HOW TO STOP LOOKING OUT FOR NUMBER ONE
I CORINTHIANS 13:4
It never ceases to amaze me the popularity of tabloid magazines, talk
shows, gossip columnists and celebrity magazines. It seems to me that our
society is obsessed with needing to know dirt on people who are famous.
Time after time, our public flocks to book stores to buy the latest "tell
all" book. Why do we do that? Why do we enjoy reading that kind of stuff?
What is it in human nature that makes us feel better when we can bring
other people down with a bit of gossip? The answer is obvious. The answer
is the word "envy." I guarantee you, if you make your mark in the world,
there will be someone who will be trying to erase that mark with a scandal.
We began a series three weeks ago on Chapter 13 of I Corinthians. This
chapter is chocked full of advice on how to build strong relationships. So
far, we have preached on Following the Way of Love, How to Develop
Patience, and Looking for the Bxest in Others. As we once again look at
verse four, we find it defining what love is. It says, "Love does not envy
. . . "
What is envy? Envy is different from jealousy. Jealousy says, "I want what
you have." Envy says, "I not only want what you have, but I also want you
to lose it." Envy can show up in any kind of relationship. Can envy show up
in a family? Sure it can. The Bible is full of sibling rivalries: Cain and
Abel, Esau and Jacob, Joseph and his brothers. There were at least two sets
of brothers in the disciple band. They argued over who would be number one.
Can envy show up on the job? Absolutely. Salesmen can envy other salesmen.
Doctors can envy other doctors. Preachers can envy the pastor down the
street.
Can there be envy at school? Of course. This past year, students spent a
lot of their energy comparing clothes, cars, boy friends, grades, athletic
ability.
Can you have envy among friends? Sure you can. You may envy the fact that
they have a nice house or car. You may envy the fact that it seems they do
not have problems with their kids. You may envy the ease with which they
succeed. It can happen.
We are all touched by envy. The whole advertising industry is based on
creating envy among friends. We will hock our future to keep up with the
Joneses. It can get to be a vicious cycle.
I want us to look first at how envy messes up our lives.
I. HOW DOES ENVY MESS UP MY LIFE?
1. It starts fights and quarrels
Read with me James 4:1, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t
they come from our desires that battle within you?" James tells us that
conflict comes from our inner desires. Do you remember playing King of the
Hill? There was only room for one man at the top. Adults still play that
game. We are more subtle about it; but, we also do it more lethally. We
claim to be King of the Hill by the things we buy, the clothes we wear and
the neighborhood we live in, even by the color of our credit card.
Envy is one of the major conflicts of marriage. "You pay more attention to
your job than you do to me." "You make more money than I do." "You get to
go play golf." "Why is it always your job that determines where we live?"
Envy causes fights and quarrels.
2. It causes malice
Read with me Titus 3:3, "At one time . . . we lived with malice and envy,
being hated and hating one another." Envy is the shortest road to problems.
It always causes problems. We resent other people because we are envious.
We envy their achievement. "I should have gotten that promotion."
We envy other people’s beauty. "I don’t understand why God made other
people look like they walked out of GQ Magazine and made me like this."
We can even envy other people’s spirituality. "He and God must be like
that." "I don’t understand why God seems to bless him and I can’t seem to
get God’s attention." That is envy.
In James 3:16, "For where you find envy . . . there you find disorder and
every evil practice." Circle the word "every." It is saying that if you are
green with envy, you are ripe for the devil to use. Envy can lead to all
kinds of other sins. Joseph’s brothers were envious of him and they sold
him into slavery. Saul was jealous of David and tried to kill him. We were
all amazed when we read in the paper that a cheerleader was envious over
another girl getting the cheerleading position and tried to kill her. It
all begins with envy.
3. It makes me unhappy
Proverbs 14:30 says, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy
rots the bones!" He is saying that envy is to your soul what cancer is to
your body. Envy will eat you alive if you are not careful. When you are
envious, it feeds on resentment to the point that it becomes obsessed with
the competition.
You cannot be happy and envious at the same time. One of the great secrets
to happiness for you is to learn to eliminate envy from your life. In the
moments that we have today, I want to help you understand how you can
eliminate envy from your life.
II. HOW CAN I ELIMINATE ENVY FROM MY LIFE?
1. Don’t compare yourself to others
2 Cor 10:12 ( NIV ) We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not
Read with me II Corinthians 10:12, "We do not dare classify or compare
ourselves (to others) . . . ." The verse further says to do that is unwise.
Why? Because we are all different; and comparing is the root of all envy.
Someone has said, "Nothing makes your car older faster than your neighbor to get a brand new one." The truth is that you get in trouble when
you begin to compare.
Gal 6:4 ( NIV ) Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else,
Gal 6:4 ( NRSV ) All must test their own work; then that work, rather than their neighbor’s work, will become a cause for pride.
In Galatians 6:4 it says, "Each can take pride in himself, without
comparing himself to somebody else." The truth is that when you compare
yourself to others and think that you got short- changed, then you are
telling God He made a mistake in making you. I don’t think God makes
mistakes. Instead of looking around and comparing, ask God what He wants
you to do with what He gave you. Don’t measure your worth by someone else.
You see, envy is a choice.
2. Acknowledge your uniqueness
Why? Because envy is an expression of inferiority. Envy is caused by low
self-esteem. That is the real problem. When we have low self-esteem, we
feel threatened by people who are prettier, or better looking, than we are,
by people who seem to have more personality, more education, etc. God tells
us not to do that. Acknowledge your uniqueness.
I have discovered when people have low self-esteem, no matter how much love
or attention you give them, it is not enough. The moment you change your
focus off of them, they get envious. If we can ever deal with our
insecurity, we can conquer envy.
How do we do that? The Bible tells us to see ourselves as God does. Psalm
139:13 says, "You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my
mother’s womb." God made us. There is nobody in this world just like you.
It does not matter if you are an identical twin, God has made you unique.
When you get to heaven, I guarantee you that God is not going to ask you,
"Why weren’t you more like Moses?" He will not ask you, "Why weren’t you
more like Dennis Rodman?" He will ask you, "Why weren’t you more like I
made you?" "I made you to be you. What was wrong with that?"
Stop trying to be someone else. Life’s satisfaction comes from discovering
who you are and letting God develop that person into maturity.
Listen. God not only made you unique; He also has a one-of-a-kind plan for
your life. Read with me Psalm 139:15-16, "Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them
came to be." Now listen to me. This is not saying that everything that
happens in your life is God’s will. It is not. That is why we pray, "Thy
will be done on earth as it is done in heaven." If it were always done, we
would not have to pray. It does not say that everything in my life is good.
I could kill myself. That would not be good or God’s will. God is able to
take everything, even the bad, and make good out of it.
Now, if God has a plan, and if I am unique, then all of us are a "ten" in
some area of our lives. You are a "ten" in some area of your life. It does
not matter what anybody else thinks. If God thinks you are great and He
does, then it does not matter what others think. Listen, most of us are bad
at most things we attempt. It does not matter. What matters is, what I am
"good at." Magnify that. Acknowledge your uniqueness.
3. Be satisfied with what you have
In Ecclesiastes 6:9 (GN) it says, "It is better to be satisfied with what
you have than to be always wanting something else." Do you find that to be
true? We all would be better off if we stopped focusing on what we don’t
have and started focusing on what we do have.
Would you agree with me that the desire to acquire is out of control? The
truth that seems to be hard for us to understand is the truth that we
cannot buy happiness. We all need to stop and ask ourselves: "When is
enough, enough? When do I stop spending on myself and start thinking about
others?"
One of the things about envy is that it causes us to project our problems
to other people. "The reason I am unhappy is because you are so good
looking." "The reason I am miserable is because you are more successful
than I am."
Read with me Philippians 4:11, "I have learned to be content whatever the
circumstances." Underline the word "learned." It is not natural to be
content. Especially in America because we are taught to be discontent.
What do we have to learn? One of the things we must learn is that we
already have more than we deserve.
4. Respond to others in love
Why? Because love does not envy. In Matthew 22:39 it says, "Love your
neighbor as yourself." Why does He say that love is an antidote to envy?
Because love is happy when other people are blessed. Love wants the highest
good for other people. Love gets excited when other people succeed. Love
enjoys seeing other people being blessed.
Notice Romans 12:15, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who
weep." That verse is the exact opposite of envy. Envy rejoices when other
people have a bad time and weeps when other people are blessed. God says,
"No, that is not what you do. You rejoice with those who rejoice and weep
with those who weep." That is how you build healthy relationships.
Let me ask you. Do you ever have a hard time handling the success of
others? Sure you do. We all do. We all have our moments when we ask why.
Why do they get to go on vacation when I can’t? Why did he get the
promotion when I didn’t? Why did she get married and I am still single? How
can they lose that weight and I can’t? Do you know what envy is? Envy is
resenting God’s goodness to other people. It is based on a misbelief that
your success means my failure. Listen. God has enough goodness for
everyone. He does not play favorites. So, you respond to others in love.
5. Refocus on pleasing God
Read with me Colossians 3:2, "Set your mind on things above, not on earthly
things." What is he telling us? He is telling us to look at life from God’s
point of view. Recognize that material things are only temporary. Refocus
on the things that are going to last for an eternity. Focus on the things
that are going to count.
What will count? Loving, knowing, serving God. So set your mind on the
things from above. When I focus on the fact that I am unique and that God
has a plan for my life, all of the other competition does not matter. Why?
Because I am no longer competing with anyone else because I am unique.
If you have ever said, "I have got to have something to be happy." Do you
know what the Bible calls that? It calls that idolatry. If you think you
must have something to be able to live, then you have your life out of
focus. You are setting yourself up for envy, because it can be taken away
from you. You can lose your family, your possessions, your health. The only
thing that cannot be taken away from you is your relationship to God. And
that is the only thing that you need to be happy on this earth and for
eternity.
So, the antidote is to be so focused on God’s plan for your life, that you
cannot be bothered with envying what other people are doing because you are
focused on God. Notice this final verse in Proverbs 23:17, "Do not let your
heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the reverence of the Lord."
Being envious of the things that we do not have shows a lack of respect for
God’s working in our lives.
