Healing the Hurts You Don’t Deserve:
The Healing Path
Scripture Reading: Matt. 18:23-35, Matt. 6:12
It sounds like something out of a horror movie,
but it’s real.
In recent years,
scientists have discovered a kind of bacterial infection
called necrotizing fasciitis,
more commonly called “flesh-eating bacteria.”
Once this bacteria enters a human body,
it can multiply rapidly.
Within 24 hours, its victim begins to experience
flu-like symptoms, severe thirst, and an extreme weakness.
Within 3-4 days, the limb, or area of the body most affected, will begin to swell, and dark blisters filled with blackish fluid will appear.
At 5 days, the victim’s blood pressure wil drop severely and he or she will go into toxic shock.
If it’s not discovered early,
and treated quickly and aggressively,
it can consume a person’s health and well-being
from the inside out
and, eventually, take that person’s life.
Now, I know there’s one or two people here who, when you hear describe that bacteria, think, I’m feeling a little queasy right now. . . And you’re starting to worry that you might have it--but don’t worry, I won’t mention any names, JASMINE ISAACS!
But I know there are others among us who are breathing a sigh of relief, thinking to yourself, I may not be the healthiest person in the room--that would be Bob Holzworth--but at least I don’t have some bacteria eating away at me from the inside out! Right?
Well, don’t be so sure.
Oh, I don’t think any of us have to worry about necrotizing fasciitis. It’s fairly rare, probably less than a thousand or two cases a year.
But necrotizing fasciitis has its parallel in the spiritual realm,
and just like its physical counterpart,
this spiritual affliction can fester and grow, and
if it’s not discovered early,
and treated quickly and aggressively,
it can consume a person’s spirit and soul
from the inside out
and, eventually, rob that person of his or her
spiritual life and vitality.
I’m talking about the hurts that live inside you,
the personal, emotional, relational wounds,
the result of
something someone said,
something someone did,
something someone neglected to do.
And those hurts--
the hurts you don’t deserve--
if they’re not confronted and treated
and healed,
can eat away at your heart
and spirit
and even affect your physical well-being.
Good morning. My name is Bob Hostetler, and
this morning at Cobblestone Community Church we’re in the third week of a four-week series of messages from the Bible, entitled “Healing the Hurts You Don’t Deserve.”
Two weeks ago, we studied John 5,
and discovered step one in the healing process,
and that is “The Healing Choice,”
choosing healing over hurt.
Last week, we looked at John 11,
and discussed “The Healing Power” of comfort,
and the necessity of receiving comfort from God and from others as another important step in the healing process.
This morning, we’re going to look
at a story Jesus told in Matthew, chapter 18,
as we direct our attention to the third step in “Healing the Hurts You Don’t Deserve.”
So let me ask you to turn in your Bibles please to the Gospel of Matthew, the first book of the New Testament, as we concentrate on Matthew 18:23 35.
Now, if you worship here regularly, I encourage you to get in the habit of bringing your Bible with you so you can read for yourself
with your own eyes
from your own Bible
what’s being taught up here at the front.
If you’re here without a Bible of your own this morning, please feel free to use on of the copies we provide for you in the center of each table.
And if you don’t have a Bible of your own, we would love for you to take one of ours home with you.
So, having said all that,
please open your Bible to Matthew
the first book in the New Testament
--that’s page #_____ if you’re using one of the Bibles on the tables--
Matthew, chapter 18,
and we’re going to study verses 23-35 this morning and see what God’s Word, the Bible, can teach us about healing the hurts we don’t deserve.
Look with me at John chapter five, as I read aloud from the New International version:
"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
"The servant fell on his knees before him. `Be patient with me,’ he begged, `and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, cancelled the debt and let him go.
"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow-servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. `Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
"His fellow-servant fell to his knees and begged him, `Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’
"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. "Then the master called the servant in. `You wicked servant,’ he said, `I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
Wow. Jesus never minced words. . .
And he doesn’t do it here, does he?
I don’t know how he could make it any clearer:
Forgiveness is a big deal.
And it’s a big deal not primarily because
it’s bad for the people we can’t forgive;
it’s a big deal because it’s bad for us,
because it’s sinful,
because it’ll eat away at us from the inside out
and jeopardize our relationship with God!
That’s a big deal!
So I want to take our remaining moments together to focus on three things this morning:
The Parable,
The Parallel, and
The Process. First,
I The Parable
Look at Matthew 18 with me, starting at verse 23. This parable, which Jesus told after Peter had brought up the subject of forgiveness, has as its main character a “king” and one of his “servants.”
Now, when Jesus called this man a “servant,”
he didn’t mean a butler,
or gardener,
or court jester,
or anything along those lines. The kind of servant he’s most likely talking about is a high official, a budget director or chief financial officer or secretary of the treasury, that kinda thing. . .
And important man who handled large sums of money.
So, in verse 24, Jesus says:
As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.
Now, this was an enormous sum, a gargantuan amount. Think: millions of dollars.
In a day when the gross national product of the entire province of Galilee was only 300 talents, Jesus chose an unimaginably high debt. If he were telling this story today, he might use the late Carl Sagan’s signature phrase to say the man owed
“BILLIONS and BILLIONS” of dollars.
But, as verse 25 says,
Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
In those days, this was how such a debt was met. Rather than filing for bankruptcy as we do now, it was common in ancient times for a man and his family and possessions to be sold for such a debt.
So the servant did what any of us would do; look at verses 26 and 27:
"The servant fell on his knees before him. `Be patient with me,’ he begged, `and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, cancelled the debt and let him go.
Now, something very important is happening in those verses. Notice that the servant begs for time;
`Be patient with me,’ he begged, `and I will pay back everything.’
But the king did not give him an extension, as he had asked. What did the king do? [PAUSE]
That’s right! “The servant’s master . . . cancelled the debt!”
CANCELLED THE DEBT!
That’s HUGE!
The servant begged for a little mercy,
the master gave him unspeakable grace.
The servant wanted a chance to repay,
the master erased the entire debt!
And you know what? Even though we’re not done considering the parable, I want to sidestep just a little bit here to point out:
II The Parallel
I suspect you know without me telling you that the
king in this story is your gracious God, and the servant . . . is you, if you have received the forgiveness of sins that comes about as a result of salvation in Christ.
You--and I--have been forgiven an astronomical debt, that we could never ever repay.
That incredible forgiveness is dramatized in a little parable of sorts that has made its way around the internet. I don’t know who wrote it, but I wish I had. Let me read it to you:
---------------------
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings.
The first to catch my attention was a file that read “Girls I Have Liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.
This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.
A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I Have Betrayed". The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read", "Lies I Have Told", "Comfort I Have Given", "Jokes I Have Laughed At". Some were almost hilarious in their exactness. "Things I’ve Yelled at My Brothers".
Others I couldn’t laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents". I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes, fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume; could my short life really have produced each of these thousands, maybe millions, of cards? But each card confirmed it. Each was written in my own handwriting and signed with my signature.
When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts", I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.
A sudden thought gripped me: No one must ever see these cards. No one must ever see this room I have to destroy them! In a frenzy, I yanked the file out. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But, as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot.
Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With". The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then, the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then, as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.
I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch; His face wore a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?
Finally, He turned and looked at me from across the room. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me.
He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over the top of mine on each card. "No!", I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no!", as I pulled the card from Him.
His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished".
I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.
---------------------
Oh, what a debt we have each been forgiven!
Ten thousand talents,
Ten MILLION talents can’t begin to measure
all that God has forgiven me!
And yet, how often are we like the servant in Jesus’ parable, who according to verses 28-31, went out,
found someone who owed him a pittance,
a hundred denarii, less than twenty lousy bucks,
and rather than forgiving as HE had been forgiven,
makes him pay the full penalty of his little debt.
You see, if your sins have been forgiven by Jesus,
you’ve had an incredible debt cancelled, erased.
So if there’s any grudge you’re harboring,
anyone you’ve not forgiven,
any lingering bitterness in your heart
toward someone who’s hurt you,
you’re acting like the ungrateful servant in Jesus’ parable. . . .
And, like the flesh-eating bacteria I mentioned moments ago, that unforgiveness is causing more damage to you,
to your heart,
your spirit,
than to anyone else.
In fact, according to Jesus’ parable, somehow,
your unforgiveness will bring God’s judgment
upon you!
That’s pretty serious stuff. But the flip side is this: the great Jewish philosopher Hannah Arendt, in her study on The Human Condition, identified only one power that can stop the inexorable stream of painful memories and bring about true emotional healing. She called it the “faculty of forgiveness.”
So, what’s it gonna take for us--for you, for me--to take the healing path and exercise the “faculty of forgiveness?” Let me take just a few more minutes to sketch out for you:
III The Process
God’s Word commands us,
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you (Colossians 3:13).
That’s easier said than done, I know, but it is possible . . . And I believe that the process of forgiving--which is crucial if you really want to heal the hurts you don’t deserve-- consists of three things. The first is:
A. Facing
The first step in the process of forgiving someone who has wronged you is facing your responsibility.
That may mean coming to grips with the part you may have played--any wrongs you may have committed--toward the person who hurt you.
It may mean facing the fact that the hurt you don’t deserve is mixed in with some hurt you do deserve!
It may mean facing the need to forgive yourself as a first step toward forgiving someone else.
But that’s not all; the second step is . . .
B. Forgiving
Lewis Smedes, in his book, Forgive and Forget, writes:
When you forgive someone for hurting you, you perform spiritual surgery inside your soul; you cut away the wrong that was done to you. . . .
The faculty of forgiveness must come from our wills. God commands us to forgive, and he never commands us to do something we have no control over. So forgiving means to decide, to will, to let go of the wrong that has been done to us, to throw out the scorecard, to erase the debt.
Does that sound too hard? It can be hard. But sometimes it helps to make a symbolic gesture that will help bring your emotions into line with your will. Like writing down the wrongs you choose to forgive and then burning them as a way of letting them go. Or burying a hatchet, the way some American tribes did--just don’t mark the spot so you can come back later and dig it up!
But how do you know if your forgiveness has taken root? Smedes suggests, “You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”
But there is yet one more step in the process, and that is. . .
C. Forgetting
Now, don’t misunderstand me here. When you decide to forgive someone, you don’t suddenly forget--poof!--just like that.
And, to quote Smedes again, “we should not make forgetting a test of our forgiving. The test of forgiving lies with healing the lingering pain of the past, not with forgetting that the past ever happened.”
BUT once you truly forgive someone, the healing that follows forgiveness will place a growing distance between you and the thing you’ve forgiven.
It’s sort of like setting a toy boat into a flowing stream or river. Once you release the boat into the current, it will be taken farther and farther away until, some time in the future, you’ll lose sight of it.
That’s what can happen when you forgive someone. Once you let go of the wrong that was done to you, the current of your forgiveness will take your memory of the hurt farther and farther away until, some time in the future, you’ll lose sight of it.
That’s the healing path:
Facing, Forgiving, Forgetting.
Let me quote Lewis Smedes again, as he talks about the parable we read together a few moments ago:
Jesus grabs the hardest trick in the bag- forgiving--and says we have to perform it or we are out in the cold, way out, in the boondocks of the unforgiven . . . Why is Jesus so tough on us?
He is tough because the incongruity of sinners refusing to forgive sinners boggles God’s mind. He cannot cope with it; there is no honest way to put up with it.
But if we can choose the healing path, and choose- God helping us--to forgive those who “have trespassed against us,” to use the Lord’s words,
we can experience healing and wholeness
in our hearts,
in our relationships,
and change our future
by healing the past.
Is there anyone here this morning who will do that?
Is there anyone here who will choose the healing path?
Is there anyone who’s willing to say, “I forgive?”
Is there anyone who needs help saying that?
That’s why we’re here.
I invite you,
in the final moments of our time together,
as we sing a final chorus or two,
to start exercising the “faculty of forgiveness,”
and reach out to God in prayer,
reach out to someone in forgiveness,
reach out for prayer and support in starting that process,
and I want you to know,
if you’d like someone to talk to or pray with,
a few counselors are going to be
joining me right here
wearing a name tag like this one;
you can just come up and shake our hand,
and we’ll take it from there.
We’ll even stand around here for a few minutes after the service, if you find that a little easier. . .
But whatever you decide,
please obey the Holy Spirit of God
as speaks to you, and let him begin--or continue--
the healing process in your heart and life.
