MELVIN M. NEWLAND, MINISTER
CENTRAL CHRISTIAN, BROWNSVILLE, TX
A. Today is Valentine’s Day, a special day, a day in which much emphasis is placed on romantic love. But if you listen, you’ll discover that the world gives very mixed messages about the nature of love & the ways to express it.
We are bombarded by a media that has abandoned God, ridicules Christians, & seeks to replace Christian values with their Godless ones. So pervasive is this influence in our society, that even many church leaders have succumbed to it, & no longer speak out with any courage or conviction.
So I feel compelled today to give you an idea of what God has to say on the subject, for He does speak clearly, & we need to hear it.
B. Back in the O.T., when God gave the 10 Commandments to the children of Israel at Mt. Sinai, the 7th Commandment was this, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."
In Matthew 5:27-28, as a part of His great Sermon on the Mount, Jesus enlarged upon this, "You have heard that it was said, `Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Now in our modern society, some of the 10 Commandments are ridiculed, & others ignored, but I think this 7th commandment is actually hated by many. They say, "How could a God give us such a strong sex drive, & then put so many restrictions on it? It just doesn’t seem fair!"
C. I’m convinced that God gave all the Commandments for our benefit. God knows us inside & out. And His desire in giving commandments & restrictions is that we might improve our quality of life, & enjoy an abundant life.
Don’t ever think that God is some kind of fiend who arbitrarily sets down rules just because He likes to see us squirm. God is a compassionate God who loves us, & always gives those things which are best for us in our lives.
Now if we can understand that, it may take some of our spirit of defiance away, & motivate us to obey the commandments of God.
PROP. So our question this morning is, "What is it that this commandment prohibits?" As we study it, I think we’ll find that it prohibits three very common sexual sins today.
I. WHAT DOES THIS COMMANDMENT PROHIBIT?
A. First of all, it prohibits adultery. That simply means, "Sexual contact outside of marriage by married people." It means infidelity. It means being unfaithful to your wife or your husband. That’s basically what it prohibits. And you understand that, I hope.
ILL. When God brought Adam & Eve together in the Garden of Eden, Adam looked at Eve & said, "She is bone of my bones & flesh of my flesh. She shall be called `woman’ for she has come out of man." Then the Bible says, "For this reason a man will leave his father & mother & be united to his wife, & they will become one flesh" [Genesis 2:23-24].
That statement is so important that it is repeated 4 times in the Bible, twice by Jesus. And when Jesus repeats it, He adds this, "What God has joined together, let man not separate" [Mark 10:9].
So God gives us this command because He wants to preserve the sanctity of marriage. He wants everybody to realize that marriage is meant to be so special that it requires a life-long commitment on the part of both people, to give ourselves wholly & completely to one another.
APPL. Now any other use of marriage makes marriage into something bizarre. If we are unfaithful to our spouses then we become just mating animals, & we make a mockery of the sanctity of marriage.
ILL. Do you remember the story about Tony Toto, of Allentown, PA.? He operated a pizza parlor there. Tony Toto survived at least 5 attempts on his life, all arranged for or carried out by his dear wife, Frances, & her lover.
Twice she arranged for assailants to beat him over the head with baseball bats. On one occasion she put a tripwire across the basement stairs in their house, hoping that he would trip over it & plummet to his death.
Twice she arranged for him to be shot. The first time she drugged his chicken soup so he would sleep soundly, & he was shot in the head, but miraculously survived. The 2nd time he was shot in the chest, but only sustained minor injuries. Now this is a picture of a real happy couple, isn’t it?
Even more miraculous than Tony’s survival was his attitude toward his wife once he found out she was responsible for all of this. Tony, a self-confessed lady’s man himself, said that he held his wife blameless.
When she was found guilty & sent to prison for arranging for his murder, he took their 4 children & visited her every week - every single week. Then when she was released from prison, she went back to their red brick home to resume her married life with Tony.
With his arm around her, Tony said, "We’re more in love now than ever before. I don’t understand why people break up over silly little things."
SUM. What happens when you make a mockery of marriage is that you violate not only an oath, you violate another person. You break the bond of trust. You desecrate the vow of marriage, & you violate everything that God holds sacred in this relationship that is to be shared between husband & wife.
ILL. I’ve watched women who have tried to readjust to life after their husbands have died. And I’ve watched women who tried to readjust to life after their husbands were unfaithful to them & they were divorced.
I tell you, a woman who goes through the death of her mate usually readjusts more quickly than the woman who goes through a divorce because of unfaithfulness. There is something very sacred about another person that should not be violated.
B. Now the 2nd very common sexual sin that this commandment prohibits is the sin of fornication, which means "sexual relations between single or unmarried people."
Some will say, "We live in a new era, a new society, where it is expected. Once you meet somebody & you like them & you date a few times, then it’s just expected. That is the new morality of our time. This preacher has got to be really out of date because he doesn’t know what’s going on today."
Yes, I do. I know what is going on. But I also know that Jesus said, "I am the same yesterday & today & forever." And His word hasn’t changed.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says, "Flee from sexual immorality," & the word is "fornication." It says, "All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."
God is simply saying, "If you’re single, save yourself until you’re married." Some say, "Well preacher, that’s impossible today." No, it’s not impossible. It’s difficult, but it’s not impossible.
You see, people have been persecuted for their faith. People have been thrown into prison for their faith. People have given their lives for their faith. God is not asking too much when he asks us to be sexually pure until we are married.
ILL. Researchers at the Univ. of Oregon conducted a survey & announced that people who are sexually active before marriage are very poor marital risks. If you want a happy marriage, the chances of having that are greatly enhanced if you keep your sexual purity until you are married.
ILL. Barbara Bush said, "I married the first man I ever kissed." And she said, "When I tell my kids that, they want to throw up. But it’s true."
SUM. Now there aren’t very many marriages like that, I suppose. But if you really want a happy marriage, it’s worth searching & waiting for.
C. The 3rd common sexual sin that is prohibited by this commandment is what Jesus mentions in vs. 28. He says, "I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
It’s getting tougher, isn’t it? What does Jesus mean when He says, "If you look at a woman to lust after her, you have committed adultery with her already?"
It’s not uncommon, is it, to be attracted to a member of the opposite sex? I don’t think Jesus is saying that you should never appreciate a pretty face or a muscular body or a shapely figure. But I do think He is saying that it is wrong to look the 2nd & 3rd or 4th time, & then to fantasize sexually about that, to imagine yourself with that other person.
You see, He is talking about the source of the sin, isn’t He? He’s not talking about just the action, but where it all begins - in the mind. In the mind is where sin is always born.
ILL. Ted Bundy, who was executed a few years ago for his horrendous crimes of rape & murder, said, "It all started with pornography." He said that he started looking & then lusting. He said that as he looked & became addicted to pornography, he wanted more & more explicit material. Until finally, he began to think that it would be much more exciting to carry it out, rather than just look at it & think about it.
So he did. He went out & raped & murdered numerous women across our country. And it all started right here in the mind.
APPL. Remember, God gives us these commandments for our own good. Do you know that two of the biggest social problems we face today, that are costing taxpayers billions of dollars, would never have become such problems if we had just obeyed this commandment?
The AIDS epidemic & most unwanted pregnancies that result in abortions would never have happened if we had just obeyed God. We wouldn’t have to face those issues at all if we had listened to this commandment.
SUM. God wants what is best for us. He just wants us to have good quality of life, & that is the reason why He gave us these commandments.
II. HOW CAN WE OBEY THIS COMMANDMENT IN OUR TIME?
Now let’s ask this question, "How can we obey this commandment in these very promiscuous times?" In a time when most advertisements seem to focus on sex? In a time when alcohol weakens the will? In a time when men & women are traveling hundreds & thousands of miles away from home to work & are thrown in lonely situations? How can we keep this commandment in our time?
Let me make 4 suggestions.
A. #1. Recommit yourself every day to the Lordship of Jesus Christ - every day! Paul said, "I crucify myself daily." Which meant, "I take myself off the throne & I put God back on the throne every day."
I think it has to be a daily exercise, where you put God back in His rightful place in your life, & make Him not only your Savior, but your Lord.
ILL. Remember what Joseph did when Potiphar’s wife grabbed hold of his sleeve & said, "Come & lie with me"? Joseph said, "I cannot do this & sin against my God." He had committed himself to God. God was first in his life.
If you’ll do that, most temptations will never be able to get a hold of you, because you have recommitted yourself every day to the Lord Jesus Christ.
B. 2ndly, work overtime to keep your marriage interesting. Marriage is not one perpetual honeymoon. It’s hard work, sometimes.
ILL. Ann Landers surveyed 140,000 people, & 81% of them said that they were disappointed in their relationship with their spouses. One woman wrote, "How in the world can you get excited when you have a pot-bellied, cynical, grouchy couch-potato for a husband?"
You have to work at keeping the fires of romance burning, & the lines of communication open. So work hard to keep rebuilding those bonds of love all the time.
C. The 3rd thing is, "Be aware of the steps that may lead toward an affair."
ILL. The book, "His Needs, Her Needs," discusses how men & women each have different needs. When those needs aren’t being met in a marriage, it warns that the marriage partner may be open to an affair.
Up to fifty percent of marriages are failing nationwide. So maybe we ought to look at the 12 steps that Dr. Jay Lindsay, a psychologist at Boulder, CO, says take place before an affair becomes reality.
#1 is Readiness. He says, "That simply means that there is something lacking in the marriage relationship, & they are primed for an affair."
#2 is Alertness. They begin to notice members of the opposite sex, & perhaps flirt & fantasize.
#3 is an Innocent Meeting. Perhaps it is because of a common activity. Maybe they go to the same church. Or maybe they have a common work project.
#4 is an Intentional Meeting. It is pre-arranged, & they get together because they simply want to be together.
#5 is Public Lingering. They are in a crowd of people, & they are talking. But they talk to each other & they pretty much exclude everybody else. They say, "It’s all right because we’re in public."
#6 is They have a Private Lingering. Everybody else leaves, but they stay behind. They say, "It’s okay because everybody else chose to leave."
#7 is Purposeful Isolation, which simply means "a pre-planned private meeting."
#8 is Pleasurable Isolation, which means you schedule a meeting just to have fun with each other. You rationalize by saying, "Well, everybody has friends. It just so happens that my friend is a member of the opposite sex."
#9 is an Affectionate Embrace. "Everybody needs a hug now & then," we rationalize. "It’s all right."
#10 is a Passionate Embrace with feelings of eroticism. "Well, it won’t happen again. It was just a weak moment."
#11 is Capitulation. That which you thought would never happen, happens. And the people say, "It won’t happen again. It was just a mistake."
#12 is Acceptance where they say, "I really love the other person, & my marriage was never right anyway." So they justify what they are doing.
If you are anywhere in those 12 steps, bail out right now. Bail out before it’s too late, before you can’t turn it around. Bail out.
D. Finally, if you have fallen, then pick yourself up again. You see, Jesus is in the business of forgiving sin, & He stands ready to forgive.
ILL. Remember what happened when they brought the woman who was caught in the act of adultery to Jesus? They said, "This woman was committing adultery. The Law says she ought to be stoned. What do you say?" They thought they had Him on the horns of a dilemma, because if He said, "Well, stone her," then He would no longer be a compassionate teacher.
But if He said, "Let her go," then He would break the Law of Moses. So what did Jesus do? He started writing in the sand, & then looked up & said, "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." It says, "From the oldest to the youngest, they walked away."
Then Jesus looked at the woman & asked, "Where are your accusers? Doesn’t anybody accuse you?" "No," she said, "nobody." "Neither do I," said Jesus. "Go your way & sin no more."
Now notice what He did. He first forgave her sin. Then He said, "Don’t live that way any more. You must change the way you live. You can’t go back into the old pattern. Straighten it out. Correct the way you are living."
So if we have sinned this sin, or any other, & "All have sinned & fallen short of the glory of God," then the promise of Scripture is that "though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow." Jesus specializes in mercy & grace.
ILL. Someone said that "the difference between a successful person & an unsuccessful person is that the successful person picked themselves up the last time they were knocked down."
The Lord of Lords & the King of Kings died on the cross for our sins. He stands anxious & ready to forgive us, & He wants to save you.
CONCL. It’s Valentine’s Day. Give cards & chocolates & roses & all kinds of things to your sweetheart. But make sure that you also give a love that is a true love. Make sure that there is a sanctity in your relationship that will glorify God, & not disgrace Him.
We offer His invitation this morning & we pray that you will respond to it as we stand & as we sing.
