps bridge the gulf of culture, gender, and age differences.
Many people take different approaches to facing crisis depending upon their most dominant influence. Your job as the counselor will be to assess the type of person and the approach they are taking to their crisis. Factor in the variety of cultural backgrounds, personality differences, educational levels, age, experience, gender, goals, and spiritual maturity. When you sense that someone is resistant to Jesus Christ, you will know that your principle goal will be to assist them in finding Christ as Savior and Lord.
V. Understanding the Faulty Ways of Dealing With Crisis
Perhaps the most common erroneous way of dealing with crisis is to grow bitter, resentful, and accusatory of others. Heb. 12:15 warns us that if we become bitter it acts as a cancer in destroying internal mechanisms of our lives. Romans 14:12 says, "Each person will have to give an account of himself to God." Learning to take responsibility for our own actions, thoughts, and attitudes is critical for coping with crisis. Some people have poor physical capacities to cope with crisis. These dear folks are either overextending themselves or need an examination by a physician. They may be poor condition for coping with their crisis for unknown physical reasons.
Occasionally people will relegate crisis to a demon or an evil spirit. Although it is true that crisis may be caused through the forces of darkness, nothing happens to us that God does not allow. Consider Job’s life struggle in the light of Eph. 6:10-18. At the end of Job’s life he was able to say, "I know that the Lord can do all things and nothing can frustrate HIS PLANS!
Excessive talking or rationalizing can also be a diversionary tactic for some who wish to escape their crisis. Periodically when people are not able to handle the hard times of life they will resort to tactics of childhood. They will shout, scream, or throw up verbal defenses refusing to face the most important issues. Counselors need to help these people by listening to them and assuring them that harsh words will stir up anger, but soft words turns away the anger of most. (Prov. 15:1)
Overly dependent people cling to counselors as their last resort during crisis. These folks need to develop the ability to see that their real refuge is in the great Shepherd and not in any person. This may be harder for some than others, but each counselor needs to point his counselee in the direction of a healthy individual faith based on the truth of the scriptures.
Overly independent people dominate others and seldom accept advice. Shunning offers for assistance the self-sufficient often suffer in their own sense of alienation and despair. Counselors can help them through by showing them how the body of Christ mutually works together for the common good. This healthy interdependence can bring benefits across cultural, gender, and generational barriers. Loners are usually most vulnerable to despair, defeat, and depression.
Various inadequate theological positions tend to complicate crisis as well. Extreme fatalists tend to wrongly resign all crisis to the "sovereign will of God". Works oriented theologies put too much responsibility on man to accomplish the will of God. They need to be reminded of Zech. 4:17 which says, "Not by power or by might, but by my Spirit say the Lord". Some theological positions put certain people in such dependent mind sets that they tend to wait for a miracle of God before using their personal initiative. Counselors can help people balance the active and passive responses to the will of God. When God chooses not to miraculously deliver them, they feel that their faith has been inadequate. Furthermore, some distorted thinkers misconstrue the nature of the scriptures for personal gain. Any of the above combinations of mis-aligned thinking can produce tragic results in facing crisis. A correct theology, a complete knowledge of God, and a balanced interpretation system of the scripture will help the counselee reach satisfaction in using the will of God to successfully handle crisis.
A poor self-image or a false superior self-image often adds to the tragedy of a crisis. Whenever people are not able to love and accept the way God has made them, they look upon crisis as a threat to their personal security. Helping the counselee find their self-image rooted in Christ, in His gifts, His promises, and His will is essential for learning how to manage crisis. I am learning that my self-image is enhanced when I focus on the qualitative and quantitative growth of His kingdom through church planting, writing, film evangelism, and training Pastors in our Nigerian theological seminary. There is something special about enhancing one’s self-image when a person is lost in doing the will of God. However, when I think about my own promotions, prestige, and progress, I feel threatened when somethings fall apart. Col. 3:23 has helped a great deal through the years in helping me to discern the differences in right and wrong motivations. Paul said, "Whatever you your task, work heartily, as serving the Lord and not men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward; you are serving the Lord Jesus Christ."
A faulty view of time can also contribute to worsening the appearance of a crisis. Some people I know feel that unless they can deal with their crisis immediately it will ruin them. This is generally not the way God deals with crisis. He wants us to grow through the problem before it is eliminated. This summer, I developed a tumor on my shoulder that appeared to be cancerous. It bothered me because I envisioned losing the use of my right arm to surgery. My inclination was to have it cut out immediately, but the doctor’s schedule and the circumstances would not allow it. God wanted me to develop a deeper trust in Him. After many months, the tumor was cut out and it turned out to be benign.
Other people look at crisis in a way that time will heal everything. They tend to procrastinate whenever anything difficult comes into their lives. Practicing delay tactics is wrong in that it is a way of refusing to face problems with boldness, confidence, and assurance in the Lord’s promises. Both views of time, the hurry-up or the wait and see attitudes, can compound the problems of a crisis.
Responding emotionally can be very damaging during crisis. When living by emotional strength many folks set themselves up for being overwhelmed by crisis. When people are easily angered, saddened, or excited, they become vulnerable to a range of crisis. Jesus directed His thoughts, energies, and actions through His Father’s plan for His life. He allowed the ministry of the Holy Spirit to empower, motivate, and internally lead Him into all truth. Emotions are enriched, blessed, and useful only when they are directed through the truth of God’s word, the leading of His Spirit, and the emulation of God’s leaders.
VI. How To Mature Through Crisis
A. Learn to grow through the following processes of a crisis:
1). Prepare for the sudden impact of crisis by setting your hope on things above not on things of the earth. Learn to ask for prayer assistance from trusted friends. Your crisis may come in the form of a threatened loss of life, property, self-esteem or way of life. Refuse to grow bittern resentful, or depressed. Paul said in 2 Cor. 2:8-11,
"We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life... On Him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers."
2). Realize that a certain amount of isolation following crisis may produce positive results. Jesus, Paul, and Moses used times of isolation to give them greater opportunities to reflect on what the Lord wanted to do through them. Separation gives us unique opportunities to develop new perspectives. Crisis has taught me that mature character comes before mature ministries. I have had to learn how to wait on the Lord’s timing and blessings for results in the ministry. My human tendency is to trust in my own education, background, and determined goal oriented thinking. Times of isolation allows me to reflect on what mistakes I have been making. This brings me back to a deeper dependence on God for His perspective. Usually my own planning gets me only so far until I realize that the Lord’s Spirit only blesses His will and His way!
3). Negative crisis can be turned into positive results through faith. Believing God for His Spirit to work wonders out of tragedies is one of the greatest benefits of a strong faith. Consider how Abraham staggered not at the promises of God through unbelief, but grew strong in faith. (Rom. 4:20,21) His faith has taught me to believe God for success, progress, and positive growth. I move ahead in my teaching, writing, and church planting ministries despite the numerous set-backs because of faith rather than relying on my own insights.
4). Crisis has a way of acting like a surgeon. Surgery eradicates the diseased portions of our bodies allowing healing to occur. This summer I had a dangerous tumor on my shoulder. I hesitated to have surgery on it for fear that I may be over emphasizing trivial problems. Eventually, my mother insisted that a doctor look at the tumor. Immediately, the doctor insisted that a surgeon remove the tumor. Now I can see that without submission to the surgeon I might have lost the entire use of my right arm. Counselors need to prescribe ways that their counselee can submit to God’s spiritual surgery of conviction and transformation
5). Crisis can deepen our understanding of God’s power and the way He works through appointed leaders. When you are beset with the harsh realities of life, God has a way of showing you a way through the wilderness. He chooses the channels through which He may dispense His power and blessings. It may not seem to your liking initially, but His wisdom picks the best people, circumstances, and projects that He wants to use in our lives. Paul said it best in 2 Cor. 4:7-12,
"We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So the, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you."
Example - Recognizing how crisis forces us to die to our selfish ways, counselors can point out benefits for long term blessings. I remember a student at the Nigerian seminary who lost his position of leadership in his district church council. However, through this experience he came to be a more humble leader who eventually was promoted to the chairmanship of the district. Now people recognize they need him more than ever. Their regret for their former actions led to such submission, respect, and admiration for the leader that he was able to bring about sweeping changes in all 150 churches under his supervision. None of that progress would have been possible unless he had gone through the hardships of being formerly rejected by his own people. Everyone learned that spiritual authority is not to be a goal, but a by-product of a trusting walk with God.
6). Crisis sharpens our problem-solving skills. Conflicts have a way of honing our ability to see the essential ways of tackling difficulties. Many people become so immerse in non-essentials that they fail to stay focused on the priorities of life.
Case Study - Once a student came into my office asking for more money than we had promised him in his salary for a church planting project. This disturbed him so much that he threatened to take the seminary to court over the matter. When I think back, that student needed to see the bigger picture, but he was overwhelmed with the pressure for money from his relatives that he lost control of his coping faculties. Eventually, the Lord interceded to solve his family problems. He recently shared with me that many of the lessons he learned in seminary were negative ones. Things that he did and he saw others do that he sees now as errors to avoid. He is now successfully pastoring in North Eastern Nigeria in Borno State.
7). Crisis helps us die to our right to be correct all the time. Difficulties produce a sharpening realization that we do not have to be culturally or politically correct to be in the will of God. The Lord uses failure to produce in us an enriched sense of His empowering.
Example - Robert Clinton in The Making of a Leader, tells about a pivotal moment in his life when he was rejected from a missionary leadership team in Jamaica. He said that one Sunday morning his Pastor passed out small pieces of paper shaped like tombstones. On them were the words: Here lies...... obedient until death. All of this was an application of the passage from Romans 6:11 which says, 5
"So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus."
Clinton writes on p. 171 the following: "I sensed that God was pulling together what had happened to me and focusing it to teach me something important. I had been brought through the conflict and discipline. I had been forced to re-evaluate my ministry and my past relationships at the office. On the front of the sheet I wrote in my name and the words "evaluation of life and ministry." As I was turning it over to write on the back, it came to me in a flash: I was inflexible. It was as if the Lord spoke to me Himself. I wrote on the back, "Die to the right to be right."
Clinton said he learned three things through this phase of dealing with his crisis:
1)). He learned that God will vindicate spiritual authority. He did not defend his actions or talk about the situation with others - except to his wife. He did not attack his accusers or complain about the decision to remove him from leadership. He saw it as something that God knew he needed. God eventually vindicated Clinton’s spiritual authority.
2)). He learned that God was preparing to move him into a new role. The negatives turned into positives through preparation to release him to greater ministry. He is now teaching and writing at Fuller Theological Seminary where he is having a world-wide impact in teaching concepts of leadership.
3)). He learned some rich organizational lessons. Clinton said, "I learned that people in power usually win whether right or wrong. I also learned that I needed to be taught about leadership style if I was to be a successful change agent in the future."
4)). He learned a great deal about his inflexible character. Crisis has a way of pointing out the defects in our personal manner before they blow up in our face.
8. Norm Wright in his book, Crisis Counseling gives four insightful stages of crisis:
a). The Impact Stage
This is the initial reaction of a person to their crisis. It involves becoming aware of all of the meanings and implications of the tragedy. Usually the impact stage lasts only a few hours to a few days. One can be expected to experience a wide swing of emotions during the impact stage of the crisis. Decisions during the impact stage range from fight to flight. A counselor can usually determine a person’s response based on their past initial reactions to crisis. Often people experience a reduced capacity to think objectively through their problems during the impact stage. Some people have reported that they become numb and unable to react to a crisis during this phase. It is for this reason that it is best to wait before deciding on anything for several hours or even days after facing a hardship. Impulsive actions during the impact stage can often be devastating.
The thoughts of one going through the impact stage is usually directed toward the object, idea, or person lost. I remember losing out on special projects that I felt strongly about and reacting negatively toward colleagues. This was a natural reaction, but I should have tempered my feelings by understanding how the withdrawal, adjustment, and reconstruction phases would guide me through the crisis. However, a far worse scenario would be for me to deny the feelings of disappointment and try to oppress them. This will lead to feelings of guilt, bitterness, or revenge that may explode or implode later. It is always best to discover the feelings before they manifest themselves in more harmful actions later. Instead of allowing your counselee to feel overwhelmed by a crisis, point out that the crisis are unavoidable, but the four stages help people navigate through the storms of life.
b). Withdrawal-Confusion Stage
Instead of reacting with negative emotions, a wise counselor will help the counselee to work through the crisis positively. The typical reaction to a crisis is to become angry, confused, or depressed. However, if we are taught how to share our feelings correctly we can overcome the shock and the tendency to repress our negative feelings. For example, when someone loses a loved one in the family, many people need to allow the person to have the assurance that they can share their grief with trusted friends. This facilitates one’s ability to sort out information without anger, grief, or a sense of hopelessness.
One of the best ways to offer guidance through this stage is to offer assurance through the promises of the scripture. Not only does this reinforce the truth from God, but it combats the enemies attacks on the person at a vulnerable time of life. Often, people who are going through crisis need help in organizing, motivating, and directing their decisions. In other ways friends can help alleviate feelings of self-pity and remorse. Having a trusted friend to help resolve crisis can provide a bridge to a new level of maturity. Without someone to share conflicts with, people tend to allow their greatest fears to become the chief controller of their emotions. Friends can help delay rash or impulsive decisions during times of crisis. Usually these decisions are regretted as they were based on negative emotions rather than taking into account the full will of God.
c). Adjustment Stage
The longest period of crisis management is the adjustment phase. Learning how to compensate for a loss is often a complicated process. Whenever, I have counselled people, it becomes clear that multiple counseling sessions are necessary to help guide them through various decisions in adjusting to their new responsibilities. Harmonizing the shifting roles of a person’s life after a drastic change takes time, energy, wisdom, and prayer. It usually helps if counselors can offer hope, encouragement, and a range of possible actions to the counselee. For example, one year I remember offering suggestions to a person who had their house burned during a religious riot in Nigeria. Together with several church leaders we encouraged the man to stay with friends from the church while members helped him construct a new home. Try to guard your counselee during crisis from critics or profit seeking people. Still vulnerable to the change produced by the crisis, the counselee needs protection from vultures who like to take advantages of periods of weakness. The person in crisis is often not able to defend himself during periods of hardships. On the other hand, the person may try too hard to vigorously defend himself. The inability to realize God’s protecting grace during times of crisis leads many to regrettable and irrational behavior.
Teaching people the importance and steps of forgiveness is crucial. A great deal of the healing and preparation for reconstruction is to free our minds from the hurts of the crisis. Dr. Lewis Smedes in his book Forgive and Forget - Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve says this about forgiving people who hurt us on page 126:2
"Forgiving is loves’s revolution against life’s unfairness. When we forgive, we ignore the normal laws that strap us to the natural law of getting even and by the alchemy of love, we release ourselves from our own painful pasts. Forgiving is a miracle, however, that few of us have the magic to easily perform. Never underestimate the demands that forgiveness puts on an average person’s modest power to love. Some skeptics, when they heard Jesus forgive people, challenged; "Who can forgive sins, but God alone?" Essentially we cannot do it alone. Nobody seems to be born with much talent for forgiving. We all need to learn from scratch, and the learning almost always runs against the grain. We talk a good forgiving line as long as somebody else needs to do it, but few of us have the heart for it while we are dangling from one end of a bond broken by somebody else’s cruelty. Yet people do forgive-ordinary people, not just saints - and they do heal themselves of terrible pain."
Smedes tells the story about C.S. Lewis, the British literary genius who taught at Oxford University. One day he was beaten up by a bully who made a living as a teacher in an English public school. Lewis recalls how the bully made his life a living hell. Lewis shares how he could not forgive this teacher for most of his life and this troubled him until something happened. Finally, he wrote the following letter to a friend in the U.S.:2
"Dear Mary,
...Do you know, only a few weeks ago I realized suddenly that I had at last forgiven the cruel schoolmaster who so darkened my childhood. I’d been trying to do it for years; and like you, each time I thought I’d done it, I found, after a week or so it all had to be attempted over again. But this time I feel sure it is the real thing..."
Yours,
Jack
Lewis recognized how difficult the hate habit is to break. When we forgive we release our rights, cares, and negative emotions to God. He then replaces them with thoughts of love, concern, and trust. It is a miracle that only the Spirit of God is able to spiritually perform. Human effort will not suffice. Learning how to become objective through a crisis is the goal of the adjustment phase. This is done not just through rational exercises of the mind. But, is done through a combination of the Spirit working through the promises in the word of God to change us in our thinking, believing, character development, and actions.4
d). The Reconstruction or Reconciliation Stage
Whenever I think of reconstruction I think of how Germany and Japan reconstructed better nations out of the ruin of World War 2. After the peace treaties were signed, the two nations, with help of the world community, embarked on one of the boldest exercises of restoration in history. Their entire peoples rallied together to rebuild their entire infrastructures from ash heaps. Today, they are the second and third most prosperous countries in the world behind the U.S. thanks to their undaunted courage to re-build after defeat. Needless to say, many of those who contributed to the reconstruction projects may not have directly benefited from the fruits of the labor. However, life is not always fair. God alone has the right to determine our just rewards in this life and the next.
Perhaps the greatest challenge of the reconstruction phase is gaining the internal and external hope for reconciliation. It is often much easier to just write off a friendship after a sharp disagreement. We learn that making up is so very hard to do. Yet, as we embark on the journey of renovation we are able to gain no hope, overcome doubts, and best of all get out of the dangerous cycle of self-pity.
Case Study - Recently, I had to have surgery for a plugged up gallbladder. Having had seven major surgeries over the past eight years, I told the Lord that I felt this was unfair. Even though I felt confident that God’s hand was on my life I felt a wave of self-pity sweep over me. Ideally, it seemed that the Lord should understand my contributions to the ministry in Nigeria and want to keep me healthy. Nevertheless, it became clear that God wanted to use this traumatic time in life to teach me a deeper level of trust in His all sufficient grace, power, and wisdom. As I went into the surgery room, I told the Lord, "My hope is in you and not in myself. Work out your plans for my life with dignity!" After several weeks of waiting the lab reports came back with assurance that I did not have cancer. God was trying to teach me that the results are not nearly as important as the processes of character building adjustments in life. Progress is great, but He is the facilitator, enabler, and provider. I am just a tool in His Masterful hands.
During the adjustment and reconstruction phase God does several things for us:
1. He provides new people, projects, and ideas for putting the pieces together. Whenever a friendship falls apart God has a way of bringing the former connections together through love, patience, and mutual goal sharing. I am in the process of seeing this happen with a special friend who teaches at the Moody Bible Institute in Chicago. He and I served with each other for seven years at a seminary in Nigeria. During those years, I struggled to maintain our friendship, but mainly through this dear man’s Godliness we have built one of the most enduring and profitable friendships imaginable.
2. If there has been anger, blame, or distrust between people, acts of love heals the broken bridges. Certain acts of kindness go a long ways to reforming former connections of communication. One day, a colleague at the seminary accused me of deceit, which seemed totally unfair. Even though I thought he would drop it, he persisted with his accusations. Up to this day, I struggle to relate to him in a defenseless way. I feel violated by his apparent legalistic tendencies. Nevertheless, when I think of how Jesus would respond to him, I feel a new surge of peace, forgiveness, and understanding in light of his background. I need to go out of my way to offer him my time for projects that he considers valuable and not just when it is convenient.
3. Take a rest. Allow yourself and your counselee times to reconstruct. This last phase is usually the longest period of overcoming a crisis. Sometimes it require years of prayer, growth, and fellowship with mentoring Christians. This period of growth is a time when most of us develop character, thought, and behavioral patterns that stay with us for a lifetime.
Case Study - About 16 years ago I took a group of 12-14 year old boys on a hike in the Colorado mountains when I worked as a camp counselor for the Navigators, a Christian organization majoring on disciple-making. However, after walking for several hours, I got lost, but hesitated to tell the young boys. Then it started to rain and blow bitterly cold mountain air. I led my small team of twelve boys to a cleft in the rock for shelter while I climbed the tallest tree on the highest hill I could find. As I looked out over the countryside to see where our headquarters camp was located, some of the kids feared I would fall. They were afraid they would die lost in the vast Colorado forest. However, I remembered from my days in the Navy that the tallest trees take the severest winds, making them the strongest living things in the forest. These were the trees that the early ship builders would chose for the masts that supported the huge sails of the early navigators. Men like Magellan, Columbus, and Cortez accomplished great things because of their reliance on such tall trees. These men trusted these masts to guide, direct, and support their vessels across treacherous waters. How much more could I trust these strong trees to support my 150 pounds. My twelve counselee were not exactly comforted by my sermon, but the lessons at least stuck in my mind. The greater the storms the stronger the roots and wood of the trees grew. People are like those trees. The harsher the crisis, the stronger chances they have to develop into sturdy vessels suited for God’s directing. I had to look at my crisis as a building time.
VII. Applications to Crisis
A. Talk with several Godly leaders for suggestions in the best ways of handling your crisis. This will help you reflect on the degrees and directions to take with your difficulties.
B. Consult the scriptures for directions in handling hardships. Psalm 119:105 says, "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."
C. Thank God for the way crisis reveals truth about yourself, others, and the true spirituality of your organization. Crisis gave David a reflection of the problems in his own family when his son Absalom drove him from the throne.
D. Consult the words of Jesus and Paul for crisis management:
1)). Jesus said, "Do not let your hearts be troubled, believe in God, believe also in me." (John 14:1,2)
2). Paul said, "You observe my teaching, conduct, love, faith patience, my steadfastness, my persecutions, my sufferings...yet from them all the Lord rescued me." (2 Tim. 3:10.11)
E. Realize that most crisis situations are like the darkness, it is always followed by the dawning light of a new day and new opportunities. Time is a great healer as is patience, perseverance, and hope. When we are confident that the Lord is able to work out something better from our crisis it allows us to rest assured that God is bringing about progressive improvements through His power and wisdom.
End Notes
1. Norman Wright, Crisis Counseling - Helping People in Crisis and Stress, Here’s Life Publishers,p. 13-23, San Bernardino, CA 92402
2. Lewis Smedes, Forgive and Forget - Healing The Hurts You Don’t Deserve, Pocket Books, p. 126, New York, 1984
3. Frank Mead, 12,000 Religious Quotations, Baker Book House, Grand Rapids, Michigan, p. 253, 1989.
4. Lewis Smedes, How Can It Be All Right When Everything Is All Wrong? New York: Harper and Row, 1982. p. 16-17.
5. Robert Clinton, The Making of A Leader, NavPress, Colorado Springs, CO, P. 153 - 160, 1988
