This past March there was a congressional hearing on human-reproductive cloning in Washington, D.C. Brigitte Boisselier, a chemist who works with couples wanting to use cloning to have children, read a letter from a father who had lost his 11-month-old son after heart surgery. In the letter he said, “I decided I would never stop until I could give his DNA, his genetic makeup, a chance.” The room was starkly silent as she read the father’s expression of grief and his refusal to accept the finality of his son’s death.
But present at the hearings, as well, was Dr. Thomas H. Murray, a nationally known bioethicist, who was also a grieving parent. His daughter, Emily, was murdered while a student here at Kenyon College. We all remember the days while we waited and wondered what had happened to her — her sparkling photograph haunting the cover of our local newspaper. Emily was a promising student who was robbed of fulfilling her dream of marrying, becoming an Episcopal Priest and one day retiring on Cape Cod surrounded by her grandchildren. At the hearing, Dr. Murray said to the congressional committee: “Creating a child to stand in for another — dead — child is unfair. No child should have to bear the oppressive expectation that he or she will live out the life denied to his or her idealized genetic avatar. . . . Of course, we should have expectations for our children: that they be considerate, honest, diligent, fair and more. But we cannot dictate their temperament, talents and interests. Cloning a child to be a reincarnation of someone else is a grotesque, fun-house mirror distortion of parental expectations.” Here is a man of deep intellect and profound understanding of the reason we are given children.
What is the purpose of children? Is it merely to give parents joy? Is their purpose simply to keep the human race going? Do we have children like we acquire a puppy — so that we will have someone to hold and cuddle? Do we have them because of the pressure of the culture that sets having children as the norm? Do we want them to grow up to accomplish something and be successful so we will have something to brag about? Or is there something more?
Beyond the obvious purpose of the home and the continuation of the human race, is there a purpose for our children? What is God’s purpose for children during their growing up years? I believe there are several things which children need to learn to fulfill their God-given purpose. Three of those important life lessons (certainly not an exhaustive list, and not necessarily in order of importance) are: 1. Learn a positive outlook on life. 2. Learn obedience. 3. Learn values. There are many other lessons and purposes for children, but these are the ones I want to address today.
To begin with, God’s purpose is that: Children need to learn a positive outlook on life. I understand that the Andy Griffith Show and the Cleaver family were perhaps unrealistic models of life. I realize that to see the world from a Pollyanna viewpoint, or keeping our heads in the sand when it comes to the harsh realities of life, may not be healthy. But, on the other hand, there is more to life than harsh realities. Life is full of beautiful, good and wonderful things. When God made the world he stood back and made a very positive statement about it. The Bible says, “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good” (Genesis 1:31). The world really is a wonderful place. It is full of good things which are the gifts of God. He loves to bless us. The Bible says, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” (James 1:1). Our focus should be on the good gifts of God, not on the horrible things that happen. We should be on the lookout for those who are wounded and in need of help. We should be sensitive to the very real needs of hurting people, but we should also be in touch with just how good life really is. The Bible says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things” (Philippians 4:8). Paul wrote to the Romans saying, “I want you to be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil” (Romans 16:19).
My concern for children growing up in today’s world is that they are being fed a steady diet of the dark, the morose, the violent, the negative and the perverse through movies, television, computer games, and music. So much of television programming these days is dark and gruesome. Cruelty and grotesqueness is becoming normative. The news rarely reports the good things going on — as though that is not real news. The Gothic culture among our youth came into the public limelight after the Columbine shootings — teenagers who dress only in black, wear dark make-up over pale faces, parodying vampires. They are preoccupied with death and the macabre. Every day is Halloween for them. We have yet to see what the impact will be on the next generation who have been given a constant entree of violence, evil and cynicism. Maybe shows like “Father Knows Best” were unrealistic, but so is today’s programming with its dark and gloomy outlook on the world and preoccupation with crime and horror. Home should be where we learn that life is good. To focus on the bad and evil part of our world misses the best part of life. There is more good in the world than bad, and we need to help our children see that. They need to develop a sense of gratitude for the goodness of life.
The second great purpose for children that we will consider is: Children need to learn obedience. That may seem terribly out of date in a culture of permissiveness. But why do Christians see obedience in children as important? Learning obedience is important because it will affect their ability to have a relationship with God. The writer of Hebrews informs us of the importance and purpose of obedience when he says, “Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:10-11).
Jesus saw love and obedience as going hand in hand. He said, “If you love me, you will obey what I command” (John 14:15). We in this culture interpret love differently. We think that if someone really loves us they won’t require obedience — it will be optional. Then, as the children of this generation grow they see God in the same way. He is the eternal grandparent who may make demands, and even threaten, but never carry out what he has said. The ten commandments become the ten suggestions for them.
Obedience is our witness to the world that our faith is genuine and real. The Bible says that, “men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ” (2 Corinthians 9:13). Isn’t this a necessary part of what children must learn if their lives are going to count for God? By learning obedience to their parents, they learn to obey God. Parental controls teach them how one day to control themselves. Parental discipline leads to self-discipline.
Let me be quick to say that this is no justification for abuse. Punishment just for the sake of punishment finds no place in Scripture. The Bible warns about harness when it says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). Discipline is not a payback, it is for the purpose of correction. Discipline, whatever form it takes, always has a goal in mind — turning the child toward positive behavior. Here is the point: If there is no correction in the home it seriously cripples a child’s ability to think in moral terms.
The third of God’s purposes which we will consider is: Children need to learn values. God began the entire nation of Israel with one man. The nation that came from him was to influence the whole earth for God and be a blessing to the human family. Hear what God said to him: “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do? Abraham will surely become a great and powerful nation, and all nations on earth will be blessed through him. For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him” (Genesis 18:17-19). If Abraham had not trained his children in the ways of the Lord he would never have experienced God’s will for his life. He would not have realized the fulfillment of God’s plan for him and his family. The blessing would have been lost — to him and to the world.
Values are caught when they are taught only when they have been reinforced by example. The life you live in front of your children is your message, in spite of what you may say. Children learn what your values are by your attitudes. They hear what you say about other people. They see how you treat your wife or husband. They see how you handle money. They know when you have shaded the truth. You can’t fool them when you are compromising your morals. They see right through your attempts to tamper with your integrity. They need to be taught the truth and they need to see the truth lived out in their parent’s lives. You need to be a person of honor if they are going to be a person of honor. You cannot afford to have a disconnect between the what you say and the reality of what you do. If you make great claims and don’t show it in your manner of living, then all your words will mean nothing.
And there is so much that children need to learn in the way of morals and values today. One of the sad facts of today’s world is that people are cynical and expect hypocrisy. Our children will understand integrity only when they have seen it lived out. Children need to learn the value of sticking to your moral and ethical standards even when it is difficult; even when it means it costs you something; even when everything inside you wants to do something else; even when it means that people will misunderstand and not like you.
Remember that you are parenting for eternity. You are giving to your children eternal values that will enable them to experience God and have a meaningful relationship with him that will bring them safely to heaven. They need to understand the value of moral and ethical behavior. They need to understand the value of honor. They need to learn respect for other people. They need to learn to care about the needs of others and become willing to serve those needs in the name of Christ.
I would suggest getting William Bennet’s book The Book of Virtues for your family. Read the wonderful stories from the classics that are in this book to your children. Bennett focuses on ten important traits of character: self-discipline, compassion, responsibility, friendship, work, courage, perseverance, honesty, loyalty, and faith. Today, many children are raising themselves and making their own decisions in a moral vacuum. They lack training in character, but are given free reign. God’s plan for children to have parents has a reason. Parents are part of God’s plan for their lives. They are given to children for the purpose of guidance and training.
Last week we talked about Timothy and his godly heritage. Both his grandmother and mother were believers who took seriously the task of raising Timothy to be a man of God. Later, Paul wrote to him saying, “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Tim. 3:14-17). God’s purpose for children is that they be trained in righteousness. We teach our children to dance, play an instrument and play ball, but are we training them in righteousness?
In his book, A Pretty Good Person, Lewis Smedes tells this story: “The white people of New Orleans were scared. So were the black people. A federal judge had ordered the city to open its public schools to black children, and the white parents decided that if they had to let black children in, they would keep their children out. They let it be known that any black children who came to school would be in for trouble. So the black children stayed home too. Except Ruby Bridges. Her parents sent her to school all by herself, 6 years old: the first, and for a little while, the only black child to learn a lesson in a white New Orleans school. Every morning she walked alone through a heckling crowd to an empty school. White people lined up on both sides of the way and shook their fists at her; they threatened to do terrible things to her if she kept coming to their school. But every morning at ten minutes to eight Ruby walked, head up, eyes ahead, straight through the mob; two U.S. marshals walked ahead of her and two walked behind her. Then she spent the day alone with her teachers inside that big silent school building. Harvard professor Robert Coles was curious about what went into the making of courageous children like Ruby Bridges, and went down there to find out. He talked to Ruby’s mother and, in his book The Moral Life of Children, tells what she said: ‘There’s a lot of people who talk about doing good, and a lot of people who argue about what’s good and what’s not good, but there are other folks who just put their lives on the line for what’s right.’” Character, faith and courage were lessons Ruby learned at home. It was a fulfillment of God’s purpose for her as a child.
But these are not only lessons for children, they are lessons for all of us: a positive view of life, obedience and values. Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it” (Luke 18:17).
Rodney J. Buchanan
May 20, 2001
Mulberry Street United Methodist Church
Mt. Vernon, OH
www.MulberryUMC.org
Rod.Buchanan@MulberryUMC.org
