Second only to our relationship with God, marriage is the single most important relationship that we will ever have. People enter into a marriage with great joy and wonderful expectations of spending the rest of their days with the love of their life. Vows are exchanged, commitments are made, and the journey of learning how to make two distinctly different individuals become one begins.
*According to statistical evidence compiled by the Barna Research Group in 1999, on average, 25% of all marriages end in divorce.
What is even more disturbing is that believers are more likely to get divorced than non-believers!
*Among professing born-again Christians, 27% are currently, or have previously been, divorced, compared to 24% among adults who are not born-again Christians.
Rural areas tend to have fewer divorces compared with heavily-populated cities and their surrounding suburbs. Divorce is much less likely in the Northeast than anywhere else in the U.S. Only 19 percent of the residents of the Northeast have been divorced, compared with 26 percent in the West and 27 percent in the South and Midwest.
*Contrary to popular belief, the statistical evidence shows that, on the average, second marriages actually last four years less than the first marriage.
It has been said, and I think rightly so, that *Marriage at its best is a struggle. In order for a marriage to continue and grow strong, it must flow in forgiveness.
During biblical times it was customary for fathers to select wives for their sons. The betrothal, or engagement period, could last up to two years. On the wedding day, the bride would bathe and put on richly embroidered white robes. She would then cover her face with a veil, adorn her head with a garland of flowers, and wait for the groom to come to take her away to the wedding ceremony.
The groom, surrounded by his closest friends, would leave his home and begin his journey to pick up his bride. As they proceeded through town, the procession got bigger and bigger as people from each house they passed would join with them-until finally they would arrive at the home of the bride’s parents. Once at her home, they would both proceed to the marriage supper, or wedding feast, which could be held at either the home of the groom’s father or of the groom.
This was a joyous procession, with the invited guests singing and dancing to the sound of musical instruments as they moved through the streets. Everyone gathered together for a huge banquet, the vows would be made, and the marriage consummated. Wedding festivities would sometimes continue for up to two weeks!
At the beginning of Jesus’ ministry, He attended a wedding in Cana in Galilee. The story is told in John 2:1-11: "Jesus’ mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, ’They have no more wine’ ’Dear woman, why do you involve me?’ Jesus replied. ’My time has not yet come.’ His mother said to the servants, ’Do whatever he tells you.’
"Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, ’Fill the jars with water;’ so they filled them to the brim. Then he told them, ’Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.’
"They did so, and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside and said, ’Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink, but you have saved the best till now.’" (John 2:1-10)
Jesus chose to perform His first miracle at this wedding. By His transforming power, He caused water to acquire a new form.
*He showed Himself to be the God of nature by doing this.
In the Old Testament, we see that at the beginning of Moses’ miracles there was the turning of water into blood. (Exodus 4:9; 7:20) By turning water into wine as the first of His miracles, Jesus was showing the difference between the law of Moses and the law He was to preach the law of love.
The curse of the law turns water into blood, the blessing of the Gospel turns water into wine. Wine represents His spirit. Water represents our spirit. This wine was unfermented, pure with no decay. Our marriages can maintain their purity and avoid decay as we open ourselves up to being filled with the Holy Spirit on a daily basis.
In the Old Testament, the word "marriage" is used to describe God’s spiritual relationship with His chosen people, Israel. (Psalm 45; Isaiah 54:6) When God’s people fell into sin, especially idolatry, the sin was likened to adultery on the part of a wife. (Jeremiah 3:1-20)
In the New Testament, the analogy is continued: Christ is the Bridegroom (John 3:29), and the Church is His Bride. (Ephesians 5:25-33)
The Apostle Paul counsels husbands and wives to imitate the spiritual closeness and love that Christ has for His Bride, the Church. Paul tells us that we must submit "to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
Paul continues on to say that in this same way, "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church for we are members of his body. ’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 5:21-33)
We can see from Paul’s instructions to the Ephesians that *Marriage must first begin with submission to one another.
*Submitting to one another in marriage means to esteem your spouse more highly than yourself.
*It becomes easy for a wife to submit to her husband when she knows that he has only her best interest at the forefront of every action he takes, and every decision he makes.
The husband has been given the grave responsibility to love his wife as Jesus loves the Church! This is an impossible task apart from Him. Unless you completely commit your marriage into the hands of the Lord, it will be impossible to live as Paul describes.
*It has been said that marriage is a 50/50 proposition.
The true ideal is that both husband and wife should work at giving 100 percent in the marriage. *However, the reality is that the demands of marriage will never result in a perfectly equal sharing, but will instead, create constant changes.
These changes will result in, rather than a 100/100 or a 50/50 relationship, more realistically at times an 80/20 or 30/70 or 65/35 sharing relationship.
One person will, at times, be required to meet a greater measure of demands due to such factors as job security, school, children, the health of the spouse-whether physical or mental, and so on. By keeping this in proper perspective, we will avert being overwhelmed by those temporary challenges that will always be a part of married life.
*Marriage is first a commitment to God and then to each other.
*Marriage must be based upon that commitment rather than just upon the emotion of love.
Love as mankind expresses it is like a chameleon: it changes according to its environment!
When I asked my wife to marry me, I understood that I was actually making a vow of commitment to God first and to my wife second. But in actuality, the secondary commitment to my wife is really the same as my primary commitment to God. Jesus taught that the greatest commandment of loving God with all our heart, soul, and mind is the same as loving another person. (Matthew 22:39) So my commitment to my wife is based upon my commitment to God. The institution of marriage is a direct representation to the world of God’s marriage to each Believer as His Bride. (Revelation 19:7)
My wife and I vowed to one another that we would never use the word "divorce" in any conversation we had with each other, no matter how heated the argument, nor how terrible the wrong committed. Above all else, we were steadfast in our commitment before God.
When you are unable to live in forgiveness with your spouse, you are telling the world that the sacrifice Jesus made by shedding His blood upon the cross is not sufficient enough to restore broken lives and forgive sinful hearts.
*When believers get divorced, it broadcasts to the world that salvation is based upon works and not upon grace.
This is why God hates divorce. (Malachi )And this is why Jesus states there are no real grounds for divorce. Look carefully at His response to a group of Pharisees that came one day to try and test Him on the subject of divorce.
They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" Jesus then asked them, "What did Moses command you?" They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.
"It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. "But at the beginning of Creation God ’made them male and female,’ ’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
Sometime later when all the disciples were gathered together back at the house where they were staying, they asked Jesus about this. He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." (Mark 10:2-12)
Jesus devastated their thinking with His straightforward answer. He forced them to confront the real reason for divorce, which was the hardness of their hearts caused by their selfish needs and wants. He made it clear that once a man and woman were married, God would no longer consider them two separate people but "one flesh."
Jesus clearly states that if for any reason, the husband divorces his wife or the wife divorces her husband, they are committing adultery. The only way they would not be committing adultery is if they had already committed it by being unfaithful. Jesus comments on this elsewhere in the book of Matthew by stating that "anyone who divorces his wife, causes her to become an adulteress" unless she had already become one by being unfaithful. (Matthew 5:31-32)
Moses only allowed a husband to divorce his wife. Never could a wife divorce her husband! The author of the book of Hebrews writes about the divorce laws of the Old Testament and tells us that "marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." He goes on to say, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ’Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ’The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?’" (Hebrew 13:4-6)
Isn’t it interesting that the writer of Hebrews, while discussing keeping marriage pure, also warns us to live our lives free from the love of money? Money is one of the major troublemakers in a marriage and the problems our desire for money can create is often cited as one of the major reasons a marriage ends.
The writer then goes on to say that God will never leave us, nor forsake us. This was first said to Joshua (1 Kings 8:57) but belongs to every believer. Old Testament promises may always be applied to New Testament saints.
In the Greek text of Hebrews 13:4-6, five negatives are run together. It actually reads "I will never, no, never, ever, leave you, nor ever forsake you."
*Each believer is given the absolute assurance that Jesus, the Groom, will never divorce you, His Bride.
As the spiritual Bride of Christ, you shall have Jesus with you throughout this life, at death, and forevermore. This promise contains the sum and substance of all the promises of God.
Forgiving your spouse, however, does not mean that you must tolerate and accept abusive behavior, whether it is mental, emotional, physical, or marital infidelity. Those types of behaviors are absolutely unacceptable, and should never be tolerated by anyone. Living with the attitude of forgiveness towards the abuser is mandatory, living with the abuser is not.
*Forgiving another does not mean you must "turn the other cheek" and become their physical or emotional punching bag.
It is altogether different when you are ridiculed and abused for your faith in Jesus than when you are in a personal relationship with one who is abusive.
For any marriage to succeed, partners must respond with forgiveness from the very heart of Jesus. Whether it is marital unfaithfulness, mistreatment, or any other reason, forgiveness must reign.
One day soon, "in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye" we will hear the joyous music of the great and final wedding march!-at "the last trumpet’s sound," (1 Corinthians 15:52), and we will join the great procession of believers together as the Bride prepares to meet at last Her Groom face to face!
"For blessed art those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb." (Revelation 19:19 KJV)
"Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and His bride has made herself ready." (Revelation 19:7)
"He who testifies to these things says, ’Yes, I am coming soon.’ Amen. Come, Lord Jesus." (Revelation 22:20)
