Parenting--It’s A Tough Job
July 30, 2000 Proverbs 4:1-9 Ephesians 6:1-4
I can still recall my wife saying, "I think it’s time." We were houseparents taking care of 7 kids living with them 3 1/2 days a week. We called the other couple to come be with the kids so that we could go to the hospital. Then we went into the marathon session of labor and breathing exercises. I don’t think my wife was too happy with me at that moment, probably blaming me for the pain she was in at the time.
Even with all the breathing and screaming our little girl was not coming out. Finally we had a C section. My wife was finally relieved. She was taken to the recovery room. The nurses then gave me this little bundle in a blanket with blue, white and pink stripes. At the top was this beautiful little round head, with black hair and beautiful eyes.
I could hold her from top to bottom in my arm. There was an incredible sense of love for this tiny little child. I can remember telling her, you’re going to have the best father there ever was. I’m so thankful that she did not understand what I was saying, because many times through the years ahead, she would have probably reminded me, "Daddy, didn’t you promise me the best father in the world. Why are you acting like this?"
There is so much potential that comes with every child and all parents want to believe that this child, their child is going to be somebody special. This child is going to make a difference. Somewhere between the birth of a child and the child reaching adulthood, there is this thing called life, which may greatly alter our plans for the future. During that period, there may be a tremendous increase in the original potential we saw in our child, or there may a tremendous amount of pain and disappointment as we see our child’s failure to make good on what he or she could do.
Parenting is one of the toughest job there is. It is hard. It is work. It is painful, and it is a lifetime commitment. That is not to say parenting does not have its wonderful moments, but those moments will usually be fewer than the labor in between. Parenting is one of the most unappreciated sacrifices that a person can make. The thing about it is that, we usually do not know how difficult it is to be a parent until, we become one ourselves.
Think about it, how many of you now that you know what its like to be a parent, would like to have been different kid to your parents. You would have been more helpful around the house, less demanding of getting your way, more thankful for what you received, and more respectful in the way you talked to them. This is basically what parents from all over the world want from their children. Help, obedience, appreciation and respect. If you fill house with these qualities, you’re going to have a good family life.
One of the reasons we do not have perfect parent-child relationships is the same reason we do not have perfect marriages. The problem is, there is always two sinners involved. As adults we ought to know we are sinners. Some of us are foolish enough to believe, that our children are basically good when they come into the world, and as long as we keep them from "those kids" they will be alright. The word of God teaches, that all of us are sinners, and our bent is not to doing good, but to doing evil. Some of us are more bent toward evil than others, but we all have the same bent.
We begin our lives with a self centered universe. How many of us checked with our mothers before sending them into labor to find out if 4am in the morning would be a good time to be born. No we just came. How many of us tried to find a polite way to ask for some milk. No we just let out this irritating sound until somebody met our needs? How many of us asked about our parents sleeping schedule, be fore determining ours. No we just woke up when we felt like it.
As parents we do not want to believe our children are sinners and we are shocked when they play the part. "Boy I cannot believe you lied to me?", "Girl how in the world did you steal that in the store." Boy, what got into you. What are you doing with these magazines in this house. Girl, how in the world could you sneak out of this house after I told you not to go. Did you lose your mind, how in the world could you talk to your teacher like that. What in the world is the matter with you with all these D’s & F’s. You told me you were doing your school work. A parent is hurt by all these actions, but this is just the beginning.
What, you robbed a store! You’re pregnant again. You were fired because you’re addicted to drugs. You killed somebody and you don’t know how it happen. You’re getting a divorce! You need more money. You’ve flunked out of school. You want me to take care of you kids while you’re in jail. You’ve quit another job. The hurt and the pain it keeps on coming and coming and coming.
Sin is real, and it destroys people’s lives including children. It adds to the stresses of parenting like nothing else. In our desire to blame somebody else for our problems, our society has a particular joy in blaming parents for just about anything that goes wrong.
Parents are at fault if Billy punches somebody at school, if Mary gets F’s in class, if Leroy steals a car, if Bob has two girls pregnant at the same time, if Tanya takes drugs, if Susie’s marriage falls apart, if somehow somebody somewhere is unhappy with the life they have. If only their parents would have loved them more, provided for them better, given them more time, or took them to church, these things would not have happened.
We need to stop this nonsense of claiming there are perfect parents out there who can fix and meet any need a child has. We have some parents sending their kids to private schools they cannot afford in order to give their kids the edge they need academically. This is what a good parent does. We forget that if the kid is not willing to do right, he or she can get just as many D’s and F’s in public school as they do in private schools. Kids are going to school with other sinners whether they are in public or private school.
It is far better to be in a public school with a teacher like Felicia, Debbie, Jackie, Delois and some of you others than to be a in a Christian school where the teacher is not saved, is not happy with the salary, and sees this as a step to the next job. There are some great teachers in Christian schools, private schools, and public schools, and there are some lousy ones in each. Putting the word Saint in front of a school name does not mean we can trust our children will be safe there.
There is a saying we often hear that’s not a biblical one, but people usually apply it when a parent is celebrating a victory with a child. You may hear people say, well the acorn does not fall far from the tree. Well, that may be true about trees, but it’s not always true about parent child relationships and developments. The Bible deals with real life and does not try to cover things up. Jacob had 12 sons. Sure he produced a great son like Joseph. But two of his boys were murderers, and two of his boys had messed up sexual lives.
Samuel was the greatest judge Israel ever had, but his boys were so dishonest and corrupt, the people wanted nothing to do with them as rulers. David’s father , Jesse, didn’t think David was even capable of becoming a king, but we know how wrong Jesse was. Hezekiah was a king who loved the Lord, yet his son Manassah was one of the most wicked of rulers. Amon was another very wicked king, he didn’t want anything to do with God, yet his son Josiah was probably the king who loved the Lord the most after David.
It would be great if being a parent was like being an auto-mechanic. When the tire goes flat. Change the tire. When the car won’t back up, replace the transmission. When the car won’t crank, charge the battery. If the car won’t go, and the tank reads E, you put in some gas. But being a child is not the same as being a car. We all respond differently to problems that come into our lives. Sometimes even as parents, although we want to help our children, not only do we some times not know what to do, we are not capable of fixing everything that needs to be fixed.
One of the most well known verses when it comes to parenting, is the verse "train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." This verse has not been understood in the way God intended for it to be understood. People have believed that this verse teaches, that if you bring a child up in the church, the child will always stay true to the Lord. Remember, we keep telling you, not to pick a verse and run with it as a promise. You must look at its context. This verse is located in Proverbs. Proverbs is not a book of absolutes of something being right all the time.
For example, when the book of Acts states, "If anyone calls on the Name of the Lord, he shall be saved." That is a promise. Anybody, anywhere can call on the name of the Lord and be saved. Proverbs is not like that. It does not give exact promises, but it gives pictures of how life often goes. Look at verse 22:4 Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life. Now don’t you know some people who have no humility about them, who have wealth, honor and life. Now some of you have humility and fear of the Lord and you’ve got honor and life but you may or may not have wealth. Simply obtaining humility and the fear of the Lord does not guarantee you, you will be wealthy.
When we look at Proverbs 22:6, God is not making a promise to anyone that if they train up in a child in the Lord, the child will always stay with the Lord. This was not true in the Old Testament from life experience, nor is it true in the New Testament. You all have situations in which you knew someone who brought their children up in church, but to see the person today, you’d never know it.
Peter, John, and Judas all had Jesus as a teacher or parent figure in their lives. Yet their outcomes in life were all dramatically different. Do you think Jesus blamed himself for Peter’s denials. Do you think Jesus was on the cross saying, if only he had of been a better father figure to Judas, this would not have happened. My friends if Jesus realized, people make choices which determine their destiny apart from the love and guidance we provide, why can’t we do the same thing.
The good news in the gospel is that even though this is not a promise, it does not mean we ever stop praying or having hope for our kids, be they 5, 15, 25, 45, 55, or 65 years of age. Where you see your kids today, is not where they will always be. Keep on praying. The reality is, for some of us it will take a tragedy for us to come to the Lord. For others it will take experiences of various kinds. As parents, we can teach our kids the truth, but we cannot pour our commitment to the Lord into them. Each person has to come to know Jesus in a one to one relationship.
We are all going to make mistakes as parents. Kids, your parents are going to make mistakes. Most of us do not want perfect parents. How many of you would want a perfect parent who instantly knew everything you did right and everything you did wrong each day. A parent who could tell instantly the moment you were starting to tell a lie. God does not expect us to be perfect parents, but God does expect us to be Christian parents. A Christian parent, seeks to relate to his or her children in the way God intends.
That’s why God gives us this verse, "Fathers or Parents, do not exasperate your children: instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." The word exasperate means to provoke to anger. The verse is saying, parents, sometimes we needlessly cause our children to get angry and upset with us. This verse is speaking of unreasonable treatment of our children so that they become discouraged or resentful.
Each child is different, but all of our children are entitled to love, respect, and self worth. Somewhere along the line, we forget that our treatment of our children at home, provides them with a much greater training of who Jesus is, than what they learn about Him at church. How are we called to show respect to our children. We do it by the choice of words we used in talking with our kids. As Christians, we do it by listening to what they have to say. We may not agree with it, but we at least listen.
For those of us with more than one kid, we need to have memorize the verse in Proverbs 18:17 "The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him." We need to get all the facts before we react because rarely do we get the full side of the story. Never forget, all of our kids are capable of lying. What are kids are in our presence is not necessarily what they are when they are away from us.
We build our kids self worth by not humiliating them in public. When we have to discipline our kids, it is far better to go and do it privately, than to embarrass them in front of others. They live with the shame long after our emotions have calmed down. We build their self worth by keeping them out of putting themselves in a hole when they are angry. We tell them, you can’t have the phone for a week. They respond "so, make it two months I don’t care." Resist the temptation to make it two months as they requested.
We exasperate our children by not allowing them to pass through the different seasons in their lives. Each generation comes through with its own way of thinking. We have to be willing to adjust to it without, compromising our principles. Your children’s generation is going to like different music. Don’t protest the music, but do check out the message. Their clothing will be different. Let it be but with moderation. Their language will be different. Learn it the best you can. Their hairstyles will be different. These things do not make your children more or less spiritual. Realize that some things are simply our own prejudices, but it doesn’t make it right or wrong. Kids help us out on some of these things. Remember you will be 18 and get to do all the crazy things then if you still want to do them.
Believe it or not Jesus is able to accept our youth with their music, their hair, their earrings, their tattoos, their baggy pants, their pierced this that and the other thing. None of these things are worth us loosing a good relationship with our parents or with our kids over. Keep it mind we only have each other for a season.
No sooner than we grow close to our kids, society is going to work to pull us apart from each other. But again do not give up hope or prayer. You can go through some rocky teen years, but that does not mean you can’t have a great relationship with each other once the years have passed and you’re both adults.
The most difficult thing for a parent may come in letting go of our children once they’ve reached adulthood. We hate to see the poor choices they make with their lives, but we must remember they are adults. For you young people who stay in your parents’ home as adults, remember, its your parent’s home and their rules should be respected and followed. It does not matter how old you get. If you cannot live with those rules, in fairness to you both, you should get a place of your own. Once our kids are adults, our parenting days are not over. We deceive ourselves if we think, now that the kids are gone we will be able to…. No the kids are not gone, until they’ve gone on to be with the Lord.
It’s an honor and privilege to be a parent in someone’s life whether the child is your biological child, adopted child, foster child, relative or friend of the family. Whenever we can touch somebody close up for Jesus, its an opportunity to make a difference. Parenting, it’s a tough job, but with God’s help we can make it through.
3. Respect---What About The Words We Use
4. Listen- Give A Chance To Be Heard
Get The Full Story 17 The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.
5. All Our Kids Are Capable Of Lying
L. Self Worth--No Humiliation
1. Avoid Embarrassment
2. Help Them When They’re Angry
3. Two Weeks To Two Months
M. Being Willing To Allow Them To Change
1. Generation---Music, Clothing, Hairstyle
2. Less Or More Spiritual
3. 18 Is Coming
4. Jesus Acceptances
5. Goal Is A Healthy Relationship
6. Rocky Teen But Great Adults
7. Letting Go Is Hard
8. If You Stay, Then Obey
9. Deception---When They’re Gone
N. The Honor & The Privilege
1. Birth, Adopted, Foster, Relative, Friend
2. Touch Up Close For Jesus
3. With God.
Sermon Outline--Pastor Rick
Parenting It’s A Tough Job
7/30/2000 Prov. 4:1-9 Ephesians 6:1-4
A. Becoming A Parent
1 .My Wife--I Think It’s Time
2. Hospital--Labor--Breathing
3. Relieved--Recovery
4. Bundle Blue, Pink White
5. Love, Joy
promise---Best Daddy In The World
B. The Dream Of Every Parent
1. Somebody Special
2. Going To Make A Difference
3. Infant To Adulthood----Life
4. Future Great Joy ----Great Sorrow
5. Potential
C. One Of The Toughest Jobs
1. Hard, Work, Painful, Life Time Commitment
2. Great Moments Rare Compared To Labor
3. Appreciation ?
4. Don’t Know Until You Become
5. Helpful, Less Demanding, More Thankful,
6. More Respectful
D. Truth And The Perfect Parent Child Relationship
1. Problem---Two Sinners
2. Come In Bent The Wrong Way
3. Self Centered Universe---Birth, Feed, Sleep
4. Sinners Will Play The Part
5. Lied, Steal, Magazines, Sneak Out, Grades,
6. Hurt And Pain
7. The Saga Continues
8. Robbery, Pregnant, Fired, Divorce, Murder, 9. Flunked Out, Kids & Jail
E. The Power Of Sin To Destroy
1. Somebody’s Got To Be Blamed
2. Billy’s Punch, Mary’s F, Leroy’s Car, Bob’s Babies, Tanya’s Drugs, Susie’s Marriage,
3. Somebody’s Unhappiness
4. If Parents Loved, Provided, Given, Etc.
5. Trying To Solve The Problem With The Right School
6. Still With Sinners Could Be Wasted Money
7. Saint In Front Won’t Produce Saints
F. The Reality Of Life In The Bible
1. The Acorn And The Tree
2. Jacob & Joseph, But What About The Others
3. Samuel Loved The Lord But His Children
4. Hezekiah Loved The Lord But Mannassah
5. Jessie Didn’t Think Highly Of David But
6. Amon Was As Wicked As They Come, But Josiah
G. Is A Parent Like An Automechanic
1. Tire, Reverse, Crank, Empty Reading
2. Children Respond Differently To Problems & Life
3. Want To Help But How
4. Can I Fix It
H. Promise Not Given In The Bible.
Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
1. If You Bring Them Up In The Church
2. Context-- Proverbs Not Absolutes But….
3. Acts-Promise If Anyone Calls On The Lord
4. Proverbs 22:4 Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life.
5. Proverbs 22:6 Not Supported As Promise By OT, NT. Life
I. Jesus Let Individuals Take Responsibility
1. Peter, John, Judas
2. Same Father Figure To Them All
3. Choices Made Apart From Love, Guidance Provided
4. Keep On Praying And Having Hope
5. 5, 15, 25, 45, 55, 65
6. What You See Today Is Not Always Going To Be
7. We Can Teach, Each Must Light His/Her Own Candle Of Commitment Jesus 1 to 1
J. So You May Have Made Some Mistakes As A Parent
1. We All Share One Thing As Parents
2. Most Kids Do Not Want Perfect Parents
3. Know All, Know Instantly
4. God Does Not Expect Us T o Be Perfect---
K. Just Make Corrections & Course Changes
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
1. Exasperate---Provoke To Anger
2. Are We Part Of The Problem?
Each One Is Unique
Love, Respect, Self Worth
Home Better Teacher About Jesus Than Church
Respect---What About The Words We Use
Listen- Give A Chance To Be Heard
Get The Full Story 17 The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.
All Our Kids Are Capable Of Lying
L. Self Worth--No Humiliation
Avoid Embarrassment
Help Them When They’re Angry
Two Weeks To Two Months
M. Being Willing To Allow Them To Change
Generation---Music, Clothing, Hairstyle
Less Or More Spiritual
18 Is Coming
Jesus Acceptances
Goal Is A Healthy Relationship
Rocky Teen But Great Adults
Letting Go Is Hard
If You Stay, Then Obey
Deception---When They’re Gone
N. The Honor & The Privilege
Birth, Adopted, Foster, Relative, Friend
Touch Up Close For Jesus
With God.
