MELVIN M. NEWLAND, MINISTER
CENTRAL CHRISTIAN, BROWNSVILLE, TX
A. As most of you know, I’m in the midst of a series of sermons based on 1 Corinthians 13, the "Love chapter" of the Bible. And that chapter begins with some powerful statements. Listen as I read those first 3 verses to you again.
"If I speak in the tongues of men & of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy & can fathom all mysteries & all knowledge, & if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor & surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."
That’s powerful, isn’t it? The kind of love that God wants in our lives is something really special.
Then in the next few verses the apostle Paul lists some of the characteristics of this great love. Listen as I read.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails" [Vs’s 4-8a].
Wow! If we would really put this love into practice in our homes & in our relationships with others, it could turn the world upside down.
B. But this morning I want to draw your attention to a characteristic that is mentioned at the very beginning of Vs. 5. The apostle Paul says, "Love is not rude." In other words, "Love is polite." J.B. Phillips paraphrases this verse by saying, "Love practices good manners."
Now folks, I don’t know about you, but at first glance that sounds awfully anti-climatic. I mean, here we are, living in a world that is torn apart by all kinds of hatreds & oppression, national conflicts, racial strife, class warfare, & even religious animosity. And I’m sure that it was just as bad or even worse back in Paul’s day.
But yet, he makes it a point to tell us, "Love is polite." Really, Paul, what is so all-fired important about politeness? It sounds like a rather wimpy subject to me. But it isn’t! In fact, the absence of this facet of love may be key to a lot of the problems that we are facing in society today.
ILL. For example, in last Thursday’s newspaper there were two front-page headlined articles about welfare recipients & the problems encountered in trying to help some of them train for & find jobs.
One article stated that the Texas Department of Human Services sends welfare recipients who don’t already have jobs to mandatory job training. Of those who go through the training program & get a job, about 25% quit within a week. It went on to say, "They...can’t handle the stress of being at a job site," & "...can’t get used to the demands of the workplace."
The other article went into even more detail about the situation nationwide. It said, "Most public-aid recipients want to work, experts say, but limited...social skills...make it tough to hold on to a job."
It told about one of the largest job training programs in the country and said that 54% of the people they helped lost or quit their jobs within six months, & 71% of them lost or quit their jobs within a year. "We know how to get them in the work force," said the program director, "But we don’t know how to keep them there."
Another expert said that a job means imposing a different kind of discipline. "It’s very hard to be a reliable employee if you don’t learn...control. ...They’re surprised to learn the workplace isn’t a democracy. ...They don’t understand what the rules are: (that) Bosses have the right to tell you to do things."
APPL. Now did you see the key phrases in those two articles: "limited social skills...can’t get used to the demands of the workplace...different kind of discipline...surprised to learn...don’t understand the rules...can’t handle the stress"?
SUM. It is obvious that something is missing, & it isn’t just a lack of education, because there are many who have made their way in life despite little formal education. And it isn’t just poverty either, for there are even more people who have risen by their own boot straps from poverty to wealth.
C. May I dare to suggest that part of the problem is that many of these people who can’t hold on to their jobs have never learned what the apostle Paul is talking about?
We’ve developed a whole generation & more, of people whom sociologists call the "Me Generation," people who have grown up concerned primarily about themselves, about their "rights," their privileges, & their own well?being.
Politeness is defined in the dictionary as "having good manners, being considerate of others, being courteous." And I’m convinced that the message of consideration for others is one that is desperately needed in our world today.
ILL. The March "Reader’s Digest" has an article titled "How to Raise Polite Kids in a Rude World." In it, the author says, "Mention ill-mannered children & most people roll their eyes.... I still get angry about an incident that happened last summer.
"We were staying at a country inn that had a small movie theater. Before every evening’s presentation, my husband & I instructed our 3-year-old son to sit quietly. Except for an occasional whispered question, he sat in rapt attention.
"The soundtrack, however, was impossible to hear. That’s because two children bounced on their seats, talked loudly & raced up & down the aisles. Never once did I see a parent. After several evenings of this, I followed the children to the dining room. There sat a man & woman enjoying a relaxed meal. `My family is having a hard time watching the film with your children running all over the theater,’ I said. `Do you think if they’re not interested in the movie, you could keep them out here?’
"The father regarded me coolly. `We’ve paid for the use of the inn’s facilities,’ he said. `Our children can go anywhere they please.’ I was dumfounded. What could make a seemingly rational couple condone behavior that is so obviously rude? Have we as a society become so consumed with our own needs & the impulses of our children that everyone else’s rights are ignored?"
I. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO COMMON COURTESY?
A. Now let me ask you a question, "Whatever happened to common courtesy?"
ILL. I recently heard about a man who stopped to hold the door open for the woman coming behind him. But instead of expressing appreciation, she was irate. She said, "You don’t have to hold the door open for me just because I’m a woman." He answered, "I didn’t hold the door open because you’re a woman. I held the door open because I’m a gentleman."
ILL. I can remember years ago going to watch the St. Louis Cardinals play, & standing there in the midst of crowds of people when the national anthem was sung. As we stood there almost everyone put their hand over their heart, & we sang, & we felt a sense of reverence & awe as we stood & sang together.
Today, when you go to an athletic event where the national anthem is sung, probably if you sing you’ll be almost the only one in your section singing. If you put your hand over your heart, you’ll be almost the only one doing that, too. Most of the people will be drinking beer & talking loudly.
ILL. Graduation services are interrupted with shouts of disrespect. Freeway driving has become a "take-your-life-in-your-hands" experience as people cut in front of you. Conversations are often interrupted without anyone bothering to say "Excuse me." And special interest groups will disrupt even the highest officials of the land with obscene language & gestures.
B. But it wasn’t always that way. I remember when growing up that my parents were sticklers for good manners. We sat at the table & they said, "Sit straight, & put your napkin on your lap, & never put your elbow on the table. And you always ask with `Please,’ & you always receive with `Thank you.’
"If someone takes you to an event you always thank them for doing that. You’re always polite, & you always open the door for others." When we went to church my father & mother impressed on us that this was a special place, & you didn’t behave at church the way you do in other places.
We were also taught that if you wore a cap, that you always took it off when you came inside, whether you were going into the school building or your house, & especially church. I think some of these caps today are sown onto the heads of the individuals who wear them. It’s a different world, isn’t it?
We were taught that you were to respect your elders, & always treat them with courtesy. That was just the way we were brought up.
APPL. I wonder, if you are parents today of young children, are you teaching your children lessons of courtesy, of consideration for others? If you are, I applaud you, because those lessons will live with them throughout their lives. And they’ll grow up to be polite & courteous people simply because they learned to be that way at home.
II. AN EXAMPLE OF COURTESY IN SCRIPTURE
A. Let me show you an example of courtesy in scripture. In Luke 7 there is a wonderful story in the life of Jesus. It is a story that shows a contrast between the courtesy of Jesus & the rudeness of a Pharisee named Simon. Vs. 36 says, "Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so He went to the Pharisee’s house & reclined at the table."
Now let me set the stage for you. When you invite someone to your home, it is usually out of courtesy or respect. But we’re not exactly sure why Simon invited Jesus. We’re not sure if he invited Jesus so that he could be a name-dropper & say, "Well, I had Jesus of Nazareth at my house." Or maybe he invited Him there to entrap Him & to embarrass Him before His friends. We’re not sure why he invited Jesus.
B. William Barkley says that there are 3 things that were always done whenever a guest came to your home in Bible times, 3 common acts of courtesy.
1. #1, you would always greet your guest by grasping their shoulders & giving them what was called "the kiss of peace." It was kind of like shaking hands today, a way of welcoming them into your home.
2. Secondly, there was always a basin of water with a towel, & the feet of the guest were always washed, either by a slave or by the host, because the roads were dusty, & they wore sandals. That was a very refreshing & polite thing to do for your guest.
3. Thirdly, there was always perfume or ointment of some kind to be used to anoint the guest on the head as an expression of welcome.
But when Jesus came into the home of Simon, Simon didn’t do any of those things. Notice the response of Jesus. He could of turned around & stormed out of the house & said, "If you aren’t going to greet me properly, I refuse to eat here." But He didn’t do that.
He went on in & it says that He "reclined at the table." Now tables were low to the ground & you didn’t sit at them, you kind of reclined on a stuffed pad beside the table.
Usually, dinner was held out in the open-air patio or courtyard. And it was customary that whenever a distinguished guest or teacher was invited, if you were walking by & were interested in what he had to say, you could just come into the courtyard & listen to what was going on. So that’s the scene.
Vs’s 37-38 say, "When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town..." I take it that she was probably a prostitute, "learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, & as she stood behind Him at His feet weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them & poured perfume on them."
Now this is a very tender scene, & I hope that you can sense the embarrassment of this woman. She probably had heard Jesus before & had heard in His voice a hope that she had not experienced before. So when she learned that He was at the home of Simon, she came to the courtyard & listened.
She must have planned her visit, because she brought an alabaster jar of perfume. And as she stands behind Jesus & listens to Him, she begins to weep. Her tears are so many that they begin to fall on His dusty feet.
She is embarrassed by that, so she unpins her hair & kneels down, & with her hair clumsily tries to wipe away her tears from off the feet of Jesus. Do you sense the awkwardness of the moment?
What would you have done if you had been in this home & this sinful woman walks into your presence & suddenly begins to cry all over you, & then tries to make amends by wiping it up with her hair?
Would you have said, "I don’t know this woman, please don’t associate me with her?" Or would you have been kind & polite & gentle? Notice what Jesus does. It is interesting, because first of all this Pharisee begins to pass judgment. Again, I want you to see the contrast.
Vs. 39 says, "When the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he said to himself..." Now notice the rudeness here. If you’re going to talk to somebody, you need to look him in the eye. But he’s kind of whispering out of the side of his mouth only to the people that he wants to hear.
So he whispers to them, "If this man were a prophet, He would know who is touching Him & what kind of woman she is - that she is a sinner."
Now what He didn’t realize was that Jesus knew what he was saying. So vs. 40 says, "Jesus answered him, `Simon, I have something to tell you.’ `Tell me, teacher,’ he said."
Then Jesus tells a parable, beginning in vs. 41. "`Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him 500 denarii, & the other 50. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?’ Simon replied, `I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled.’ `You have judged correctly,’ Jesus said."
Now here is the application. "Then He turned toward the woman & said to Simon, `Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears & wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven - for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.’
"Then Jesus said to her, `Your sins are forgiven.’ The other guests began to say among themselves, `Who is this who even forgives sins?’ Jesus said to the woman, `Your faith has saved you, go in peace’" [Luke 7:43-50].
SUM. Do you see the politeness here of Jesus? Do you see His consideration for both Simon & the woman? And do you see in sharp contrast the rudeness of this Pharisee?
III. LESSONS THAT WE NEED TO LEARN FROM THIS
Now let me wrap this up by drawing some lessons that I think we need to learn from this.
A. First of all, it seems to me that it is important to know the rules of etiquette, to know what is polite & what is not. If we’re going to influence people in other parts of the world for Jesus we must learn their culture. We can’t go over there & behave like ugly Americans & be rude & crude, or we will never reach them for Jesus Christ.
B. Secondly, I think we need to seek to put other people at ease around us. That’s not easy for us to do, but Jesus is our model. You know, every time someone stood in His company - a sinful woman, a little child, a blind beggar - they always felt at ease.
Here is the Son of God, the one who said, "All authority in heaven & earth is given to me...", & yet they always felt comfortable in His presence.
C. Then I think we need to be sure that we aren’t easily offended. Now if someone says the wrong thing, or doesn’t send "Thank you" notes when you think they should, or if they forget your birthday, it’s easy to be offended.
But we need to be the other way around, & recognize that people are forgetful, & they make mistakes from time to time. So don’t wear a chip on your shoulder. Don’t make everybody else walk on eggshells.
ILL. I like what George Fields said, "I am an inverted paranoid. I just think that everybody is out to do me good, that everybody is going to do the right thing. So I just expect that every time." I like that.
D. Then finally, be tactful with the truth. Someone said that "Tactfulness is the lubrication of relationships. It reduces friction between people." How do you handle difficult situations? Do you speak the truth in love?
CONCL. Now folks, let me tell you the rudest thing you can do. I think that the rudest thing anyone can do is to reject the love of Jesus Christ.
ILL. As you know, Tom & Rosa Hans made plans for several years to go to Indonesia to work with Missionary Aviation Fellowship. Finally the time came for them to go. If no one had been there to meet them, to transport them from where they landed to the place where they were to go, if no one had been there to help them find their way around & to introduce them to others, that would have been thoughtless & rude, wouldn’t it have been?
And yet, the Bible says that Jesus Christ, after making elaborate preparations for thousands of years, left heaven & made the journey to earth, & walked our streets & looked us in the eye, taught us important lessons about life, & finally went to the cross & died for our sins.
The ultimate act of rudeness is to reject the love of God through Jesus Christ, to look into God’s Word & to see the wonderful expression of His love through Jesus Christ, & then to say "That’s not good enough for me; I don’t want anything to do with it."
This morning, I pray that you won’t do that. I pray that you’ll respond to God’s love if you have not done that already. And that you’ll come as we stand & sing together.
