The term dysfunctional is used quite often today in regard to families. The word refers to the sense of disintegration produced in a family where there is a lot of hurt. From a Christian perspective it is a home that is not functioning as God intended. It could be the result of divorce, lack of communication, rivalry among the children, self consumed parents, addictions, child abuse, sexual abuse, spousal abuse, extramarital affairs, pornography and the list goes on and on.
One of the strange dynamics in family life is that when children grow up they often repeat the mistakes of their families. The truth is that what we know about marriage and parenting for good or bad we learned in our homes. The end result is that dysfunctional families can create dysfunctional families often for generations. I believe that this is at least a part of what the Bible is speaking of when it says in Numbers 14:18, that God visits “…. the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation” (NKJV).
Living in such a family it can be very difficult to live for God. But it is not impossible, as we will see. Joseph is proof that it can be done. Joseph was raised in a home filled with angry, jealous and deceitful people, yet he became one of the two men who’s lives are recorded in the Bible about whom there is not one word of criticism. Joseph was faithful in an imperfect family and we want to examine his life today and see what insights we can gain for our own lives.
Genesis 37:1-11
“Now Jacob dwelt in the land where his father was a stranger, in the land of Canaan. (2) This is the history of Jacob. Joseph, being seventeen years old, was feeding the flock with his brothers. And the lad was with the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives; and Joseph brought a bad report of them to his father. (3) Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age. Also he made him a tunic of many colors. (4) But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peaceably to him. (5) Now Joseph had a dream, and he told it to his brothers; and they hated him even more. (6) So he said to them, “Please hear this dream which I have dreamed: (7) There we were, binding sheaves in the field. Then behold, my sheaf arose and also stood upright; and indeed your sheaves stood all around and bowed down to my sheaf.” (8) And his brothers said to him, “Shall you indeed reign over us? Or shall you indeed have dominion over us?” So they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words. (9) Then he dreamed still another dream and told it to his brothers, and said, “Look, I have dreamed another dream. And this time, the sun, the moon, and the eleven stars bowed down to me.” (10) So he told it to his father and his brothers; and his father rebuked him and said to him, “What is this dream that you have dreamed? Shall your mother and I and your brothers indeed come to bow down to the earth before you?” (11) And his brothers envied him, but his father kept the matter in mind. (NKJV)
I. Joseph had Imperfect Parents.
Joseph’s family was so unbelievable that it could not even be made into a soap opera for television. He had three stepmothers, ten step-brothers and a step sister all living in the home at the same time. Just try to imagine the turmoil in this family. Jacob, Joseph’s father was polygamist, a passive parent, who openly showed favoritism among his children. Jacob’s wives were jealous and insecure. Joseph’s home had four unhappy women.
Joseph had a weak and ineffective father. Jacob was the classic passive parent. Earlier great tragedy had befallen the family. As they travel across country Jacob daughter was raped by the son of the mayor of Shechem (34:1-2). When Jacob learned what had happened he did nothing. His sons however when they saw that their father was going to do nothing took matters into their own hands. They devise a plan and killed all the men in the city (34:29). When Jacob learned of what they had done his chief concern was about bad public relations with the rest of the people in the land. But still he did nothing. Later, his oldest son, Reuben had a sexual affair with Bilhah, his concubine (35:21).
When he learned of Dinah’s rape he did nothing, when he learned his sons were guilty of murder he did nothing, when he learned that his own son had committed incest he still did nothing. It is hard to calculate how Jacob’s passiveness as a parent contributed to the turmoil in this family. “Jacob is a classic illustration of a man who was too busy for his family, too preoccupied and unconcerned, which meant he was too passive to deal with what was occurring in the lives of any of his children.” [Charles Swindoll. Joseph: A Man of Integrity and Forgiveness. (Nashville: Word Pub., 1998.) p.5]
Not only was Jacob a passive parent, but for seventeen years his children had watched as he played favorites with Joseph. In verse three we learn, “Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age….” Joseph, now seventeen, was the first-born son, of his father’s favorite wife, Rachel. Joseph was according to Scripture was born to his father late in life.
There can be some valid reasons why the baby of the family, especially to one born late in the life of the parents seems to be favored. I know about what I am speaking because I am one. ( I am the youngest child with ten years between me and my nearest sibling.) Most parents are more relaxed and easy going with these children is because of what they have learned from previous experiences of parenting. Another reason for the relaxed approach is that the parents themselves are more adjusted in their marital relationship with one another. Furthermore, the parents are often a better position economically to give the younger child more advantages. No matter what the reason for the advantages given to the younger child, they can definitely create jealousy on the part of the older child or children.
Not only did Jacob love Joseph more than his older brothers but he demonstrated this favoritism openly and in a dramatic way. In no way did Jacob try to hide his partiality. The later part of verse three says, “…Also he made him a tunic of many colors.” This term “tunic of many colors” is variously translated as “many colored or richly ornamented”, “but the Hebrew word describes it as a robe extending to the ankles and the wrists, perhaps with an embroidered narrow stripe of color around the edge. It was a garment worn by nobility and the wealthy. Joseph’s brothers wore garments that were short and sleeveless. With such garments, they were able to clamber up hills, wade through swampy areas, and carry sheep on their shoulders. In essence, Joseph’s robe declared that he was exempt from manual labor and hardship. Even the light color of his robe indicated that he did not expect to get dirty or have it soiled in any way from hard work.” [Robert E. Reccord. When Life is the Pits: A Biblical Study on the life of Joseph. (Old Tappan, NY: Revell Fleming Co., 1987) p. 24]. What we have here is far more than a typical garment with a few added touches of finery. It represented Joseph’s favored position in the family.
But even more than that the garment worn by Joseph commonly designated the rightful heir in the family. There was just cause to believe that this was the case. According to Middle Eastern custom if the eldest son lost the birthright then it went to the oldest son of the second wife. Reuben, the eldest son had lost his birthright because he had a sexual affair with his father’s concubine (Gen 49:3-4). Thus the birthright would have fallen to Joseph as the second wife’s oldest son.
The Coat was also I believe a symbol of Purity. In the story of David’s daughter Tamar we have another story of such a robe of many colors and 2 Sam 13:18 tells us that it was a symbol of her purity, that she was a virgin. Sadly Tamar was disgraced, she was raped by her own brother. Once disgraced she immediately removed the robe and tore it into pieces (2 Sam 13:19). In her mind the robe was a symbol of her purity, which had been taken from her.
The brothers of Joseph were not noted for their purity. In verse two we were told that, “Joseph brought a bad report” about his brothers to his father. On the surface it might seem that Joseph was just a tattletale, but from what Joseph say later on he must have spoken to his brothers about this first. It seems that they were yielding to the pressures of the pagan society around them, Canaanite religion included both idolatry and immorality.
Because of their behavior, every time the brothers saw the coat they were reminded of the contrast between Joseph’s life and their own. Joseph’s brothers came to hate him for being all the things that they were not!
II. Joseph Had Imperfect Brothers.
The story repeatedly reveals that Joseph’s brothers hated him. First in verse four we are told that the brother saw how Jacob favored Joseph they “hated him and could not speak peaceable to him.” That is pretty bad when you hate your own brother so badly that you can not even be civil. Again in the following verse (five) when Joseph tells of his dream the reader is again informed that his brothers hated him. When Joseph has his second dream and rely it to his brothers, we are told “they hated him even more.” Finally it is revealed in verse eleven that his brothers envy him. Do they envy him for his coat and position of privilege? Do they envy him because of the displays of their father’s affection? Do they envy the fact that even God seem to have a special place in his heart for Joseph because of his dreams? Probably all of these things are a part of their envy and hatred of Joseph.
Today more than ever we face the challenge of blended families. The number one reason given for the failure of second marriages is conflict over child rearing issues. Whether it is a first or second marriage parents must learn that the very nature of children means that we cannot treat them exactly alike but that you can love them equally and treat them fairly.
III. Joseph was Himself Imperfect.
I assume that Joseph who was seventeen at the time was a normal adolescent. I doubt very much that Joseph understood everything that was happening in his life. Joseph was at the very least naïve and possibly a little arrogant. He wore his new special coat into the fields to check on his brothers. This would be like wearing a tuxedo to work on the lawn. It was hardly appropriate and perhaps just a little proud.
Joseph also related his dreams of superiority to his brothers (vv 5-8). It does not take to much insight to understand that this could only further fan the flames of his brother’ animosity toward him.
We cannot blame ourselves for the faults of others but must be realistic when it comes to our own faults and accept responsibility for them. A construction worker took his lunch out and exclaimed, “Bologna sandwiches again. I am so sick of bologna sandwiches if I see another one I’ll just die.” A co-worker asked, “Why don’t you ask your wife to pack something else for you lunch?” To which he replied, “I’m not married, I pack my own lunch.” That story reveals the truth that some of the bologna in our lives we put there ourselves.
Points of Application.
1. We must learn to look at life in the long term. The decisions we make affect not only ourselves but all those who care about us. The course of action you choose today may affect your children, your grandchildren, and even your great grand-children. Jacob’s mistakes with his children had tragic long term affects.
2. We must be faithful regardless of your family situation. It can be very easy for us to look at our family background and make excuses. My parents are divorced; I can’t help being this way, I was abused as a child, My father was an alcoholic, and the list goes on and on.
3. God understands our particular circumstances and He wants to help us rise above the negative influences in our lives.
4. God specializes in changing us and conforming us into His image, no matter what our family background. Regardless of our past we can know the love of the Heavenly Father when we surrender to Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Maybe your parents were not perfect. Maybe your home life was less than ideal. Perhaps you have made mistakes as a teenager or even later in life. God wants to forgive you and help you to start over.
