Last Sunday, I spoke on the issue of male headship in the home. I mentioned that this was a difficult topic to preach on, because this is an area where our society is so far out of synch with God’s plan. I said that today, those who uphold the Biblical pattern for the home are ridiculed and attacked, while those who oppose God’s plan are held up as examples of enlightened virtue; as courageous reformers battling oppressive male dominance.
This shouldn’t be surprising. Because Jesus predicted it two thousand years ago.
"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." - John 15:18-19 (NIV)
"Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets." - Luke 6:26 (NIV)
It should not surprise us when people are hostile toward the Word of God, when they express scorn for those who teach it and live by it. When we should be concerned is when everyone is praising us, when we find ourselves in complete agreement with the world around us. But the contempt, and even the active opposition of the world shouldn’t surprise us, nor should it intimidate us. Because God doesn’t call us to fit in. God calls us to be faithful. And my goal this morning is to help you do that. To help you live wisely and faithfully as husbands and wives, and as disciples of Jesus Christ.
This week, someone in the church showed a copy of last week’s sermon to a man he worked with, and the reaction was one of utter disbelief. "Who is this guy preaching to?" he asked. Well, here’s the answer. I hope and believe that I’m preaching to people who care more about pleasing God than they do about pleasing the world; people who are committed to honoring God’s Word in their lives, no matter the cost. So let’s begin by reading those texts which the world finds so offensive.
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church . . . Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." - Ephesians 5:22-24 (NIV)
"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. . . For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." - 1 Peter 3:1-2, 5-7 (NIV)
Before we look at what it means to submit, what it looks like, how it’s lived out - we need to deal with an objection. We have to clear away the underbrush so that we can see the path. And here it is: Doesn’t submission imply inferiority? If God calls a woman to submit to her husband, doesn’t that mean God views her as somehow "less than" her husband? Less capable, less intelligent, less valuable - less of a person? That’s what many assume. But it’s not true. A difference in roles does not suggest a difference in worth or importance.
There are two primary evidences of this. First, the Scriptures explicitly state that men and women are equal before God.
"Then God said, ’Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.’" - Genesis 1:26-27 (NIV)
Men and women both are made in the image of God. And so both are equal before God. They are equal in dignity, equal in value, and equal in the likeness of God that they bear. On the one hand, the Bible tells us that Eve was created after Adam; that she was created from him, and for him. Genesis 2:18 says that she was created to be a "helper suitable for him." On the other hand, the Bible tells us here that Eve, just as much as Adam, was created to be a picture of God. She possesses in herself no less of the divine image than he. And here’s the critical point: the Scripture sees no contradiction whatsoever between these two facts. Why? Because dignity and worth don’t come from our position in a human hierarchy, whether it’s the home hierarchy, or the church hierarchy, or some other social, or political, or economic hierarchy. Our dignity and worth come from our identity as created beings made in the image of God. And we all share that equally, both men and women, husbands and wives.
Not only are we equal by virtue of creation, we are also equal by virtue of salvation.
"You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." - Galatians 3:26-28 (NIV)
"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." - 1 Peter 3:7 (NIV)
What this means is that men have no advantage over women when it comes to salvation. None of us can claim any moral superiority; we are all sinners, deserving of God’s judgment and saved by grace alone. None of us receives any preference on account of our gender, or ethnic background, or for any other reason. So God doesn’t put Baptists in line ahead of Methodists. He doesn’t hear the prayers of Americans before the prayers of Canadians. He doesn’t regard Cleveland Indians fans more highly than Detroit Tigers fans (although Tigers fans probably need more grace and compassion). And God doesn’t respect men more than women. Why? Because our worth doesn’t come from anything about us. Our worth comes from the fact that Christ gave his life for us. Our value comes from what God gave in exchange for us - the infinitely precious blood of His own Son, Jesus Christ. And that price was the same for each of us, regardless of gender. We are all equal in Christ.
And again, the Bible sees no conflict with the radical equality described in these verses, and the call to submission that we read about earlier. In fact, it is the same people, the apostles Paul and Peter, who are the authors of both sets of passages. So if you try to make these ideas conflict with one another, as some do, you have to argue a kind of schizophrenic inconsistency on their part. But they are not in conflict. Men and women are equal before God. And at the same time, men and women have different roles and responsibilities in marriage. Both are true.
We come now to the second reason why submission does not imply inferiority. It is a fundamental teaching of the Christian faith that Jesus Christ is fully God. Paul writes in Colossians:
"For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form," - Colossians 2:9 (NIV)
And yet, Jesus himself makes it clear that he always submits completely to the will of God the Father; he always does exactly what the Father asks him to do.
"By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me." - John 5:30 (NIV)
"For I did not speak of my own accord, but the Father who sent me commanded me what to say and how to say it." - John 12:49 (NIV)
"The world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me." - John 14:31 (NIV)
The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are all God. They are equal in power, in holiness, in wisdom, and knowledge, and love, and glory, and in every other divine attribute. There is nothing you can say about what the Father "is" that is not equally true of the Son. Jesus Christ is 100% God. And yet, he voluntarily submits to the authority of the Father. He is equal in every respect, and yet he willingly obeys the Father. How is this possible? It’s possible because submission does not imply inferiority.
So, having removed that objection; having cleared away some of the underbrush, let’s take another look at those verses. [Read Ephesians 5:22-24 and 1 Peter 3:1-2, 5-7] The first thing I’d like you to note is that the submission God requires of wives is limited. It doesn’t say that every woman is to submit to every man, but only that a wife is to submit to her own husband. So Debi S. doesn’t have to submit to Mike, or Jim, or Derek. She doesn’t have to do what Gary says, or what Sean says, or what Hilary says. If Dave M. tells her to do something, she can tell him to go jump in the lake [not you, Vicki, only Debi can]. Debi only has to submit to one man; her husband, Bill. [And that’s enough of a challenge all by itself, don’t you think?] This limitation benefits the wife, because she only answers to one man. She is responsible to him, and to no one else. What that means for the husband is that he has a responsibility to intervene and say "no" if he sees that other people, and especially other men, are putting too many demands and expectations on his wife. His authority over her also shields and protect her.
A wife’s submission is limited in another way. It appears to be unlimited, because she is called to submit in "everything". And that’s true. In principle, there is no area of life where her husband’s authority does not apply. However, a husband’s authority is not absolute, because his wife is to submit to him "as to the Lord." In other words, he cannot require her to disobey Christ. And finally, of course, submission does not require a wife to tolerate physical or emotional abuse. In those cases, she should seek help from others; either from the church, or if necessary, from the civil authorities.
All right. If that is what submission isn’t, then what is it? What is it exactly, that God wants wives to do? Well, first of all, it’s not a matter of doing. Like the rest of the Christian life, it’s fundamentally a matter of heart attitude. We all know that a wife can be "obedient" to her husband, in the sense of doing what he says to do, fulfilling the letter of the law, and yet be anything but submissive. If in her heart she is grumbling, and resentful, and discontented, and bitter toward her "head," then she is not being submissive - to her husband or to God. If outwardly she is paying lip service to the idea of submission, while inwardly she is thinking of how to manipulate her husband into doing what she wants, then she is not being submissive. Submission is a matter of the heart. It involves a wife willingly following the leadership of her husband, in spite of his flaws, and sins, and mistakes. It means willingly yielding to him, and deferring to him. It means choosing to let him have the final word. Not because he’s always right, but because he’s her husband.
Now as for "obedience," in the sense of following orders - In a marriage that is working well, it will be rare for "obedience" to even become an issue. Rarely will the husband feel a need to issue a command, Why? Because he doesn’t have to. It’s amazing how just knowing he has the last word relieves a man of the need to always win the argument. If he knows that he has the authority to make the decision, then he no longer has to prove that he’s in charge by bending his wife to his will. Ironically, it’s often when the wife decides to submit that her husband begins seeking her advice and counsel. Once they’re no longer contesting the issue of authority, he’s more open to considering her ideas and opinions. And she’ll probably find that she has more real influence over him than she did when she was fighting him for control.
Submission also involves showing respect to your husband, by your words and by your actions. Wives, be careful to show respect to your husband in public. Be careful what you say about him when you’re talking privately with friends, even when you’re sharing a "prayer request". Don’t dishonor him by exposing his sins and weaknesses to others. A wife who is constantly criticizing and tearing down her husband is not pleasing to God. If there’s something that you feel needs to be dealt with, if it’s a situation where outside intervention is required, then talk to the pastor. But otherwise, be careful about seeking sympathy from others by grumbling about your husband.
But what about when submission is hard? And sometimes it is hard. If it wasn’t, then God wouldn’t have put it in the Bible. We would just be doing it automatically. When submission is hard, then remember that ultimately your trust and confidence is not in your husband, or in any person. Your trust has to be in God to care for you and provide for you, not a man. That’s what 1 Peter 3 says. The holy women of the past were able to be submissive to their husbands, not because they trusted in those men (If you’ve read the Old Testament, you know that there were times that they weren’t very trustworthy), but because they "put their hope in God." They were able to yield to their husbands and follow their leadership "without fear", because they trusted in God.
Is it a fearful thing for a wife to submit to her husband? Yes it is, even in the best of cases. Because it involves putting your welfare in someone else’s hands. It involves trusting another fallible, sinful person with your life. And ultimately it involves trusting God. But wives, I guarantee that if you will determine to obey God in this area, He will give you grace and courage to do it. And He will bless your obedience so that it becomes, not a burden, not merely a duty or an obligation, but a joy.
In closing, let me try to connect this with a larger issue. Something that goes beyond our happiness, or the smooth functioning of our homes. Because ultimately, this is not just about us and our marriages. It’s about Christ and His church. "The husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church." "Wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ." Do you see? Every one of our marriages is like a play, in which the husband is cast in the role of the groom, Christ, and the wife is cast in the role of his bride, the church. Shakespeare said that "all the world’s a stage," but in the case, every home is a stage, with God and a watching world as the audience. So bear witness to the truth of the gospel by playing well the part you’ve been given. Make God applaud, and make the lost understand, as they see the loving headship of Christ and the and submission church portrayed in your marriage. And you will be greatly blessed, both now and in the life to come.
(For an .rtf file of this and other sermons, see www.journeychurchonline.org/messages.htm)
