In September, 1985, a celebration was held at a New Orleans municipal swimming pool. The occasion was the celebration of the first summer in memory when no one had drowned at any New Orleans city pool. In honor of this somewhat historic event, two hundred people gathered at one of New Orleans’ largest pools, including one hundred certified lifeguards. The festivities lasted for several hours, but as the party was breaking up, and the four lifeguards on duty began to clear the pool, they found a fully dressed body in the deep end. They tried to revive Jerome Moody, who was thirty-one-years of age, but it was too late. He had drowned surrounded by friends, and people trained as lifeguards, who had come to commemorate a safe and successful season, but lost his life with no one noticing.
When I read that story I wondered how many people are drowning in loneliness and despair right around us, while no one notices. Even as they struggle for the air of human kindness and companionship their voices go unheard. So many times we gather in the church and fail to notice that someone right beside us is going under in a sea of loneliness and fear. After all, Christians are not supposed to feel lonely or afraid. There is an unspoken belief that if you are really a Christian you don’t have problems like that. We come here and sing, “Rescue the Perishing,” and fail to notice that there are people perishing right in the pew. In this culture, which idealizes independence and individuality, we have paid the price with a loss of friendships and community. We may pride ourselves in being self-sufficient, but the result is that we no longer belong to anyone.
We are looking at the life of Joseph this morning, and there is no better person to study in order to understand the problem of loneliness and how to overcome it. The first lesson we learn from the life of Joseph is that he experienced loneliness because: He was alienated from his family. I don’t know of any pain more pronounced than the pain of being alienated from your family. I talk to people all the time who have broken relationships, not only in their extended family, but in their immediate family as well. There were reasons for Joseph’s alienation from his brothers, and at one point he was even somewhat alienated from his parents. As a youth he was spoiled and self-centered. He was brash and cocky. He tattled on his brothers when they did something wrong. He had dreams about being greater than his brothers and told them all about the dreams. He even had dreams of his father and mother bowing down to him, and that did not go over well. God was giving Joseph a peek into the future with these dreams, but at the time he interpreted them in the most egotistical way. Adding to his problems with his brothers was the obvious favoritism his parents had toward him. They dressed him in a special way and gave him special favors. So when his brothers saw an opportunity to be rid of him they took advantage of it. They planned to kill him and say it was an accident, but when they thought better of it they changed their minds and sold him as a slave. They hated him so much they wanted nothing to do with him, and at that point the alienation looked permanent. There are a lot of people like Joseph who are alienated from members of their family. They know the pain of broken relationships. Some of it may even be their own doing, but they don’t know what to do about it.
But the second lesson we learn from the life of Joseph is that he experienced loneliness because: He felt that no one cared. As Joseph went off with the slave traders it was the worst moment of his life to that point. He knew his brothers hated him and that he barely escaped with his life. He was put in chains and bound to the other slaves as they marched through the desert all the way to Egypt, a thirty day journey. He had been a simple shepherd and was about to enter the most advanced civilization of that day. But these Egyptians worshiped frogs and cows — nothing like the one true God his father worshiped. He would never see his mother again. She would die in childbirth while he was in Egypt as a slave. He did not even know that he had a new brother. Now, imagine what it must have been like for Joseph. One day he was the cherished pet of his mother and father. He was given everything he wanted. He was close to his parents and greatly loved by them. He lived among a great extended family. But the next day he was being hauled off in irons as a nobody. He was treated with cruelty, and was barely given enough to eat. He spent every day in hardship. He was taken to a strange land with unusual customs and a language he could not understand. No one cared what happened to him. He was treated like a piece of property, and if he didn’t do something right he was beaten unmercifully.
The emotional weight of all this must have been crushing. How he must have dreamed of home. It must have haunted him that he was alienated from his family. He blamed himself. He knew his brothers were jealous of him, but he had no idea that they hated him this much. Loneliness had him in its ugly clutches. There is nothing worse than being alienated from the very people to whom you are supposed to be close and thinking that they no longer care. But he was not only alienated from them emotionally, he was separated from them geographically. He did not have a single family member or friend to care about what happened to him.
Frank Reed was held hostage in a Lebanon cell from 1986 to 1990. For months at a time, he was blindfolded and lived in complete darkness. Most of the time he was chained to a wall and kept in absolute silence. One day he was moved to another room, and, although he was blindfolded, he could sense that there were others in the room. But it was three weeks before he dared peek out to discover he was chained next to Terry Anderson and Tom Sutherland. It was a very difficult time, because he was beaten and tormented. But what Reed suffered from the most was the feeling that no one cared about him. In an interview with Time magazine he said, “Nothing I did mattered to anyone. I began to realize how withering it is to exist with not a single expression of caring around [me].... I learned one overriding fact: caring is a powerful force. If no one cares, you are truly alone.”
But the third lesson we learn from the life of Joseph is that he experienced loneliness because: He felt there was no hope. Stripped of his clothing and marching in the hot desert sun for thirty days gave Joseph plenty of time to think. He tried to believe that somehow he could escape, or that his brothers would change their minds and buy him back out of slavery. But each passing day brought the depressing realization that he would be a slave the rest of his life. His dreams would never come true, and he had to give up all the wonderful ideas of how he thought his life would turn out. His dreams were over. The people closest to him despised him. No one cared, and all hope seemed to be gone. But after he arrived in Egypt things began to look up a little. He was purchased by one of the better families who treated him fairly well. The harder he worked for Potiphar the more his master prospered and the better he treated Joseph, eventually putting hi in charge of all he had. It looked like his life was improving some — until the day that his master’s wife tried to seduce him. She begged him to go to bed with her, and when he resisted she claimed he had tried to rape her. When his master heard her charges, he had Joseph thrown into prison. Once again his life plummeted. He was in an even worse situation than before. He lived in filth and was treated like an animal. He barely had enough to eat. He was tempted to lay in his prison cell and die. He saw no way out and it looked as though this would be his lot for the rest of his life. All hope was gone. There was absolutely no meaning to his life. It was the loneliest time of his life, and despair began to set in.
It would have been horrible to be in the place of Joseph. His emotions had to reach an all time low. But, happily, that is not the end of the story. God not only delivered Joseph from that prison, but he placed him as one of the highest rulers in Egypt, second only to Pharaoh. How did Joseph overcome the overwhelming loneliness he most certainly experienced? The first thing that Joseph did was: He maintained his integrity. He did not give up or give in. He did not adapt to the culture around him and sin against his God. When his master’s wife tried to seduce him he said: “My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9). He could have gotten by with it, but he did not justify it in his mind and try to make it right. He knew the standard that God had for him and he continued to live up to it even in very difficult circumstances. He did not think about the need he had for someone in his life, he thought about his commitment to God. He was very alone and yet did not yield to this act of intimacy. He maintained his character even when everything was drawing him in another direction. He was surrounded by the worship of other gods, but he refused to worship them and remained faithful to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. He did this because he knew that if he became alienated from God it would be the worst loneliness of all.
The second thing that Joseph did to overcome his loneliness was: He found meaningful work. Joseph never gave up. He did not focus on what he couldn’t do, he focused on what he could do. He never quit doing the right thing. He was always looking for something meaningful to do — whether that was in the home where he was a slave, or in the prison where his life was even worse. The Scripture tells us: “When his master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord gave him success in everything he did, Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant. Potiphar put him in charge of his household, and he entrusted to his care everything he owned” (Genesis 39:3-4). He could have done only what he absolutely had to do to avoid a beating, but instead he did everything he could do. He became useful to those around him. Even when he was in prison, the Bible says, “So the warden put Joseph in charge of all those held in the prison, and he was made responsible for all that was done there” (Genesis 39:22). Joseph did not call it quits on life; he lived life as fully as he could in the circumstances he was given. He looked for meaning until he found it.
The third thing Joseph did to overcome loneliness was: He forgave those who had wronged him. Joseph had plenty of reason to live in bitterness. In spite of his youthful mistakes, nothing he had done deserved the kind of treatment he received. He had been wronged by his brothers. He had been wronged by Potiphar’s wife. He had been wronged by those he helped in prison, but who promptly forgot him when they were released. If Joseph had allowed it, resentment could have taken over his life. He could have turned into a dried-up, bitter person who could not see anything good in people or the world. He could have spent his days in complaining, and everything he would have said would have been true. But he escaped bitterness because he had placed his life in God’s hands and believed that he was in control.
It would have never been easier to take revenge than when his brothers came to Egypt. They came because there was a famine where they lived and they had to come to Egypt to find food. There was food in Egypt because God had not only delivered Joseph from prison, but lifted him to a place of honor in Pharaoh’s court. The story is that Pharaoh had a dream, and no one could tell him what it meant. But hearing that Joseph could interpret dreams, he sent for him in prison. Joseph told Pharaoh the dream meant that there would be seven years of abundance followed by seven years of famine, and if they made the right kind of preparations their lives would be spared. Pharaoh said, “Can we find anyone like this man, one in whom is the spirit of God?” “Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, ‘Since God has made all this known to you, there is no one so discerning and wise as you. You shall be in charge of my palace, and all my people are to submit to your orders. Only with respect to the throne will I be greater than you’” (Genesis 41:37-40). Joseph had absolute authority, and he could have easily taken vengeance on his brothers, but he said to them, “‘You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.’ And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them” (Genesis 50:20-21). He not only forgave them, he did everything he could to restore their relationship.
I believe that forgiveness is one of the greatest healers of loneliness. How can there be reconciliation if there is no forgiveness? If there is no reconciliation there can be no restoration of our relationships. If there is no restoration of relationships there is loneliness. It was because Joseph believed that God was ultimately in control, and could reverse the curse that others tried to place on his life, that he was able to forgive and overcome the loneliness in his life. He was restored to his brothers and found the relationships he had longed for so long. But he could never have overcome if he had not forgiven.
Some of you will remember the scene back in 1963. George C. Wallace, then governor of Alabama, literally stood in the door of the University of Alabama, and prevented a black woman named Vivian Malone Jones, from enrolling as a student. But thirty-three-years later, Vivian Jones stood on a platform and received the first Lurleen B. Wallace Award of Courage. This award was presented to her by George Wallace himself, and it was named in honor of Wallace’s wife. The award recognizes women who have made outstanding contributions to the state of Alabama. Wallace publicly apologized to Jones for the 1963 incident that day, and Jones in turn forgave Wallace in public and in her heart. Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., was on hand for the presentation and said, “This event really is a moment of reconciliation and redemption.” God had not only released her from the bondage of racism and the bitterness that could have consumed her, but God honored her for her faith and courage. She lived the truth of the scripture that said, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).
Like Joseph, I am sure there are people here today who are alienated from others, whether it be family or former friends. Some are feeling like no one cares, and still others see no hope or purpose for their lives. Perhaps it seems like the best part of life is past. You have lost family members and it feels like you are no longer needed. All the hope seems drained out of your life and you are in a lonely prison of despair. If that is so, then you need to begin to do what Joseph did: Maintain your integrity. Don’t give up or give in. Live for God, so that others will be able to say about you what they said about Joseph: “Can we find anyone like this — one in whom is the spirit of God?” Keep doing the right thing even when it seems like it doesn’t make any difference, for one day God will reward your faithfulness. Do what Joseph did and look for meaningful work no matter where you are or how menial the work may seem. Even if no one else notices, God is watching and you are doing it for him — even if it is only giving a cup of cold water (Mark 9:41). Do what Joseph did and forgive those who have wronged you. Look for ways to mend broken relationships. It will heal your loneliness more than anything else. Do what Joseph did and believe that God has a purpose in all this that transcends the evil plans of people. For he has said, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). Believe him when he says, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). For it is not what happens to you that matters, but how you handle what happens to you that makes the difference. And your life will make a difference if you live it like Joseph.
Rodney J. Buchanan
January 23, 2000
CONQUERING LONELINESS:
THE STORY OF JOSEPH
Genesis 37:19-36
“Meanwhile, the Midianites sold Joseph in Egypt to Potiphar, one of Pharaoh’s officials, the captain of the guard” (Genesis 37:36).
Joseph experienced loneliness because:
1. He was _________________________________________ .
2. He felt __________________________________________ .
3. He felt __________________________________________ .
Joseph overcame his loneliness because:
1. He maintained __________________________________ .
2. He found ________________________________________ .
3. He ______________________________________________ .
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION (Jan 23, 2000)
1. What was the loneliest time in your life?
2. What were the three things brought out in the sermon that caused Joseph’s loneliness? Can you think of more?
3. What are the things which cause us to be alienated from other people? Why are relationships so difficult?
4. Why do people in our culture not develop deep friendships? Why is it so hard to be close?
5. Read Deuteronomy 31:8 and Matthew 28:20b. Why is it hard to hold on to these truths?
6. Read Jeremiah 29:11. Recall a time when you were tempted to give up hope. What are the conditions which cause despair?
7. What were the three things that Joseph did to remedy his loneliness? What are some other things he could have done?
8. What are some of the barriers to forgiveness? Should we always forgive?
9. Read Job 2:9. Why is it that character and morality are sometimes the first things to go when someone is in despair?
10. What advise would you give a widow/er struggling with loneliness whose children lead busy lives? Their work, family and parenting days are over. What can give them meaning?
11. Think of someone who is lonely and pray about how you can be a help to them.
