This is week two of a series of messages on the topic of “seasons” in the Christian life. What’s a season? A season is a period of time, long or short, when our lives tend to be dominated by one particular issue. For instance, last week, we looked at “waiting” as one of these seasons. The purpose of this series is to help us anticipate and understand some of the most common seasons. That way, when they occur we won’t be caught by surprise. Instead we’ll be prepared to deal with them in a manner that’s spiritually healthy and honoring to God.
If we have any doubt as to whether this is a useful or a Biblical concept, we only have to look to the book of Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes was written about 3,000 years ago, in the tenth century B.C., by Solomon, king of Israel. It is part of the Wisdom literature of the Old Testament. In chapter 3, verses 1-8 of Ecclesiastes (NIV), we read the following:
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
A time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
In other words, Solomon is telling us that in every area of life, wisdom requires that we understand what’s going on and respond appropriately. You can’t take a “one size fits all” approach to life. For example, Solomon writes that there’s “a time to be silent and a time to speak.” If you talk when you should be quiet, you’re going to have problems. You can all think of times when you spoke and wished you hadn’t. On the other hand, it’s not always right to remain silent. If your teenage son or daughter suddenly becomes withdrawn and starts to have trouble in school, you need to say something. Ask questions. Find out what’s going on. One of the challenges I face as a pastor is deciding when to say something and when to hold back. If I suspect that someone in the congregation is struggling with a spiritual problem, should I say something? Or should I wait until they ask for help? I’m not quite as wise as Solomon, so sometimes I get it wrong. The point is that every situation is different. There’s a right time to step in, and there’s a right time to wait and see what happens.
This morning, we’re going to look at one of the other seasons that Solomon identifies. He writes that there’s “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,” and our topic today is the “Season of Mourning.” All of us at one time or another, and probably multiple times throughout our lives, will have to deal with this season of grief, and loss, and mourning. It’s never pleasant or comfortable. It’s not something we choose or volunteer for, it’s not a season we look forward to. Nevertheless, it’s a reality. Grief happens. It comes unbidden and unwelcome into all our lives. But understanding this season of mourning can make the difference between making it through in a healthy and God-honoring way, or, on the other hand, just being wiped out and devastated by it and either never recovering, or taking much longer than necessary to recover, and experiencing more pain than necessary. My goal today is to help you survive and even thrive when you’re passing through a season of mourning.
We have difficulty mourning
First, let’s acknowledge that Americans, by and large, don’t know how to mourn. Americans are very uncomfortable with the whole idea of grief. We take it as a sign of weakness or personal failure if we’re not happy. Sadness isn’t seen as a normal part of life. Rather, it’s seen as a reason to get a prescription for anti-depressants. Somehow, our right to the pursuit of happiness has been transformed into a requirement that we always actually be happy. Grief is almost unpatriotic. It calls into question our whole form of government. If democracy doesn’t guarantee constant happiness, then there must be something wrong! Look at our movies. American movies all have happy endings. You can have dozens of people shot, murdered, maimed, and knifed, but in the end, the good guy wins and everybody lives happily ever after (everybody that’s not dead, that is). Movies that violate the “happy ending” principle generally get good reviews, but lose money. TV shows are the same. In fact, the only major part of our popular culture I can think of that consistently violates this principle and gets away with it is country music. Now add to that the attitude that Christians should always be happy. If we’re sad, somehow it reflects badly on God. After all, didn’t Jesus come to make us happy all the time? No matter what happens, we have to put on a happy face; otherwise, it casts doubt on the truth of the gospel.
"At the Cross"
At the cross, at the cross,
where I first saw the light,
and the burden of my heart rolled away;
it was there by faith I received my sight,
and now I am happy all the day!
Are you happy all day, every day? I didn’t think so. Jesus didn’t come to make us happy all the time. He came to give us abundant life, which is something very different. In fact, Jesus himself experienced grief and mourning.
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled … Jesus wept. – John 11:33, 35 (NIV)
Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me." – Matthew 26:36-38 (NIV)
Christianity is not Stoicism. Jesus was not a Stoic. He felt pain. He grieved. He wept. We need to shed the idea that there is something unspiritual or shameful or sub-Christian about grief and mourning. This wrong attitude leads us to suppress our feelings, instead of acknowledging them and dealing with them. Does supressing our feelings get rid of them? No. It just sends them underground, where they hibernate and mutate and then come out later in other unpleasant ways, as anger or depression. Many of us in this room probably still have grief and sorrow deep down in their hearts that’s never been faced and resolved, because we’ve been taught that we shouldn’t express it; that we should just forget it and move on. It doesn’t work.
Carl Jung: ’Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.’
Not only do grief and sorrow help us to deal with loss in a healthy way, they bring wisdom.
“It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.” – Ecclesiastes 7:2-4 (NIV)
[You probably won’t see those verses on any Christian bumper stickers anytime soon.] What does Solomon mean? How does experiencing grief and sorrow help make us wise? Mainly, by reminding us that this life has an endpoint. Grieving over the death of someone we love strips away this pleasant fiction we live under most of the time, that we’re going to live forever. It confronts us with our own mortality. A foolish person is someone who, in spite of all the evidence, lives as though he or she will never die. A wise person faces the reality of his or her eventual death, and makes preparations.
How should we respond to grief?
So how should we respond to grief? What should we do when sorrow intrudes into our lives?
Before answering that question, let me clarify one important point. Grief and mourning are typical responses to any kind of significant loss, not only death. You can go through all the stages of grief when a marriage ends; in a real sense, a divorce is like a death. You can experience feelings very much like those associated with a death if you lose your house or your job, or if your business goes bankrupt, or your son or daughter goes off to college, or if a close friend moves away. Many times a man will have a mid-life crisis when he has to face the likelihood that his accomplishments won’t match what he had hoped for when he began his career. That’s a grief response to the death of a dream. Grief and sorrow are responses to any kind of significant loss.
So, having said that, whether we’re grieving over losing a loved one to death, or we’re dealing with some other kind of significant loss, what do we do?
First, go to God. Admittedly, this may be the last thing you want to do; you may be angry at God. But pray anyway. Express your feelings honestly and openly to Him. He already knows what’s in your heart. You don’t need to be polite; you’re not going to shock Him or surprise Him by anything you say. People might be offended, but God won’t be. God can handle your emotions, raw, uncensored. Don’t worry about using just the right words or phrasing it in the right way, just let it out. He understands.
“Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction.” – Psalm 31:9-10 (NIV)
“You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them. I am confined and cannot escape; my eyes are dim with grief. I call to you, O LORD, every day; I spread out my hands to you.” – Psalm 88:8-9 (NIV)
“My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.” – Psalm 119:28 (NIV)
Why go to God? Because He understands. Remember, he had to watch His own Son suffer and die a gruesome death on a cross. He had to let sinful people torture and murder His son. He understands. Jesus understands what it’s like to be betrayed, to grieve over the loss of every friend he had in the world. They all deserted Him when He was arrested; they even denied ever knowing Him. He understands. God understands grief, and sorrow, and pain and loss. He will have compassion.
“But you, O God, do see trouble and grief ... The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.” – Psalm 10:14 (NIV)
“Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.” – Lamentations 3:32-33 (NIV)
Not only does God understand, but He comforts. He gives us the strength to persevere. He makes the pain bearable. He gives us his peace, He soothes the emotions rubbed raw by grief. He calms our fears, and reaffirms to us His love and care. Listen to this prophecy of Jesus’ ministry:
“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, … to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” – Isaiah 61:1-3 (NIV)
The hope of the Christian is not that we will never experience grief or sorrow. Our hope and confidence is that when we do, Christ will strengthen and comfort us. And ultimately, our hope is in the return of Christ and the promise of resurrection and eternal life, when there will be no more loss, no more grief, no more mourning, no more death. Let me close with just a few verses:
“Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.” – Psalm 126:5 (NIV)
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” – Matthew 5:4 (NIV)
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." – Revelation 21:4 (NIV)
Second, go to God’s people. Share your sorrow with other Christians and let God comfort and strengthen you through them.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” – Romans 12:15 (NIV)
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)
(For an .rtf file of this and other sermons, see www.journeychurchonline.org/messages.htm)
