Postcards from the Past:
Finding Peace in Conflicts
Scripture Reading: 3 John 1-14
Little Billy was playing in the family room
while his dad watched the evening news on TV.
When the newscaster started talking about rioting and unrest between Israelis and Palestinians, Billy turned to his dad.
"Daddy,” he said, “how do wars get started?"
His father, who was always alert to good teaching opportunities, said, "Well, son, take World War I, for instance. It all started when Germany invaded Belgium --"
At that moment, Billy’s mother, who had entered the room just moments before, got her husband’s attention. "Dear, that’s not how it happened. It started when that archduke was assassinated."
“Look,” the husband said, scowling, “are you answering this question, or am I?!"
At that, his wife turned away in a huff, stormed from the room, and slammed the door on her way out. All was quiet for a few moments, then, until little Billy broke the awkward silence.
"Dad,” he said. “You don’t have to tell me anymore. I think I figured it out."
We all have conflict in our lives.
Sometimes it’s between husband and wife.
Sometimes between parent and child. . .
Between in-laws . . .
Or coworkers . . .
Or roommates . . .
Or friends . . .
I was talking this past July 4th to my friend Tim Derickson, who I know is a friend to many in this room; Tim’s a Hanover Township trustee, and he told me that a large portion of his time as a trustee is spent refereeing disputes between neighbors, property owners, tenants, and so on.
And sometimes, believe it or not--
I know this will shock many of you--
conflict arises in the church.
No, really!
And not just today, in the 21st century,
but it’s been that way since the beginning.
We may think, from time to time,
“Ah, if we could only return to the days of old,” you know?
When spiritual giants walked the earth,
when the church was in its infancy . . .
Back when they had dynamic apostles who knew how to take charge;
Back when they had fiery prophets, speaking God’s truth from church to church;
Back when they had men and women who’d seen Jesus and could speak from firsthand knowledge;
Back when the church was free from disagreement and division and error and conflict.
Well, guess what? THINK AGAIN.
An honest, careful look at the New Testament church reveals
the church in the city of Corinth was riddled with confusion,
the churches in Colosse and Galatia wrestled with doctrinal error,
the first church--in Jerusalem--struggled perenially with financial problems,
and the church in Philippi was dominated by two influential women who couldn’t stand each other!
In fact, we’re going to study this morning
a book of the Bible, God’s Word,
that was written to address
a really sticky situation in just such a church . . .
And, in the process, we’re going to try
to draw a few enduring lessons
from God’s eternal Word that may just help us find peace in the midst of conflict--whatever conflict we may be in or heading toward.
Good morning. My name is Bob Hostetler,
and I want to welcome you all
to Cobblestone Community Church,
a community-oriented,
student-friendly,
seeker-aware,
outward-focused church
here in the “metropolitan Oxford area.”
Let me also invite you,
if you haven’t done so already,
to open your Bible to the New Testament,
practically to the end,
to the book of 3 John,
the third-from-the-last book of the whole Bible!
If you’re using one of the free Bibles we’ve provided for your use,
either under every few chairs
or by the railing on your way in,
you’ll find it on p. 847.
And, if you worship here regularly,
let me encourage you to get in the habit of bringing your Bible with you
so you can read for yourself ,
with your own eyes
from your own Bible
what’s being taught up here at the front.
And if you don’t have a Bible of your own,
we would love for you to take one of ours home with you. . . Consider it your souvenir.
Now, anyone who was here last week
and managed to stay awake during the whole talk
MIGHT remember the little letter of 2 John,
the letter from “the elder”
to “the chosen lady” we studied last week.
Well, this morning, we study a similar letter that,
like 2 John,
was short enough to fit on
a single page of parchment,
making it what we might call
a “postcard from the past.”
So, if you would follow along in your own Bible,
and, if you wish, make use of the notes
that are provided for you in the programs
you received as you came in the door,
I want to direct your attention to this letter
and to the drama that revolves around
its three lead characters.
So look with me if you would, to the first 8 verses, where we meet . . .
1. The Well-Beloved Gaius
The Apostle John, who in this letter refers to himself only as “the elder,” begins this personal postcard:
The elder, To my dear friend Gaius, whom I love in the truth (3 John 1, NIV).
He addresses this letter to Gaius,
a name that’s found three other times in
the New Testament,
though there’s no way to tell if this Gaius
corresponds to any of those three guys.
But more importantly, I’ll ask you to notice that he begins this letter,
as he did the one we studied last week,
with a greeting that incorporates the words,
“love” and “truth.”
He goes on to add a greeting that was fairly customary among letter-writers of Paul’s day. He says,
Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well (3 John 2, NIV).
And then, in the next verses, he strikes a personal note, writing,
It gave me great joy to have some brothers come and tell about your faithfulness to the truth and how you continue to walk in the truth. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth (3 John 3-4, NIV).
Does any of that sound familiar to anyone who was here last week? It’s much the same thing he said to the “chosen lady” to whom he wrote the letter we now call 2 John.
We can see from these verses that Gaius is not only a dear friend of John, but he is apparently a mature Christian, one who “walks in the truth” and is “faithful to the truth.”
In fact, it’s possible, since in verse 4 John classes Gaius with his children, meaning his spiritual heirs, that Gaius actually came to know Christ through John’s teaching ministry. . . in which case, of course, it WOULD be good news for John to hear that Gaius is “walking in the truth.”
But that’s not all he has to say to this “dear friend.” In verse 5 he’s getting to the purpose of the letter:
Dear friend, you are faithful in what you are doing for the brothers, even though they are strangers to you (3 John 5, NIV).
You see, as I mentioned last week,
at the time John wrote this little postcard to Gaius,
followers of Christ met in homes.
And when John refers to “the brothers” who are “strangers” to Gaius,
he’s referring to the itinerant evangelists and teachers who,
before the Bible existed
(as we know it today)
raveled from one home church to another, teaching what the apostles of the young church
had said.
And these traveling “brothers” depended
on the hospitality of local Christians
for a place to stay,
food to eat,
travel expenses,
and so on.
So John is here patting Gaius on the back
for the kind of treatment he had given
to these traveling teachers.
So, with all that in mind, we can now see more clearly what John is saying in verses 5-8:
Dear friend [he writes], you are faithful in what you are doing for the brothers, even though they are strangers to you. They have told the church about your love. You will do well to send them on their way in a manner worthy of God. It was for the sake of the Name that they went out, receiving no help from the pagans. We ought therefore to show hospitality to such men so that we may work together for the truth (3 John 5-8, NIV).
I think it’s pretty cool that 2 John, which we studied last week, was written to a Christian lady about how to handle the false teachers who were abroad in that day.
This letter--3 John--was written to a Christian man about how to take care of the true teachers who were traveling from town to town. Don’t you think that’s cool? Can you say “Oooooh?”
Okay, so, John begins his letter by encouraging Gaius, his “dear friend,” an apparently mature, hospitable Christian.
Gaius sounds like a great guy,
--not as great as Vic Conner or Gary Manka,
but almost!--
the kinda guy every church needs.
But the problem with most of our relationships ....
is that they involve other people!
And THAT’s where we run into conflict.
And it sounds like it was the same for Gaius,
because he apparently had to contend with the second character mentioned in this little postcard from the past, and his name was:
2. The Well-Connected Diotrephes
Look at verses 9-10:
I wrote to the church, [John says], but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us. So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.
Now, let me point out to you, first,
that John does not accuse Diotrephes of heresy, nor does he call for any drastic measures
to be taken against him,
as Paul did with the immoral brother in Corinth,
or Hymanaeus and Alexander in Ephesus.
But he does issue some severe words of rebuke at this Diotrephes dude.
Incredible as it seems,
John, one of the original Twelve disciples of Jesus,
the man who leaned on Jesus chest at the last supper,
the only disciple who stayed with him through the crucifixion,
John wrote a letter to the church wherever Gaius and Diotrephes lived,
and apparently Diotrephes refused to read it . . . or let anyone else read it!
Now, I don’t know if Diotrephes was the leader of this church John tried to write to,
or an elder,
I don’t know if he was just a wealthy patron of the church--his name was one that was found, as far as we know, only among the nobility--
but in any case,
it’s safe to say he had considerable influence,
and wielded his influence like a club!
Not only that,
but he spoke maliciously about John and his partners in the Gospel,
and, as verse 10 reveals, this Diotrephes guy was either so jealous of his own authority or so zealous to protect the church from doctrinal error, he worked to keep all traveling teachers out of “his” church . . .
Even going so far as to having people like Gaius, who DO host itinerant evangelists, kicked outta the church!
WOW! What a jerk!
And you know what? Lemme pause here to say--
there are people like that in the church.
Difficult people,
malicious people,
people who make you wanna say,
“What’s your problem?”
Because--hey, NEWS FLASH!--
church people ain’t perfect.
And some of ‘em aren’t even nice,
which is why John says, in verse 11,
Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God (3 John 11, NIV).
And then, in the hope that his words were sufficient to encourage Gaius to stand up to Diotrephes, John introduces the third name in his postcard, and that is:
3. The Well-Regarded Demetrius
Now, we don’t know for sure, but it sounds like Demetrius was the man who delivered this letter to Gaius;
he was probably also one of the itinerant teachers so feared by Diotrephes.
So, knowing that, as Gaius read this postcard, the traveling teacher would be standing before him, John included a concise introduction designed to encourage Gaius to offer his hospitality to the deliverer of the letter. Look at verse 12:
Demetrius is well spoken of by everyone- and even by the truth itself. We also speak well of him, and you know that our testimony is true (3 John 12, NIV).
Having been sent with the letter,
Demetrius probably knew that he would very likely be caught in the middle
between the hospitable, well-beloved Gaius,
and the overbearing, well-connected Diotrephes.
But this well-regarded itinerant evangelist probably also knew that, if he confined his ministry only to churches without problems,
his teaching days would be over!
You’ll see also, as you look at verses 13-14,
how John closed his little letter. Much as he did in his letter to the “chosen lady,” which we call 2 John, he wrote,
I have much to write to you, but I do not want to do so with pen and ink. I hope to see you soon, and we will talk face to face. Peace to you. The friends here send their greetings. Greet the friends there by name (3 John 13-14, NIV).
So, there you have it:
the well-beloved Gaius,
the well-connected Diotrephes,
and the well-regarded Demetrius.
Quite a trio, wouldn’t you say?
But this trio--
more accurately, the man who wrote them--
has a few things to teach us,
here 2,000 years later,
about finding peace in conflict,
and not just the conflict that arises in churches,
but whatever conflict you may be going through.
So let me briefly make four suggestions,
drawn from what the Apostle John does
in this letter,
that may just help you to find peace
in the midst of conflict in your life.
Now, I should mention, I’m not talking about how to resolve conflict . . .that’s another talk. I’m focusing instead on how to find peace in here [inside] in the midst of conflict.
And my first suggestion is to . . .
• Accentuate the Positive
Some of you know the song, right?
“You’ve got to
Accentuate the positive,
Eliminate the negative,
Latch on to the affirmative,
Don’t mess with Mr. In-Between.”
Okay, so maybe that’s trite, but there’s a wise, sound principle there. Notice what John does in verses 1-8. He finds one reason after another to give thanks, to feel encouraged, to feel joyful!
I count no less than FIVE positive things John cites in those first few verses.
1. his (John’s) love for Gaius (v. 1)
2. Gaius’s faithfulness to the truth (v. 3)
3. that Gaius continues to walk in the truth (v. 3)
4. that Gaius is faithful in providing for the brothers (v. 5)
5. Gaius’s love (v. 6)
That’s pretty cool! So, I think it’s a good idea, if you wanna find peace in conflict, to follow John’s example, and accentuate the positive--look for the silver lining, find reasons to be grateful even in the midst of conflict.
Second,
• Accept what you can’t control, and address what you can control
Folks, this is why I find Bible study so invigorating, because there’s so much to be discovered in the pages of God’s Word.
I never stopped to consider, though I’ve read this letter many times, that this is at LEAST John’s SECOND attempt to address this particular problem. How do I know that? Look at verse 9:
his first attempt failed.
He tried writing a letter to the church in this town, wherever it was, but somehow Diotrephes intercepted it or marked it “return to sender” or something.
But--and this is important--John couldn’t help that. He couldn’t control whether or not Diotrephes would read his letter; but implicit in this letter are three things John could control:
1. He could write another letter, addressing it THIS time to Gaius, not the whole church (v. 1),
2. He could make plans to visit and confront Diotrephes in person (v. 10), and
3. He could send Demetrius
John apparently had a firm grip on the distinction between what he could control and what he couldn’t; and that’s important for anyone going through a conflict.
You can’t control what others say about you, for example, but you can control what you say about others.
You can’t control others actions, but you can choose your response to those actions.
You can’t make that “hot guy” or “hot girl” fall in love with you, but you can stop stalking ‘em!
You get the idea. Accept what you can’t control, and address what you can control.
Thirdly, if you wanna find peace in conflict,
• Adhere to godly principles
Notice verse 11. John advises Gaius, in spite of all that Diotrephes is doing and saying,
Do not imitate what is evil but what is good (3 John 11, NIV).
It’s hard, I know that. But sometimes, in the midst of conflict, all you have to hold onto is the hope that if you do your best,
if you “walk in the truth,” as John says,
MAYBE you can come through it--
if not whole, at least unashamed.
And believe me, while that’s not everything you might wish, it’s something.
And then, finally, allow me just one more suggestion for finding peace in conflict, from 2 John, and that is to . . .
• Attempt not only to find peace within but to spread it abroad in your relationships
John, having addressed this conflict the best he could, concludes his little postcard by commending Demetrius to Gaius, and then he concludes, in the latter part of verse 14:
Peace to you. The friends here send their greetings. Greet the friends there by name (3 John 14b, NIV).
Now, it must be said that “Shalom” was a common greeting and farewell in John’s world, but it’s not hard to imagine that the word carried a little more impact than usual in this letter, dealing as it did with such heartbreaking conflict.
And similarly, I would suggest to you, that when we’re in the midst of conflict, it’s easy to get all worked up and get focused on ourselves and what we’re going through . . .
But at those times especially, if we could just take the extra effort to turn our focus outward and find ways to say “Shalom” to those around us, to help those who are hurting,
feeling attacked,
in the midst of conflict,
we would find that the peace of God would visit our hearts even as we try to share it with others.
It’s amazing what a short postcard from the past
can do for us in the present, isn’t it?
But it will do nothing for us if we don’t follow through on what God’s Word is teaching us today.
If you’re experiencing conflict now--or if
you’re PLANNING conflict in the near future :)--
I encourage you to
• Accentuate the Positive
• Accept what you can’t control, and address what you can control
• Adhere to godly principles, and
• Attempt not only to find peace within but to spread it abroad in your relationships
But guess what?
I don’t think you can do that alone.
I think you need--just like I need--
the presence and power of God in your heart
and life
and conflicts
if you’re going to have any hope of finding the peace you crave.
And, whaddya know. . . That’s why we’re here.
To call out to God in prayer,
To reach out to him in worship,
To open ourselves to him,
and respond to him when he speaks.
And that’s what I encourage you to do in the closing moments of this celebration . . .
And if you’d like any help with that, or counsel of any kind, there will be prayer counselors available here at the front and throughout the auditeria wearing bright green name tags to pray with you and offer any spiritual guidance you may need today.
Let’s pray . . .
