Father’s Day is a strange holiday. Like Mother’s Day, it’s a civil holiday, established by a Resolution of Congress and by an annual Presidential Proclamation. It was first recognized by Calvin Coolidge in 1924, and this year the President once again named June 15th as Father’s Day. So, technically, men, you can thank George Bush for that new LazyBoy recliner.
But unlike Mother’s Day, on Father’s Day no one is really sure what they’re supposed to do. Back on May13th, it was simple. A pretty card with a poem, some flowers, maybe candy, and lunch at a restaurant. Everybody knows the drill. You may improvise a bit with breakfast in bed, or a special gift - maybe a visit to a spa, or hiring a maid service to do the housework. Maybe you have the kids make their own cards, instead of buying them from Hallmark. But the basic elements are pretty standard. Not so with Father’s Day. You don’t really know what’s expected. Flowers are probably out, unless your dad happens to be an avid gardener. A card is OK, but only if it has something masculine on the front, like a picture of men hunting or fishing. Father’s Day gifts usually fall into the category of "it’s the thought that counts" - things like coffee mugs that say, "World’s Greatest Dad," or neckties with little pictures of golf clubs. As for the spa, your dad probably isn’t really interested in getting a manicure, or a pedicure, or a bikini wax. And even when it comes to eating out, you have to be careful. You have to make sure it’s the kind of place your father feels comfortable. The key here is meat and potatoes; nothing fancy. So unless your dad happens to be a gourmet, this is probably not the time to introduce him to sushi, or to try out that new Thai restaurant you’ve been hearing about.
So what do you do to honor your dad on his special day? The way we’re going to answer that question is to look at how God honors fathers, and then follow His example. So how does God honor fathers? Primarily by giving them important work to do, by entrusting them with great responsibilities. God esteems fathers by placing into their hands the precious children that he creates. And so the way for us to show honor to our fathers is by recognizing the tremendous value and importance of the work they do. We honor them as we acknowledge the skill and diligence they exhibit in carrying out their God-given role in the family.
What I’d like to do this morning is examine two of the key responsibilities God has assigned to fathers. By doing that, I hope to deepen our appreciation for our own fathers. I’d also like to encourage those of you who are fathers, to stimulate you to continue striving to be the best dads you can possibly be, by God’s grace and power.
The first responsibility God has given fathers is that of teaching their children. And by teaching, I don’t mean just reading, or math, or geography. Other people can do that. By teaching, I mean imparting wisdom. Developing character. Instilling in your sons and daughters a keen understanding of how the world works, and what people are like, and who God is, and how they can live lives of integrity, and honor, and usefulness, and accomplishment in this world that He created and governs.
The fact that fathers are responsible to cultivate wisdom and understanding in their children can be seen throughout the book of Proverbs, whose purpose is stated right at the beginning:
"The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel: for attaining wisdom and discipline; for understanding words of insight; for acquiring a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right and just and fair; for giving prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the young." - Proverbs 1:1-4 (NIV)
So although all of Scripture is profitable for attaining wisdom and understanding, this book is focused on it. The primary goal of Proverbs is to make its readers wise. But Proverbs isn’t a philosophy textbook. It’s written as a personal dialogue between people. And those people are a father and his children. In the book of Proverbs, we hear king Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, giving instruction and guidance to his sons.
"Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding."
- Proverbs 4:1 (NIV)
"A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke."
- Proverbs 13:1 (NIV)
Fathers are to instruct their children in wisdom. Now of course, this assumes that you have wisdom and understanding yourself, so that you can give them to others. You can’t pass on what you don’t possess. So what do you do if you’re not sure that you’ve got what it takes, wisdom-wise? What do you do if you aren’t yet as wise as Solomon? You do two things: pray and read. You pray, because God promises that those who ask Him for wisdom will receive it. And you read, because the Scriptures are the source of all true wisdom:
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." - James 1:5 (NIV)
"Your commands make me wiser than my enemies, for they are ever with me. I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes. I have more understanding than the elders, for I obey your precepts. . . Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path . . . The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple." - Psalm 119:98-100, 105, 130 (NIV)
Let me say something about this point. We live today in a world in which wisdom is in short supply. Never before have we possessed so much knowledge in scientific matters, and so little understanding in spiritual matters. Not only are people lacking in wisdom, but they arrogantly think the opposite to be true; they believe themselves to have deep insight. And so foolishness is honored and respected, while true wisdom, God’s wisdom, is scorned and rejected. Never before has it been more true that,
"they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools." - Romans 1:21-22 (NIV)
"For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight." - 1 Corinthians 3:19 (NIV)
In this kind of world, then we have to be diligent. We can’t just take it for granted that our kids will somehow absorb the truth. We have to teach our children wisdom, because they live in a world that rejects wisdom, a world in which many false voices call out, claiming to have the answers, but whose so-called "answers" lead only to ruin and destruction. We no longer live in a culture that supports and affirms the truth of the Scriptures. And so we have to make sure that our children are hearing the truth from us, because if they don’t get it from us, where are they going to get it? Not from television or movies. Not from popular music. Not from their peers. It has to come from us.
As for methodology, of course you need to teach with your words. You need to verbally affirm the truth. But it is vastly more important that you live wisely and with understanding. Because children learn primarily through observation and imitation. Children learn how to be fathers and mothers, how to be husbands and wives, how to be neighbors and friends and citizens, by watching their own parents be those things. When it comes to children, our actions speak much louder than our words.
Let me give you an example. I’m speaking now to those men who have daughters. How would you like your daughter’s future husband to treat her? With respect? With love? With consideration? Then that is how you need to treat your wife. Because it’s by observing how you treat your wife that your daughter forms her expectations of how she should be treated, what kind of a man she should marry. If you treat her mother well, then that’s what she will expect and look for. If you treat her mother poorly, then that’s what she will expect and look for. Likewise, your sons will learn how to treat their wives by what they see you doing. It’s an awesome responsibility.
I could give any number of examples. Would you like them to possess values like courage, or loyalty, or self-control, or contentment, or diligence, or honesty? Then you have to teach and model those values yourself. Or what kind of spiritual life would you like your children to have? You need to teach and model that. If you want them to pray, then you need to pray. If you want them to read the Bible, then they need to see you reading the Bible. It is impossible for you to effectively build into your children’s lives that which you do not possess yourself.
Fathers, this isn’t a minor issue. Wisdom is not just desirable, it is absolutely essential. It is more valuable than any other inheritance you could pass on to your children.
"Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold, for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her."
- Proverbs 8:10-11 (NIV)
Many fathers will labor for years in order to provide their children with a college education, or a financial inheritance. But they will give very little attention to giving them an inheritance of wisdom.
Why is wisdom so important? Because it affects salvation; it influences whether or not your children follow the path of eternal life. True wisdom leads to Christ; but foolishness leads to rejecting God. So by teaching your children wisdom, you are preparing them to receive the gospel.
"The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death."
- Proverbs 13:14 (NIV)
"The path of life leads upward for the wise to keep him from going down to the grave."
- Proverbs 15:24 (NIV)
The second major responsibility God has given fathers is that of discipline.
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." - Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)
This responsibility is related to the first. Because according to the Bible, discipline leads to wisdom:
"For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life," - Proverbs 6:23 (NIV)
"He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding. " - Proverbs 15:32 (NIV)
"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him" - Proverbs 22:15 (NIV)
What is discipline, and how do you exercise it? First of all, the purpose of discipline is not to change behavior. If all you succeed in doing is getting your children to comply with a set of rules and regulations, then what you have done is to make them into little Pharisees, who obey outwardly but who inwardly are just as foolish and rebellious as ever. The object of discipline is not the outward behavior; the object of discipline is the heart. The purpose of discipline is to train children to obey willingly from the heart.
I have seen parents who will tell a child to do something, such as "get away from the street." The child says "no!" or simply ignores the parent. The parent tells them again, louder. Again, the child refuses, or ignores the command. Finally, after several rounds of this, the parent goes over, picks up the child, and physically moves them away from the street. This is not discipline. It has no effect on the heart attitude, which remains one of complete defiance. In fact, it reinforces the defiance, because it teaches the child that a rebellious attitude has no consequences. At worst, he may eventually be forced to do what he is told. And there’s always the chance, that his parents will simply give up or give in. So he has nothing to lose by his defiance, and everything to gain.
Sometimes parents will try to control their children through anger, or through yelling or screaming. But this isn’t discipline either. All it proves is that the child has the power to control the parent’s emotions. Listen carefully: the essence of discipline is consequences. The consequence may be a swat on the behind, or sitting in the corner, or no TV, or going to bed early, or any other reasonable punishment. Every child is different, and what works with one may not work with another. But here’s the key - the consequence must be unpleasant enough to the child that it produces sorrow. It must be unpleasant enough for them to decide in their heart that the disobedience was not worth it. Otherwise, you have not only failed to soften their heart, you have actually hardened it further.
It doesn’t matter so much where you draw the line. It doesn’t matter so much what you permit or don’t permit. What does matter is that when you do make a rule, you enforce it. What does matter is that when there is a conflict of wills; when you do encounter a disobedient, defiant attitude, then you must win. You must persevere until the child gives in; until the child chooses to submit. Because every time the child defies you and wins, their heart becomes that much harder toward you, and ultimately toward God.
Does this justify abuse? Of course not. The media love to cite examples of parents who have mistreated their children in the name of discipline, as if all discipline were abusive. But consistent, loving discipline is not abuse. It is love. It is taking seriously the command that God has given us as fathers to teach our children.
Why is discipline so important ? Because if they won’t obey you, they won’t obey God. If they won’t submit to you, they won’t submit to God. At the very least, if they won’t learn to submit to you as children, then God will have to discipline them much more painfully and severely as adults in order to break their will and bring them to repentance. That’s why the Bible says that,
"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."
- Proverbs 13:24 (NIV)
This is strong language, to say that someone who doesn’t discipline their children "hates" them. But failing to correct your children when they are young and relatively malleable only insures that they will have to learn to submit to authority when they are older, and probably at the hands of people who do not love them like you do. If you don’t teach your children wisdom through appropriate discipline now, then you are teaching them to be fools. And that will not only bring them sorrow in this world, but if left unchanged, will also bring them great sorrow in the next.
"For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them" - Proverbs 1:32 (NIV)
Finally, to bring this back to everyone else who isn’t a father - perhaps you are experiencing discipline right now. Perhaps your heavenly father is allowing you to experience some painful hardship or sorrow, in order to make you wise, to refine your character. Remember that he never inflicts pain out of anger, because Christ has already suffered all the penalty for all of our sins. He only allows suffering for our benefit, because he loves us. As the book of Hebrews tells us:
"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." - Hebrews 12:7-11 (NIV)
May we discipline our children as wisely and faithfully as our Father in heaven disciplines us. And may that discipline lead them, ultimately, to Him.
(For an .rtf file of this and other sermons, see www.journeychurchonline.org/messages.htm)
