BEING A REAL FRIEND
© 2001, Dr. Roy Mason
But I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you shortly, so that I also may be encouraged when I learn of your condition. For I have no one {else} of kindred spirit who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare. For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ Jesus.
Phil 2:19-21 NASB
Who is your best friend? Most of us talk about our friends as people we have a casual, long-term relationship with. Maybe it is a co-worker, a golfing buddy, or people from our past. Friends, or so we think, are people who come together for times of food, fun, and fellowship. However, most of these folk are more of acquaintances that true friends.
Someone has said, “You’re lucky if you have five (5) real friends in your lifetime.” I think he was right. In the Bible there are several words translated friend in the Old Testament. The most prominent one is rea (ray’ah), which really means an associate with whom we have a “reciprocal relationship”. In the New Testament the Greek word philos is the word most often used for friends. It carries with it a term of endearment in comradeship. It is primarily an adjective meaning loved dearly, but it often was used as a noun, implying the actual nature of love and devotion of heart. Inn the truest terms a friend is a person who we love dearly with a love that expects nothing in return. It is the love that only Christ can place inside of us.
The Apostle Paul had such a love for the Christians at Philippi. He prayed for them, thought of them and longed to see them face-to-face. Listen to his words …
I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, in view of your participation in the gospel from the first day until now. {For I am} confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. For it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because I have you in my heart, since both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers of grace with me. For God is my witness, how I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. -- Phil 1:3-8
Paul had more than a casual relationship with the believers in Philippi. He has more than simple affection. His heart had been knit together with them and they were an integral part of his life and ministry. He had invested in them, not for his own benefit, but because of the love of Christ that controlled him.
By the time we arrive at the text for today (2:19-21) we are reminded that Paul is imprisoned and unable to visit his beloved Philippian brothers, but he hope[s] in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you shortly (v19a). We know that Timothy was a young and trusted colleague and friend of Paul. In v20 Paul tells us something very special about Timothy. For I have no one {else} of kindred spirit… What exactly does this mean? What are the marks of a real friend?
A real friend is Trustworthy
Paul was sure that Timothy was concerned about the welfare of the believers in Philippi. Timothy was one who could be trusted. He had no reason to doubt the heart of this friend. The words used here carry with them the idea of the “same breath” as Paul. He was trustworthy because he cared for the interests of Christ Jesus.
One of the greatest needs in our own personal lives is the fellowship of people we can really trust. Paul had in Timothy a young man who would come alongside him, listen to him, encourage him, and love him no matter the cost. Most people are looking for someone with whom they can be open and honest without fear of reprisal or judgment. While it is true that sometimes our friend will disagree with us and even correct us, we need not fear them, because they are trustworthy.
Recently I heard about a man who had gone through a terrible time of abandonment and loss. Those that he counted as his “best and closest” friends turned their backs on him and forsook him, leaving him lonely and hurt. These were people that he had endured a great many things with in difficult and dangerous walks of life. However, when he needed friendship the most, those that he loved were nowhere to be found.
Paul knew this feeling as well. In one of his letters to (this same) Timothy (2 Tim. 4:16) he wrote:
At my first defense no one supported me, but all deserted me;
Oliver B. Greene points out,
Paul probably refers here to all who were with him in Rome. It could be that earlier he had thought to send some of the Christians in Rome to visit the church in Philippi but when Paul was brought up for trial before the Roman emperor, all who were with him in Rome fled.
There was no doubt in Paul’s mind that Timothy was a friend that could be trusted.
A real friend is Available
One of the primary reasons for our lack of true friends is that sometime friendship means being available at inconvenient times. I am sure that Timothy had things of his own to do. He had been instructed by Paul before to be busy preaching, teaching, training and overseeing the work of the ministry in various places. Timothy’s plate was full, but he was available to be a friend to Paul in his hour of need.
Today we all live a hurried life. In this day of high-tech toys and online organizational help we are scheduled to the max. People use the PDA’s (Personal Data Assistants) to organize their desktop computer, and keep track of their Day timer©. We carry pagers and cell phones, constantly check our e-mails, and stay in touch with people all over the world.
On a recent trip to India, I was amazed to watch our team of itinerant evangelists and preachers make a mad rush to the hotel computer to check our e-mails and stock portfolios. The biggest disagreements we ever had with each other were over who was going to use the computer next. Finally, we learned that it was easier to go outside the hotel to an Internet Café’ to do this “all-important” work!
If we are going to be a genuine friend we must learn to make ourselves available to those around us. I have a pastor friend who is always busy. Every time I talk with him he is on his way somewhere. If it’s not the hospital, it’s the funeral home. If it’s not the funeral home, it is to a meeting. If it’s not a meeting, it is a counseling session. He’s the busiest guy I know. But I tell you honestly; he is never too busy to talk with me. He will drop what he is doing, just to invest a little time in me. That’s a real friend.
Another example of this is worth mentioning. God has allowed me to become friends with one of our denomination’s Chief Executives. Everyone is calling for this guy’s time. He travels extensively, preaches hundreds of times each year and is responsible for the largest of our agencies, yet he always makes time for me. If I call and he is in the office, he answers the phone and acts like I am the most important guy in the world. If I send him an e-mail he responds almost immediately. If I happen to run into him in an airport or at a meeting, he stops and acts like he has all the time in the world. Such is a real friend – he is available.
A real friend is Genuine
Paul reminds us here that Timothy was genuine. For I have no one {else} of kindred spirit who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare. For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ Jesus. The word Paul uses here is (Gk gnesios) which is sometime translated naturally or legitimately. It has the idea of a child that is born to married, partnered parents. It means that it is real.
So many people, posing as friends, are in fact illegitimate. They are looking for something in return. They are asking, “What can I get out of this relationship?” Now while it is true that most genuine friendships are reciprocal, that is not the motivation.
I know a man who purports to be the friend of many, including me. This man is one of the most well-know preacher/evangelist in the whole of our denomination. When I see him he is always “pounding the flesh” and smiling and talking. He gives the appearance of being genuinely interested in the person with whom he is talking. However, it is not very long in the conversation before he is asking about when you’re going to invite him to do a meeting or send a love offering. He’ll say nice things about you and for you, but he is always looking for something in return. Such is not the mark of a genuine friend. It is rather an illegitimate friendship.
Paul commends Timothy to the church at Philippi as a genuine, legitimate friend who is only concerned about the welfare of the believers there. It’s wonderful when friendship is a two-way street, but for our part, we must be willing for it to be one-way sometimes. Our motivation must never be “what it does for me” rather “what it does for you.”
The Bible commands us to be friendly. Listen to these words from the King James Version,
A man that hath friends must show himself friendly:
Prov 18:24a
There is a great need today for friends. Friends who are trustworthy, available, and genuine. May God grant us the grace to be such a friend.
