"Dealing With Difficult People" Part 2
Pastor Larry Sarver
New Life in Christ
1633 SW 34th St. Palm City, FL 34990
561-283-9426 pastorsarver@yahoo.com
www.palmcitynewlife.org
Read Luke 6:27-38
Illustration: There is a story about Leonardo Da Vinci when he was working on his famous painting of The Last Supper. He had become very angry with one of his assistants. With a flurry of furious epithets, he berated the man without mercy. After banishing his assistant from his studio, he went back to work on the painting. As an act of revenge he used the person’s face who had offended him for the face of Judas.
But as he tried to paint the face of Jesus, he couldn’t do it. No matter how hard he tried, he was unable to paint the face of Christ. So he stopped painting, went to the man who had received the full force of his anger and asked his forgiveness. Only when the man forgave him and they reconciled was Da Vinci able to return to the table of the Last Supper and paint the face of Jesus.
When we began to look this passage last week on the subject of "Dealing With Difficult People" we noted that Leonardo’s initial response was fairly typical. Our natural response to those who mistreat us, insult us, hurt us or offend us is to either retaliate, vocalize our anger, or hold of bitter grudge. This is often true of how we respond to those who annoy us or offend us like the aggressive driver on the roadways and it is also often true of how we respond to those who are out true enemies, those who have really hurt and mistreated us. This might be as ex-spouse, parents, neighbor, former friend, co-worker, or an employer, etc.
It is natural to respond to mistreatment with resentment, anger, and revenge but Jesus calls Christians to a supernatural response. It may be natural to retaliate or get even with our enemies but it is supernatural to show them mercy. It is mercy that is at the center of the message of this passage of Scripture. The main point that Jesus has for us in all these verses is to: Treat All People in Our Lives with Mercy. All people would include our greatest enemy and even the worst of offenders in our society and in our lives.
We may say or think that this is impossible and unreasonable but remember that Christians are filled with the Holy Spirit. We are partakers of the Divine Nature. This makes it possible to respond to every person and situation with mercy. We are "to be made new in the attitude our our minds; and to put on the new self which is created to be like God…" (Eph. 4:23,24) Treating all people in your life with mercy is impossible with our own efforts and our own strength but it is possible as we surrender completely to the Holy Spirit’s work and us.
What does it mean to treat all people with mercy? Last week in looking at verses 27,28 we saw that according to Jesus it means first of all to "love your enemies." This does not refer to a fondness or affection for them but it means we are to show them goodwill. We are to refuse to hold of grudge or ill-will against them. Love is not a feeling, it is a choice! Loving your enemies is simply making the merciful choice or decision. So first showing mercy means we are to "love our enemies." Second showing mercy means we are to "do good to those who hate us." We are not only to have no bitterness towards them but also to make every effort to do them good. The third way we are to show mercy to all people is to speak well of the very people who speak evil of us. As Jesus put it we are to "bless those who curse us." We are not to defend ourselves from their words. We are not to reciprocate, seek revenge or even be silent. Rather we are to respond to their evil words with kind words. This is where we left off last week. I received quite a bit a positive feedback from that message with most people noting how applicable the lesson was for their situation. It is always good to see us receiving and submitting to God’s Word rather than ignoring his message or justifying our disobedience. Jesus message for us in dealing with difficult people is...
I. Treat All People In Your Life With Mercy.
So far we’ve seen that our mental response or attitude is to be one of "agape" love or good will. We’ve seen that are physical response is to "do good to those who hate us", and we’ve seen that our verbal response is to speak well of those who speak evil of us. The fourth merciful response is a spiritual one. Jesus says to "pray for those of mistreat you." Note that he said "pray for" and not "pray against" Jesus himself did this even as he was being crucified and therefore set the example for us when on the cross he said, "Father forgive them." We are to pray for the aggressive driver who cut us in traffic. We are to pray for the boss who is overly demanding and deceptive about us. We are to pray for the health of the mean-spirited ex-spouse who may have become ill. We are to pray for the salvation of those who have maligned us, mistreated us and abused us.
The word "pray" in the Greek at this particular place in the Scriptures has a grammatical construction of a present imperative active. This particular grammatical construction not only means that this is a command but it also means that it is a command that is to be continuously fulfilled in our life. Jesus is not saying pray once for your enemy and be done with your duty. He is saying "pray today, pray tomorrow, and keep on praying for those who mistreat you." Let us not forget how radical this message of praying for those who have deeply hurt us is.
Illustration: Recently someone paid for a billboard in Oklahoma City that said, "Pray for Timothy McVeigh!" Timothy McVeigh is of course the Oklahoma City Bomber. I wonder how many Christian were offended by that billboard message? It’s the same message as Jesus spoke when He said, "Pray for those who mistreat you."
I. Treat All People In Your Life With Mercy.
Read Verses 29, 30
These verses are not so much commands as they are examples or illustrations of how we are to be merciful even in the most difficult situations. Many questions and misunderstandings arise about these verses for a couple of reasons. First people usually do not recognize the cultural situations Jesus was referring too. Second questions and confusion arises because people often do not understand that Jesus is using hyperbole. He is using exaggeration to drive home a point. This was a common teaching technique used for example when Jesus instructed those whose eye caused them to sin to gauge it out or if their hand caused them to sin to cut it off. Another example of Jesus using hyperbole was when he said that a person must "hate his father and mother to follow him."
If we were not to take hyperbole into account and was to take these verses 29 and 30 with absolute literalness it would not have the desired effect. For example if you are to take these words literally you would be unable to flee or defend yourself from criminal assaults, you would go round naked, and you would be without any material possessions because you would have to give everything to anyone who asked.
Clearly Jesus did not mean for us to take these examples literally but he does mean for us to take them seriously! Jesus is using these examples to drive home a point. The point being that even in the worst situations we are to show mercy. There would have been a tendency for Jesus followers then and now to limit how merciful they had to be concerning certain people. They may have thought, as we often think, that even Christians must have their limits. They might have wanted to exclude certain people who had mistreated them in the worst kind of way. With that in mind Jesus uses these verses and these examples to make it very clear that he means that we are to demonstrate mercy to all people in every kind of situation no matter how evil they may be.
To slap someone on the cheek was the worst kind of insult but Jesus basically said, "don’t retaliate but show mercy." To take one’s cloak and one’s tunic was the worst kind of treatment but Jesus says to show mercy anyway. This is true even if their demands on you are outrageous, offensive and totally uncalled for. Some people can really use you, mistreat you, and abuse your generosity and kindness as Jesus talked about in verse 30 but he says show them mercy anyway. When people have said their worst and done their worst to us we are still to show mercy to them. Our mercy, like God’s mercy, transcends even the most wicked and evil deeds. Even in the worst situations we are not to resort to a "tit-for-tat", but we are to show mercy by loving our enemies, by doing good to those who hate us, by speaking well of those who speak evil of us, and by praying for those who mistreat us.
With every person and in every type of situation we are to do as verse 31 tells us. We are to do to others as we would want them to do to us. In effect this means showing mercy, responding with kindness and love because this is what we would want for ourselves in every situation. We’re not to do unto others as they’ve done to us but we are to do unto others as we would want them to do to us.
I. Treat All People In Your Life With Mercy.
Jesus has given us some demanding instructions. They are very difficult to accept and even more difficult to practice. He of course realizes this and has told us this up front. He will also give us some very compelling and motivating reasons to treat all people with mercy. We will look at those shortly. Now some of you may be saying to yourselves, "I am not going to treat that person with mercy." It that is the case, if you are saying that to yourself about somebody in particular, I just want to remind you today of what Jesus said in verse 46 of this chapter "Why the call me the Lord, Lord and do not to what I say?" Remember that it is the Lord Jesus who has said that we are to treat all people with mercy regardless of who they are or what they may have done.
Illustration: Sen. Bill Frist, R-Tenn, is also a heart surgeon. When he heard the news on July 24, 1998, that shots had been fired in the capitol building, he immediately rushed from his office nearby to the scene. He began treating two seriously injured men, giving one of them CPR. He did not learn until later that the man whose life he is credited with saving was the gunman, Russell Weston. ``I was really just focused on keeping their hearts and lungs moving,’’ Frist said, calling the shooting ``a very serious catastrophe.’’ Senator Frist did not take the time to consider whether or not the man he was saving deserved to be saved. Apparently, Senator Frist didn’t think it mattered what the man had done. At that point he had not been called upon to be the judge. He had been called upon to be the rescuer.
Like the good senator our job, our responsibility does not allow us to make judgments about who is and who is not worthy of our mercy. God showed us mercy when we did not deserve it and he expects us to do the same for others. We are to give mercy to everyone on every day and in every way.
I. Treat All People In Your Life With Mercy!
Jesus has so far as exhorted us to treat all people with mercy. He has explained what that means in everyday practice and he has used illustrations from everyday life of that time to make his radical message very clear to us. Now in verses 32-38 Jesus primary purpose is to motivate us to follow these instructions and examples. With that in mind let’s look at these verses.
Read verses 32-38
Illustration: When I was in junior high school I was attending school in another county. I was doing quite well in math and was considered to be one of those who was the "cream of the crop" as far as math was concerned. I thought I was head and shoulders above most of my peers so I was quite confident of my abilities when I had to change schools because of a family move. W moved to Martin County and I began to attend school here. I had been very proud of my accomplishments in math until I started math class down here. It was then that I learned a lesson as my teacher very quickly revealed how little I really knew. He showed me how far short I fell of their standards. Now I no longer felt proud or confident. Before I had felt that I was felt doing enough but now I realized that I would have to work I very hard to come up to par with the rest of the students. I was no longer looking for pat on the back because I recognized how far short my efforts and accomplishments were. My teacher had burst my bubble and made it very clear where I stood.
This is the same problem Jesus had. Many of his followers, students and listeners felt that they were doing pretty good in the relationships with other people. They felt that they were living up to God’s standards and loving people. If someone in their group or someone in their church needed help they were there. If their friends lost their job they would be the first one to give generously. These people and people today felt like they were doing all right because they were willing to give up their weekends, money, and sometimes even their lives to help their fellow friends and followers of Jesus. In verse 32 Jesus basically is saying to those who felt that way "so what?" He is saying that it is no big deal to love the lovable, even sinners show love to those who love them. Jesus says, "What credit is it to love those who love you?" Do you want a pat on the back for that? Jesus is saying that we should not expect any medals for doing good for those with whom we have no qualms - many non-Christians do that! We need to learn a lesson. The lesson is that we are not doing anything special just because we show great love and sacrifice for the people we like.
The word that is translated as "credit" here is the Greek word "charis." This is the Greek word that is commonly translated as "grace." It is like Jesus is saying: "You love the lovable but is that really grace?" "Is that charis?" God’s grace is seen in loving and doing good for the worst of sinners, even showing grace to those who reject and hate him. True Divine love and true Divine grace in our lives is seen in the same way. True Divine love is not seen in how we relate to saints, but sinners. True Divine love is not seen in how we treat our friends or even how we treat strangers but rather in how we treat our enemies. That is why Jesus says in verse 35 "love your enemies" "do good to them" "lend to them." We are to treat them with mercy with no strings attached, expecting nothing from them in return. Then and only then are you and I are doing anything worthy of credit and worthy of attention.
As Jesus says in verse 35 it is when you love the unlovable, and do good to the mean-spirited that "your reward will be great." One of the motivating factors in treating all people with mercy is that God notices and God responds to this kind of behavior. If you show mercy to those who treat you wrongly and have hurt and offended you, you will be rewarded by God. He will reward you even if people don’t and respond to your mercy with continued mistreatment!
Jesus goes on to say that when you treat all people with mercy "you will be sons of the Most High." In other words you will be truly showing yourself to have the very nature of God because you’ll be showing mercy just like he does. As Jesus said, "He (God) is kind to the ungrateful and wicked." "Therefore be merciful just as your Father is merciful." Mercy toward all people, even your enemies, is a sign of sonship. The Jesus bumper sticker on your car does not demonstrate your sonship. Your regular attendance at church does not demonstrate your sonship. The fact that you know the Bible inside out does not either. You may even prophesy and perform seemingly great supernatural acts and still not be showing that you are true son or daughter of God. It is your love for the unlovable that does that. It is showing mercy for all people that shows you to be a true son or true daughter of the Most High. I want people to look at me and I want people to look at you and say "I can really see their Father in them." Not referring to our earthly fathers but referring to being able to see the nature of our Heavenly Father in us.
I. Treat All People in Your Life with Mercy.
Read verses 37-38
Jesus has encouraged us to show mercy to all people by reminding us that God does reward those who show mercy and by reminding us that it is mercy toward even our enemies that demonstrates our Divine relationship or sonship to Him. In verses 37-38 he continues to encourage us to show mercy by reminding us that it is the merciful who receive mercy. He says that we are not a judge so that we will not be judged. He says that we are not to condemn so that we will not be condemned. He says that we are to forgive so that we will be forgiven. In saying these things Jesus is not prohibiting us from making decisions about right or wrong or from speaking out against evil, which is something that Jesus himself did often. In this context Jesus is saying that when people have mistreated us or have done evil to us we are not act as judge and condemn them but rather we are to show them mercy by responding to them with kindness, love, a positive word, and forgiveness. If we do God will treat us in the same way. That is motivation enough for me! I need mercy from God! I am in no position in my life to be forfeiting or hindering Him from showing me mercy. I need lots of mercy therefore I had better be willing to give lots of mercy.
Verse 38 is often taken out of context to encourage people to give money with the guarantee of money given in an abundant return from God. In context though Jesus is not talking about giving money but he is talking about giving mercy. Jesus is saying that when we show mercy to others God will pour out so much mercy in our lives that we will be overflowing with his kindness and forgiveness toward us. In New Testament times they wore their outer garment in such a way as to have a pocket on the front which was used for holding wheat that had been purchased. They would buy a pocket full of wheat and pour into the pocket and press and shake it down so as much as possible would fit in. If the purchaser received so much wheat that even after doing all that it still overflowed outside of his garment he was considered to be especially blessed. Jesus is saying that we can receive mercy in the same fashion. He says that we will have mercy poured into our life abundantly, "a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over!" God’s mercy and his kindness can and will overflow in our lives.
A word of warning or encouragement is seen in that last sentence where Jesus says, "with the measure you use it will be measured to you." Jesus is saying that if we show a small measure of mercy to others that is all we will receive for ourselves but if we give a large measure of mercy to others we will receive a large measure from God in return. It’s the measure we use that determines how much we receive. The choice is ours. Perhaps God has allowed some hurtful or especially offensive person to come into your life not so they would be a burden to you but that you’d be blessed. Maybe he allowed them to come into your life so you could be exceptionally merciful to them because you need to God to be exceptionally merciful in your life? Just something to think about.
Conclusion: We are called to treat all people in our lives with mercy. This means we are to love them, pray for them, speak well of them, and do good for them. This means we are not to respond to their hurts and offenses with retaliation or revenge. Rather we are to show ourselves to be true children of God by being kind and merciful even to the ungrateful and the wicked. When we treat all people with mercy God will reward us, authenticate our sonship, and pour out his mercy abundantly into our lives.
