Three Principles of Discipleship (Part 1)
Matthew 28
18 And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, "All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth.
19 "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
20 "teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Amen.
We know this as the ‘Great Commission’. This is also the greatest failure in the church. Without discipleship, believers do not understand how to live their faith. It is common to see the great evangelistic effort, but where is discipleship? A disciple is more than a convert and our call goes far beyond baptism. I was not discipled and I struggled to make sense of it all. I fell far away from God and no one reached out or even seemed to care. I didn’t know how to pray. I had no concept that God could use me much less did I think that there was a plan for my life. I did not know that feelings would not be my guide. When the feeling faded, I thought God had rejected me. I tried to pursue emotions, instead of a relationship with God. Why did problems come? Why didn’t God protect me? When I asked God to bless my self-focused desires, why didn’t He honor my prayer? Why don’t I know God’s will for my life?
I could write pages on the common questions that almost all new Christians ask. Unfortunately, the church has left its members to figure these out on their own. Because of this, many give up on Christianity, become calloused and complacent, or get swept away by those who teach error. In most churches, people make a profession of faith; they are congratulated, put on a role and forgotten. The church that seemed so loving and welcoming when I was a prospect, now has left me isolated in the middle of the crowd. Discipleship is not seeking converts, but bringing people into an intimate relationship with God. This begins with a conversion or surrendering ourselves to Jesus Christ. But this is only the beginning. Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith. Surrender is where Jesus ‘authors’ our faith, discipleship points people to the finish line and teaches them how to run the race according to God’s purposes. In His purposes we find joy and fulfillment. There are three principles in discipleship – Relationships, Teaching, and Mentoring for Service.
1. Relationship
Of these three, the relationship is the most critical today. This is not because it is the most important, but it is the most neglected. For this reason, this message will put a lot of focus on this point. Most people are intimidated by discipleship. The word ‘discipleship’ has been elevated to a practice for the spiritually mature. People usually think of the ‘Timothy Principle’ where an elder Christian takes an immature Christian under his wing and makes him into a fellow minister. Although mentoring is one aspect of discipleship, that is not the only aspect of discipleship.
Friendship.
Discipleship = friendship with a Christ centered focus. We are all called to be disciplers. We are not called to become spiritual giants and then become disciplers. Anyone can be a friend. The problem with most people is that they feel insecure when it comes to reaching out. That is a flaw in our human nature. Everyone sits in the crowd and expects someone else to reach out to them. When no one reaches out, they feel lonely and isolated. The person beside them feels exactly the same way. Though people with introverted personalities struggle more with this, even charismatic people have this problem. They can be fun loving and handshaking, but still never get beyond the surface of a smile. We can easily be surrounded by smiling faces and touched by no one. You can touch someone’s hand with a warm handshake but that does not ever get beyond the surface and into the need.
A good illustration of this was a couple in a church I once attended. There was a couple that was so loving, kind, and energetic. I considered them to be one of the nucleus members of the church. They attended home Bible studies and knew all the members. What seemed sudden to us was actually a slow growing problem with them. They quit coming and we soon found out they were visiting other churches. That is not uncommon, but the reason has always stuck with me. She said that the reason they were leaving was because she felt lonely. She didn’t know anyone, didn’t have any friends and felt alone. Wow! How could one of the life-blood member of our group say she was alone and friendless? The reason is that there was no discipleship. No one ever got beyond the surface and into her life.
The number one reason that people leave their church is they have no real relationships. People come into a congregation; they feel accepted and welcomed so they join. They may be respected and well liked, but because discipleship never gets beyond a Sunday morning handshake, they begin to feel isolated. Church becomes a routine instead of a hunger. People then go to church out of a feeling of obligation to God, not because we have a true love for God’s people. When we get to this point, we are only one disappointment away from giving up. We all need something more than this routine. The reason why we long for something more is because we were designed for something more. God did not create any ‘Lone Christians’. God calls us to lift each other up. There should not be a single person in the church that does not have at least one friend they meet with in an unstructured environment outside of church.
Accountability.
Ecclesiastes 4:
9 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.
Friendship is the key for accountability. Let me give two examples of this from my own life. I have a friend that is very active in his church. I have had three people tell me that he credits me with where he is spiritually today. It is almost comical to think about, but it really shows what discipleship is all about. I wasn’t very spiritual during the time we leaved close to each other and our friendship flourished. At times, I was clueless and there were times when I regret how I really failed him as a friend and I wondered why he credits me with anything. Not one time that I can think of did I ever ‘expound’ the scriptures to him. I can’t remember even talking about the Bible. We became friends, I invited him to church and we went together every week. I didn’t nurture him along. I wasn’t his mentor; I was his friend.
The other example is a deacon in the church I was a part of when I was in my early twenties. He was one of the highlights of church. He had a lot of charisma and was enjoyable to be with. He went on a planned business trip for 3 weeks. Almost three months later, I still had not seen him. On the way to church I drove past his house and saw his car so I pulled in for a quick visit. My only intention was to say I had missed seeing him. We talked about little things and as I was leaving he said, “You are the first person from church that has bothered to contact me these last 3 months”. How can a deacon go unnoticed? But even if he wasn’t a deacon, there is still no excuse for anyone to go unnoticed. What a failure of the church. But it happens every week in churches around the world. The next week he was at church and he continued to come regularly. He felt touched by a simple 15 minute visit.
These stories aren’t meant to sound boastful. I was pretty much clueless, but God ordained these circumstances so that I could look back at this time and see clearly how discipleship works. I did not even intend to act spiritual; I was just making contact with people I counted as friends. Today I can look back and learn from my failures and these circumstances. How many people drifted away that I never even thought about? Or how many times did I just assume that they were going to another church and it was too late? I have two success stories, but how many fell through the cracks? My prayer is that believers would take discipleship as a serious command and none would fall through. We can’t prevent people from leaving when they refuse to return, but those people are the exception. Most leave because they feel neglected.
Becoming a Discipler
There are only two types of people who can’t be a discipler – someone who is not a disciple ( a follower of Christ ) and someone who disobeys God’s command and refuses to disciple. The Bible says in Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” That is basic discipleship in a nutshell. Couple this with the passage from Ecclesiastes we read earlier and the vision for Biblical discipleship begins to come clear. When a brother is down, it is our responsibility to come along side and encourage. When a brother or sister falls, if we have a discipleship friendship, the other is there to pick them up. If we fall alone, who will pick us up? Anyone can fall. In fact, the scripture warns us that those who think they stand should beware or else they will fall (1 Corinthians 10:12). Charles Templeton was once an evangelist and the friend of Billy Graham. He is now a self-proclaiming atheist. I don’t know the circumstances around his fall or who tried to help him, but this serves as an example that even the ‘spiritual giants’ are not any less vulnerable than the rest of us.
We can’t prevent people from making bad choices. We have no control over someone’s life and when we try to shape someone, we are entering into God’s territory. God has called us to be disciplers, not creators. You can’t disciple someone if you are not a disciple yourself. Jesus said in John 13: 35, "By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." You never quit being a disciple. Your love for your brothers and sisters is evidence of your love for Christ. You can’t love God and be a disciple of Christ and neglect His command to love each other. At the center of that love is discipleship. 1 John 3:10 puts it this way, “In this the children of God and the children of the devil are manifest: Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is he who does not love his brother.”
What does it mean to love my brother? First we have to look at love. Whenever the Bible commands us to love, it is always Agape – self-giving, self-sacrificing, outward love. Love that is not based on receiving, but on giving without requiring a return. We don’t reach out because we feel comfortable, but because we love the children of God that are our brothers and sisters in Christ. Can I say that I love God and never have love for His people? The Bible says no. 1 John 4 asks us, “How can we say we love God, who we cannot see and not love His children that we have seen?”
Most people fear getting involved because they don’t know where to start. Proverbs 18:24 tells us, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” I have found that to be true. When we open up to someone else, they will usually open up to us. Discipleship is really a partnership. I meet with several men outside of church. I am not their mentor. Some are more solid believers than I am. The best discipleship is a mutual friendship and mutual respect. People do not respond to someone who tries to come into their lives as a mentor. Few people are in a position to successfully establish the Paul/Timothy relationship. People will respond to a pastor or someone they think of as a spiritually experienced elder. But even that can’t replace the friendship/partnership way of discipling.
Many years ago my wife and I got to know a couple at our church. We seemed to have a lot in common so we invited them over. The husband had a real heart for discipleship but his approach was hard to take. We stepped outside to chat and for the next two hours he tried to disciple me. I can’t even remember what he talked about because all I could think about was ‘Is this ever going to end?’ I wasn’t looking for a master student relationship. I was looking for a friend. I could not wait for that night to end and that relationship faded away. Even though his intentions were good, he made zero impact in my life. Even though I was struggling spiritually at the time, I needed a relationship more than a lecture.
When I meet men for discipleship, it is not a mentorship. It is a friendship. I learn from them and hope they learn from me. Just starting a Christ-centered friendship can be like laying a fire on dry wood that causes our desire for Christ to ignite. I love to discuss the Bible and I really enjoy being around men who enjoy the same. However, I don’t place anyone below me. We each stand on the same ground at the same level. Even if we are not at the same place spiritually, we can still be eye-to-eye in our friendship. Only in friendship can the walls come down and will we allow ourselves to have the vulnerability to share our real needs. This is a hard concept to get across. When someone comes to Christ, people try to disciple them as a leader instead of as a friend. A person is much more open to share struggles and ask questions to a friend than with someone on a pedestal. It is this misconception of mentorship that makes people cower at the idea of discipleship. Christians believe that they have to achieve a certain level before they are ready to disciple. But that is not scriptural. Mentorship is not the same as discipleship, though it is a part of the discipling process. Mentorship is what Paul did with Timothy. He recognized Timothy’s calling and spiritual gifts and Paul mentored Timothy to be his replacement so he could give the ministry away. The mentorship principle of discipleship comes long after God has used relational discipleship to produced fruit.
Relationship discipleship is the heart blood of the church. Jesus commanded it. Jesus lived it as our example. Why did everyone – including the vilest sinner feel like they could approach Jesus? It was because Jesus humbled Himself. He met their need for acceptance and worth first and out of that relationship repentance was born. The Bible says, “it is the goodness of God that leads you to repentance”. Jesus welcomed sinners but His life and message changed their lives. He welcomed sinners, but He didn’t allow them to remain sinners. They either became disciples or adversaries.
Our lives should be welcome mats. Though we can’t change anyone’s life, our life can reflect God’s grace, which does change lives. Just by simply establishing friendships and getting on the same level as each other, we can become disciples and disciplers. Paul taught this very principle. He said, to the Jew, I became a Jew. To the Greek I became Greek. To the weak I became weak and to the strong I became strong. I became all things to all people. He compromised the delivery without compromising the message. Discipleship and lifestyle evangelism are not much different. We get into people’s lives for the sake of loving them and becoming instruments of God’s grace. Our focus is on Christ, not on how to disciple.
I worked with a man in ministry who had a real servant’s heart. I always called him the backbone of our effort. He accepted Christ shortly after getting out of prison about 3 years ago. Today that man is in prison again. On the job he was befriended by two guys who were still using drugs. He dropped out of church and disappeared from the ministry. He got deeper and deeper into trouble until he found himself back into his old ways and the same consequences. We can see that relationships work both ways. The world has no problem reaching out to the church to draw members away. We shouldn’t have any trouble reaching our own members and reaching the world.
We have to first make the paradigm shift. Basic discipleship means Christian fellowship. That fellowship must extend outside the structured programs of the church. True Christian fellowship should produce friendship, accountability, and praying together. Spiritual maturity levels mean very little, but interest level means a lot. I believe the first step the local church should make is establishing a way to link partners and following up so that this vital discipleship does not fade away. We all have time for one church friendship. If we don’t, that is a symptom of a deeper problem that also needs to be addressed.
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If you would like to download this sermon in Word format, It can be downloaded at http://www.exchangedlife.com/Sermons/topical/discip-1.htm
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