Child Abuse & Neglect
What Does God say about abusers?
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Abuse in any form is not only harmful and detremential to the abuser and the abused; but it is also a sin. It is a sin of the worst kind. I Corinthians 6:9-10 speaks of abusers and how the Lord feels regarding
this matter:"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived; neither fronicators, nor idolators,nor adulterers, nor effiminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,nor
thieves,nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers,nor extortioners, shall enter the kingdom of God." Those who abuse others will pay the price - albeit here on earth or at their judgment before God. The next question that we must ask ourselves is what about the Victims of abuse? What is to become of them? Who will help them overcome the abuse they
suffered?
I. Child Abuse
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Most of us are familiar with the detrimental affects of child abuse. Examples of physical abuse include overt harmful behaviors such as: hitting, biting, shaking, choking, kicking, burning, or throwing
objects. None among us would defend or tolerate such behaviors. Then there’s emotional abuse which might include behaviors such as the following: verbal assaults such as screaming, intimidating, rejecting,
or blaming; humor that is sarcastic or detrimental to the child’s self-image; teasing, taunting, belittling, or ridiculing; name calling; ignoring or treating the child with indifference; deliberately setting
up a competitive situation in which the child is sure to lose; overpowering a child, so that they feel helpless or captive, such as tickling until breathless; and constant family conflict. But what of the child that is going thru the abuse?
As a former victim of horrendous child abuse by my adopted father, I can tell you that it is a helpless and lonely place to be. This is my testimony:(I have abbreviated it as much as possible since it covers 16
years of abuse.) My sister and I were adopted when I was two and she was one. By the time she was four, she was already placed in a sanitarium because of it. As for me, I must have been stronger of mind and spirit;
because I went through 16 years of it. For all those sixteen years that I had to endure being thrown around (by my hair) like a ragdoll, being sexually molested night after night, being pushed down the cellar stairs
and locked in it for hours on end, being considered nothing more than a maid, gardner and snow-shoveler and being tied to a water pipe in the cellar,having my clothes ripped off and being horse-whipped for his own
pure satisfaction, I remained pretty strong in the spirit. To this day I do not know how, except for one thing... Jesus. I did have my spirit broken, but my mental health remained somewhat solid.
A moment ago I said I remained fairly strong in the Spirit, because of one thing..Jesus. To a child, like me who was unloved and abused it was a welcome comfort for me. To most adults, it is a child’s wild imaginings or an imaginary friend. But for me The very presence of Jesus, whom I had no idea what His significance and importance was, meant everything to me. Each night after the daily and nightly abuse was over, I would go and hide in my closet and cry until I feel asleep. On one of these occassions, when I was about 7 years old. I heard someone order me out of the closet and into bed and being too terrified to disobey, I did. I had curled up into a ball, praying that my father wouldn’t come back, when a hand touched my shoulder and I screamed,
silently. I heard a voice say, "be not afraid." When I opened my eyes there was a light in the room that was undescribable. In the center of that light stood a man who literally glowed with love. I was afraid and
I stuttered the words out of "who are you?" He replied, "I am Jesus and I am here for you." Then He sat down on the edge of my bed and took me in His arms and I cried for all it was worth.
When I had finished crying, He said,"I will always be with you and one day you will understand who I am and you will be my messenger. I didn’t understand then what He was talking about, muchless who He was. I just
thought he was an angel and I knew of angels from other kids...but I had never heard of God or His Son Jesus then. From that night on He was with me at the foot of my bed or to hold me in His arms and comfort me
until I feel asleep. This continued until I was lead to understanding who and what Jesus was. The last time He came to me, He reminded me that He would always be with me; but now He would be with me in the Spirit
and inside my heart. I have always felt His presence to this day and on occassion when He talks to me I can hear his voice as plain as if He were in front of me talking face-to-face. That was my "miracle". My life
has seen and endured much since then and it took a long time to learn that "abuse" was not the normal thing in life. I went through spousal abuse and many illnesses, but God has always sustained me.
This kind of "miracle" doesn’t happen to every victim of child abuse and not every victim of child abuse is strong in mind and spirit. For many it totally destroys them. My sister is a prime example of that. For some who are abused, they become angry and take their vengence out on others. For others they have so much shame that they can’t cope with life and end up hurting or killing themselves; while others become abusers themselves. It then becomes a viscious circle of abuse and until it is stopped and those people are helped, it will never end. It is not only the responsibility of the Church and the Community to thwart abuse and punish the abusers, but to help them as well. It is also the responsibility of every Christian on this planet to become involved in the prevention and cure of abuse through intervention. If we, as Christians, do not intervene in child abuse or domestic abuse in any form, then we are just as guilty of abuse as the abuser is. This also
applies to child neglect that we will next speak of.
II. What about child neglect?
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In addition to these open forms of abuse, many children are subjected to "Child Neglect". In its definition of child abuse, The National
Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse includes both emotional abuse and neglect, which is identified as "willfully failing to provide for a child’s basic necessities of life, such as food, clothing, shelter or
medical care, and/or failing to provide guidance and supervision.For children, according to many experts, neglect is a greater social threat than active abuse. More than half the investigated incidents of maltreatment involve neglect. I just recently heard of a 8 yr old little girl that was left in a closet for 4 months. The parents were jailed for abuse. On another occassion, there was a boy who was put in a cage and
left that way for years until a neighbor finally called Social services.
Many neglected children and adolescents seem to be harmed just as severely as victims of more active sorts of abuse. Indifference, forgotten promises and withdrawal are all inappropriate and harmful
behaviors; they damage children and teenagers who may feel they are not worth their parents’ concern and care. Neglect of this sort may lead its victims to very self-destructive behavior. Here’s a sobering headline which appeared in the news media some time ago: "Child Neglect Leads to Juvenile Crime."
Apparently, child neglect is a big factor in juvenile crime, more so than illiteracy or even drug use. The Bureau of Crime Statistics has done a review of national and international research into the area of
juvenile delinquency. Their findings are that neglectful parents don’t instill a respect of other people or property in their kids. As a result the kids turn into delinquents. Dr. Don Weatherburn, Director of the Crime Statistics Unit, had this to say: "Kids are not born good. The willingness to curtail your impulse to take what you want is acquired,
not inborn. Concern for others and concern for others’ property is acquired, not inherited. If you don’t have a strong connection to your parents and if your parents don’t closely supervise you you don’t acquire that respect." One author on this subject names four aspects of maltreatment of children:
Aspect One: Punishing positive, normal behaviors such as smiling, mobility, exploration, vocalization, and manipulation of objects is psychological maltreatment. ("Wipe that smile off your face, or I’ll wipe it off for you!" "Now you just sit there until I tell you you can get up!" "I said, shut up, and don’t you ever dare talk back to me that way!" "If you touch that plant again, boy are you going to get it!")
Aspect Two: Discouraging caregiver-infant attachment is psychological maltreatment. ("If I pick him up every time he cries, he’ll really become spoiled." "Go to your room and stay there!")
Aspect Three: Punishing self-esteem is psychological maltreatment. ("The way you’re going, you’ll never make anything of yourlife." "You did okay, but you can do a lot better, so you’re grounded until you get those grades up.")
Aspect Four: Punishing the interpersonal skills necessary for adequate performance in non-familial contexts, such as schools and peer groups, is psychological maltreatment. ("Stop being a cry-baby!" "We don’t want any ’tattle tales’ around here!")
Identifying and addressing abusive behaviors, even those which are psychological in nature, is relatively easy. Neglect, on the other hand is difficult to recognize because this has to do, not with what is done, but what is left undone. Remember, the definition of neglect includes "failing to provide guidance and supervision.
Now look at Mark 10:13-16. "People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, ’Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’ And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them." The disciples "rebuked" the people who were bringing the children to Jesus. What does this mean, and why did they do this? The word used for
"rebuke", "epimao", means "to warn in order to prevent an action". Evidently the disciples thought they were supposed to help Jesus by keeping away from Him anyone who would represent a nuisance. Unfortunately, even today many are too ready to put children in this
category. "They’re such a nuisance." But when Jesus became aware of what the disciples were doing, He became angry.
The word He used is "indignant", "aganakteo", possibly coming from a combining of two words which together mean "to feel pain", or perhaps "to grieve". Does it surprise you that Jesus would be "indignant"? This expression is found only a few times in the New Testament. We might expect it of the Pharisees: When the woman poured out perfume on Jesus: "Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, ’Why this waste of perfume?’" ( Mark 14:4) When Jesus healed someone on the Sabbath: "Indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, the synagogue ruler said to the people, ’There are six days for work. So
come and be healed on those days, not on the Sabbath.’" (Luke 13:14) Or when the multitude were praising the Lord when He entered into Jerusalem: "But when the chief priests and the teachers of the law saw
the wonderful things he did and the children shouting in the temple area, ’Hosanna to the Son of David,’ they were indignant." (Matthew 21:15)
But we also find that even the disciples were known to be indignant.They too were upset with the waste of precious ointment poured out on Jesus: "When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. ’Why this
waste?’ they asked." (Matthew 26:8) The disciples also became upset when special favors were sought for the two brothers, James and John: "When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with the two brothers."
(Matthew 20:24) In a positive vein, the Apostle Paul applauds the indignant attitude of the Christians in Corinth: "See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear
yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter. " ( II Corinthians 7:11) But
only here in Mark 10 is this word "indignant" used concerning Jesus. We all remember how upset Jesus was when He came into the temple courts and saw all the crooked commerce going on. There He was justifiably angry with those who "desecrated the holy place".
Those "irreligious bums" deserved to be objects of Jesus’ anger. But in our text, in one of the very few Scriptures where it is clearly stated that Jesus is angry, we learn that He is upset with his disciples. For what? Simply because they were hindering the children. So Jesus "rebuked’ the "rebukers", and told them not to "hinder" the children. What does this mean? The word, "koluo", simply means "prevent, hinder,
stop, or forbid." I wonder if present day disciples sometimes "hinder" the children. How would we do this? Not paying attention to the children. Thinking, like the first disciples, that they’re not important to Jesus. Letting them know they’re not welcome. Not providing adequate opportunities for them to come to Jesus. Not making provision for their education and training. Putting unrealistic demands on them,
expectations which are not appropriate. to their stage of development.
Scolding them without compassion. Acting one way in church, and another way outside the church. In a way it’s like handicap access. We’re constantly striving to design a "barrier free" environment, making sure
nothing we do or say would keep anyone away from Jesus. The assumption we need to make is that there are people who want to be with Jesus, and if unhindered, will come. This is especially true of children. Here’s a list of five possible hindrances to children coming to Jesus:
1)Buildings - they need to be child proofed(grandparents understand this).
2) Attitudes - we need to be gentle, understanding and accepting.
3) Dress Codes - we must never be heard saying, or even thinking, "You can’t come in here dressed like that!", Especially in a Church! Christian parents need to train their children, but we should not be harsh in our criticism of other parent’s children.
4) Schedules - split families with every other weekend visitations. Late night meetings on school nights.
5) Program or style - we don’t use the same methods for teaching first graders as we do for college freshmen.
In our colleges, students come together in large classrooms or lecture halls and listen by the hour to lectures, perhaps only with the aid of an overhead projector. They sit still and quiet, listen intently, and take volumes of notes. Do you think that would work with first graders? Conclusion: The contrast between the disciples and Jesus is stark: They
rebuked the parents and hindered the children; Jesus received them, took them up in His arms, put His hands on them and blessed them. We are the Body of Christ, so let’s use our hands for hugging and caressing, and
let’s make sure our words are for blessing, for encouragement, laughter, and prayer.
And let’s also make sure we are providing adequate training and guidance for our children. Let me close with this reminder: "Children Learn WhatThey Live" If a Child lives with Criticism, He learns to Condemn. If a Child lives with Praise, He learns to Appreciate. If a Child lives with Hostility, He learns to Fight. If a Child lives with Tolerance, He learns to be Patient. If a Child lives with Ridicule, He learns to be Shy. If a Child lives with Encouragement, He learns Confidence. If a Child lives with Shame, He learns to feel Guilty. If a Child lives with Approval, He learns to like Himself. If a Child lives with Fairness, He
learns Justice. If a Child lives with Security, He learns to have Faith. If a Child lives with Acceptance and Friendship, He learns to find Love in the World.
People of God
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After we have read this passage, I invite you to keep your bibles open because we will look a little closer at some of the themes that arise from the text. Matthew 18:1-10. At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a little child and had him stand
among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in
the kingdom of heaven. "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large
millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. "Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come! If
your hand or your foot causes you to sin cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye
causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell."See that you do not look down on one of these little
ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.
People, precious to God
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It is in all of us - the tendency, the desire, the temptation, in all kinds of ways. The temptation is to gain a little on the side. The tendency is to make a profit from service or religion. This inherent
drive demonstrated itself in even the disciples that Jesus chose, like us they wanted some gain for all their service, they had just seen the transfiguration on the mountain, they had seen power and glory and now
they wanted positions of status and power, a return for their service to Christ. In short, they were using their discipleship to an alternative selfish end. That’s where their argument came from.(Mark 9:33) And they wanted Jesus to resolve it. "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" They were ready to climb over one another’s shoulders to get to the top, use each other if they had to, just to get there.
In answer to their question, Jesus called a toddler to come to the group. "What’s this now?" the disciples may have asked themselves. What does he want with this child that does not count. As in a similar passage, certainly some of the disciples wanted to shew the child away. They were involved in important business where children did not count. But Jesus insisted, with the child standing among them he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Jesus was pointing his finger at his disciples, at us. Unless you change! What was he pointing at in the disciples that needed changing? What was he pointing at that was so different from the child?
There are many possible answers. Simple trust. Dependence is clearly a theme. Human children cannot survive by themselves, they need adults to take care of them. In like manner, for our lives, for our eternal lives, we depend totally on Christ. It does not matter on our accomplishment as church members. It does not matter first of all how much we know of the
scriptures, how much we know of our doctrines, what matters is our dependence on Christ and Christ alone for our salvation. Our accomplishments count for nothing. Again, the call of the word of God is
to place your faith in Christ alone. Become as a child, dependent upon Christ for the forgiveness of sins and the gift of eternal life and you will be saved.
There is however the theme of power and powerlessness. One thing that was very characteristic of children in Jesus day is that they were without power. Under Greek law, a father could take the life of his unwanted young child without penalty. Child abuse was common. In Jewish culture, when it came to power, children simply did not count. A child’s worth or value was in their destiny, not in who they were in the present. Unlike our culture, they were powerless, totally subject to the will of those in authority over them. They were totally unable to be the greatest in society. Children were powerless, it was not their position to be the greatest. Jesus, in confronting his disciples power hungry behavior told them first of all that to become a child of heaven, we first must drop all issues of power and glory and become totally
dependent on the only one who has the power to save us, that is Jesus Christ, the son of the living God. But then, to these power positioning disciples, Jesus went on in his lesson about how they were to treat
children, children valued and precious to God, just as they were. He said "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me." In short, he said to these disciples who were about to ignore the
children on their way to the top: "What you do to these children, you do to me." The way you treat the children, you treat me. The way you disregard children, you disregard me.
The way you devalue children, you devalue me. The way you use these little children, you use me. With each succeeding verse, Jesus focus sharpens on how the powerful treat the powerless. With each succeeding
sentence, Jesus demonstrates the gravity of power abuse and how he identifies with the powerless in society. "But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." The wording in verse 6 is important to us. Our translation says "if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin" - literally, in the original it says, "if anyone places a snare or trap for these little ones to fall into." The picture becomes
clear. Desire for gain, which is at the root of all sin, is also the root of abuse. Adam and Eve thought they might make gain, become a little more like God, if they took of the the fruite of the tree of the
knowledge of good and evil. In Jesus instruction, the focus has now moved from a disregard for the children who are valuable to him, to the abuse of children valuable to him. Those who trap children have no other
intent but to make personal gain at a child’s expense. The trap is the design of the powerful over the powerless. We call it abuse. And Jesus said for those who, in his kingdom abuse, "it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." Such strong words of warning to his own disciples about how they use their power for selfish gain. It started with an
argument about who is the greatest.
Jesus seeing the root of this power sin goes all the way to talking about its most abusive demonstrations, using children, abusing children of God for selfish gain, and he tells its consequence, "it would be
better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." There is no doubt that power will be abused in this world, but woe to the man through whom that abuse
happens. We have all heard about child abuse, in families, even in the church. We have read stories written by victims of such abuse in our local newspapers and in the news on tv. We have heard about their destroyed lives because of snares and traps set for them by people who had the reputation of representing God to them. And we tend to think
that this is an exceptional issue that happens way out there, far away from us. But the truth is, if Jesus gave these warnings to his hand picked disciples, his most honored disciples who had even seen his
transfiguration, then he is warning us too. The danger, the tendency to abuse power is within us, it is not just out there, it is in here (point
at heart), in me, in you. In verses 8 and 9, Jesus gives some very important instruction for those
who understand that tendency within and the instruction is basically this: Do everything within your power to prevent the possibility of such sin. Listen to Jesus words "If your hand or your foot causes you to sin cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into
eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell." Some think what Jesus is
saying is hyperbole. That is, he is overstating his case to make a point, saying things in extreme ways. That is not accurate. Jesus is making it very clear that power sin requires extreme preventative
measures. But instead of hyperbole, he is using an analogy. Everyone of us knows that our hands, our feet, our eyes don’t lead us into sin, it is the human heart that leads us into sin. But we cannot cut out that evil old nature within us. What Jesus is saying is, get rid of the opportunity for your sinful tendency to act out. Cut off the chance. Gouge out the possibilities of abuse. Take extreme measures. It is
better to take extreme measures to prevent this sin than to be thrown into the fire of hell. "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the
face of my Father in heaven."
We have to open our doors and our hearts to the abused children. We can’t remain indifferent to them or take the attitude that it is just a child’s wild "imaginings" or that they are making up stories. You tell me what child at the age of 2-10, etc. is really going to know all the intimitate details of a sexual relationship unless they had experienced it themselves? Not one! Are we so close-minded that we
refuse to see the obvious? This child was abused! Are we so afraid of taking a stand to protect children that we just as soon sweep it under the carpet and ignore it? When we do, we pay the price for it as do the children who are abused. Based on my own experience, back in the 1960’s, I tried to get help but the local authorities told my father and I only
ended up suffering more. The Authorities chose to believe Him over me.
This was not right then and it is not right now. School counsellors are supposed to be there for you to go to with problems you are having,not always true. Even the guidance counsellor I had when I went to school, just brushed me off and thought me to be incorrigible and a "teller of tales". When are we as adults and figures of authority going to open our
eyes and take the blinders off? Where does indifference stop and caring begin? We all have a responsibility to our children and as parents, if
one is abusing a child the other should face it and do something about it. Not condone it! Not ignore it! A child’s life is far more valuable and precious than that of the abuser and his/her standing in the home or the community. Granted the Abuser needs help and he/she should get it; but the child comes first and foremost.If we are supposed to be Christ-like"
in all we do and say, don’t you think that it is high time that we did?
Footnote:
If you are a victim of child abuse talke about it to your teachers, pastor or parents. If one parent is abusing then talk to the other.
If you wish to contact me you may do so at: revmary@tanaya.net
or write to me at:
Bishop Leslie "Mary" Trombly
Jesus of Nazareth Central Diocese
P.O. Box 1283
Belleveu, Nebraska 68005-1283
or call (402) 291-0956 (Daily: 9am-6pm)
