WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO, GOT TO DO WITH IT? TINA TURNER ASKED THAT QUESTION IN HER 1983 HIT SONG. THAT QUESTION COULD VERY WELL HAVE BEEN ASKED BY THE HUSBANDS IN THE EPHESIAN CHURCH. WHAT HAS LOVE GOT TO DO WITH MARRIAGE. YOU’LL REMEMBER THAT LAST WEEK WE TOLD YOU HOW THE JEWS WERE VERY ENLIGHTENED IN PAUL’S WORLD? HOW THEY AMONG THE OTHER CULTURES OF THE DAY VIEWED WOMAN AS ALMOST EQUAL TO MEN.
BUT ON THAT NOTE REALIZE THAT EPHESUS WAS NOT A JEWISH CITY, IT WAS A GREEK CITY. A CITY WHERE THE VIEWS OF DEMOSTHENE "WE HAVE COURTESANS FOR THE SAKE OF PLEASURE, WE HAVE CONCUBINES FOR THE SAKE OF DAILY COHABITATIONS, WE HAVE WIVES FOR THE PURPOSE OF HAVING CHILDREN LEGITIMATELY." AND XENOPHON "LET HER LIVE THAT SHE MIGHT SEE AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE, HEAR AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE AND ASK AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE." WERE THE VIEWS OF THE DAY.
LOVE YOUR WIFE, HARDLY. YOU LOVED YOUR CAMEL, YOU LOVED YOUR SON, BUT YOUR WIFE IF SHE WAS A GOOD WIFE SHE DIDN’T ANNOY YOU, IF SHE WAS A BAD WIFE THEN YOU GOT RID OF HER. YOU CAN WELL IMAGINE THE SHOCK WAVES THAT MUST HAVE RIPPLED THROUGH THE CONGREGATION WHEN PAUL’S LETTER WAS READ OUT LOUD. "DID I HEAR RIGHT? DID HE REALLY SAY THAT WE WERE TO LOVE OUR WIVES? LIKE CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH?"
I MEAN THESE GUY’S WERE RIDING HIGH, PAUL HAS JUST TOLD THEIR WIVES TO SUBMIT, LIKE THAT WAS THE TYPE OF PREACHING THEY WANTED TO HEAR. I CAN JUST IMAGINE THE APPLAUSE, FOOT STAMPING AND WHISTLING THAT ACCOMPANIED THAT ONE. BUT NOW, HE HAD GONE FROM PREACHING TO MEDDLING. BUT PAUL WAS SERIOUS. I’M SURE THAT HE HAD SEEN THE WAY THAT CHRISTIAN HUSBANDS WERE TREATING THEIR WIVES. IT WAS JUST AS IF THERE HAD NEVER BEEN A CHANGE IN THEIR LIVES. THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IN THE CHURCH WAS THE SAME AS IT WAS IN THE REST OF GREEK CULTURE. GRANTED CHRISTIAN HUSBANDS HAD GIVEN UP THE COURTESANS AND CONCUBINES, BUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR WIVES HADN’T CHANGED. AND PAUL WAS SAYING, "HEY GUYS, NOT GOOD ENOUGH, LET’S MAKE A CHANGE THAT IS NOTICEABLE TO EVERYONE. LET’S CHANGE OUR MARRIAGES."
NOT ONLY DOES PAUL COMMAND THE HUSBANDS TO LOVE THEIR WIVES BUT LISTEN TO SOME OF THE WAYS HE TELLS THEM TO LOVE THEIR WIVES. AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH, AS YOU LOVE YOUR OWN BODIES, AS YOU LOVES YOURSELF. THAT’S NOT JUST INFATUATION, OR PUPPY LOVE THAT IS PRETTY SERIOUS STUFF.
PAUL HAD GIVEN BASICALLY THE SAME COMMAND TO THE CHURCH IN COLOSSE, IN Colossians 3:19 HE WROTE A husband must love his wife and not abuse her.
PRESUMABLY BECAUSE WHEN PAUL WROTE IT WAS OFTEN ADDRESSING A PROBLEM WE HAVE TO ASSUME THAT THE MEN IN THAT CHURCH WEREN’T LOVING THEIR WIVES BUT THEY WERE ABUSING THEM.
AND THAT MAKES SENSE CONSIDERING THAT COLOSSE WAS VERY SIMILAR IN CULTURE TO EPHESUS AND WAS LESS THEN A HUNDRED MILES AWAY. THIS WAS A NEW AND REVOLUTIONARY TEACHING TO THESE GREEK CHURCHES. LOVE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH MARRIAGE, IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH WIVES. WIVES WERE MARRIED BECAUSE THE MARRIAGE HAD BEEN ARRANGED BY PARENTS YEARS BEFORE. SOMETIMES WHEN BOTH PARTIES WERE STILL CHILDREN. YOU GOT MARRIED BECAUSE THAT WAS THE THING TO DO, YOU GOT MARRIED TO HAVE CHILDREN, YOU GOT MARRIED TO HAVE SOMEBODY TO RUN YOUR HOUSE, TO RAISE YOUR KIDS, TO COOK YOUR MEALS AND MEND YOUR TOGA, YOU DIDN’T GET MARRIED TO HAVE SOMEBODY TO LOVE.
AND NOW PAUL IS SAYING IN Ephesians 5:25 A husband should love his wife as much as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. BUT HOW DID JESUS LOVE THE CHURCH? WHAT TYPE OF LOVE IS PAUL TALKING ABOUT HERE?
IT’S INTERESTING IN THAT I DECIDED TO CHECK OUT THE GREEK IN THIS INSTANCE AND I WAS SURE THAT IT WOULD BE EITHER IT WOULD BE EROS, ROMANTIC LOVE, OR PHILEO, A LOVE OF FAMILY. INSTEAD IT WAS THE GREEK WORD AGAPAO WHICH MEANS VALUE, ESTEEM, FEEL OR MANIFEST GENEROUS CONCERN FOR, BE FAITHFUL TOWARDS, TO DELIGHT IN, TO SET STORE UPON. NOW WE JUST SAY THE WORD LOVE BUT THESE GREEK GUYS THEY KNEW RIGHT WHERE PAUL WAS COMING FROM AND WHATEVER ELSE IT MAY HAVE BEEN USED FOR IN THE PAST THIS TYPE OF ESTEEM, DELIGHTING IN, FAITHFUL TYPE LOVE WASN’T USED FOR WIVES. WHAT TYPE OF LOVE WAS IT.
1) IT WAS A GIVING LOVE JESUS GAVE OF HIMSELF TO THE CHURCH. JESUS GAVE UP A PREFERABLE LIFE STYLE FOR THE CHURCH. THINK ABOUT IT, IF YOU HAD THE CHOICE WOULD YOU STAY IN HEAVEN WHERE EVERYTHING WAS WONDERFUL, OR GO TO EARTH TO GROW UP IN A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY, TO MINISTER TO HOSTILE CROWDS, BE ARRESTED, MOCKED, BEATEN AND CRUCIFIED.
NOT TOO TOUGH OF A CHOICE IS IT, A CHOICE THAT COULD ONLY BE MADE THROUGH LOVE. AND JESUS DID THAT HE GAVE OF HIMSELF FOR THE CHURCH. HE SAID THE ONLY WAY THAT THIS WILL HAPPEN IS IF I GIVE MYSELF, ME FOR HER, AND HE PUT HER INTERESTS FIRST.
AS HUSBANDS IF WE ARE TO FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE OF CHRIST WE WILL HAVE TO DISPLAY A GIVING LOVE TO OUR WIVES. "OH RIGHT, HERE WE GO AGAIN, LET’S TALK ABOUT THE FLOWERS I NEVER BUY, OR THE CHOCOLATES I NEVER GET HER." UH-HUH NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT ALTHOUGH THOSE THINGS ARE IMPORTANT, BUT SOMETIMES WE TRY TO USE THINGS TO REPLACE US.
SOMETIMES WHEN I WORK LATE AT THE OFFICE I’LL BUY ANGELA A TREAT ON THE WAY HOME, JUST SOMETHING SMALL, A CHOCOLATE BAR OR SOMETHING. BUT I THINK THAT SHE WOULD RATHER FORGO THE TREAT AND HAVE ME AT HOME INSTEAD, OR AT LEAST I HOPE SHE WOULD. INSTEAD SHE HAS TO SHARE ME WITH MY MISTRESS, AND YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS DON’T YOU? BEDFORD COMMUNITY CHURCH. AND PROBABLY IF YOU WERE HONEST YOU COULD PROBABLY NAME YOUR MISTRESS AS WELL. IS HER NAME WORK? OR IS IT HOBBY? OR MAYBE HER NAME IS TELEVISION, OR MAYBE SHE’S THE MOST DEMANDING MISTRESS OF ALL BECAUSE MAYBE HER NAME IS SELF. WHO OR WHAT DOES YOUR WIFE HAVE TO SHARE YOU WITH.
HOW MUCH OF YOURSELF DO YOU GIVE TO YOUR WIFE? DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE COURTING, THINK BACK WAY BACK. BACK WHEN YOU COULD TALK FOR HOURS, BACK WHEN ALL OF YOUR SPARE TIME WAS FOR YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE, BACK WHEN YOU WANTED TO BE WITH HER ALL THE TIME. SEEMS LIKE A LONG TIME AGO DOESN’T IT. BY THE WAY LADIES WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND IN ALL OF THESE POINTS.
WHAT HAVE YOU SACRIFICED LATELY FOR YOUR WIFE GUYS. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU GAVE HER YOU. JUST SAT ON THE COACH WITH YOUR ARM AROUND HER AND GAVE HER "YOU" AND YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION?
2) IT IS A TELLING LOVE. JESUS John 15:12 12 Now I tell you to love each other, as I have loved you. WAS NEVER ASHAMED TO VERBALISE HIS LOVE. HE NEVER HAD A PROBLEM TELLING THE DISCIPLES THAT HE LOVED THEM.
"I LOVE YOU" NOT THAT TOUGH IS IT JUST THREE ONE SYLLABLE WORDS. HAVE ALWAYS LOVED THE STORY OF THE OLD FARMER AND HIS WIFE, SHE SAID "YOU NEVER TELL ME YOU LOVE ME" "WELL" HE SAID "I TOLD YOU FORTY YEARS AGO WHEN WE GOT MARRIED THAT I LOVE YOU, AND IF I CHANGE MY MIND I WILL LET YOU KNOW." GUYS YOUR WIVES NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU HAVEN’T CHANGED YOUR MINDS. AND WIVES YOUR HUSBANDS NEED TO KNOW AS WELL.
REBA MCENTIRE HAS A SONG OUT CALLED "THE GREATEST MAN I NEVER KNEW" AND IN THE LAST VERSE IT SAYS THIS:
THE GREATEST WORDS I NEVER HEARD
I GUESS I’LL NEVER HEAR
THE MAN I THOUGHT WOULD NEVER DIE
S’BEEN DEAD ALMOST A YEAR
HE WAS GOOD AT BUSINESS
BUT THERE WAS BUSINESS LEFT TO DO
HE NEVER SAID HE LOVED ME
GUESS HE THOUGHT I KNEW.
YOUR WIVES NEED TO KNOW YOU LOVE HER, AND YOUR KIDS NEED TO KNOW YOU LOVE THEM, NO MATTER HOW OLD THEY ARE. AND LOVE CAN NEVER BE VERBALISE ENOUGH. ONCE EVERY FORTY YEARS ISN’T ENOUGH, ONCE EVERY FORTY DAYS ISN’T ENOUGH, IT IS PROBABLY DOUBTFUL THAT ONCE A DAY IS ENOUGH. DID YOU KNOW THAT IT HAS BEEN PROVED THAT MEN WHO KISS THEIR WIVES GOODBYE EACH MORNING LIVE LONGER. DAD USED TO TELL ME IT WASN’T TRUE THAT MARRIED MEN LIVED LONGER IT JUST SEEMED LONGER.
TELL YOUR WIFE THAT YOU LOVE HER, AND EXPECT THEM TO BE SUSPICIOUS BECAUSE THAT’S THE WAY WOMAN ARE. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT MAKES A WOMAN’S MIND WORK? BUYING HER FLOWERS FOR NO REASON. BEFORE I GOT MARRIED DAD TOOK ME TO A CARD SHOP AND EXPLAINED THE FACTS OF LIFE. HE TOLD ME THAT WHEN I BOUGHT MY WIFE A CARD THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WAS WHAT WAS ON THE BACK NOT WHAT WAS ON THE FRONT. NATURALLY I WAS CURIOUS AND SO I ENQUIRED "WHY?" "BECAUSE" HE RESPONDED "SPEND TOO MUCH AND THEY DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU’VE BEEN UP TO, DON’T SPEND ENOUGH AND THEY SAY ’IS THAT ALL I’M WORTH TO YOU?’"
START EVERY DAY TELLING YOUR WIFE THAT YOU LOVE HER, AND FINISH IT THE SAME WAY, DON’T LET THE GREATEST WORDS SHE NEVER HEARD BE THE ONES SHE’LL NEVER HEAR." WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER IT DAWNED ON ME, I DON’T KNOW IF I WAS BEING MORBID OR WHAT BUT IT DAWNED ON ME THAT EACH TIME I WALKED OUT THE DOOR MIGHT BE THE LAST TIME I SAW MY PARENTS. AND SO AS A TEENAGER I GOT IN THE HABIT OF WHENEVER I LEFT FOR SCHOOL, OR LEFT FOR WORK, OR WENT OUT FOR THE EVENING OF SAYING "I LOVE YOU" AND I TRY TO CARRY THAT ON WITH MY FAMILY TODAY, AND WITH MY PARENTS FOR THE SAME REASON. I NEVER WANT TO THINK THAT I HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS WITH THE FIVE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.
HUSBANDS, FATHER, WIVES, MOTHERS, CHILDREN LET YOUR LOVE BE A TELLING LOVE.
3) IT IS AN ENDURING LOVE. Psalm 136:1 1 Praise the Lord! He is good. God’s love never fails.
THAT PHRASE, God’s love never fails IS USED TWENTY SIX TIMES IN THE BIBLE. DOESN’T SAY "HIS LOVE ONLY FAILS SOMETIMES" OR "HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS DURING THE GOOD TIMES" OR "HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS WHEN EVERYTHING IS GOING OK." BUT God’s love never fails.
OUR WIVES NEED TO KNOW THAT WE WILL LOVE THEM NO MATTER WHAT. WOMEN NEED TO KNOW THAT OUR LOVE IS NOT BASED ON WHAT SHE IS, BUT INSTEAD ON WHO SHE IS. YOU MIGHT HAVE FALLEN FOR HER BECAUSE SHE WAS PRETTY, HAD A KNOCK OUT FIGURE AND ALL KINDS OF SMARTS, YOU EVER WONDER IF SHE WAS REALLY THAT SMART WHAT SHE SAW IN YOU? THOSE MAY HAVE BEEN REASONS FOR YOUR INITIAL ATTRACTION, BUT YOUR LOVE BETTER GO BEYOND THOSE REASONS. AND SHE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT YOU LOVE HER, NOT HER ATTRIBUTES.
A FEW YEARS AGO I WORKED TO HELP SET UP A LOCAL CHAPTER OF "CANSURMOUNT" A THERAPY GROUP FOR CANCER PATIENTS. IN THE WORK THAT I DID I DISCOVERED THAT WHEN A WOMAN WAS FACED WITH A MASTECTOMY THAT HER GREATEST FEAR WASN’T OF THE CANCER SPREADING, OR LOSING HER BREAST, IT WAS THAT HER HUSBAND WOULD SEE HER AS LESS OF A WOMAN. DOESN’T SOUND LIKE ENDURING LOVE TO ME. LISTEN UP, THE FACTS OF LIFE, FACES GET OLD, BODIES CHANGE, HAIR TURNS GREY, LOVE NEEDS TO ENDURE FOREVER. LOVE NEEDS TO BE LOVE REGARDLESS OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES.
REMEMBER THE DEFINITIONS OF AGAPAO? WHICH MEANS VALUE, ESTEEM, FEEL OR MANIFEST GENEROUS CONCERN FOR, BE FAITHFUL TOWARDS, TO DELIGHT IN, TO SET STORE UPON. YOU NEED TO DO THAT FOR YOUR WIFE, VALUE HER, NOT WHAT SHE IS BUT WHO SHE IS. ESTEEM YOUR WIFE FOR WHO SHE IS, DELIGHT IN YOUR WIFE FOR WHO SHE IS.
4) IT WAS A SELFLESS LOVE. JESUS PRIMARY CONCERN WAS FOR THE CHURCH NOT FOR JESUS. WHEN IT GOT RIGHT DOWN TO WHERE THE RUBBER MET THE ROAD, IN THE GARDEN WHEN JESUS COULD HAVE SAID "WHOA, STOP LET’S BACK THIS UP, I WANT TO GO HOME. CRUCIFIXION DOESN’T SOUND LIKE ANY FUN." COULD HAVE DONE WHAT HE TOLD THE DISCIPLES IN Matthew 26:53
53 Don’t you know that I could ask my Father, and right away he would send me more than twelve armies of angels? THE ORIGINAL WORD USED FOR ARMY HERE WAS LEGION AND A LEGION WAS UP TO SIX THOUSAND FOOT SOLDIERS ALONG WITH THE SUPPORT UNITS ON HORSEBACK AND CHARIOTS. "HEY GUYS I COULD CALL DOWN MORE THEN 72,000 ANGELS AND SAY SIC EM TALK ABOUT BEING TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL" AND HE WASN’T TALKING THE SWEET DELLA REESE TYPE EITHER. HE WAS TALKING ABOUT THOSE BIG ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER TERMINATOR ANGELS! BUT HE DIDN’T WHY BECAUSE OF US.
BUT WHAT COULD WE GIVE HIM BACK? NOTHING.
SO OFTEN WE LOVE PEOPLE BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY CAN DO FOR US. BUT THAT ISN’T LOVE THAT IS INFATUATION. LOVE SAYS, "WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?" INFATUATION SAYS "WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME?"
WHEN I WAS IN MY LAST CHURCH A LADY WHO WAS A CLOSE FRIEND OF ANGELA’S AND MINE DEVELOPED CANCER. HER LAST FEW MONTHS SHE LIVED AT HOME, HER HUSBAND HAD A HOSPITAL BED SET UP FOR HER AND HIS LIFE REVOLVED AROUND HER DURING THAT TIME. THERE WASN’T ANYTHING THAT GEORGIE COULD DO FOR JACK, HE FED HER, CLEANED HER, LOVED HER. HE COULD HAVE SAID, "HEY I DON’T NEED THIS" I CAN FIND A WIFE WHO IS CAPABLE OF DOING THINGS FOR ME, UH-HUH LOVE DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.
PAUL KNEW WOMEN. I SAW A BUMPER STICKER THAT SAID "THE MORE I GET TO KNOW WOMEN THE MORE I LOVE MY TRUCK." MAN THE MORE I GET TO KNOW ABOUT WOMEN THE LESS I KNOW ABOUT WOMEN. CHURCHILL DESCRIBED RUSSIA AS "A RIDDLE, WRAPPED IN A MYSTERY INSIDE AN ENIGMA." I THINK MAYBE HE WAS DESCRIBING MRS. CHURCHILL.
MEN AND WOMEN LISTEN UP, MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT, AND NOT JUST PHYSICALLY. WE THINK DIFFERENTLY, WE REACT DIFFERENTLY, WE FEEL DIFFERENTLY. AND BECAUSE OF THAT SOMETIMES IT IS DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND ONE ANOTHER, LET ALONE LOVE ONE ANOTHER. BUT WE ARE TOLD THAT IF WE ARE GOING TO MAKE IT WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK AT IT.
LISTEN TO THAT LAST LINE, Ephesians 5:33 So each husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself, and each wife should respect her husband.
WRITE IT DOWN, ENGRAVE IT ON YOUR FOREHEADS, PUT IT INTO ACTION. MEN LOVE YOUR WIVES AND RESPECT THEM. WOMAN LOVE YOUR HUSBANDS AND RESPECT THEM. YOU SAY "IT’S HARD" OF COURSE IT’S HARD IF IT WASN’T HARD EVERYONE WOULD HAVE A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE.
