MELVIN M. NEWLAND, MINISTER
CENTRAL CHRISTIAN, BROWNSVILLE, TX
ILL. There was an article in the Reader’s Digest a few years ago entitled "What Motherhood Really Means," & subtitled, "It Will Change Your Life, But Not the Way You Think."
The writer is telling of a conversation with one of her friends. "`We’re thinking of starting a family, & I’m taking a survey,’ her friend said half jokingly. `Do you think I should have a baby?’ Carefully choosing my words, I replied, `It will change your life.’ `I know,’ she said. `No more sleeping on Saturday mornings. No more spontaneous vacations.’
"I think to myself, `But that’s not what I meant at all.’ So I try to decide what to say to her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes - that the physical wounds of child-bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave an emotional wound so raw that she’ll forever be vulnerable.
"I look at her manicured nails & stylish suit & think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub; that the urgent scream of `Mom!’ will cause her to drop even her finest crystal without a moment’s hesitation.
"I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child care, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting & will think about her baby, & she’ll have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home just to make sure her child is all right.
"I want my friend to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a 5-year-old boy’s desire to go to the men’s room rather than the women’s at a restaurant will become a major dilemma for her. The issues of independence & gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in the restroom.
"Looking at my attractive friend I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she’ll never feel the same about herself; that her life now, so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child; that she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring.
"My friend’s relationship with her husband will change. But not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is always careful to powder the baby & who never hesitates to play with his son or daughter. I think she should know that she’ll fall in love with her husband again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.
"I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to hit a baseball. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it hurts.
"A glance at my friend’s face makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. Finally, I just say, `You will never regret it.’ Then squeezing my friend’s hand, I offer a prayer for her & me & all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this holiest of callings."
Motherhood. If I were to ask this morning if you think that children are the greatest blessing that can come to a home, I wonder how many of you would agree? Or, if I were to ask if you think children bring the greatest pressure to bear on a marriage, how many of you would agree with that?
Both are true, aren’t they? Can you remember holding your child for the first time, marveling at the miracle of new life, & thinking that God had entrusted to your care & keeping this little bundle of life? Can you remember your joy, & the overwhelming love that filled your heart as you held it?
PROP. But I wonder what our homes would be like if we really loved our children the way the Bible teaches us to love them? How would we show our love?
I. TREAT OUR CHILDREN AS BLESSINGS, NOT BURDENS
A. First of all, if we really love them, we would treat our children as blessings, not burdens. Let’s be honest, things don’t always go the way we would like them to go at home, do they? Sometimes it is pretty difficult.
ILL. The story is told of a little boy sitting on his front steps with his face cradled in his hands, looking so forlorn. His dad came home just then & asked him what was wrong. The little boy looked up & said, "Well, just between us, Dad, I’m having trouble getting along with your wife, too!"
Sometimes there is difficulty in the home, & relationships aren’t always what they should be.
B. Do you realize that today more than 1 of every 4 children is being raised by a single parent? That compares to just 1 in 10 in 1970. Now, I’m not trying in any way to belittle the task of a single parent. You have double duty & I salute you for all that you are doing.
But it does tell us something. Whenever a child lives in a home where there is only one parent, that parent usually has to work. And it tells us that many times when that child comes home there is no one there to demonstrate love & care & reassurance.
We are hearing a lot today about unwanted children. And that contrasts with what the Bible has to say, for children are considered valuable in the Bible. Psalm 127 says, "Sons are a heritage from the Lord. Children are a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them."
SUM. So first of all, if we really love our children as we should, we would treat them as blessings from God, not burdens.
II. REALIZE THAT CHILDREN NEED TO KNOW OF OUR DEEP LOVE & CONCERN
A. Secondly, if we really love them, we would realize that children need to know of our deep love & concern for them. I’m talking about more than just providing them with food & clothing & shelter. I’m talking about taking the time to get to know your children - to look beyond the surface & see who that person is down deep inside.
B. You know, I’ve learned some things since becoming a grandfather. I’ve learned that if you stay in your own little world you’ll never understand children. As long as you sit in your chair & read the newspaper you are in your world & they are in theirs.
But if you’ll get down on the floor & play horsy with them & games with them, you’ll see the sparkle in their eyes & begin to learn who they are. They are real people who need to know of your deep love & concern for them.
III. PROVIDE CHILDREN WITH SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE & LEADERSHIP
A. Thirdly, if we really love them, we would provide our children with spiritual guidance & leadership in their lives. The Bible tells us, "Train up a child in the way he should go, & when he is old he will not depart from it."
But do you realize that by age 18 our children will have watched 17,000 hours of television? They will have watched 150,000 cases of violence & 25,000 murders performed before their very eyes.
Now there is a great debate going on today as to whether television has any influence on our children or not. Listen, people, if you watch 17,000 hours of anything in the first 18 years of your life, that’s going to be a big factor in the way you think & how you evaluate things. They have watched it, & soaked it in, & it has become very much a permanent part of their lives.
ILL. Have you ever wondered who comes up with the topics for all those TV talk shows? "Transsexuals tell why the change has brought trauma into their lives." "Teenagers tell how they were molested by their parents." Where do they get all those topics?
Maury Povich’s subject a while back was "Three men who posed nude for Playgirl magazine." They were asked, "What are your greatest sexual fantasies?" The audience, all females, cheered & applauded as they described them.
Programs like that are on in the afternoon, when kids are arriving home from school. They see that kind of garbage day in & day out, & we need to sit them down & say, "We live in a dangerous world, filled with immorality, filled with things that are anti-God & the things that God wants to do in your life. God wants the best for you. But if you follow the way of the world, that will not be the best for you."
SUM. So we need to help them establish priorities & see what is really important in life. We need to help them understand materialism & how that can get hold of you & ruin the way you think. We need to help them understand that laziness is wrong, & to develop within them a work ethic. We need to warn them of the dangers of this life. If we really love our children, we’ll lead them to God, & provide them with spiritual guidance.
IV. REALIZE THAT CHILDREN REQUIRE DISCIPLINE IN LOVE
A. Then, finally, if we really love our children, we would realize that children require discipline in love. I know that discipline is a loaded word, but I cannot let Mother’s Day go by without speaking a word about discipline.
ILL. James Dobson tells about a little boy & his mother who went to the auto shop to have their car repaired. Already inside the waiting room was another woman whose car was also being repaired, as this mother came in with little Mark, about 5 years old.
Mark quickly spied the pop machine & told his mom he wanted a "dwink." She told him "No." But he evidently thought that her "No" was not final, & if he persisted, he would get his "dwink.’ So he started demanding a "dwink." He finally came over & hit her on the knee, saying she didn’t love him because she wouldn’t buy him a "dwink."
When that didn’t work, he threw himself down on the floor & started kicking & pounding & crying that he wanted a "dwink." After this went on for a while, the other woman finally reached over & tapped the mother on the shoulder & said, "Please, please, discipline your child. He will thank you someday if you will only learn to discipline him."
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to tap someone on the shoulder & say, "Please discipline your child." It is not being abusive to discipline your child if you discipline in love.
The Bible is emphatic in saying that we need to discipline our children. Let me give you some scriptures. I’ll not take time to read them all because we don’t have much time. But jot them down & then go back & read them again.
The Bible gives reasons for discipline. To begin with, in Proverbs 22:15, it says that the child is bound up in childhood folly, & that the way you get rid of childhood folly is by using discipline. It is simply saying that children are children. They think as children, they act as children, & there is nothing wrong with that. But eventually, childhood thinking isn’t going to cut it. So to help them grow into maturity & get rid of the folly, you use discipline.
Proverbs 23:13-14 says "If you discipline your child, you will save his soul from death." And the context suggests that you are saving the child from God’s judgment. By causing them to respect your authority as parents, you are also sowing the seeds so that they will respond to the authority of God, & thus their souls will be saved for all eternity.
Proverbs 29:15-16 says that when you discipline your child you impart wisdom. Your child becomes wise as a result of the discipline that is given by you as a parent.
Hebrews 12:10-11 says that when we discipline our children we are simply modeling for them God Himself, just as God disciplines because He loves us.
SUM. So there are very important reasons for you to discipline your children: to drive out the folly of childhood; to save them from judgment; to impart wisdom; & finally, to model for them the way that God acts in our lives.
B. Secondly, the Bible teaches us that if we don’t discipline our children, some dire consequences may take place.
In Proverbs 29, it says that when we fail to discipline our children the result will be disrespect - disrespect for parental authority. Or for that matter, any other kind of authority.
ILL. There is an example of that in 1 Samuel - the story of Eli & his two sons. Eli’s sons were brought up in a priest’s home, & yet, they were totally undisciplined children. And the result was that they became immoral adults, & the judgment of God came upon the home of Eli. And when God gave the reason for His judgment on them, He said it was because the father did not discipline his children.
We stand before God accountable for lives, & if we do not discipline them, then those children are going to grow up in disrespect, & rebellion in the home.
APPL. Isn’t it tragic to see a 40-lb. child ruling the roost, bossing around two 150-lb. parents, telling them what to do? It’s an absolute tragedy.
The Bible says that the instrument of discipline is the rod or switch. I know that we live in the time when we get all alarmed whenever we hear anything like that because we have heard so much about child abuse. But you need to understand that the Bible again & again says that you are to use the rod of discipline. The Bible would never, in any way, ever condone child abuse.
Proverbs 10:13 says that the rod is to be used on the back. Now I can give you a more explicit word for that lower part of the back if you want, but I think you probably understand what the Bible is saying.
The Bible would never condone you slapping your child in the face. But when God created us, He realized that a part of our human anatomy needed to be made exactly right for discipline.
Not abuse. The Bible would never condone abuse. But the Bible teaches that you are to use the rod in the appropriate place to drive home the message so that the child will have the folly of childhood driven away, & to impart wisdom that the child will be able to understand & remember.
C. Finally, we should never discipline in anger. Ephesians 6:4 says that we should not provoke the wrath of our child. Colossians 3:21 says that if you provoke the wrath of your child you will discourage them. And we have seen children who walk around with no personality, & no enthusiasm for life, because they have had virtually the stuff of life beaten out of them. That’s not what the Bible is suggesting at all.
SUM. But it is suggesting that we need to respond to our children by disciplining them in love. So if you really love your children, you’ll see them as blessings & not burdens. You’ll realize that they need to know of your deep love & concern for them. You’ll realize that they need spiritual guidance & leadership, & finally, you’ll discipline them in love.
ILL. Now I want to read to you a prayer for children. You may want to bow your head & pray along with me as I read it.
"We pray for children who put cookie fingers everywhere, who like to be tickled, who stomp in puddles & ruin new pants, who sneak popsicles before supper, who erase holes in math workbooks, & who can never find their shoes.
"We pray for all the children who stare at photographers from behind barbed-wire, who can’t bound out into the streets in a new pair of sneakers, who never go to the circus, who live in an X-rated world.
"We pray for children who bring us sticky kisses & fist-fulls of dandelions, who sleep with the dog & bury the goldfish, who hug us in a hurry, who forget their lunch money, who cover themselves with band-aids & sing off-key, who squeeze toothpaste all over the sink, who slurp their soup.
"And we pray for those who never get dessert, who have no safe blankets to drag behind them, who can’t find any bread to steal, who don’t have any rooms to clean up, whose pictures aren’t on anybody’s dresser, whose monsters are real.
"We pray for children who spend all of their allowance before Tuesday, who throw tantrums in the grocery store, who pick at their food, who shove dirty clothes underneath the bed, & never rinse the tub, who get visits from the tooth fairy, & who don’t like to be kissed in front of the car pool, whose tears we sometimes laugh at, & whose smiles can make us cry.
"We pray for those whose nightmares come in the daytime, who’ll eat anything, who aren’t spoiled by anybody, who go to bed hungry, who cry themselves to sleep, & who live & move & have no being.
"We pray for children who want to be carried, & for those who must be, for those we never give up on, & for those who don’t get a second chance, for those we smother with love, & for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it." Love your children.
CONCL. This morning we offer the invitation of our Lord to all of you, mothers, daughters, sons, husbands, fathers, grandparents, all of you who have learned the joy & also the tremendous pressure that comes from childbearing; who have learned the meaning of important relationships that can be shared within the home & family; & who have realized how very much we all need divine help & intervention in trying to handle those relationships.
Maybe there are some here who want to respond to His loving invitation to give your heart & life to Jesus. If that is your desire & your need, then we encourage you to do that as we stand & as we sing.
