Big news this summer, Survivor. High TV ratings, people were really into the survivors on the island and who would make it. Big bets, rumors, and whole new series to look forward to.
Why was this show such a success? It was different, it was new, but I think that people tried to imagine themselves in that situation. What would I do to eat? Would I eat worms, rats? Would you?
What would you do to survive? Would you sell out a friend, share, take chances, trust others? This was done to see who would win the million dollars. That will cause people to do just about anything.
I think real success of Survivor is the picture of real life it provides. The show displayed nothing more than a picture of real life. People struggling with each other in everyday society and are willing to destroy one another for money.
It was interesting that the whole drama became the story of relationships. They got along, they formed a friendship, an alliance. They didn’t get along, they didn’t like each other, they conspired, they gossiped, they fought, they shouted. Sounds like a real family doesn’t it.
Unfortunately many people live in a home, or a neighborhood, or work at a place with a bad relationship with someone. Maybe today this message on relationships is meant for a marriage, or for a family where mom and dad and kids are struggling. Or maybe for some friends that have had a falling out.
We are entering a new phase in life, our baby is in kindergarten. She is learning everyday about relationships, about how friends are so fickle and hard to figure out. She came home one day all excited about having a new friend. The next day that same girl told she wasn’t her friend, that she didn’t like her anymore.
She saw the other little girl yesterday and went right up to her and said, “Are you my friend cause yesterday you said you weren’t.” She thought and said, “Yea.”
Isn’t that so much better than how we handle it from Jr High on. We play terrible relationship games. Today we are going to talk about relationships and how important they are. Notice:
What is a relationship?
The personal association with another, whether family, friend, school or work.
We all have them and we all want them. We are all in need of having others like us and love us. We all hope we are likable and are driven to have others think highly of us.
It motivates you to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, hang out in certain places and act like those you want to be like.
Relationships are a necessity of life.
The Problem with Relationships:
You can’t live without them.
This series is going to focus on how to survive in the situations of life and to teach us how is a man named Joseph.
Survivor: The Story of Joseph
Let’s begin with a little family history.
A Family Tree
Abraham
Isaac
Jacob
12 Sons with 4 Women
I. Basic Causes of Relationship Problems
A. Selfishness
This is a description of Jacob. Selfishness is wanting everything for yourself. It is a natural tendency, our human nature craves to feed itself.
Jacob wanted everything for himself, he tricked his brother out of a very special blessing. Later Jacob tricked his father in receiving his brothers blessing by dressing and acting like his big brother Esau. Jacob wanted everything for himself.
What a real problem this is in families today. We can become only concerned with what I want, with my desires, with what I want to do and how I want things.
Kids can be this way a lot, never thinking that decisions must be made concerning a whole house full of people. But many adults act this way, wanting everything to done to please them.
How many marriages have been destroyed because someone decided to do whatever they wanted in order to please themselves, forsaking their spouse and commitments they have made. We all know homes that have been ripped apart because of pure selfishness.
Notice what else causes problems,
B. Playing Favorites
Gen. 37:3-4
Playing favorites among children causes serious problems. Playing favorites among people is wrong. It boils down to showing partiality and prejudice. The book of James addresses this and it is wrong. Treating some different than others.
Jacob loved Joseph more than the others and let it be known. He gave him more things like a big fancy coat of many colors, this marked Joseph as Jacob’s chosen one to be the future leader of the family. This was an honor traditionally given to the oldest.
Jacob loved Joseph but it was his own actions that caused Joseph some problems. When we treat some better or different than others we cause division and very hurt feelings. How do you feel when someone in line ahead of you at the store is given a discount or treated better than you? Sometimes men we treat our children or our cars or our clubs better than our wife. Maybe you treat others based on how they look, act or what they possess.
This leads to the third problem.
C. Envy
Gen. 37:5-11
Joseph had some gifts from God in the form of dreams and because of them his own father was angry. Because of this his brothers envied him, they despised their own brother because they were jealous of him.
You of course can see these things in other people, selfishness, favoritism and envy, can you see how these things destroy marriages, families, friends, churches and businesses? These are not the things of God or the way He wants us to treat each other.
II. Results of Relationship Problems
A. Jealousy
We look at others and want what they have. They have this or that, they have freedom, they get away with this and we want a life like that.
We hear kids say, I wish I could go, I wish my mom and dad were like that. We look at other people and become jealous of their life. They haven’t had to suffer like me, they haven’t had the problems I have had. So we become jealous and it begins to affect how we treat others.
I learned this the hard way. While a young man I was a successful pastor, and even today I get snide comments from other preachers. I can tell how jealousy affects our relationship. It leads to the next step.
B. Hatred
Gen. 37:4-5
The brothers became jealous of how Joseph was loved, treated and given special privileges and it worked its way to hatred.
Is there someone you hate today? Someone that hurt you, said something about you? Could it be that there is some hatred brewing in your tribe at home?
Hatred is real between children and a husband and wife. It needs to stop today before it leads to the next steps. Notice,
C. Evil Thinking
Gen. 37:12-20
There is a group dynamics theory called, Groupthink. Groupthink is what takes place when a group of people are lead by strong emotions and feelings rather than moral and sound reasoning.
Joseph’s brothers hate him and begin to think, “We’ll do this and that.” You ever done that? Sit around with someone and begin to think about how you could get them. I’ll do this than that and say this then that.
Then it will lead to actually wishing harm on others. You begin to hope for bad things to happen. Don’t even be surprised at this. How many times have you thought, I hope they break a leg, I hope their business fails. I know marriages where they each begin to hate each other and hope something bad happens to the other person, even that they would die in an accident.
Eventually we begin to live or act out what we think or fixate on and it leads to,
D. Harm
Gen. 37:21-24
We begin the process of making sure they suffer. They threw Joseph in a pit. How often do we find ourselves in a pit? But most of the time it was a pit we dug ourselves.
Our hatred and evil thoughts will lead us to bringing harm to someone. We will say things just because we know they will hurt. We will purposely do something, go somewhere and hang out with someone just because we know it will hurt someone.
I know some teens that have purposely done some terrible things to hurt their parents. I know a couple of kids that publicly smoked pot and gotten drunk in order to embarrass their parents because they hated them.
The final step is,
E. Separation
Gen. 37:25-35
They got rid of Joseph, or so they think. This is painful. More painful than anyone can imagine. No one going through a divorce ever imagined it could hurt so much. No parent or child knew when they said or did the things they did that the guilt and pain would be so overwhelming.
The culmination of a bad relationship is that it is over. It is truly sad when relationships break down to this point.
In downtown Albion there are two barbershops. Each is owned by a twin brother. They grew up together, did everything together and then something happened about forty years ago. I don’t know what but they disagreed about something and stopped talking to each other. They worked literally twenty yards apart, both barbers in the same town, twin brothers, yet they have separated since then and each is so stubborn they won’t get back together.
This happens in families, in friends and in churches all the time. Some of you have a relationship like that today and it hurts doesn’t it? Some of you have a bad relationship with your parents, with an old friend, a brother or sister.
Today our goal is to bring Jesus into the situation and let Him bring some healing so we can have a life that is not lived with relationship problems.
III. What Effective Relationships Possess
A. God and His Ways
Matt. 22:37-39
Does God exist in your relationships? If it failing it can be safely said that God is not being followed.
A godly relationship will focus on Him and not on me or you. It will live according to his ways and not my selfish ways. It will be filled with purity and sincerity and obedience.
Can you say that your relationships are godly? Do you hate someone today? Do you have some relationship problems that need to be dealt with? If you are going to survive when the tribe doesn’t get along you need to involve God.
B. True Love
John 13:34-35
True love means that you love others first. True love means that you want the best for them before you get the best for you.
In a relationship this means that you treat others with honor and kindness. Let me make this practical and applicable. We are to treat others with respect, with grace. It is never appropriate to be mean spirited, to tell someone off, to be rude. Can you hear me?
True love does not treat people like that. We are to love people as Jesus loves them. When there is a difficult person around or someone that is making you angry you should think, how would Jesus love them and do that.
Young people, you want your parents to have a better relationship, or change the relationship you have with them, love them like Jesus would. Treat them with respect, kindness and love.
Then go the next step and,
C. Sacrifice
John 15:12-13
The opposite of selfishness is to sacrifice for someone. If you have a relationship that is rough right now, what is it that you could sacrifice for the other person? Sounds crazy, giving up something for someone that I hate or that hates me.
A characteristic of a good relationship is that you will sacrifice for another instead of keeping everything good for yourself. If only some men would realize this about their marriage. If only some children would realize this for their parents. If only some friends would realize this it would change your relationship today.
However, I know that some of you are hurting from a failed relationship. That you would love to undue something’s but it is impossible,
What Then? What if I do my part and the relationship is still bad?
Examine your life and actions.
Make sure you are clean before God.
Forgive, whether they ask or not.
Turn it over to God.
Speak no evil.
Trust God to fill your life.
Today, some of you have relationships that need healing. There are some relationships that have fallen from where they were, husband and wife, mom and dad, son, daughter and brother and sister. Friend, neighbor.
Where have you fallen out? Can you see that being divided over some things in this world are simply not worth it and only cause more hurt. Let’s heal some wounds, let’s build some bridges and seek God in restoring our relationships today.
Close
Relationship with Jesus, with others.
When the Tribe Doesn’t Get Along
What is a relationship?
The __________________ association with another, whether _____________, ____________ school or work.
The Problem with Relationships:
You _________ __________ without them.
Survivor: The Story of Joseph
A Family Tree
__________________
__________________
__________________
___________________________
I. Basic Causes of Relationship Problems
A. ________________________
B. ________________________
Gen. 37:3-4
C. ________________________
Gen. 37:5-11
II. Results of Relationship Problems
A. ________________
B. ________________
Gen. 37:4-5
C. ________________
Gen. 37:12-20
D. ________________
Gen. 37:21-24
E. ________________
Gen. 37:25-35
III. What Effective Relationships Possess
A. __________ and ________ Ways
Matt. 22:37-39
B. True ___________
John 13:34-35
C. _______________
John 15:12-13
What Then? What if I do my part and the relationship is still bad?
Examine your life and actions.
Make sure you are clean before God.
Forgive, whether they ask or not.
Turn it over to God.
Speak no evil.
Trust God to fill your life.
