The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus was irate and let them know it: ¡§Don¡¦t push these children away. Don¡¦t ever get between them and me.
These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God¡¦s kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you¡¦ll never get in.¡¨
Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them.
Mark 10.13-16 The Message New Testament
There is abundant advice and insight floating around about children-raising. One bit on the Internet caught my attention recently¡Khere is an excerpt:
1. If you have a ceiling fan, there is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
2. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
3. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20-foot room.
4. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
5. However, if you choose to use the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
6. When hit just right, a ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in a double pane window does not stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh", it is already too late.(1)
Parenting certainly is not a science -- it¡¦s an art. Dr. James Dobson once wrote, Those who think they have somehow graduated to expert status are like the picture of an elegantly dressed woman who is holding a cup of coffee. Her little finger is cocked ever so daintily to the side, and her face reveals utter self-confidence. Unfortunately she does not yet know that her slip has collapsed around her ankles. The caption reads, Confidence is what you have before you understand the situation!(2)
Confidence is actually a good thing; it is self-confidence that will get you in trouble. Eric Hinkle sent me a picture this week¡Kit is entitled SELF-CONFIDENCE. It shows a line of German Shepherds, sitting still, ears perked at attention, every hair standing on edge, ready to spring into action, and all eyes glued to a cat that has casually wandered right in front of them. Considering the lineage from which Eric has descended, we understand his fascination with a cat who is about to make (or be) history!
How can we develop appropriate confidence for raising children? Proverbs 22.6 is a wonderful place to start. The words of this little verse are that to which every Christian Mom and Dad should cling.
Train up a child in the way he should go:
and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22.6
One short disclaimer about that statement. It doesn¡¦t mean that you can be a perfect parent, do all the right stuff, take them to church and tell ¡¥em all the stuff a parent should tell ¡¥em ¡V and then they will be perfect children. John Wesley, the great Methodist reformer understood that:
"We must not imagine that these words are to be understood in an absolute sense, as if no child that had been trained up in the way wherein he should go had ever departed form it¡K.The words, then, must be understood with some limitation, and then they contain an unquestionable truth. It is a general, though not a universal, promise; and many have found the happy accomplishment of it." (3)
And so, this morning, let¡¦s look closely at the training-up of a child; let¡¦s take the attitude of Jesus when he took them in his arms and blessed them. Let¡¦s bid the children come!
THE PROCESS OF CHRISTIAN PARENTING
The process is to train a child. This is a primary root word, which means to narrow, or throttle. The throttle controls engine speed. That¡¦s a good analogy for dealing with hyperactive children! A young boy prayed, "Dear Jesus, sorry for the mess we made in the yard today." After a slight pause, he concluded, "Thank you for the fun we had doing it." (4)
Narrowing the focus of what a child learns is very different than today¡¦s popular approach ¡V let the child choose anything and everything he wants. That forces children to grow up very quickly ¡V and it creates havoc in many a home. Training, however, is the art of bringing along a child in the art of being a person. That takes --
A. DISCIPLINE
Athletes train with varying degrees of discipline. Those who are highly motivated go to higher levels of proficiency. Those with low motivation hire a personal trainer. This describes a parent. You are the personal trainer to which God has entrusted the training of a child.
At a church in Kansas there is a set of baby footprints in the sidewalk. The feet are pointed in the direction of the front door. The meaning is hard to miss -- Get them started early.
B. DEMONSTRATION
Railroad train cars follow the leader. And in such ways children are trained as well. Abraham Lincoln said that for a man to train up a child in the way he should go, he must walk that way himself.
Trainers have not only been there, Mom, and Dad, they have not forgotten the way. Your children will copy what he sees you do, sooner than he will heed what he hears. A lady was cleaning her house and singing Gospel songs as she worked. She began singing Soon and very soon, we are going to see the king. Her little son was in the next room and began singing along with Mom. Something was a little off, however, so Mom stopped to listen. The preschooler¡¦s version, Soon, and very soon, we are going to Burger King.(5) A Christian parent demonstrates, and also checks the level of communication!
C. DILIGENCE
Training wheels on a bicycle are for guiding and giving assistance until the skill of riding is learned. In the same way parents must give attention to keeping their little ones afloat.
THE PURPOSE OF CHRISTIAN TRAINING
There are many books available on the process, the methodology of being a Christian parent. The Proverb writer focused also on the purpose -- the substance of why we take such pains to be Christian parents.
We are to train them in the way they should go. The way is a word that is used metaphorically to describe a pathway through life. It comes from a root word that depicts stringing a bow. This picture becomes clearer when we consider the object of way -- Go is the Hebrew peh, or mouth/breath, which, in the ancient world was the same as the deeds of a life. The word spoken was the deed done.
Put together, this phrase, the way he should go, becomes something like, Bend the bow the way it must point, and eventually fire the arrow.
When you apply the metaphor to a young child, the old adage, (As the twig is bent) comes to mind. One woman told about her son-in-law [who] was laughing as he came down the stairs with his two-year-old granddaughter. Playing hide-and-seek, she had ducked into a closet with folding doors. When he called, "Where¡¦s Shelley?" there was no answer. Instead, a little arm came out and a finger pointed down the hall.(6)
Where you point them is the whole purpose in training. The Proverb writer is using an Hebrew idiom to describe that purpose:
What is accomplished in training
sets the course of a child¡¦s life.
It is no wonder that wise parents take their responsibility seriously. Among others, there are at least three main priorities wrapped up in the purpose of Christian training,
A. INTELLIGENCE
Imparting wisdom is not the same as knowledge. Knowledge can simply be the combined weight of the Internet at your child¡¦s disposal. Separating out how to use knowledge is one aspect of wisdom, and there is a vast difference. One woman in Michigan wrote, To keep my young son quiet during the morning service, I gave him a pencil and paper to draw on. A few minutes later, he held up a picture. "That¡¦s nice," I said. "What is it?" "I don¡¦t know," he replied. "I never saw it before."(7)
The Bible declares that the fear (reverence) of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Parents, teaching your children to learn of God, and to reverence Him, are the purposes for the process.
B. INTEREST
This is a two-pronged fork. We must notice the natural instincts God has placed within our children -- and then take interest to bring it out -- all with the purpose of creating an interest in Christ.
Biblical scholar and author Howard Hendricks tells of a Sunday School teacher who came to his yard when he was nine. He was out playing marbles. The teacher invited him to Sunday School. Hendricks figured anything connected with School was not appealing, so the teacher asked a different question. He said, Wanna play a game of marbles?
After he wiped out the nine-year-old kid in a couple of games, he then asked, Wanna learn how to play this game better? Dr. Hendricks noted that by the time he¡¦d taught me how to play marbles over the next few days, he¡¦d built such a relationship with me that I¡¦d have gone anywhere he suggested. He ended up in a Sunday School class with 12 other boys, 11 of which ended up in vocational Christian work.(8)
My friend Alec Vaughn is a Sunday School teacher at Hyde Park Baptist Church in Jacksonville, Florida. He tells the story of years ago when he was involved in Boy Scouts. After many years of supporting and encouraging his own boys through the Scouts, they grew up and Alec just continued to work with other people¡¦s boys.
Eventually he was put in charge of a troop. He fast found out that interest, on the part of the fathers, was not what it should be. He decided to do something about it.
A troop meeting was planned for a certain Saturday. Alec mailed out 30 notes, one to the father of each boy, informing him that, as the leader, he would be out of town for the meeting. Each of the notes contained the ¡§only¡¨ key for the Boy Scout ¡§hut¡¨ (building). In addition (according to the note), there were instructions on conducting the meeting, because it is your son¡¦s turn to bring the leader. That was the first meeting all 30 fathers and boys attended a troop meeting!
C. INTEGRITY
Training them in the way they should go certainly includes teaching them that there is an only way! Jesus said that about Himself! We need to be clear about this. It does matter what you believe. If there is any other way to heaven, then Jesus is wrong. If there is any other way than to repent of sin, confessing it before men and God, and trusting only in Christ, then Christianity is a fake.
Parents, with integrity, teach your children -- on purpose -- that Jesus Christ is Lord, and He alone can save them.
THE PRODUCT OF CHRISTIAN TRAINING
The Proverb writer declares that if the Process is followed (training), and the Purpose is understood (the way he should go), then the Product will be that when he is old he will not depart from it. What does that mean? The word itself has many applications, but the key idea that seems to fit the context is,
The child will not leave unfinished business
when it comes to the important matters of life.
Central among the vital issues of life stands relationship. According to the Bible, a right relationship with God is the first order of business, both in chronology and importance. In all other human relationships -- marriage, friendship, parenting, business -- the kind of relationship we build will determine the kind of eternity we experience.
A child that is trained in the way, the purpose of God for his life, will not leave business unfinished. Does that mean every child will eventually accept God, and serve Him well? No, but it stresses the parental responsibility to move in that direction, giving the child every opportunity to respond.
How important is it to give them good training wheels? One unknown author expressed it well:
Whatever you write
On the heart of a child,
No water can wash it away.
The sands may be shifted
When billows are wild
And the efforts of time may decay.
Some stories may perish,
Some songs be forgot,
But this engraved record,
Time changes it not.
Whatever you write
In the heart of a child
A story of gladness or care --
That heaven has blessed
Or that earth has defiled,
Will linger unchangeably there.
Who writes it has sealed it
Forever and aye.
He must answer to God
On that great judgment day.
What is your commitment to giving a good answer on that Great Judgment day? Here are a few checkpoints¡K
„Ñ Have you come to Christ yourself so that you can have a Christian home, and therefore lead your family in the Christian way? You cannot lead anyone if you are not walking in the right direction yourself. If you have never made Christ the Lord of YOUR life, you are training your children they do not need a Savior!
„Ñ Are you investing as much time with your children to train them spiritually as you do in things like dancing lessons, T-ball and camping? If you do not demonstrate to them the priority of Lordship and servanthood, you are training them that having a good time is more important than anything. They will grow up to be self-serving and an embarrassment to you.
„Ñ Are you regularly praying for yourself as a parent, and for your child¡¦s response to your Godly leadership? If not, you are robbing yourself of the one resource that isn¡¦t flawed in the whole parenting process¡Kthe help of God¡¦s Holy Spirit.
I am more than certain that there are many more checkpoints we could uncover ¡V but these are a good starting place. If you are a parent, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or a member of the human race, you have a stake in training them up. Jesus said, bid the children come. You can make a difference; you can help the Kingdom; you can be what God needs you to be to the children who look to you. Remember that, beloved.
(1) Dale Johnson, D.Min., (From a sermon: Making Little Disciples), SermonCentral.com
(2) James C. Dobson (1936- ), as quoted, Edythe Draper, Draper¡¦s Book of Quotations for the Christian World, (Wheaton, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 1992), 8359-8361
(3)John Wesley SERMON 95 [text from the 1872 edition] ON THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN
(4)Ellen Decker, Pennsylvania. Today¡¦s Christian Woman, Vol. 18, no. 4.
(5)Fran Zok, Buffalo, NY, quoted in The Bible Illustrator, (Hiawatha, Ia, Parson¡¦s Technology,1990), Idx 1632-1633
(6) Ruth E. White, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."
(7) Deb Kallman, Grand Rapids, Michigan. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."
(8) Howard Hendricks, Say It With Love
