Some Myths About D?, M?, And D?
5/21/00 Proverbs 5:7-20 1 Corinthians 7:1-16
As Christians, we are living in two different worlds with very different value systems. Sometimes the values of one, pour into the other and we come up with a strange hybrid mix. This mix usually has the message of TV, friends, and personal opinions as its foundation, with a little bit of Bible verses and Jesus talk sprinkled on the top to make one think its Christian.
For instance, when two people start living together and being sexually active with each other, the world says as long as the two people love each other, what difference does it make whether or not they have a piece of paper. Then you sprinkle in a bible verse which says, God is love and throw in Jesus saying, judge not lest you be judged, and love thy neighbor as thyself. You now have a hybrid of a relationship that sounds good but is not biblical.
You will come out with an entirely different picture if you start with the Scriptures as your foundation. The Scriptures will tell you it’s wonderful that a man and a woman has fallen in love with each other because its one of the gifts of God’s creation to humanity. The Scripture will inform you that both people are of immense value and worth to God, and God has guidelines for the good of those individuals which no one is allowed to violate. God has a plan and a purpose to make their union a blessed one and an enduring one.
Here are the steps to that journey. Choose to make a lifetime commitment in marriage to each other, enjoy one another’s body, be there for the other in the best of times and the worst of times. Never let anyone or anything come into your lives which will drive a wedge between the two of you. Always think of what’s best for the other person ahead of your own needs and desires. Now that’s the Christian version of how a man and a woman are to live together who love each other.
In the next couple of sermons that I preach, I want us to deal with three topics which have myths about them floating in our society and in our church. These myths are misleading and setting people up for failure and disappointment. In Hosea, we have learned that God’s people are destroyed because of a lack of knowledge. The three areas we are going to look at are dating, marriage, and divorce. You may say, well I’m not planning on being involved with any of these things so why should I listen. You should listen because God is going to send people into your life to ask you about these things. As a Christian you need to be able to give a Christian response.
But before we even get to the point of dating, we have to understand how incredibly valued we are as people. A couple of weeks ago, there was a lottery jackpot worth over 300 million dollars. The odds of winning the money was 1 in 76 million. I’m told those odds are the same as if you had the names of everybody in the United States in a book and you randomly open the book, with your eyes closed, you pointed to a name, and the name would be one of our ex presidents. Now the two people who won that jackpot probably said, "it’s a miracle, I can’t believe I won."
But do you know, you have a beginning that’s far greater against the odds than winning that jackpot. When you were just part sperm, there were millions of sperm around you trying to reach the egg inside your mother. Some of those other sperm no doubt would have been smarter than you if they had gotten to the egg first, some taller, some prettier, some more handsome, and some a whole lot of other things. There were millions vying for that one egg.
As a matter fact, based on the number of sperms your father produced, you had about a 1 in 2 billion chances of being born. You are a miracle. How was it that you got to the egg and the others did not. You didn’t say, step aside I want to be born. Get out the way one day I have to serve at Glenville New Life Community Church. No you didn’t even know there was such a thing as life. So was it mere chance that you accidentally fertilized the egg.
No it was not an accident. There was a God in heaven, present during the time you parents were having sex. God saw all the sperm that were present, and God said, "I choose that one for the plan and the purpose I have in mind. Let all the other millions go by the wayside. That’s the one I have chosen to love." Tell the person next to you, "from the beginning, God chose to love You." The Bible tells us in Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
God saw tremendous potential for each of our lives, long before the world knew what sex we would be, what our skin color would look like, the size of our frame, our intelligence level, or where we would be born. We came into this world with a plan and a purpose for something good in the mind of God. But God gave us the option of whether or not we were going to fulfill that plan.
The choices we are making today, is making all the differences in what life is going to be like tomorrow. We live in a world where we always want to shield people from their choices. We blame it on parents, we blame it on spouses, we blame it on the schools, we blame it on the neighborhood, we blame it on the church. Do you know you can have great parents or you can have lousy parents, but what you make of yourself is up to you. You can have a great spouse or a lousy spouse, but what you make of yourself is up to you. That same school which is producing dropouts, and students failing the proficiency exams is also sending students on to college. You can complain about the teachers, but what you make of yourself is up to you.
You can complain about what the church is not doing, but what kind of Christian you are is up to you. I’ve been teaching the Jr. and Sr. High Pioneer class for almost 10 years now. I would love to be able to tell you, that all the kids who have come through my class have done just super. I hate to tell you that of the guys that I have been in my class and are now gone, five of them have spent time in jail, and five little kids have been fathered by some of them outside of marriage.
Of the girls that have been in my class five little kids have been born outside of marriage. I can tell you that some of my kids have gone on and graduated from high school, college, gotten married, and had kids in the order the Bible suggests. Now I know in my deepest heart when they first walked into my class, that God’s plan for each one of them was a successful academic, spiritual and adult life. The one thing that made the difference was not their background, but rather the choices they personally chose to make. In class the other night, all the kids wrote down goals for where they wanted to be in 10 years. I want you to know we have some potential doctors, writers, engineers, computer programmers, interior decorators, athletes, business owners and college graduates. I know it will happen because they have dreams for themselves.
But I also told them, statistics tell me, that two of you girls are going to get pregnant before you make it to college. One of you guys here is going to go to jail and one of you is going to get a girl pregnant. But I also told them, right now you have control over your future. If you stay with God, you will keep control of your future. If you make poor choices, somebody is going to determine what you can do, where you can go and when it will happen. Sin will turn us into slaves under somebody else’s authority.
Now each of us means so much to God, that God bought us from the power of sin not with diamonds, and gold, and money, but with something far more precious. God exchanged the love He had for Jesus, with the love He had for us, just long enough so that we could be brought into a right relationship with Him. God loves us too much, for us to be throwing away our lives.
Have you ever wondered why did God choose to work in your family? I asked myself that question the other day as I passed by all these homes. God what was it that some 27 years ago, you Spirit started moving in our family. When I think of all the families who do not know Jesus, I’m even more humbled that God chose me to be a part of what He’s doing in the world. "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
Let’s look at the purpose God had in mind when He saved us. Look at Ephesians 2:8-10 "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Okay so we know God is working in us, because God has a work for us to do. Therefore we need to reach our highest potential in whatever area God places us in, to be most thoroughly equipped to do the work. God chose us with a plan and a purpose in mind. So wherever we go, or whatever we are involved in, our primary responsibility is to stay on task in completing the purpose God is sending us to complete.
Let’s also look at 1 Peter 1: 1-3 will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins. Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ, To God’s elect, strangers in the world, scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia, who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood: Grace and peace be yours in abundance. Now here we see that we have been chosen for obedience to Jesus Christ. So again, we examine our actions based not on how we feel, but on whether or not we are being obedient to Jesus. God saved us to be obedient, because without that obedience we will not know the plan and purpose for our lives.
God gives us one more thing to do in 1 Peter 1:15-16 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." God expects us or rather requires us to live and to be holy. Now that does not mean trying to be super religious, it means recognizing that you have been set apart for God for a particular use. You know how you set apart a particular dress or suit. You will only wear it for special occasions. You’re not going to do the laundry in it, or cut the grass or go fishing in it. No this suit or this dress is set apart for something special. God is telling us, "I have set you apart for something special. So you have to say no to certain kinds of things, because that’s not why you have been created."
Now once you have this background of knowing, you are somebody special, you have a unique purpose in life, God has good in mind for you, and you have been set apart for special use by God, then as a Christian, you are in a position to talk about dating, marriage, and divorce. Let’s start with dating. First of all dating is not something you find in the Bible, it’s a concept from our society. Now the bible does not say, you cannot date, but the Bible does teach you can marry someone and have a successful marriage whether you dated them or not. Many marriages in the Bible were marriages arranged by parents. We think that’s awful, but in reality, some of our parents can do a better job of picking a mate for us, than we can do for ourselves. Who knows a lot of our strengths and weaknesses better than our parents?
There is a myth that dating will allow you to find the perfect person for you. None of us wants to be married to the perfect person. The perfect person would always know what’s best for you and them telling us that would get on our nerves. For instance, the only perfect person that has been is Jesus. How many of you find yourself getting upset at times with Jesus? He won’t let you say some of things you want to say, do some of the things you want to do, go to some of the places you want to go. So what makes us think a perfect person would just be the greatest thing ever.
Many people think of dating, not as way toward marriage, but as their chance to play the field and test drive whatever they can find in the market. We have players today, who think that shopping from woman to woman or man to man is something new. In our Old Testament reading, written thousands of years ago we find an old man who was a player trying to tell a younger man who was getting started as player, don’t make the same mistake I did and regret it for the rest of your life.
In verse 15 it says drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. He’s saying, find you a woman and claim her as you own in marriage and get what you need from her. Verse 16, says "should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares." He’s saying, why in the world are you having sex with this one here, and that one there, and that one over there. You will have be having kids by several different mothers and not be able to take care of any of them. In vs 10 he had said, "lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich another man’s house." In other words, that good job you have, that check is going to be cut into several pieces paying child support, here and there and over there to. Those payments are helping strangers you don’t even know. But you won’t be able to give you own family the life you wanted to, because you had to be a player.
Vs 17 says let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. That verse is saying keep your sperm to yourself, and do not give it out just because the opportunity presented itself. Vs. 18 Says "May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth." This verse is saying, your wife has what you need to satisfy you sexually. Let your sexual relationship with her be blessed and rejoice with her. Vs 18, a loving doe, a graceful deer, may her breasts satisfy you always, and may you ever be captivated by her love.. God’s plan is one man and one woman and one lifetime. That’s what the plan was. But now because we blew it and failed, God is awarding many of us second chances.
Although the Bible does not specifically speak of dating and it does give us some principles to follow. When you go on a date are you going with an expectation of getting to know who has God created this person to be, or is your mindset, how far should I go with him or her. As a Christian, is the place you’re going opening you up to greater temptation or is it truly neutral. I’m amazed at how foolish we are at the situations we put ourselves in and then wonder how we fall. When you go on a date are you presenting yourself as a child of God or trying to gain the edge through sexually stimulating dressing. What we wear says a lot more about our intentions than the prayer we offered to God asking Him to watch over us.
Some of you may be going on your first prom date. What type of outfit do you plan to wear. Remember you were set apart for a particular use by God. I don’t think God sets apart to be the sexiest looking person at the prom. Just because God has blessed you with curves or muscles, does not mean you need to have on an outfit which displays all of it to the world.
You are not a used car that someone has to squeeze, feel, and test drive all over the place to see if you have potential for them in the future. On your first date, you ought to know if this person is living for the Lord or not. If you know the person isn’t, then you have some real serious choices to make. The bible says, "what kind of a union can you have between light and darkness." If you have to choose between a person in the Lord, and a better looking person not in Jesus, which one are you going to go after.
We miss blessings because of myths of the ideal date. I’ve heard guys say, "I’d never marry a woman with kids." Well first, "the only guys who have a right to possibly say that are those who are virgins and have treated every woman they were with, with the highest of respect." Second, "you may miss out on some truly outstanding women of God who have learned from the mistakes they may have made." There are some mistakes we cannot go back in time and undo, but that does not mean, the Lord has not since then made us into something absolutely outstanding and precious to have.
Keep in mind a date does not mean a marriage. Before you dream the next fifty years of being with this person, recognize the other person is free to walk away whether he or she is a Christian or not. If you’re not interested in pursuing the relationship be honest and let the other person know sooner rather than later. It may hurt either way, but it will hurt a lot less earlier than it will later.
The next trap many believers fall into is the engagement period. In the bible an engagement meant the marriage was pretty much a done deal. The only thing you were waiting for was to have sex. Sex completed the marriage arrangement. When we look at Mary and Joseph we see they were engaged. When Joseph wanted to break the engagement, he had to go through the legal process of filing for divorce.
With us today, to announce we are engaged may mean absolutely nothing. I’m sick and tired of people living in sin telling me they are engaged, but have no wedding date planned but its going to be a year or two. That’s not an engagement. They are simply using the word engaged as a license to become sexually involved with each other. It’s still sin. An engagement is nothing more than an announcement to the world, that we have decided to cut off dating other people as we prepare to get married on such and such a date. Without the commitment and the date, you are not engaged. Engagement does not give you permission as a Christian to become sexually active, only marriage does that. God allows you to walk away from anybody you are engaged to at any time for any reason. Therefore you do not belong to that person and that person does not belong to you. God never sets apart in order to be somebody’s playmate as we practice on marriage.
The date you set for your wedding, should not be based upon how much money you need to save for an elaborate wedding, how many more years of school you have left, or securing your financial future. Your date should be based on how well are you controlling yourselves in keeping your relationship pure sexually in the eyes of God. It is ridiculous for you to plan to get married a year from now or two years from now, and know that you can barely control yourselves when you’re alone, or know that you intend to be in each other’s dorm room or apartment late at night throughout that one or two year period.
If you’re not ready for marriage that’s okay, but the cost may be breaking off the relationship as part of picking up your cross in order to remain set apart for God’s use. Now if you’ve made a commitment not to be in sexually tempting situations, then you may hold on to the relationship as long as you want but know that it’s not going to be easy.
Too many of us set aside the word of God and God’s blessings on our relationships merely because of convenience, personal pleasure, or wanting to impress others more than we want to please God. A ring on your finger does not do the same thing as a marriage license on your wall. That ring may have been used on several different fingers. You are a child of God and you need not settle for anything less than the best for your life. It’s important to let Jesus be the Lord of your dating. Don’t let dating cause you to miss out on the good things God has in store for your life.
God says look trust me on this. I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and to give you life. The enemy wants to get at you in any way He can. This is going to be the weak spot for some of us; Therefore I leave you with this challenge from 1 Peter 1:13-16 Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."
J. Let’s See Some Principles
1. Who God Has Created--How Far Can I Go
2. Setting To Temptation--Neutral
3. Child Of God--Sex Appeal To Win
4. Prom--But Set Apart
K. God Has No Second Hand Cars
1. No Need To Squeeze & Test Drive
2. Find Out If They’re Saved
3. Light & Darkness--You Choose
L. What About My Choices
1. Looks Vs Salvation
2. Not If They Have Kids
3. Virgins & Respect.
M. Don’t Let Past Mistakes Cause You To Miss
N. See What The Lord Has Done In Me Now
O. A Date Does Not Mean Marriage/Proposal
a. Tell The Truth Sooner
VI The Engagement Period
A. Biblical Engagement Mary & Joseph
B. Just An Announcement--Changes Nothing
C. Not A License For Sex--God’s View
D. Set The Date Based On The Right Thing
E. Quit Setting Up For Failure
F. Bear Your Cross For Christ
G. Be More Impressed With Jesus Than Peers
H. A Ring Is Not A Marriage Certificate
I. Don’t Settle For Less Than The Best
J. God Has A Good Plan For You In Mind.
Sermon Outline Pastor Rick
Some Myths About D?, M?, & D?
5/21/00 Prov. 5:7-20 1 Corin 7:1-16
I Christians Living In Two Different World
A. Two Value System
1. Hybrid Mix--TV, Friends, Personal
2. Bible Jesus, Words
3. Living Together---Piece Of Paper
4. God Is Love, Jesus--Don’t Judge
5. Everything All Right
B. Start With Biblical Foundation
1. Wonderful Thing Of Falling In Love
2. God’s Gift
3. Both Precious & Immense Value
4. Commitment, Enjoy, Endure
5. Nothing Between You
II Sermon Series Coming Up
A. Myths In Life --Failure Disappointment
B. Dating, Marriage, Divorce
C. You Need It Because
III. Beating The Odds
A. 300 Million 1 in 76 President
B. It’s A Miracle
C. The Battle Of The Sperm
D. Chances The Others Were More
E. 1 In 2 Billion-- Step Aside
F. Accident Or Design
G. God Present At Conception
1. I Chose To Love That One
H. Jer 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
I. God Saw Potential Before Any
1. Sex, Color, Size, Intelligence
2. Plan & Purpose In Mind
3. We Have An Options
IV Why Not Blame Somebody
B. A Shield From Choices
C. Blame- Parents, Spouses, Schools, Neighborhood
D. It’s Really Up To You
E. Great Parents/Lousy Parents
F. Dropouts---Proficiency--College Grads
G. Church---What Kind Of A Disciple
V Ten Years Of Pioneer Jr. Sr. High Classes
A. Guys 6 Jails, 5 Kids
B. Girls 5 Kids
C. High School, College, Married, Kids
D. 10 Year Dreams--Dr., Engineers, Business Owners, Computer, Etc.
E. Statistics 1 Jail 2 Pregnancies
F. You Have Control Over Your Future
G. Never Surrender The Choice To Sin
VI God Purchased Us For A Reason-
B. Exchanged His Love For Christ
C. Why Choose Me
D. Ephesians 2:8-10 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
E. Job To Be Done--Go For Highest Potential
F. Stay On Task Complete The Job
G. 1 Pet 1:2 who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood: Grace and peace be yours in abundance.
H. Examine Our Actions For Obedience
I. Call To Be Holy 1 Pet 1:15-16 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."
J. Not Super Religious But Set Apart
K. Set Apart A Dress Or Suit
V Dating--What About It
P. Not A Biblical Concept
Q. Success In Marriage Not Dependent On
R. Pre-Arranged Marriages Parents Choice
S. Myth--The Perfect Person Is Waiting To Be Found
a. Nobody Wants The Perfect Person
b. Jesus Was Perfect And Look At The Trouble He Causes
T. Dating & The Players Some Advice
U. Vs 15 Water In Cisterns--Find Your Own
V. Vs 16 Overflow In Streets-- Too Many Kids, Not Enough Child Support
W. Vs 17 Keep It To Yourself--Forget Opportunity Knocking
X. Vs. 18. You’ve Got Something Wonderful, Take Care Of It & Enjoy
