Using Communication Concepts
in Growing & Planting Churches
Communication Guidelines For Evangelism
Learning Objectives
1. The students will list five principles of communication for evangelism and church planting purposes.
2. The students will explain what types of questions are useful in evangelism and church planting.
Introduction - Many people have problems between their families, friends, and neighbors because they fail to learn, believe in, and practice the principles of good communications. The following is a compilation of some of the most important communication principles. These ideas can be used to alleviate some of the problems of relating to the people in your life. They are only useful if you will prayerfully ask the Lord for help in using them. Practice them consistently. Also share them with other people in a non-critical manner. Rom. 12:9-21 says,
``Let love be without hypocrisy, abhor that which is evil cling to that which is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourself.’’
I. Principles For Effective Communication
1. Actions speak louder than anything we may say. Non-verbal communication like our gestures, our facial expressions, or our absence from another’s company, are more powerful than verbal communication.
Example - 58% of what we communicate to others comes through non-verbal communications. 35% comes from our tone of voice in which we express our feelings, attitudes, and beliefs. Only 7% of what we actually communicate comes from the actual words spoken.
``It is not always what you say that matters, but how you say it.’’
2. When you have a problem with another person, define what is important and stress it. Also, define what is unimportant and deemphasize or ignore it. Avoid fault-finding.
Matt 7:l,2 ``Do not look at the speck in your brother’s eye until you have removed the log from your own eye.’’
3. Communicate to others in ways that show respect for the other person’s God given feelings. Do not say things like . . . ``You never do anything right.’’
4. Try to be specific in communication and avoid vagueness. Try to give people concrete examples of what you mean so that they are not confused by theoretical approaches to a problem.
5. Do not exaggerate unnecessarily. Reasonableness and realism are the guidelines to good honest communications
6. Try asking other people’s opinions, assumptions, and perceptions before you share your own. Test your preconceived notions out to see if they are accurate.
7. Avoid being overly dogmatic by realizing that each event can be seen from different points of view. Avoid assuming that other people see things like you do. Allow for individual differences so you do not get angry and destroy a relationship.
``Blessed is the man who can overlook faults in others.’’
8. When your family or friends make any observations about you, listen to them. Remember that it is very difficult to masquerade (hide or cover-up) how you really are to those who are closest to you.
``A wise man listens to rebuke, but a fool despises it.’’
9. Try not to get into destructive arguments, but recognize that certain kinds of disagreements can be a synergistic (Mutually helpful) factor for growth in you and others.
Example - A Hausa proverb says that words are like long blades of grass on a grassed roofed hut. Once you pull it out of your mouth it is almost impossible to take it back, people do not forget poorly chosen words!!
10. Learn to speak the truth in love so that you are able to share your ideas tactfully, discretely, and lovingly at the most opportune time, place, and situation.
Example - A Hausa proverb says, ``How can a bald man advise others about hairstyles.’’ In other words, a man who has not experienced something is not as credible a teacher as someone who is presently going through the experience.
11. Try not to manipulate others by saying things like . . . ``Look at you. You are a fruitless woman. Or you stupid man you do not know anything.’’ Give the other person enough courtesy to express his views on one subject at a time. Be willing to learn from anyone at anytime in any circumstance. Notice patience heads the list of characteristics of love in I Cor. 13.
12. Do not play the game of one-up manship where you have to feel that if someone else dealt you a low blow you must pay them back to get even with them.
Example - Some people live by the motto, ``You do me, I do you.’’ This is wrong for a Christian since Jesus said, ``Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.’’ (The Golden Rule)
13. Remember that you are responsible for not only what you intend to communicate, but also what effect you will have on others with your communication.
Example - Some people say, ``Sorry oh,’’ But they fail to realize that in their speaking to others they are responsible for not only what they meant to say, but how the other person interprets it. Jesus said that we will be judged by our words.
14. Allow others to express their feelings and accept these as valid by saying something like.
``I can understand how you feel about that.’’ You can express empathy without agreeing with others. Learn to look below the surface of people’s actions and try to understand their root motivations. Do not say, ``You should not feel that way.’’
Emotions are only signs of something going on far deeper inside.
Example - Some people may be showing you only one side of themselves. A famous author used to compare man with the moon. The moon has a dark side, which no one on earth can see, and a light side that the people on earth see all the time. Some people refuse to show their dark sides of their personalities. They reveal their positive sides. We must respect people’s right to avail their dark, depressed, and angry side once in a while without turning against them!!!
15. Try to be tactful, courteous, discerning, and considerate of others. Do not take advantage of others feelings or emotional sympathies towards ideas, people, or cultures.
Example - Some people like to take advantage of other people’s background unfairly. By labeling people because they are from a certain tribe like Igbo, Yoruba, Hausa, Fulani, or Gbagyi is unfair and displeasing to God. Christ came to break the walls between tribes, cultures, and backgrounds. Ask yourself why you are resisting Christ’s efforts to communicate freely to all cultures openly in love?
II. Learn to ask the following types of questions of others (Listening is the Key to Effective Communication)
a. Information- What actually happened to you?
b. Empathy - How did you feel in that situation?
c. Enabling - I’m sure that you felt overwhelmed by your problems and opposition?
d. Puzzling - I’m confused by the facts about this matter, can you explain further how things really are?
e. Clarifying - Why did that man do it this way?
f. Connecting - If this man did this to you and that woman said that about you, what does that tell you?
g. Applicational - How can we solve this problem before God?
h. Deductive - What are the facts of the Bible that relate to this incident and how can they be applied?
i. Inductive - Now that we have learned about the problems what does the Bible have to say about this affair?
j. Confrontational - What do you think the Bible suggests that God would want you to do with this problem?
k. Historical - Can you think of anyone or any event or any circumstance in the past that can teach us something about dealing with our problems today?
l. Analytical - Why do you think this happened? What are the possible causes and effects of such actions?
m. Evaluative - How do you think the Lord will judge your acts?
n. Correlative - What other cross-references in scripture might apply to your situation?
2. Try not to give unnecessary excuses. Avoid falling for cheap excuses from others who are trying to run from the real problems.
3. People, especially wives, should learn to avoid nagging to get their way. Children also complain until they get what they want! We are told to ``grow up into all aspects into Christ.’’ Learn to speak kindly, respectfully, honesty, considerately, and politely.
3. Recognize that when you infuse humor into your communications you help other’s brains secret endomorphines into their systems that help relax them, ease their pains, and heal their diseases (physically and spiritually). Even Proverbs says, ``Laughter is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.’’
``Rejoice always, in everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.’’ (I Thes. 5:16-18)
Example - A famous man once acquired a disease that the doctors thought was incurable. Most of the man’s friends and family had given him up to die since they were told by most medical specialists that no one was yet to come up with a cure for this particular disease.
Instead of falling into depression, anger, or bitterness, the man decided to pray and treat himself with laughter. The man remembered the verse of scripture that says;
``A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.’’ (Prov. 17:22)
Quickly, the man set about to make it his business to laugh his troubles away. The man continued to favor the company of people who were happy, positive, and joyful. Whenever he got around people who were bitter, critical, and resentful, he would politefully excuse himself and leave. Even though the man was too weak to work, he spent his time reading stories of happy, triumphant, and jubilant individuals who had turned their personal tragedies into triumphs. He also rented movies that made him laugh. After six months of an intensive effort to set his mind on the happy aspects of life, the doctors began to notice a miraculous cure in the man’s body. Today, that man is teaching at a medical school, training doctors on the benefits of laughter in medicine. That man’s name is Norm Cousins, a teacher at the University of California, Los Angeles, U.S.A..
Let us learn that we communicate more than just words to one another. We communicate with our lives, our smiles, our actions, and even our presence. Let us ask the Lord for wisdom in using principles of family communication to enhance our effectiveness in speaking to the family of God!!!!
Study Questions
1. Why do actions speak louder than words?
2. Why should an evangelist avoid destructive arguments?
3. What are some types of questions you can ask people to help you communicate the gospel more effectively?
4. How can humor aid your communications?
5. What are some of the aspects of communications that you find most difficulties with? Why? How can you best overcome these?
