HEART TALKS:
A Heart Like Jonathan
(Friendship)
1 Samuel 20
Long before there was a Batman and Robin,
long before there was Calvin and Hobbes,
long before there was Tom and Huck,
Charlie Brown and Snoopy,
Bert and Ernie,
Ren and Stimpy,
Beavis and Butthead,
there were two friends
whose friendship was so strong,
so loving,
so loyal,
so perfect
that it has become the standard for measuring all friendships.
Long before the Fresh Prince & Jazzy Jeff,
long before Pinky & the brain,
long before there was Simba & Nala,
there was Jonathan and David.
Jonathan was the original Fresh Prince, in a way;
his father was the king,
he was a “golden boy,”
an accomplished warrior,
a respected leader,
the heir to the throne.
David was the youngest son, not of a king, but of a shepherd named Jesse;
he and Jonathan probably became friends sometime after David defeated the giant Goliath, probably after David came to the palace as a court musician to the king, Jonathan’s father.
Their friendship is the kind of friendship everyone of us--male or female- really longs for in our heart of hearts;
they were close friends,
each one devoted to the other.
They probably finished each other’s sentences,
and absorbed each other’s mannerisms.
It was probably one of those friendships where they were just as comfortable sitting in silence as they were talking and laughing together.
That’s the kind of friendship we all want,
especially as we become teens and young adults.
We want friends
who will laugh with us and cry with us;
We want friends
who know our faults and love us anyway;
We want friends
who will accept us
and understand us
and challenge us
and stick by us.
We want friends like Jonathan,
especially in these crucial years of high school,
as our relationships with our parents are changing,
and we’re coming to the realization that fulfillment now involves more than pleasing Mom and Dad;
it involves developing and deepening other relationships,
relationships that will assume ever-increasing importance as we move out of our teens and into adulthood.
And a key relationship
during the coming years of your lives
is going to be your friendships,
particularly your closest friendships,
and it’s so important for your continued growth and fulfillment
that you find a friend like Jonathan. . . .
That kind of friendship is like a flawless diamond or a string of perfect pearls--
it is rare. . . . and priceless.
But how can you find a friend like Jonathan?
I mean, after all,
there aren’t many real princes left, you know?
Well, let me begin my answer to that question by asking you to turn to 1 Samuel chapter 20,
because I am fully convinced that
if you truly want to develop a friendship like the one that David and Jonathan shared,
if you truly want to find a friend like Jonathan,
then you need, more than anything else, to cultivate a heart like Jonathan’s heart. . . .
You’ve probably heard that old saying that, if you want to have a friend, you’ve gotta be a friend. Well, it’s true; if you want to find a friend like Jonathan, you’ve gotta cultivate a heart like Jonathan.
And 1 Samuel 20 will help us understand just what that will mean.
So, let’s look at that 20th chapter of 1 Samuel, and in that story of Jonathan’s love for David, we’ll be alert for the four characteristics of Jonathan’s heart that will, if you cultivate those characteristics in your own heart and in your friendships, help you experience that rare and priceless degree of friendship that few people ever know.
So let’s get started. Look at 1 Samuel 20, and I’ll read aloud verses 1-4:
Then David fled from Naioth at Ramah and went to Jonathan and asked, "What have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to take my life?"
"Never!" Jonathan replied. "You are not going to die! Look, my father doesn’t do anything, great or small, without confiding in me. Why should he hide this from me? It’s not so!"
But David took an oath and said, "Your father knows very well that I have found favour in your eyes, and he has said to himself, `Jonathan must not know this or he will be grieved.’ Yet as surely as the LORD lives and as you live, there is only a step between me and death."
Jonathan said to David, "Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you."
Those four verses reveal a key characteristic of Jonathan’s heart that made him such an incredible friend to David, and that is:
I Loyalty
Jonathan was the prince, man, he was next in line to the throne of Israel!
When David came to him with the news that Jonathan’s dad was out to get David, Jonathan first responded, “No way!”
But when David took an oath, and used the very serious vow, “As surely as the Lord lives and as you live,” Jonathan understood that David was not messing with his head. And do you see how Jonathan responded once he realized David was absolutely serious? Look at verse 4 again:
Jonathan said to David, "Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you."
That, men and women, is the voice of loyalty.
Jonathan knew that protecting David might cost him his throne--maybe even his life--but he was
willing to risk his kingdom for his friend.
Now, how does that translate to your life?
If your loyalty could be measured on a thermometer, would it be closer to freezing or to boiling?
What are you willing to risk for your friends?
Jonathan risked a kingdom;
you probably don’t have a kingdom to risk,
but would you risk
comfort?
popularity?
reputation?
Now, be sure you understand that Jonathan risked everything to accomplish David’s good.
He was willing to risk his throne and his kingdom in order to protect his friend;
I don’t think Jonathan would have helped David hide a drug habit, or keep suicidal thoughts a secret, or anything like that, because to do such things for a friend would be disloyal, because those things would endanger that friend, not protect him.
So if you want to cultivate a heart like Jonathan’s heart, you must develop a heart of loyalty. . . .
that might mean listening to your friend cry when you really feel like listening to Kasey Kasem’s Top 40!
that might mean confronting your friend about a bad habit when you have trouble even telling somebody they’ve got food stuck in their teeth;
that might mean cancelling a trip to Great America to attend the funeral of your friend’s Grandma;
it might mean sometimes saying to your friend, as Jonathan said to David, "Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you."
So the first characteristic of Jonathan’s heart was loyalty. The second characteristic we’ll find in verses 5-17 of 1 Samuel 20. Look at that passage with me. After Jonathan told David, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do,” (verse 5),
David said, "Look, tomorrow is the New Moon festival, and I am supposed to dine with the king; but let me go and hide in the field until the evening of the day after tomorrow.
If your father misses me at all, tell him, `David earnestly asked my permission to hurry to Bethlehem, his home town, because an annual sacrifice is being made there for his whole clan.’
If he says, `Very well,’ then your servant is safe. But if he loses his temper, you can be sure that he is determined to harm me.
As for you, show kindness to your servant, for you have brought him into a covenant with you before the LORD. If I am guilty, then kill me yourself! Why hand me over to your father?"
"Never!" Jonathan said. "If I had the least inkling that my father was determined to harm you, wouldn’t I tell you?"
David asked, "Who will tell me if your father answers you harshly?"
"Come," Jonathan said, "let’s go out into the field." So they went there together.
Then Jonathan said to David: "By the LORD, the God of Israel, I will surely sound out my father by this time the day after tomorrow! If he is favourably disposed towards you, will I not send you word and let you know?
But if my father is inclined to harm you, may the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if I do not let you know and send you away safely. May the LORD be with you as he has been with my father.
But show me unfailing kindness like that of the LORD as long as I live, so that I may not be killed, and do not ever cut off your kindness from my family-- not even when the LORD has cut off every one of David’s enemies from the face of the earth."
So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, "May the LORD call David’s enemies to account."
And Jonathan made David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself.
II Love
The second characteristic of Jonathan’s heart was love. The Bible says, “he loved [David] as he loved himself.”
Now, that’s significant. Notice it did not say that he loved David more than he loved himself; it says, “as he loved himself.”
That, men and women, is a picture of Godly, Biblical friendship.
Now, that kind of love for a friend doesn’t come along everyday. You have many friends, and you will acquire many more in the next few years, but very few of those friends--perhaps none, perhaps only one--will you love as you love yourself.
You see, it’s possible to love someone and yet love that person less than you love yourself. Let me use myself as an example. I have a nephew named David, and when David was just learning to talk, one of the first words he learned was “please.” Well, I loved that little guy, but I loved him less than I loved myself, and I’ll tell you how I know. I’m ashamed to admit it now, but I used to be a selfish pig; I’m now a recovering selfish pig, but it seemed like whenever I would get a bag of M&Ms or a Reese’s cup, David would suddenly appear beside me, holding his hand out and saying, “Please?” After the first time or two, being the selfish pig that I was, I developed the technique when I saw him coming or heard his “Please?” of popping the rest of the candy quickly into my mouth--no matter how much was left, no matter how far it made my cheeks bulge--and saying to David, “See? Itff all gunnne.”
Now, that’s a pretty silly example, but it shows you that, being a selfish pig, I loved David less than I loved myself. Contrast that picture with my wife’s example. She is not a selfish pig, has never been one as far as I know, and so I have seen her many times skip breakfast because she calculated there would be just enough milk for her husband and kids to have breakfast, or I’ve seen her use her last dollar to buy new tennis shoes for one of her kids. Why? Because she loves them more than she loves herself.
Now, Jonathan’s heart is somewhere in between those two extremes, because it’s a heart that loves a friend as much as oneself.
So a heart like Jonathan will be a heart of loyalty and a heart of love. The third characteristic is shown in the next part of 1 Samuel 20; read along with me from verse 18 to 41:
18 Then Jonathan said to David: "Tomorrow is the New Moon festival. You will be missed, because your seat will be empty.
19 The day after tomorrow, towards evening, go to the place where you hid when this trouble began, and wait by the stone Ezel.
20 I will shoot three arrows to the side of it, as though I were shooting at a target.
21 Then I will send a boy and say, `Go, find the arrows.’ If I say to him, `Look, the arrows are on this side of you; bring them here,’ then come, because, as surely as the LORD lives, you are safe; there is no danger.
22 But if I say to the boy, `Look, the arrows are beyond you,’ then you must go, because the LORD has sent you away.
23 And about the matter you and I discussed--remember, the LORD is witness between you and me for ever."
24 ¶ So David hid in the field, and when the New Moon festival came, the king sat down to eat.
25 He sat in his customary place by the wall, opposite Jonathan, and Abner sat next to Saul, but David’s place was empty.
26 Saul said nothing that day, for he thought, "Something must have happened to David to make him ceremonially unclean-- surely he is unclean."
27 But the next day, the second day of the month, David’s place was empty again. Then Saul said to his son Jonathan, "Why hasn’t the son of Jesse come to the meal, either yesterday or today?"
the meal, either yesterday or today?"
28 Jonathan answered, "David earnestly asked me for permission to go to Bethlehem.
29 He said, `Let me go, because our family is observing a sacrifice in the town and my brother has ordered me to be there. If I have found favour in your eyes, let me go to see my brothers.’ That is why he has not come to the king’s table."
30 Saul’s anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, "You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don’t I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you?
31 As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send and bring him to me, for he must die!"
32 "Why should he be put to death? What has he done?" Jonathan asked his father.
33 But Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him. Then Jonathan knew that his father intended to kill David.
34 Jonathan got up from the table in fierce anger; on that second day of the month he did not eat, because he was grieved at his father’s shameful treatment of David.
35 ¶ In the morning Jonathan went out to the field for his meeting with David. He had a small boy with him,
36 and he said to the boy, "Run and find the arrows I shoot." As the boy ran, he shot an arrow beyond him.
37 When the boy came to the place where Jonathan’s arrow had fallen, Jonathan called out after him, "Isn’t the arrow beyond you?"
38 Then he shouted, "Hurry! Go quickly! Don’t stop!" The boy picked up the arrow and returned to his master.
39 (The boy knew nothing of all this; only Jonathan and David knew.)
40 Then Jonathan gave his weapons to the boy and said, "Go, carry them back to town."
41 After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side [of the stone] and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together--but David wept the most.
That passage reveals another key characteristic of Jonathan’s heart, and that was:
III Accountability
Men and women, if you will add this component to your deepest friendships, it will change your life. Notice that Jonathan made himself accountable to David.
Now, he could have done anything he wanted; his dad was king, he was heir to the throne, he had servants and wealth and all kinds of stuff; but he bound himself to David in friendship, in a way that made him accountable to David.
Accountability means voluntarily giving another person authority to question you or correct you, and to hold you responsible for your conduct.
Jonathan became accountable to David by making a vow that he would report his father’s intentions to David; he promised to do some reconnaissance for David, and signal him as to whether it was safe to return to the palace.
What will accountability mean in your relationships? That depends on what your greatest fears and struggles are, but basically, it means meeting with a close Christian friend of the same sex every week in order to confess your struggles and sins, and allowing that friend to hold you accountable for what you do and don’t do.
For example, I am accountable to the youth pastor at my church, and he is accountable to me. We meet every week, and we have agreed that we will ask each other a series of questions which we each promise to answer truthfully, such as:
“Have you spent at least a half hour each day in prayer and Bible reading this week?” or
“What sins have you committed since we last met?”
and so on.
Knowing that Mike will keep me accountable makes me a lot more diligent in keeping my promises to God, to my wife, to my family, and to my friends. . . . because I know if I blow it, I’ll have to admit it to Mike, and I don’t want to in the first place, and in the second place, because I’ve made myself accountable to him, he may require me to straighten my act in ways I find uncomfortable. So that accountability factor in my friendship with Mike keeps me on my toes spiritually and morally.
If you’ve gone too far sexually with a boyfriend or girlfriend, accountability might mean confessing that to a close Christian friend, and seeking his or her help in ending and preventing that sin in the future.
If you struggle with pornography, accountability will mean allowing your Christian friend to ask you every week if you’ve viewed anything pornographic, and giving that person permission to make sure you destroy that material.
If you have trouble making prayer a habit, accountability will mean pledging to pray 5, 10, 15 minutes a day and allowing your friend to call you on the carpet if you don’t.
You see, what accountability in your friendships will look like depends a lot on what your struggles and fears are. Jonathan pledged his support in saving David’s life; you may need help kicking a habit or developing a discipline.
So, Jonathan’s heart was characterized by love, loyalty, and accountability. Let me mention one final aspect of his heart, which is mentioned all through 1 Samuel 20, but also in the last verse, verse 42, and that is:
IV Faith
Look at verse 42:
42 Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, `The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants for ever.’" Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.
One reason David found such a soulmate in Jonathan is because they shared a common faith.
Now, hear me out here, because this is something that a lot of people find difficult to hear, but it is gonna be crucial if you want to develop friendships like the one between Jonathan and David.
2 Corinthians 6:14 is a verse that’s usually applied to dating and marriage, but its real application is much broader. That verse says,
Do not be yoked together [one version says, “Do not be mismatched”] with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Now, I will not tell you that that verse says you can’t have any nonChristian friends; what it does say, however, is that you should not allow yourself to be yoked, or bound together with any nonChristian. That means that your most intimate friendships, friendships that bind you together, must possess a common faith. That was true in Jonathan and David’s case; it should be no less true in mine, or in yours.
What that means is that, Christian, if your closest friend is an unbeliever, then you are on dangerous ground. You see, a yoke is that wooden harness that a farmer would put on the shoulders of two oxen or horses, to take their strength and bind it together into one effective tool for plowing and clearing land. The problem with wearing a yoke, though, is that both animals must go the same direction. And, Christian men and women, if you’re not pulling your friend toward God, your friend will be pulling you away.
And for those of you who are not yet believers, I urge you to realize that if your closest friend is a Christian, you may be doing your friend more harm than good; as much as you may love your friend, you cannot help him or her grow in faith if you don’t share that faith.
Jonathan’s heart was a heart of loyalty, love, accountability, and faith in God. And if you want friends who will accept you
and understand you
and challenge you
and stick by you,
you can do no better than to begin cultivating a heart like Jonathan.
Of course, that’s quite a task; it sounds like a lot. It’s probably too much to do on your own. That’s okay, because God is willing to help you do it.
I urge you to call out to him now, as I lead us all in prayer. . . .
