As he sat on the floor with kids scurrying all around him he thought of the life that his brothers and sisters had, about their marriages, their children. All of his nieces and nephews were special to him, but they weren’t his children, his siblings marriages brought him happiness, but he remained single. And the questions they never stopped, "Have you found a girl yet?" "When are you going to marry?" "When are you going to settle down?" "When are we going to see grandchildren?"
He was a single man in a time that men weren’t supposed to be single. Society as a whole would have agreed with Germanine Greer who wrote "The most threatened group in human societies as in animal societies is the unmated male: the unmated male is more likely to wind up in prison or in an asylum or dead than his mated counterpart. He is less likely to be promoted at work and he is considered a poor credit risk." I’m sure that his mother, and his Auntie Vi if he had an Auntie Vi would have asked him constantly what he was going to do with his life.
In too many cases we forget the fact that Jesus Christ may have been the son of God, but he was also a Single Young Adult, and as such he experienced all of the feelings and asked all of the questions that Single Young Adults have asked since the beginning of time.
If you are sitting out there today as a single adult, you’re not alone, there are 5.7 million people over eighteen in Canada who have never been married, and that represents 25% of the population. And I want you to know that Jesus Christ walked where you walked, he experienced the same loneliness that you experience sometimes and he struggled with the same temptations that you struggle with.
Don’t believe me? Listen to what Paul wrote in Hebrews 2:14-18 We are people of flesh and blood. That is why Jesus became one of us. He died to destroy the devil, who had power over death. 15 But he also died to rescue all of us who live each day in fear of dying. 16 Jesus clearly did not come to help angels, but he did come to help Abraham’s descendants. 17 He had to be one of us, so that he could serve God as our merciful and faithful high priest and sacrifice himself for the forgiveness of our sins. 18 And now that Jesus has suffered and was tempted, he can help anyone else who is tempted.
If Jesus hadn’t gone through what we go through how would he understand? How could he take our place? "Well" you say "He may have been tempted but he couldn’t have given into temptation because he was the son of God" Oh yeah, then it wouldn’t have been temptation.
What struggles do Single Adults face in 1998? Well let’s take a look at some of the things in Christ life and how he dealt with them.
1) Everybody had expectations of Jesus. I’m sure that there were days that Jesus Got up and thought, "God loves me and everyone has a plan for the rest of my life." Have you ever felt like that? felt that you were trying to satisfy everyone else’s desire for what they want you to be? There are all kinds of expectations from all kinds of people, maybe you can identify with some of these.
A) Jesus’ Family Had Expectations. I don’t know what Christ’s family expected of him. Perhaps where he was the oldest they expected him to become a carpenter like Joseph had been. It was probably expected that he would marry and have a family. Probably build house, have a lawn, a nice chariot. Take a couple of weeks vacation a year maybe go to the sea of Galilee.
What they didn’t expect was that he would go around the country side preaching and healing people and casting out demons. Everybody knew about his cousin John, you know the one who didn’t cut his hair or shave, ate honey and locust and wore a camel hair jacket, but the family only needed one eccentric. And they definitely thought that Jesus was eccentric listen to what the Bible says in Mark 3:21 When Jesus’ family heard what he was doing, they thought he was crazy and went to get him under control.
And so Jesus had a expectations from the most important people in his life, his mother, brothers and sisters to be concerned about. I wonder if he ever heard comments like, "What’s going to happen to the carpenter shop now that you tramping around the country side preaching" I wonder if Mary ever did the Mother thing and made comments like, "so what would be wrong with meeting a nice girl and settling down" or "Now that you’re not around the house I get so lonely"
B) The Religious Leaders Had Expectations Throughout his ministry Jesus was running into the expectations of the Scribes and Pharisees. It didn’t seem to matter what he did it wasn’t right. Kind of like pleasing our parents sometimes isn’t it. There was no pleasing these guys, listen to some of the things that the religious leaders had to say to Jesus Mark 2:16 Some of the teachers of the Law of Moses were Pharisees, and they saw that Jesus was eating with sinners and tax collectors. So they asked his disciples, "Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?"
& Mark 2:24 Some Pharisees asked Jesus, "Why are your disciples picking grain on the Sabbath? They are not supposed to do that!" & Mark 7:5 The Pharisees and teachers asked Jesus, "Why don’t your disciples obey what our ancestors taught us to do? Why do they eat without washing their hands?"
It didn’t take long for Jesus to pick up on this in Matthew 11:18-19 John the Baptist did not go around eating and drinking, and you said, "That man has a demon in him!" 19 But the Son of Man goes around eating and drinking, and you say, "That man eats and drinks too much! He is even a friend of tax collectors and sinners." Yet Wisdom is shown to be right by what it does.
The religious leaders didn’t mind if Jesus what Jesus was doing as long as he did it their way. If he wanted to be a teacher that’s fine, if he wanted to preach that was fine, but why did he have to do it his way. Throughout the Gospels they were constantly saying, "Why did you do that?" "Why didn’t you do this?"
C) The Apostles Had Expectations If there was anyone who should have clued into what Jesus was doing and why He was doing it, you would think that it would be the Apostles. After all they had spent three years with him, listening to him teaching, absorbing who he was and what he was about, but they still didn’t get it. They thought that he was going to kick some severe Roman butt and establish his kingdom on earth, they couldn’t even comprehend what he was telling them about his having to die. And they certainly didn’t expect him to die on a cross. Mark 8:31-32 Jesus began telling his disciples what would happen to him. He said, "The nation’s leaders, the chief priests, and the teachers of the Law of Moses will make the Son of Man suffer terribly. He will be rejected and killed, but three days later he will rise to life." 32 Then Jesus explained clearly what he meant. Peter took Jesus aside and told him to stop talking like that.
They wanted to serve Jesus but they were looking for a Messiah who would fit their image of a Messiah.
So whose expectations are you trying to fulfil? Your parents? Are you still trying to please them? Your friends? Your Pastor? Your Boss? If you are trying to fill the expectations of the people who surround you then you are destined to be unhappy.
Some people think I preach just the right amount of time, others think that I don’t preach long enough and even though I’ve never heard it vocalized there may even be people who think that I preach too long. Whose expectations should I meet, no matter what I do I will make someone unhappy.
Listen to the words of a song written by Greg Ferguson, It’s such a strong temptation to live for man’s applause.
But I don’t want to buy into the lie
’Cause I know that’s not a worthy cause
So to keep things in perspective, I hung a sign on the wall
The sign is nothing special, but it really says it all
And the sign says.
I’ll be content to serve an audience of one
Only His approval counts when all is said and done
And this is my prayer, when the race is finally run
I want to hear "well done"
From the Audience of One.
Listen up you will never, never never make every one happy, never. So forget it and play to an Audience of One. And that one is God. And If that makes other people happy then that’s a bonus, and if that makes other people unhappy tough.
2) How Do I Find God’s Will For My Life? It was the night of the last full day of Jesus life. Thirty three years had led up to this day the salvation of mankind hung in the balance and listen to what happened in Luke 22:41-42 Jesus walked on a little way before he knelt down and prayed, 42 "Father, if you will, please don’t make me suffer by having me drink from this cup. But do what you want, and not what I want." What was Jesus saying? He was saying "How do I find God’s will for my life?" "How can I be sure this is what God wants me to do?"
There’s a story told about a traveller that got lost and the further he went the loster he got until finally he pulled into a little town put all of his male hormones on hold and stopped a farmer and said "Excuse me sir, but I think I’m lost" Now I know that doesn’t sound like a man, but bear with me for the sake of the story ok? The farmer responded by saying "Well, do you know where you is?" and the man said "Yes sir I saw the name of the town when I came in" "Well then" replied the farmer "Do you know where you want to go" "Of course I do" said the traveller" "Then you aint lost" said the farmer "You just need some direction."
That’s the reality of our lives as Christians, we know where we are and we know where we want to be we just need some directions on how to get there. Where do we get that direction? Jesus had it all figured out, he knew where he was, and he knew where he was going and he knew who was in charge and that was the most important thing. He may very well have come to the place that he said, "I’m not sure this is what I want" but he was willing to say to God, "But I trust that you know what you’re doing" can you do that? Listen to what Jesus said in John 4:34 My food is to do what God wants! He is the one who sent me, and I must finish the work that he gave me to do.
As a matter of fact twenty one times in the gospels Jesus refers to the "one who sent me." Where do you get directions. You get it from prayer, you get it from the book and you get it from other believers.
3) Marriage Now I don’t know who all tried to pressure Jesus into getting married, but I would suspect that during his adult years it was a subject that was brought up from time to time. And based on the fact that even though he was God he came as a man I would suspect that there was probably at some point in his life someone who was special enough that the thought must have crossed his mind, "I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life with her" Maybe it was Mary or Martha or Mary Magdalene or perhaps the little girl with pig tails when he was in fourth grade.
Marriage is a concern of Singles, will I get married and if so when, and will it work. This is the generation who will reap what all those divorces in the 70’s and 80’s sowed. And many of them are staying single longer so they don’t repeat the mistakes of our generation. But it’s not easy because there is an incredible pressure on them to marry, and sometimes the Christian community is exerting the lions share of that pressure, to the point that I’m sure that many singles feel like they’re back in Noah’s day, you know, "Pair up or perish." Listen to what Erica Jong wrote
There is simply no dignified way for a woman to live alone. Oh, she can get along financially perhaps (though not nearly as well as a man), but emotionally she is never left in peace. Her friends, her family, her fellow workers never let her forget that her husbandlessness, her childlessness—her selfishness, in short—is a reproach to the American way of life.
Perhaps it would be more accurate if today if we took out the words, the American way of life. and replaced them with The Christian way of life.
Two pieces of advice for singles when it comes to marriage, Go slow and go fast.
The first part is advice for when you are looking. There are worse things then staying single forever and one of those is being married to the wrong person. You say "Denn, you are already married so it really doesn’t effect you does it." No, but in 17 years of pastoral ministry I’ve seen the result of not thinking it through. You need to make sure that whoever it is that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with.
And one of the biggies there is whether or not you share a common faith. And I know how 2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
Is trotted out for singles as the scriptural admonition to not marry a non Christian. Listen to what it says in the Contemporary English Version. 2 Corinthians 6:14 Stay away from people who are not followers of the Lord! Can someone who is good get along with someone who is evil? Are light and darkness the same? It’s funny that Christians use this specific reference to marriage when that wasn’t what Paul was writing about. This text refers to all areas of our lives where there would be conflict if we were teamed up with non-Christians. If you are a Christian musician who plays in a band with non-believers what happens when the music you chose to play is at odds with your Christian beliefs?
If you go into business with a non- believer what happens when you business ethics go into conflict? And yes if you are a Christian and you choice to marry a non-Christian what happens when those areas come into conflict. And they will come into conflict because you will be operating from two very different bases.
It would be like building a home from two different sets of blueprints where one person started on the front of the building to build a two story salt box and the person on the back was building a sprawling bungalow. There will be conflicts spiritually, emotionally and socially, and you can take that to the bank. If you marry a person who does not have a relationship with Jesus Christ, here is the sad reality you need to take the view that they might never have a relationship with Jesus Christ, and so you lose all rights to complaining about their lack of commitment to the church, their life style and their moral conduct as a non-believer.
Make sure that the person you fall in love with and marry is the person God has for you. Let me regress and say that when I was in college I didn’t even date anyone who was not committed to being in full time ministry, because I did not want to have to make a choice if we "Fell in Love"
That’s the go slow part, add to that the second phase which is to go fast. Listen to what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:36 But suppose you are engaged to someone old enough to be married, and you want her so much that all you can think about is getting married. Then go ahead and marry. There is nothing wrong with that.
We live in a world where there is an immense amount of pressure for singles to be sexually active, which in direct contrast with the word of God where the ideal is to be sexually pure as a single. When Couples enter into a long term relationship where they are heading for marriage my personal feeling for Christians is that in most cases short engagements are better then long ones.
I’ve heard all the arguments for long engagements, including finishing school and being financially independent. But I’ve seen Christian couples who put off getting married but got carried away in the physical side of their relationship and ended up having a formal wedding, you know where the shotgun was painted white. Sexual intimacy is a very special gift from God, a gift to be shared in a marriage.
For most people they are at a time in their lives where their bodies are saying yes, yes, yes, go, go, go. And it’s tough for their minds to interject and say, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
Paul was nobodies fool listen again to what he says 1 Corinthians 7:36 But suppose you are engaged to someone old enough to be married, and you want her so much that all you can think about is getting married. Then go ahead and marry. There is nothing wrong with that. I like how it is put in the New Living Translation 1 Corinthians 7:36 But if a man thinks he ought to marry his fiancée because he has trouble controlling his passions and time is passing, it is all right; it is not a sin. Let them marry.
In closing listen to the words of Paul to his friend Timothy 2 Timothy 2:22-24
22 Run from temptations that capture young people. Always do the right thing. Be faithful, loving, and easy to get along with. Worship with people whose hearts are pure. 23 Stay away from stupid and senseless arguments. These only lead to trouble, 24 and God’s servants must not be troublemakers. They must be kind to everyone, and they must be good teachers and very patient.
