Do You Love Me Part II
Judges 16:4-22 Ephesains 4:20-5:2
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and the big thing at school will be who gave you a Valentine Day Card. Many romances will be started tomorrow over by Wednesday. I still remember back in seventh grade buying the biggest heart of candy I could find this girl who sent it through the grapevine that she liked me about two days before Valentine’s Day.
She joyfully accepted my candy at school on Valentine’s Day on that Friday. By the following Monday, I had received notice through the grapevine, that she and her old boyfriend was back together again. All I had was a broken heart and the loss of my money. Looking back and seeing what happened to some other people who played the fool, I came out pretty good.
Last week we asked the question, "Do You Love Me" and what did it really mean. In our Scripture reading this morning, we found that even mature people with God’s anointing upon them can be blindsided by love. Samson was one of the strongest men to have ever lived, but that did not keep him from playing the fool. When he met Delilah, his heart started racing, his eyes bulged, he felt himself floating on air, and he knew he had found the perfect woman.
Was she ever good looking. All it took for him was just one look. Now Samson had a history of using women for his own pleasure and then leaving them behind in his past. But when he saw Delilah, he had a reaction inside like nothing else. With Delilah, he fell in love.
The only problem is, Delilah did not fall in love with him. She pretended to love him and even moved in with him. They never did get marry. But Samson didn’t know she was only in it for the money. Not his money, but money people were paying her to find out how they could destroy him.
Samson was asking Delilah "do you love me" . But what Samson was really asking "Baby are you going to be by my side for the rest of my life.". Delilah was asking Samson "do you love me". But she was really asking "Fool , will you give me what I want so I can get out of this relationship." Samson’s first impression of Delilah caused him to see a woman that did not exist.
Friends, you can have the best of motives going into a relationship, but that does not mean that somebody is not out to use you for what they can get. Samson was the first to have a fatal attraction in Scripture. Three times he discovered a plot of his girlfriend attempting to have him assassinated. He overlooked all three of them as mere coincidence. After all she had told him, she loved him.
But on the fourth attempt Delilah was successful. Samson’s enemies seized him, and ripped his eyes out of the socket. They turned him into a slave and Delilah walked away with enough money to live on for quite a while. Paid by the very men, who ripped out his eyes. Love can be a costly adventure and a painful one as well.
Last week we looked at three kinds of love. There was eros, the romantic type, phileo the friendship type, and agape, the I want the best for you type. Our ultimate goal in love in our relationships to one another should be agape. We get so caught up in the wrong thing when it comes to love that we sort of set ourselves up for disaster.
For some of us, the most important thing about choosing a friend or someone to date is what does the person look like. But looks are no indicator of what qualities a person may possess. Sure they may make a profound first impression, but we do not live with first impressions. We live with a person’s true qualities.
If a person happens to look appealing to you, that’s simply icing on the cake, but it’s not the cake. When you choose to love a person, the person always becomes better looking with time, because you discover the qualities that really matter. You don’t have anybody that you really love that you think is ugly. Because you see something that others fail to see.
The word of God tells us, that Jesus was not a tall dark handsome good looking person. It says in Isaiah 53:2 "He had not beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him." In other words, most of us if not all of us, looked better on than outside than Jesus did. But so what, that’s not where it counts in relationships.
We are told not to be captivated by the super person. Be it they have super power, super spirituality, or super willingness to sacrifice. Paul put it this way, so what if I can talk in the tongues of men and angels. If I do not have love, I’m just a bunch of noise like a clanging symbol.
So what if I can preach sermons that are super deep and reveal things nobody else sees and even have the ability to have faith enough to move mountains, if I do not have love am nothing. So what if I become a great philanthropist with millions of dollars and set up a foundation and give all the money I have to the poor or be willing to surrender my life to be burned in the fire, if I do not have love, I gain nothing.
We are often wondering, what is God’s will for my life. Can you see here, that making a name for yourself, being super spiritual, getting a lot of money in order to give it away, or working yourself to death for a cause is not what’s going to really matter in life. No matter what it is we feel called to do, it has to start with the two great commandments. Which are to love the Lord our God with all our heart, our mind, our soul and our strength and to love our one another as Christ has loved us.
God is more concerned about how we interact with one another in every day relationships than He is with us having some new ministry in the church or in the world. 1 Corinthians chapter 13 is not a chapter for married couples. It’s for all of us. Verse 4 says, Love is patient. The word here means love has the capacity to be wronged and not retaliate. One of the important thing about the Greek word here is that the word always means being patient with people, not with circumstances. You may rightfully seek to end circumstances, but you do not destroy the person in so doing. Patience is one of the most sought out characteristics in this list describing love. Yet few welcome the circumstances which will produce it. Patience does not come for free. Where you pray and you get it.
You get patience in the same way, you get into shape. You have to practice and endure things which hurt in order to get use to them, so that you can easily disregard what use to cause you pain. An athlete does not run until his body aches simply to cause his body to ache. No he or she does it, because he or she knows there is coming a time when this is going to pay off for me in the long run. Now if your home is anything like ours, patience is needed because we all see the world in different ways.
"A clean kitchen does not mean the same thing to everybody." To some it means, the dishes are in the sink. To another it means the dishes are washed. To another it means the dishes are washed, put up, the floor is swept and all the counters are clean. Now this verse is not saying, because love is patient, you accept everybody’s standard of clean. It’s saying, "even when the person has not done the job correctly, my attitude and disposition is still going to be Christ like as I help this person learn to do what he or she must do. I’m patient with the person but not the circumstances. The best way to do this, may be to have a consequence in advance of something not being done, so that everyone knows and can be content.
We are leaving at 7pm does not mean the same to everyone. Some believes it means 6:50, some 7:00, some 7:10, and some up to around 7:30. Love as patience does not mean we accept the actions of those who are late, but it means we still have a Christ like attitude toward them in dealing with the situation. If you’re anything like me, I want to explode with anger because I hate being late. So again, if you know what the consequence is in advance, you can cut down on some hard feelings.
Patience is going to involve us looking over the evil or wrong done by another person toward us. We’re saying, I know you upset my life, my happiness, my plans, but I’m going to choose to continue to look out for your best interest. My attitude toward you will be based on my choice, not on your actions. There is nothing easy about patience. Even when romantic love is involved, its not necessarily any easier.
The Bible clearly states, those of you who marry are going to have some trouble that you could avoid by staying single. Now that verse assures us as couples, that we will need to be willing to be patient with each other if there is any chance for happiness together. We are all going to hurt and offend each other if we are together long enough. That’s a given.
But we always have a choice of how we respond. How does Christ respond when we commit the same sin for the fifth time? How does He respond when we say, "Lord I know I said I would never do it again, but God I confess I have, will you forgive me? How does He respond when we make a commitment to do something, but then fail to carry out the commitment. In each situation, God chooses to respond in love, by granting us his forgiveness. One of the most important qualities a person can have is a willingness to quickly forgive.
Love is kind. The Greek word is translated as courteous, good, helpful, useful, giving, showing and showering favors. This means love does some things just because it’s the right thing to do. Have you ever did something for someone only because you wanted a favor from them later? As a kid, did you ever clean the house real good because you were going to ask to go somewhere or because you knew you report card was coming in and your parents needed to be in a good mood, or your birthday was coming and you wanted this particular gift. As a parent you feel manipulated, not loved. Well that’s not what this verse is talking about.
Being kind means doing things with no expectation of a reward other than perhaps a simple thank you. You saw something and you recognized, here is an opportunity to say "mom, I love you" with no strings attached to it. And you did it. Doesn’t it make you feel good inside when you know someone simply gave of themselves to do a job for you with no fanfare.
We all have the capacity to be kind to one another in our homes. What keeps us from doing it? Some of us are too good at keeping score in our relationships. If you do enough for me, then I might do something for you. Some of us think we’re God’s gift to the world, and can think only of ourselves. I’ll do what I want to do and that’s it. We do not think of how our actions are affecting other people.
Love does not envy. The word envy is also translated jealous. Love does not have feelings against another person because of their looks, their gifts, their friends, their possessions, their abilities, or their popularity. Have you ever had someone that just did not like you even though you had done nothing to the person. Often times it is simply you have something of which the person is very jealous and wants it for him or herself.
But they will not admit their jealousy. They simply say, "I just don’t know what it is about her, I just don’t like her." The problem is not with her, the problem is with you. If you choose to dislike someone created in the image of God, you ought to know why. Some single people are envious of married people. If I had a husband or a wife, then I could serve God better. Some married people are envious of single people. If I didn’t have this husband or this wife, I could serve God a whole lot better. Brothers and sisters grow up in the same house choosing to hate each other because one is jealous of another.
Remember this. Nobody lives in a perfect world. Everybody has some problems, and before you wish you could switch places with someone, you better find out what struggles they have that you don’t. Why is it that the Richard Blackmon II making $250,000 at a year working in a downtown office building, living in a fine home is a more likely candidate for suicide than John Brown earning $6 working full time at McDonalds, living with his wife in a small apartment in East Cleveland.
A person with envy is constantly putting down other people. You can detect envy when the moment you say something good about another person, and the person you’re speaking to quickly responds, "Oh he’s not all that, I know such and such." Envy can destroy children in a family. We have to be careful when we say, "why can’t you be like so and so." There are times when another person never can be like. The emphasis should be placed on each child doing the best he or she can do without making the comparison.
Envy can destroy marriages. There are some people who cannot handle the success of the other person. They actually become jealous of the attention given to the other person. Some men are still in the dark ages and cannot handle a woman making more than they are. But some women have gone into the dark ages saying, "I don’t want a man who makes less than I do. I’m looking for someone to take care of me."
For better to have an uneducated man with a low paying job who is willing to improve his circumstances, who truly loves you, than to have somebody making money who does not know the meaning of commitment. You see you can help somebody to get an education and move up the ladder. You cannot however make somebody want to stay home or be more committed.
Envy can destroy churches. "I don’t see why she gets to sing the solo all the time. You can sing just as well as she can." How did John The Baptist handle envy, when people started telling him, "You know John, Jesus’ crowds are bigger than you crowds when you speak, and we know a lot of people who use to listen to you are now going to Jesus." John said, " Listen, God called me to do what I do, and I do it. Jesus must increase in ministry and I must decrease."
When Peter wanted to compare himself to John, Jesus told him, "It’s none of your business of how I am going to work in John’s life, you must follow me." In other words, do what you’re supposed to do and do it well. Let go of the envy you have inside and start to love the person you’re choosing to dislike.
Love does not boast. The word means bragging, seeking recognition or honor or applause from others. In other words, love is not being in love with oneself. There will come times when we believe our own press report. "Child, I know I’m looking too good." Yeah right. We make statements, "What on earth would you do without me." Well if you die, don’t count on the person climbing into the casket with you.
Never think that we can be so good to a person with material benefits, that we can start to treat them just any kind of a way. You should go back and listen to that old record, "There’s a Thin Line Between Love And Hate". No one should have to make excuses for our behavior simply because we have reached a certain status in life. So what if you’re so and so out in the world, when you come home , I still want to be treated with the same love and respect I got when you were just a nobody in their eyes. Love is seeking to build up others around us.
Love is not proud. The word King James uses the word puffed up. It means prideful, arrogant, conceited. It does not think nor act as though oneself is better or above others. In other words it does not have a big head. The word of God states, in Romans 12:3 " Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Yes, yes, yes, you may consider yourself a wonderful person, but don’t forget we are all sinners saved by God’s grace. Even though you think you’re easy to live with, there is somebody else that knows every now and then you’re like the devil himself. So let us keep working at becoming what God calls us to be, instead of announcing to the world of what a wonderful prize we already are.
Love is not rude. The word means acting indecently, rudely, unmannerly, or disgracefully. It does not do things to bring shame on oneself. What are the ways in which we become rude? We do it through the language we use. We do it through the tone of voice that we use. We do it when we take things for granted, acting mean and ugly and just expecting people to put up with us any ways.
Love is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrong. I want to take these three together. One of the great problems in relationships is the idea that I was right and therefore I am justified. We focus in disagreements on who was right. The only problem is, "it’s possible for both people to be right" which means the disagreement is not resolved. We think what we have to get at is the truth of what happened. But that’s not what we are really having to resolve.
What we have to deal with, is each other’s perception of what really happened. For instance, Mary and John are at a high school reunion. Mary goes to the bathroom and when she comes back, John’s old girlfriend is talking to him. She says a weak hi to Mary and leaves. Mary accuses John of trying to re spark old flames and John insists it was all in innocence. Mary wants to know then why did she give her that look when she left.
Now the issue is not the real content of the conversation, but the perception of what Mary saw. John needs to deal not with his guilt or innocence, but her perception. John needs to offer an apology, for Mary feeling hurt and embarrassed by the appearance of things and he needs to reaffirm his love for her. Mary needs to apologize to John for misunderstanding what had taken place and judging him prematurely. Simply arguing about what happened would only further deteriorate the situation.
We have to be honest and tell each other the truth on a regular basis so that when we have different perceptions of the same event we can accept the other person at his or her word that this is what I was thinking at that time. Many times when we think someone is trying to hurt us, they really aren’t. They’re just not thinking about the situation in the same way we are. When we get beyond thinking about our rights, we will not be as easily angered, because we’re willing to give the other person a benefit of the doubt.
Once it’s over, its over because Love does not keep a record of our wrongs endured. Any person who remembers everything they ever argued over, and each time someone hurt them, is a miserable person to have to live with. You know, at the next time of conflict, you will have to listen to all your mistakes for the past umpteenth years.
When we fall into sin by telling a lie, and go before God to confess it, God does not start off saying, "Well first you ask me to forgive you for jealousy when you did such and such, then you asked for forgiveness for stealing, then you asked for forgiveness for cheating 10 times I might add, and now you’re here for lying for the fifth time this afternoon. No Jesus was not self seeking, as a matter of fact, he gave his life for us. Jesus is not easily angered. Peter denied him three times, we’ve done it many more that yet he still stands beside us. Jesus does not keep a record of wrong. He’s not waiting in heaven for us to arrive to begin reading a list of things we did wrong. He’s still hoping to be able to say about you, "Well done my child, enter into the joy of my kingdom."
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. This is God’s will for our lives. Not that we become, wealthy, popular and famous. But that we should first of all love God, and secondly love one another. Love is more than a feeling, it is a choice to do the right thing for the good of another.
G. We Can Both See It Differently
H. Not Easily Angered
I. Forgetting The Past
J. God Is Our Example
K. Jesus Is Not Waiting With A Whip
L. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Youth Meet At Church At 3:30 On Friday For The Synod Conference. We Should Be Back Home Between 6pm and 7pm On Saturday. Bring Some Money To Stop At Fast Food Place On Friday On The Way To Toledo.
Men, We Will Have Men Who Excel On Saturday.
Sermon Outline--Do You Love Me Part II
Pastor Rick 2/13/2000 Judges 16:4-22 Eph. 4:20-5:2
I. The Valentine Day Fever
A. 7th Grade Romance & Grapevind
B. Here Today Gone On Monay
C. Playing The Fool
II. Samson Gets Hit By The Bug
A. Anyone Can Be Blindsided
B. Delilah Was Delightful
C. A Man In Love
D. A Woman With A Plan
E. Do You Love Me? What Does It Mean
F. 3 Assassination Attempts
G. A Fatal Attraction
III. Three Kinds Of Love
A. Eros, Phileo, Agape
B. Looks- A Good First Impression…But
C. Did You Look Better Thank Jesus
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. Isaiah 53:2
IV. What Really Does Count
A. Super Spirituality
B. Super Power
C. Super Philanthropist
D. Super Sacrifice
E. What’s God Will For My Life
V. The Two Big Commandments
A. Love The Lord Your God
B. Love One Another
C. Chapter 13 Is For Us All
VI. Love Is Patient
A. Being Wronged
B. With People Not Circumstances
C. Getting Patience The Old Fashioned Way
D. What Does Clean The Kitchen Mean
E. What Does Leaving At 7:00 Mean
F. When Our Lives Are Upset
G. Promise Of Trouble To Marrieds
H. Choice Of Response
I. How Does God Handle Us
VII. Love Is Kind
A. Going Above The Normal
B. Kindness Or Manipulation
C. No Strings Attached
D. Whose God’s Gift To The World
VIII. Love Does Not Envy
A. Jealous Anyone?
B. Looks, Popularity, Wealth, Ability
C. "I Just Don’t Like Her"
D. "I’ve Got A Problem
E. Singles vs Married Who Envies Who
F. Brothers & Sisters
G. Before You Change Places
H. The Great Destroyer
I. Who Gets The Fame & The Money
J. Envy In The Church
K. John The Baptist
L. Peter
IX. Love Does Not Boast
A. Are We Really That Good
B. What Would You Do Without Me
C. No Status Excuses Behavior
D. At Home-R-E-S-P-E-C-T
X. Love Is Not Proud
A. Puffed Up
B. Romans 12:3 Think Soberly
Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
C. Remember--The Sinner
D. Keep Growing --Forget The Prize
XI. Love Is Not Rude
A. Bringing On Shame
B. Watching The Language
C. Watching The Tone
D. Can We Be Ugly?
XII. Love Not Self-Seeking, Not Easily Angered, No Record of Wrongs
M. Being Right But Not Justified
N. Proving Your Point Is Not The Issue
O. Truth Is Not The Most Important Thing
P. Mary, John & Unhappy Reunion
Q. Don’t Defend, Apologize
R. The Need For Honesty
