Becoming One Flesh
Part 2, Naked and not ashamed: trust.
Genesis 2:20-25.
May 27
The book of Genesis records for us the original marriage, Adam and Eve’s, and
it describes for us what marriage was intended to be by God. God placed these two
together in the Garden of Eden and gave them to each other. They belonged to one
another. They were a part of each other, one flesh, literally.
This idea of being one flesh meant that they were united in all things, that they
shared all things in common and that they were so close that they had as much concern
for each other as they did for themselves.
I Corinthians 7:3-4 echoes this idea of belonging to one another.
READ I Corinthians 7:3-4.
When we wed we no longer belong to ourselves, we no longer have complete
control over our bodies but instead we give our bodies to each other as gifts. Paul was
speaking about sex in this context but the idea applies in more than just that area. We
belong to each other when married.
Our concern for each other should be as great as our concern for ourselves
because our mate is actually a part of us.
That is how God created us to be, part of each other, a unit, inseperable,
dedicated to meeting each other’s needs. That is what God had in mind in
Genesis 2:20-25.
READ Genesis 2:20-25.
That last phrase there, "They were naked and they felt no shame."
That is what God had in mind for marriage, not just physically but in all ways.
This verse describes the fact that Adam and Eve were innocent of evil before
they ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. They were sinless and had no
conception of what evil was.
This verse also describes the relationship these two had. They were completely
open with one another. They hid nothing. They were open and honest. The buzzword
that describes this today is transparent. They could see through each other, had nothing
to hide, and were open and honest about what they thought.
This verse describes how we are to relate to our mates today.
Adam and Eve were one flesh. They were one person, not two.
This type of openness and inhibition is God’s plan for marriage. Being comfortable
enough with each other to be completely open.
In order to have this type of openness there must be complete trust. That, I think,
is what these scriptures boil down to for each one of us: trust. We must trust our mates
implicitly if we are to have the kind of marriage that Adam and Eve had, one in which they
could be naked and not ashamed, transparent, completely at home with each other,
secure.
Adam and Eve trusted each other and were thus not ashamed.
How can we have this kind of marriage; one in which we are not ashamed to open ourselves
up to one another?
THESIS: We can have Godly marriages by building trust in each other. We build that
trust by: being faithful to each other; accepting each other even with our faults; and
by showing love to each other.
I. Be faithful. Don’t break your mate’s trust in you. It is impossible to repair.
A woman from Ky tells this story. After directory assistance gave
me my boyfriend’s new telephone number, I dialed him and got a woman.
"Is Mike there?" I asked.
"He’s in the shower," she responded.
"Please tell him his girlfriend phoned," I said and hung up.
When he didn’t call back, I dialed again.
This time a man answered. "This is Mike."
"You’re not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed.
"I know" he replied, "That’s what I’ve been trying to tell my wife for the past
half-hour."
A. Prevalence of unfaithfulness.
1. The 1990 Kinsey Report states that around 50% of all married
people will commit adultery during their lifetime.
a. The number is usually about 5% higher among men.
b. Women are less likely to commit adultery but not by much.
2. Some other studies propose even higher numbers than the ones given
above claiming that the adultery rate is around 70%.
a. I find that number hard to believe.
b. I don’t think it is 70% and I find the 50% number a little hard
to swallow as well.
c. Whatever the number it is too high.
3. An article in a 1997 issue of Newsweek magazine noted that various
surveys suggest that as many as 30 percent of male Protestant
ministers have had sexual relationships with women other than
their wives.
HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. The Journal of Pastoral Care in 1993 reported a survey of Southern Baptist pastors in which 14 percent acknowledged they had engaged
in "sexual behavior inappropriate to a minister."
5. A 1988 survey of nearly 1000 Protestant clergy by Leadership magazine found that 12 percent admitted to sexual intercourse outside of marriage. The researchers also interviewed nearly 1000 subscribers
to Christianity Today who were not pastors. Of those 1000 people, 23 percent had engaged extramarital sex
6. The numbers are both good and bad.
a. Good:
i. The level of adultery within the church is half of what the
national level is.
ii. The level of adultery among ministers is 1\5th of the
national level is.
b. The Bad:
i. 1 in every 4 Christians has committed adultery.
ii. 1 in every 10 ministers has committed adultery, thus
ruining their ministries and tainting the church.
B. Reasons for unfaithfulness.
1. Unfaithfulness occurs when one partner’s needs are not being met so
they seek the fulfillment of those needs with another partner.
a. After children are born some men feel neglected because their
wives must spend so much time with the baby.
b. Some women feel neglected because their husbands spend so
much time at work.
c. Those stresses steadily erode the couple’s relationship, they no
longer spend time together and so one partner strays.
2. These reasons are not valid excuses.
a. Their is no excuse for breaking the marriage covenant.
b. Adultery may be an expression of underlying problems in a
marriage but it is wrong.
C. The result of adultery: Broken trust:
It’s strange. I have ’intermittant’ trust. It comes and goes. As long as we
keep progressing as we are, I feel the trust rebuilding itself. Being constantly
plagued with doubt is something I have never lived with in 18 years until
this happens.
Now, no matter how good things are, I look at my spouse and think, "My
God, we were like this BEFORE yet he was capable of doing what he did. What’s to prevent this from happening again?" I find myself
incredulous that he did the things he did. But, then, so is he. I try not to live
in dread that the bottom could fall out from under me again at any given
moment and sucker punch me with another indescretion. But it’s always
there in the back of my mind where it was never a part of me before
I miss feeling carefree and secure in the knowledge that my spouse was
deeply in love with me, focused on me and I on him. It felt so good and remember those days and years with longing for what was. It is so painful
to have to second guess him and feel like I walk on sand, trying to trust,
trying to believe.
I’ll never fully accept what has happened but I am softening with each day
and I CHOOSE to trust him. Under the circumstances, he does deserve another chance and I want to trust him, so I will until and if there
should ever be a time where he has demonstrated that I should not.
From marriage builders website
TRANSITION:
One of the biggest trust busters in marriage today is adultery and it should be
avoided at all costs, even if it means some of our needs go unmet. Trust is essential to
a marriage that is as open as God intended.
There are other things we need to do in order to build a marriage that is all that
God intended. We must also be tolerant of our spouse’s faults.
II. Be tolerant of their faults.
A. What I don’t mean.
1. We are not to be tolerant of sin.
a. We are not to tolerate obvious, unrepentant sin in our mates.
b. As Christians we are to hold each other accountable for our
actions, that is what the Bible commands for us.
2. We are not to tolerate abuse.
a. The definition of abuse is very liberal today.
b. Physical or severe emotional abuse is not to be tolerated.
B. What I do mean.
1. Personal faults.
2. Imperfections in our mate’s personality.
a. Your husband isn’t expressive as you would like him to be.
b. Your wife doesn’t keep the house as clean as you would
like it.
C. We are not perfect.
TRANSITION:
God wants us to have a marriage in which we are one flesh, one characterized by
being totally open to one another. Just as Adam and Eve were able to be naked and feel
no shame so we should be open to one another based on the trust we have for each
other.
In order to do that we have to be faithful, we have to be tolerant of each other’s
faults, and we have to learn to express our love for each other in meaningful ways.
III. Meet their emotional and physical needs.
A. What makes you feel the most loved?
1. Husbands and wives like to feel special.
2. We like the special attention that only a mate can provide.
3. There are certain things that our mates can do to make us loved.
Everybody likes to be shown affection in a different way.
Some like to be told they are loved.
Some like to be touched as an expression of love.
Some like to spend time with their mate as an expression of love.
4. Gary Chapman has written an excellent book entitled, "The Five
Love Languages." In it he describes five different ways of
expressing love for our mates. He claims that one or two of the
five will be more meaningful than the others for them.
B. The five languages of love.
1. Words of affirmation: Compliments or verbal expressions of your
feelings that make your mate feel special.
a. Supper was great.
b. You look wonderful.
c. Thank you.
d. I’m proud of you.
e. I LOVE YOU.
2. Quality time: spending time with each other talking.
a. Take a walk.
b. Sit on the porch after the kids go to bed.
c. Watch your mate’s favorite movie together.
d. Go to dinner with each other only.
3. Receiving gifts: giving each other special momentos.
a. Flowers are Cathe’s hobby. I give her some from time to time.
b. Give your mate something they are interested in. This shows
them you know their likes and interests and it shows them
you understand their personality.
4. Acts of service: doing something nice for your mate which isn’t
necessarily your responsibility.
a. Cooking a special dinner even though it’s not a special occasion.
b. Doing the dishes without being asked.
c. Taking care of the kids so your mate can have some time alone.
5. Physical touch: non-sexual touches that express your love for your
mate.
a. Hugs
b. Kisses
c. A brush on the cheek or touch of the hand.
C. If we want to make our marriages all that God intended then we must
learn to express our love for our mates in the way they appreciate
the most.
Conclusion:
One Sunday a minister was finishing up a series on marriage. At the end of the
service he was giving out small wooden crosses to each married couple. He said, "Place
this cross in the room in which you fight the most and you will be reminded of God’s
commands and you won’t argue as much."
One woman came up after the service and said, "You’d better give me five."
God has some specific commands regarding marriage. He doesn’t promise that
things will be rosy all the time. He does promise, however, that if we follow the original
design he has for marriage that it will be the most rewarding relationship we have in this
life.
God tells us that we are to be one flesh; that we are to consider our mate as
part of ourselves. He tells us that our concern for and desire to please our mate should
be as strong as our concern for and desire for ourselves. We are to consider them
as part of ourselves and we are to treat them as we would treat ourselves. That is
what God meant by one flesh, that is the type of relationship that enabled Adam
and Eve to be completely open in their relationship, exposed and unafraid.
To do this we must:
Be faithful; be tolerant; and be loving.
