"Conquering Family Hurdles!"
"More than a SURVIVOR" series part 3 of 4
Text: Prov. 31:26-28 & Selected
Cross Creek Community Church
Pastor Dave Martin - May 13, 2001
www.crosscreekcc.org
God’s Word is Powerful, Relevant, and Life Changing!
Happy Mother’s Day! We are in a series entitled "More than a Survivor". This series is a take off from the popular TV series SURVIVOR. Why just survive when we can thrive? When we can actually be a conqueror in Christ. This week we will be looking at "Conquering Family Hurdles!" What do I mean by family hurdles? These are the common problems we all face in our families. Problems such as being disconnected from other family members, maybe having a splintered family, maybe the hurdle of a lack of love, or financial, or bad relationships. Maybe it’s a hurdle of being critical or nagging all the time. Let me ask you a question, are you facing any family hurdles today?
I believe the three top family hurdles we face today is proper training within the home, correct attitudes of the family members, and communications. In fact when I asked my three daughters what they thought was the biggest hurdle or problem in the average family, they said communications.
We are going to look at conquering family hurdles in light of MOM. In a few weeks we will be looking at the role of the father in the home, today it’s mom’s turn! Without mom, none of us would be here. How important is the mother in overcoming family hurdles?
"Once the New York Times was asked to help a group of club women decide on the twelve greatest women in the United States. After due consideration, the editors replied, ’The twelve greatest women in the United States are women who have never been heard of outside of their own homes.’"
The author concludes, "I ask you, who was greater, Thomas A. Edison or his mother? When he was a young lad his teacher sent him home with a note which said, ’Your child is dumb. We can’t do anything for him.’ Mrs. Edison wrote back, ’You do not understand my boy. I will teach him myself’. And she did, with results that are well known. Morning Glory, January 8, 1994
* The role of motherhood is greater than you will ever know.
* As a mother, realize you are having an impact which cannot be measured (good or bad).
* Teaching how to eat for themselves or to tying their shoes, to instilling Godly values.
The average mother spends 3.5 more hours a week doing housework than would a woman without children, plus 11 hours a week on child-related activities. This adds up to an additional 754 hours of work every year-the equivalent of three months of 12-hour, 5-day work weeks.
Signs of the Times, May, 1992, p. 6
Let’s read our text:
Proverbs 31:26-28 "She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:"
The three biggest family hurdles today...
1. COMMUNICATIONS
God says, SPEAK with Wisdom.
Proverbs 31:26 "She speaks with wisdom... "
* She speaks with wisdom - which is, as a mother, you have practical discernment.
* You’re thinking and living as God designed you to live. Your words are correct and beneficial.
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
* We are living in a splintered family society - TV/computer/Internet in different rooms of the home.
* Families are becoming isolated - communications becoming more and more stained.
* We allow programs on TV to communicate with our families. Television is nothing more than communications.
* Either you are going to communicate with your families or someone else WILL.
* Children are losing their childhood. Tim Smith writes in "The Relaxed Parent" the top 10 reasons:
Lost Childhood
1. Less supervision (moms at work, single parents)
2. Too many choices (ex., TV channels)
3. A rush to adulthood
4. Loss of innocence
5. More single parents
6. No more heroes (celebrities, but not heroes)
7. Blurring of roles and boundaries
8. The end of play
9. Critical decisions too early
10. Receiving parents’ money instead of time
Tim Smith, The Relaxed Parent, p. 8
A true story of missed communications, tells of a couple who went to the Far East during a holiday. They wanted, besides their own supper, something to give their poodle. Pointing to the dog, they made international eating signs. The waiter understood, picked up the poodle, and set off for the kitchen-only to return half an hour later with the roasted poodle on a platter.
* Missed communications in your family? I hope you don’t have roasted poodle!
* Mom are you controlling your tongue? Being careful of the words you speak?
1 Peter 3:9 "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing..."
* Use words to build up and not to tear down.
Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
* Words are powerful, yet how do you say them?
What makes the Biggest Impact in Communication?
* Verbal-what I say 7% / Vocal-how I say it 38% / Visual-how I look, act, etc. 55%
* We need to learn to talk & listen to our family. Children are hungry to be loved & talked to.
In a Harvard study of several hundred preschoolers, researchers discovered an interesting phenomenon. As they taped the children’s playground conversation, they realized that all the sounds coming from little girls’ mouths were recognizable words. However, only 60 percent of the sounds coming from little boys were recognizable. The other 40 percent were yells and sound effects like "Vrrrooooom!" "Aaaaagh!" "Toot toot!" This difference persists into adulthood. Communication experts say that the average woman speaks over 25,000 words a day while the average man speaks only a little over 10,000. What does this mean in marital terms? . . . On average a wife will say she needs to spend 45 minutes to an hour each day in meaningful conversation with her husband. What does her husband sitting next to her say is enough time for meaningful conversation? Fifteen to twenty minutes-once or twice a week! Gary Smalley and John Trent, Husbands and Wives.
2. ATTITUDES
God says, SET the correct agenda.
Proverbs 31:27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
* Without the right attitude, you will not have good communications.
* The mother is vital in setting the correct agenda & having the right attitude.
* If mama ain’t happy, then nobody is happy!
* The eyes of your family are on you mom. What’s your attitude like? What’s your motivation?
* Your children are watching. Are you setting the right agenda? How’s your attitude?
* Being energetic, occupied with the right things - not selfish.
* Taking care of your household properly? Be setting the correct agenda.
* Don’t let the world rob what should be yours to instill. You have to do it.
* Assigning tasks, following through on what you say, listening carefully.
* If your attitude is being lazy or let someone else do it then don’t expect any different.
* Mom, if you think you’re perfect, wait till your kids grow up!
Philippians 2:5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
POSITIVE ATTITUDE:
* It allows God to effectively work in lives of family members.
* Can make a huge influence upon others.
* It helps overcome difficulties in relationships.
* It instills confidence which makes a difference in every aspect of life.
Proverbs 11:29a "He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind..."
* Parents sometimes want to be a buddy to their children and not firm with discipline.
3. TRAINING
God says, SOW Godly Instruction.
Proverbs 31:26 "...and faithful instruction is on her tongue"
* Everyday is a new teaching adventure, buy up every opportunity.
* Teach about dangers, hot stoves, playing in the street, etc. But also right from wrong.
* Make the Bible come alive with it’s life changing truth. Sin, Jesus and Salvation.
* Once the Spiritual is right, attitudes are right, then communications will be right.
Proverbs 29:15 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
* Proper discipline is a critical part of instruction.
* Regularly communicate your passion for God to your child.
* If you don’t instill moral values in your children, who will? Be assured someone will!
Lost Child
The 19th-century pastor Henry Ward Beecher told of a mother in the wild frontier country who was washing clothes beside a steam. Her only child was playing nearby. Suddenly she realized he was no longer near her. She called his name, but there was no answer. Alarmed, the mother ran to the house, but her son was not there. In wild distress, the frightened woman dashed out to the forest. There she found the child, but it was too late. The youngster had been killed by a wolf. Heartbroken, she picked up the lifeless body, drew it close to her heart, and tenderly carried it home. Beecher concluded, "Oh, how that mother hated wolves!" Understandably, she detested them because of what they had done to her beloved child.
Every Christian parent should feel that way about evil. Like a wild wolf, it can destroy children. Many mother s and fathers who are so careful to guard their youngsters from physical harm don’t notice the sinful forces that threaten the spiritual welfare of their boys and girls. As a result, they leave them unprotected. They show little concern for the friends their children make, the magazines they read, or the TV programs they watch. But if any of these influences are evil, they should be viewed as a deadly threat. Like the psalmist, we must determine, "I will not know wickedness" (Psalm 101:4). And we should protect our children from it.
The mother in Beecher’s story had good reason to hate wolves. And, as parents, we should hate evil with that same passion. - R.W.D.Our Daily Bread, July 23
Proverbs 1:8 Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
* How is God treated in your home? This is a very serious question to ask.
* Are you more interested in teaching Johnny to hit the Tee Ball or to teach about Jesus?
* Mom, if your spouse isn’t faithful to Church then you be.
* Your responsibility is to train up your children according to God’s rule book, the Bible.
The Duke of Windsor said, "The thing that impresses me most about America is the way the parents obey their children!"
Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
* The largest hurdle today in our families is the Spiritual hurdle. How are you doing?
* Good and Godly instruction from God’s Word.
* God will often come last in our lives, we keep pushing Him to the back of our priority list.
* We often cower down to this. Why? I believe it is because of our enemies.
Who cares more for your family? The entertainment industry, the Government or you? Hillary Clinton wrote a book entitled, "It takes a village to raise your child!" Not true, it takes a Godly mother who cares enough to make a difference.
A recent survey just released details the negative affect daycare has upon children - don’t place your responsibility upon someone or something else.
The World System.
* World teaches us situation ethics, if it feels good then do it. A-moral’s, there is no God or absolutes to anchor my life. Our kids drift around like rudderless boats.
* Mom, sow Godly instruction, making a difference in their lives.
The Sinful human nature.
* God says we have all sinned and come short of God’s glory. Therefore it is natural to do wrong. God says to train up a child in the ways he should go. Are you?
* Faithfulness to Church, to God’s Word, and to prayer. All essential to development.
The Devil himself.
* He is real, and is out to destroy your family. Don’t let him.
Sow Godly instruction, Train up champions for Christ!
4. RESULTS
God says you will SEE success over Family Hurdles.
Proverbs 31:28 "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:"
* We will have wonderful children who will grow up and call you blessed. Husbands praise you.
* Why? Because of your faithful character, your strong integrity, your steadfast training & diligence, will pay off in future dividends - children with character, serving Christ.
1 Samuel 18:14 In everything he did he had great success, because the LORD was with him.
* Don’t rush through life. Take the time to fully experience moments you have with your child.
* Ask God to help you break bad habits and establish good ones. Your children are watching!
* Spend time on your knees before God in prayer, you need personal Spiritual renewal yourself.
* Asking God to continually transform you more into the person, He would like you to be.
* Mom, you begin to set the example, then watch those around you change.
1 Chronicles 22:13 Then you will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that the LORD gave Moses for Israel. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged.
* Create special memories with your child as often as you can.
* Cultivate a pure heart rather than your outward appearance.
* In all you do, strive to serve out of a sense of love, not merely duty. It takes effort.
* You will see tremendous success over any family hurdle you may have!
A Mother’s Kiss
Benjamin West was just trying to be a good babysitter for his little sister Sally. While his mother was out, Benjamin found some bottles of colored ink and proceeded to paint Sally’s portrait. But by the time Mrs. West returned, ink blots stained the table, chairs, and floor. Benjamin’s mother surveyed the mess without a word until she saw the picture. Picking it up, she exclaimed, "Why, it’s Sally!" And she bent down and kissed her young son.
In 1763, when he was 25 years old, Benjamin West was selected as history painter to England’s King George III. He became one of the most celebrated artists of his day. Commenting on his start as an artist, he said, "My mother’s kiss made me a painter." Her encouragement did far more than a rebuke ever could have done. Our Daily Bread, March-May, 1996, p. for May 17
As a Mother raising a family, how do you conqueror the family hurdles that come your way?
1. Sow Godly instruction, by living correctly yourself with faithful Godly training.
2. Set the correct agenda, by having the right attitude.
3. Communicate by speaking with wisdom, being saturated in God’s Word yourself.
Let’s Pray
