Four quotes written about fathers:
“My dad is a spiritual leader. He’s been there when I’ve taken a fall. He’s a great father. To me, he’s the father any kid would want. He’s a God given gift to me. He’s my dad.”
“My dad still lives with us but it seems as though he doesn’t. He doesn’t come to any of my games and shows little love to my mom. I think his job is more important than me.”
“I just want to thank my dad. Every time I’ve fallen, he’s caught me. I love him very much. He taught me how to work hard and, most importantly, how to love Jesus. He raised me up to be a godly son. I know that sometimes we fail and sometimes we both don’t do what’s right, but I’ve always known he loves me, no matter what.”
“Dad who? I have seen my dad three times my whole life. He left my mom when she was pregnant with me. He has never been around and I don’t think I even care to see him anymore.”
These different quotes from kids show us that a father can bring great joy or intense pain. Even on this Father’s Day, we possibly identify with one the four statements. Each has our own thoughts, feelings and experiences when we think of our father.
Being a father to me is one of the greatest, yet challenging things in the world – I want to challenge us as fathers to be like God – a father who’s there. Let’s pray.
I want to share with you when I first became a father. Way back in 1994, my wife and I were a young married couple and at this time we were living with my mom. It was at about 4 am in the morning on September 18 when my wife woke me up complaining that her stomach was hurting. She headed to the bathroom and I headed back to sleep. I didn’t think the baby had anything to do with why she was getting up. She jumped in and out of the bed 10 times before she realized that she wasn’t going to get any sleep. I woke up that Sunday morning at 9 am and when I went downstairs, my wife and my mom were sitting on the couch. My mom said “You’d better get this girl to the hospital – she is in pain and I have been up since 5 am. I said, “Oh, I didn’t know it was all like that”. So we went to the hospital and the nurse took one look at Carmen and said, “you are in labor”. For me the word labor still didn’t mean labor, as I didn’t see my wife yelling, screaming and pushing. So the nurse wheeled her up to a room and it was about 11:30 am at this time. Since she was having contractions that were not too close in time I figured I could make it to my team workout practice at 1 p.m. – the Kent State football team was having a workout the day after the game. So I left thinking she was having that baby no time soon. So I went to my football practice at Kent and drove back to the hospital in Mayfield Heights. I pulled into the parking lot at 5 p.m. I made it up to the room at about 5:15 p.m. and the moment I walked into the room, she let out one big push and yell and my little boy came right out and I was just standing there mouth wide open – amazed. How dare she have that baby when I wasn’t there? He came out the instant I walked in. I tell you this because as a new young father I didn’t understand what it meant to be there – but this was a lesson I never forgot because I determined with God’s strength I would always be there for my wife and kids. Let’s look at God to see what it means to be a father who’s there. A father who’s there is a PIE father. A PIE father isn’t one who eats pie all the time. But it means P – you’re present, I – you’re instructional, and E – you’re expressive. We will look at each of these words more closely and see how God gives us the example to be this kink of father.
Present means you’re there. If you’re present today, say here. God the father shows us what it means to be present. From the beginning to the end of the Bible is evidence that God is always there. Since Genesis Chapter 1 when God made man in His image. And in Chapter 2 God is present with Adam in the Garden of Eden. God is present in Chapter 4 when Cain and Abel offered sacrifices. God was present in Genesis 6 when there was so much wickedness on earth and Noah was the only righteous person on earth. God is present with Abraham when he was going to sacrifice his son in Genesis 22. God is present with Joseph even when his brothers sold him into slavery to a foreign people. God is present with Moses and the children of Israel all throughout Exodus. God is definitely present in the life of His son Jesus Christ all throughout the gospels. God is a father who is present with us if we have received Jesus Christ because in John 1:12 it reads “Yet to all who receive him, to those who believe in his name, he gave the right to become children of God”. God is a father who is present. He’s always there. Unfortunately, we have a lot of fathers who, instead of being present, are absent. Half of all children will grow up without the presence of a father. This has done major damage to our families, communities, and churches. Dad you were created to be present. You were meant to be there. Being present means several things. Someone once said, “A father’s first responsibility to his child is to love his wife”. Fathers, if we’re married, we have a responsibility to love our wives. This has a wonderful impact on our children. Ephesians 5:25 says Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loves the church. Don’t try to separate this from fathering. You fathers who aren’t married to your child’s mother, should still show her the utmost respect, as she is the one who usually has to take care of the child all week. If you don’t live with your child, you need to be present with your visitation and present with your child support. Ephesians 5:8 says “if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever”.
Fathers we need to be present to talk to our kids, to help with homework, to support them in their athletic and extra-curricular activities. By your presence, you let your kids know that they are most important in your life, which they should be next to God and your wife.
A popular Christian leader said that several years ago, his son tried out for the high school football team. One day he walked into his office and proclaimed with great excitement, “Dad, I made the team!” I turned and said “Yeah, but are you starting?” My son walked away crushed. He said at that time he was a junior in high school, and I just assumed that he would make the team. I was so preoccupied that I didn’t take the time to understand what was important to my son. Being there means we see what is important to our children.
I surveyed my kids and I asked them what they like most about their dad. T at first said “you cook good for us” and then he said “I couldn’t see anyone else as my coach, but dad”. Laney said “chicken nuggets and fries” because I always take her to McDonalds. My wife said she like the time I spent with the kids – how I talk to them and play with them. Be present dad – it will not only give your kids the greatest joy, but it will give you joy also.
Story:
During the birth of Laney, I was there the whole time:
God and my mom have taught me the most about being there. God is present – so dads be present for your kids.
The I in PIE stands for fathers being instructors. Someone once said “Before I was a father I had 3 theories about raising children. Now I have 3 children and no theories. All throughout the scriptures, God relates to us as his children and he instructs or teaches us. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord”. God teaches us specifically as fathers that we have a responsibility to bring our children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. In other words, we should be the first to tell our kids how much Jesus loves them and that he died for their wrongdoing. We should be the ones teaching them about the only relationship that is better than any other relationship. We should be the ones opening up the Bible with them during the week and helping them to understand about God and how they can take God with them during their every day challenges.
Example: Family Circle
We should be the majority in the church, men. Based on this instruction from God, we are responsible for getting the family to church. Say “I am responsible for getting my family to church”.
We are to teach our kids what God says about sex. Instead, we are letting R. Kelley, Nelly, M&M, the movies and the public school system teach them. No wonder kids are going crazy. People will not like this, but I believe that most of the problems kids face today result from hurting relationships – specifically the absence of a father. I am not taking responsibility off of the children for their actions, but I am saying that we as fathers have dropped the ball so much that kids today are messed up as a result.
Can you imagine what this world would look like if more fathers were present and instructing their kids? You would see the divorce rate drop. You would see churches grow like never before. And the many headaches experienced by schoolteachers would also lessen. Most importantly, kids would grow up with the truth of God and they would develop to their full potential. We are to teach standards and to discipline our children. Hebrews 12:7 says “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?” Dr. Tony Evans goes back to his childhood and recounts “My father would tell me I want you home at 10 p.m. and that’s not 10:01. You be here at 10 p.m. or it’s fire! I would get upset and say why do I have to be in by 10 p.m. My friends are making fun of me. They can stay out until 2 – 3 in the morning. And dad would say well maybe their parents don’t care, but I care. Be in by 10. When I go back to Baltimore where I grew up, guess where many of those guys are? Still hanging out on the corner until 2 – 3 in the morning. I can trace where I am today back to a father who had a hold on me, who disciplined me and who would not let me have my way all the time. Dads, be an instructor to your children.
Dads say, “ I am an instructor. I am a present instructor”.
The last letter in PIE is E. E is for expression. We as fathers need to be expressive. When God as our father wanted to express Himself, He expressed Himself by loving us. 1John 3:1 says, “How great is the love the father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” 1John 4:9-10 says “ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent His one and only son into the world that we might live through him. This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins”. God is not ashamed to express his love for us as his children. When God wanted to make things right with himself and us he expressed his love by sending his son. Fathers, how are we expressing our love to our children. Some of us grew up with a father who was distant and unloving. We need to be fathers who express love to our children – you express love by spending time with your child, talking with your child and giving them encouragement, hugging and kissing them. My kids love when I give them a big hug and kiss or just hold them on the couch so they can fall asleep in my arms. Older kids need these same expressions of love.
One thing I really missed as a child with my own father was this expression of love. Fathers, it is important that we express love to our kids. What’s keeping us from being fathers who are there? We really need to examine ourselves and see what is keeping us from being the best fathers we can be.
In closing, there is a story told of a little boy who was trying to get his father to play ball with him so he went into his fathers room.
“Daddy, daddy play ball with me”
“Not now son – I’m busy working on a project”
So the father sent his son out to his room. The boy came back one minute later.
“Daddy, play ball with me”
So dad, trying to gain some time, found a picture of a map of the world and tore it into pieces. He gave it to his son and said “Put this picture of the world back together”. So the little boy went back to his room with the puzzle. Dad, thinking it would take the child a long time, was amazed when his son came back with the finished puzzle a few minutes later. “He said son, how did you put that picture of the world back together so quickly?” The little boy said “dad, it was easy – on the other side of the picture of the world was a man’s face – when you put the man back together, the world comes together easily”. REPEAT
Men and fathers, when we get ourselves together we will begin to impact all of the people around us in a positive way. It starts with us being the men God has called us to be.
Be Present! Be an Instructor! Express your love to your kids! Be like God – a Father who’s there! Let’s pray.
