Living and Intentional Life: FAMILY
INTRODUCTION:
This week we will continue our series on Living an Intentional Life. Remember that the three key words in describing an intentional life are purpose, discipline and vision. Living intentionally means that we have an agenda for our own lives. It is not dictated by circumstances or other people. We make the decisions about how we will spend our time, energy and resources.
This morning, I want to talk about living intentionally in our family lives. The family is not a product of human ingenuity, it is an institution of God. As such, it holds a place of importance in life second only to our personal relationships with Jesus. If I wanted to depress you, I could run through a series of demoralizing statistics on the state of families in our country. However, that is not my intention. I want to focus on the fact that if we keep our priorities in order, it is possible to have happy, healthy family life. Notice that I did not say we would have a perfect family life. That may be what we dream of, but we must live in the real world. As Chuck Swindoll has said, while we expect perfection, we must learn to accept humanity.
That is where I am coming from this morning. I am a husband and father of three boys. I am a perfectionist. But my wife will tell you that there is an awful lot of my humanity that she lives and even puts up with. I do not claim to have all the answers for what is ailing families today, but I can say with certainty that I can point you in the direction of the one who does!
PRAYER
I. What is the family?
A. It is an institution of God
B. It is the basic building block of society
II. Purposes in the Family
A. Spouses
1. Wives
Ephesians 5:22-24 tell us that wives are to submit to their husbands. There are a number of men here this morning who are shouting , “Amen! Preach it brother!” It’s interesting that they are doing so on the inside and not out loud. Perhaps this is because they really haven’t taken the time to understand what this means...they simply like the way it sounds.
There are also a number of ladies, young and old alike, who are talking to me the inside their own heads. They are saying, “SUBMIT?! Have you fallen off your rocker? I am a person with ideas and abilities. My life is my own and if I submit to anyone I will submit to God alone! Got it?” I think that they too probably do not understand what these verses are saying.
It’s important for us to nail this down. We must have a proper understanding. No matter what your initial reaction to that word submit, I submit to you that we cannot improve upon what God has told us in his word! If he says this is the way something should work we would do well to take heed. Let’s examine what the apostle Paul is saying here.
a. “All [that] Paul is saying here is within the context of a Christian marriage. He is not implying that women are inferior to men or that all women should be subject to men. The [submission]…is voluntary, not forced. The Christian wife who promises to [submit] does so because her vow is ‘as to the Lord.’”
b. Verses 23-24 explain that marriage is a reflection of the relationship between Jesus and the church. This puts marriage into an incredibly elevated position. It also illustrates the fact as to why a wife can submit to her husband—because he has obligations to her in the Lord. So this is not a one-sided deal.
2. Husbands
Ephesians 5:25 tells us that we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. We hear the first part of that verse and think, “No problem. I can love my wife like Jesus loved the church!” The problem is that many times the last part of the sentence is ignored. It tells us that Jesus gave himself up for the church. Uh, oh! This could be more than we bargained for.
What exactly does it mean that Jesus “gave himself up”. Let me illustrate.
(ILLUSTRATE BY STICKING A GUN IN SOMEONE’S BACK. THE ILLUSTRATION IS FOUND WHEN THEY LIFT THEIR HANDS INTO THE AIR. THEY HAVE SURRENDERED TO MY WILL)
Jesus did exactly what _______ just did—surrendered to the will of someone else. This raises the stakes for us gentlemen. While many of us may secretly smile at the word submit we must understand that we are responsible for providing the atmosphere for that to happen as we are submitted/surrendered to the will of God in our own lives!
Not only did Jesus give himself up, but he did it so that the church could reach its full potential and become all God had intended it to become. Fellas, if we are to be men of God and heads of our homes, we must submit to God so that our wives (and our entire families) can reach their full potential and become all that God intends them to become.
When we look at it this way, we can begin to understand and even accept what is given here as a blue print for married life. Do I have a few ladies and gentlemen who can say amen to that?
B. Parents
Proverbs 22:6—“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
1. Parents, our job is to train our children. In other words, to the best of our abilities, we are to prepare them to live responsible, productive lives in this world. And the best way to do that is to set a good example. Never utter the words, “Do as I say, not as I do.”
2. A good example begins with mothers and fathers who are first and foremost committed to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s not just something they simply talk about, but something they strive to live everyday. They are grounded in the word of God and consider it to be the primary source of truth and guidance in their lives.
3. The example continues with parents who are committed to one another. It has been said that the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
4. The example is further perpetuated by parents who are willing to be parents. Let me tell you something mom and dad. According to God’s word, if you love your children you will discipline them.
An evangelist was once asked if his mother ever spanked him. He replied that she had a strap hanging in the kitchen under a sign that read, “I NEED THEE EVERY HOUR”!
I do not have the time to get into a major study on discipline in the home, but allow me to make a few suggestions. The first of which is JUST DO IT. The second is DON’T OVER DO IT. The third is to DISCIPLINE IN LOVE AND SELF CONTROL, NEVER IN ANGER. Finally, DISCIPLINE APPROPRIATELY ACCORDING TO AGE AND INFRACTION.
C. Children
1. The primary job of children in the family is to grow, learn, mature and have fun doing it. You will go through many changes: mentally, physically, spiritually, socially, and emotionally. In all of those things, the apostle Paul has something to say to you too. Ephesians 6:1-3 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother—which is the first commandment with a promise—that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
2. Just like I said earlier about wives, these verses deal with the context of a Christian family. You need to obey your parents. Paul tells us that such obedience is an indication of your relationship with the Lord. Realize that both you and your parents are under the authority of God. Paul says this is the right thing for you to do. It is not simply suitable or fitting, but it is YOUR DUTY!
3. Now, let me point out that Paul goes one step further and says that you must not simply obey your parents, but that you must also honor or respect them. This can be a difficult task at times, but it is not impossible.
D. Summary
1. The home is to be a place of unconditional love and acceptance.
2. The home is to be a place of total surrender to the word and will of God.
3. The home is to be a place of preparation where all of us learn to be godly, responsible and productive in this life.
That is a lot to say concerning the purposes of family life. Now let’s consider the discipline needed to maintain such a home.
III. Discipline in the family
A. The biggest thing that needs to be disciplined in the family is time. No family will have a successful home life without spending time together. I know that many of us wonder where we’re gonna get the additional time we need for everything. Well, let me help you with that. YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANY ADDITIONAL TIME! As we said a few weeks ago—we’ve all got the same amount. 24 hours a day. 168 hours a week and between 672 and 744 hours a month depending on the number of days from 28-31.
The point is that we take and make time for the things that are most important to us. Let me illustrate.
ILLUSTRATION: My wife has a hectic day everyday because of having three children under the age of 5. (Some think she has four children, but I claim it’s only 3.) By the time we get the children bathed and in bed at night she is absolutely dragging. On a regular basis, I will tell her to go to bed and get a good, long night’s sleep. Her standard reply is, “I need to spend some time with you.” I know we need time together. I’m just trying to be sensitive and let her get some rest. The fact that she would delay getting the rest she needs speaks volumes to be about how important I am to her.
B. Husbands and wives make time for dates—no matter how old you are.
C. Parents make time to spend with your children
1. Play their games
2. Listen to them
3. Read to them
4. Pray with them
IV. Vision for your family
A. How does your family life rate in comparison to the things we have looked at this morning? Some of you may be thinking, “God bless ya boy! You’re still young, you haven’t been married long enough to know that things don’t work out like that.” My response is simple: I am young, I’ve only been married seven years, but after coming out of a broken home I am holding on to God’s promise that says nothing is impossible with him.
B. What do you want your family life to be? Forget about the Brady’s Cleavers and the Nelsons. Those are families of fiction. However, if we would all submit ourselves to the Lord and take the roles he has defined in our families, we just might find that they never will become perfect, but they sure can be better than we ever imagined or have learned to accept!
CONCLUSION:
Having a great family is not something that happens by accident. It’s something that the entire family works at. There are rough roads at times, but if we’ll follow the directions we’ve been given, we will greatly improve the chances for our families to be all God intended them to be.
