The pastor was visiting the fourth-grade Sunday School class to talk about marriage as part of the lesson. He asked the class, "What does God say about marriage?" Immediately one boy replied, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Well, friends, that is not exactly a proper application of Scripture, but I think the question "What does God say about marriage?" is a very important one and a very interesting one. During the past fifteen years that I have been a pastor, I have officiated at over 50 different weddings. As I have shared with those couples some of the things which God says about marriage, I have referred to over a dozen different biblical passages. However, I have never used today's text, 1 Corinthians 7, in a wedding sermon. In fact, I don't remember hearing any pastor use this chapter at a wedding. Why is that surprising? It's because the forty verses of 1 Corinthians 7 consist of the longest, most extensive discussion of marital issues anywhere in the Bible. If you have a New International Version, you will see the heading of this entire chapter is simply Marriage. As we explore the passage, however, it will become obvious why this is a marriage text not used at weddings. 1 Corinthians 7 does not present a romantic, lofty view of marriage. If we want that, we turn ahead to 1 Corinthians 13, where Paul describes and defines true love, or to Ephesians 5, where he compares marriage to Christ's relationship with the church. Those are probably the two most frequently used Scriptures at weddings. In 1 Corinthians 7, however, Paul responds to questions that had been raised, and he addresses some very practical issues about marriage. Though we may not be concerned about some of these questions right now, I think there is great value in hearing what God has to say about this topic through Paul. So, let's pause and pray that God would help us understand and apply His Word today.
Let me explain our game plan. Next week we are going to look at Verses 10-16 in this chapter which focus on divorce, so today we will concentrate on the remainder of 1 Corinthians 7. This is not intended to be a comprehensive study of what the Bible says about marriage, nor is it to be a pep talk about getting along better with your spouse. Those would be worthwhile things to do, but I firmly believe there is great value in focusing our attention on the meaning and implications of this particular passage of Scripture. So let's do that. Paul begins by reminding us that marriage is a good thing, a gift from God. We need to keep in mind that Paul is writing as a single man, a confirmed bachelor. His personal opinion is reflected in 7:1b It is good for a man not to marry. It has been suggested that Paul had been married at one time. It would have been very unusual for a single man to sit as a member of the Sanhedrin, the Jewish ruling council, as Paul had done before he became a believer in Christ. Some think his wife may have left him following his conversion to Christianity. Yet, this is total speculation, since nowhere in his New Testament letters does he make any reference to an ex-wife. But, though being single is a good thing for Paul, he recognizes that marriage is a genuine gift from God for others. Most obviously, he says, it provides the context for the proper expression of human sexuality. 7:2-6, 8-9 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. Sometimes Christians seem a bit embarrassed by Paul's frank discussion of the marriage relationship, but even though modesty is a good thing, we do need to come to grips with what Paul is saying. Let me point out some of the implications.
1) The sexual relationship between husband and wife is an important part of marriage. A lot of folks have the impression that Christians are against sex. Wrong. We are very much for sex in the right context, in the context of marriage. As someone said, "Sex is like fire. In the fireplace, it's warm and delightful. Outside of the fireplace, it's destructive." Our text gives no indication that Paul agrees with those who say procreation, having babies, is the only valid purpose of sex. I think he sees it as a gift from God, which, as one writer put it, is intended for pleasure as well as for producing babies. Now, certainly there is much more than sex involved in a good marital relationship, but it is part of the equation. Throughout his ministry, Paul dealt with folks known as ascetics who claimed that abstaining from food, drink and sex made one a more spiritual person. Even though he is a confirmed bachelor, Paul says that is nonsense. Yes, on occasion it may be good for a couple to abstain from sexual relations to focus on their relationship with God, but in general, sexual intimacy is a normal, healthy, wonderful part of a marriage.
Do most Christians today understand this? I'm not sure. One recent survey found that those folks who are regular church attendees claim to experience more sexual satisfaction than those who are not. That's good, I think. A few years ago, however, Ann Landers received 100,000 responses to a question she asked her readers. She found that 72% of women said they "would be content just to be held close and treated tenderly and forget about the sex act." That is a remarkable statistic, especially since we live in a culture which often tries to pretend sex is the ultimate human experience. Though I think it is good that most women reject that nonsense, it is really quite sad that so many don't see sexual intimacy with their spouse as something desirable. Now, I suspect that men bear as much, if not more, responsibility for this situation. Sexual intimacy is intended to be experienced in the context of emotional intimacy and too many men are not interested in that. I do believe, however, that Christians today need to affirm what Paul says: That though there is much more to marriage than sex, sexual intimacy is an important part of that relationship.
2) A good relationship with one's spouse prevents sexual immorality. A healthy sexual relationship between husband and wife can help them be faithful to each other. That may not seem terribly romantic, but Paul sees that as a very good thing because, as we saw two weeks ago when we looked at Chapter 6, he sees immorality as a very bad thing. Paul would agree with the fellow who said, "I'm not tempted to steal a Ford Escort parked on the street because I have a Lincoln Continental at home in the garage." In other words, because of his affection for his wife, the man claimed he was not really tempted by other women. Now, certainly being married doesn't mean one is immune from sexual temptation. Many of us here can testify to that. Paul would say, though, that it is obvious that a single person is going to face much stronger temptation than someone who is married.
An interesting issue connected with this point concerns when it is good for someone to get married. For many years, the average age that people marry for the first time has been steadily increasing. Nancy and I were 27 and 29 when we got married and that is very normal. Many of us think postponing marriage until after someone turns 25 or even 30 is a good thing because then the couple will be more mature and have a stronger marriage. Some Christian leaders, such as Al Mohler, have pointed out, however, that this really goes against what the Bible teaches in 1 Corinthians 7. There is a lot of sexual immorality that takes place between ages 20 and 30, and obviously some of that could be prevented by earlier marriage. Now, I'm not going to make any dogmatic statements on this issue, other than to suggest that we need to re-evaluate whether encouraging young couples to postpone marriage until they are "more mature" is really a good thing.
Another related issue concerns the length of an engagement. In very practical terms, longer engagements often mean greater sexual temptation. This is apparently the situation Paul is describing in Verses 36-39, though there is an alternative interpretation of those verses which I am not going to take time to explain, but if you are interested, I'll talk to you about it later. I have a feeling Paul might say that if two people are confident that they should get married, that this is God's will, it's silly for them to wait 9-12 months to have a wedding. A 3- to 6-month engagement might be much better, and a wedding really can be planned that quickly. Again, I am not attempting to set any hard and fast rules, I'm only suggesting that we as Christians may need to take more seriously what God is saying in this chapter. Paul believed that marriage is inherently a good thing. The relationship of husband and wife is a mirror to Christ's relationship to His church. Here, however, Paul is emphasizing a practical value of marriage. When it comes to sexual immorality, which was a big problem in Paul's culture, and continues to be in our day, getting married is a good thing.
Secondly, Paul says that not being married, being single, can be a good thing. 7:8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. This thought runs throughout the chapter, but Paul spells it out most clearly in 7:32-35 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs -- how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world -- how he can please his wife -- and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world -- how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. Now again, Paul is not contradicting what he writes in Ephesians 5. He knows that for most people, marriage is what God intends for them. But there are some, like himself, who are called to remain single. Christians in that situation, he says, need to recognize what a great opportunity they have to serve the Lord. Now, Paul clearly expects those who are single to be chaste and avoid sexual immorality. In our society we have a growing number of single adults. Statistics show that 38% of adults living in the United States are not married. Most people, however, tend to associate the "single lifestyle" not with celibacy but with sexual promiscuity. Some folks would claim that those who are married should be sexually faithful to each other, but that it is perfectly OK for single people to have numerous sexual partners. Paul would say, "Wrong! Those who want to be sexually active had better get married." A Christian who is single needs to be committed to chastity.
Paul says the big advantage of not being married, really the only advantage he mentions, is that single people can devote themselves to serving the Lord. An individual who doesn't have a spouse has more time and energy to invest in ministry. Now, I think I am a better pastor and am able to do more for God's Kingdom because of the support and encouragement I receive from my wife Nancy and from the boys. However, there is no doubt Paul is right that I would have a lot more time if I did not have a family. Especially in the summer, when I spend quite a few afternoons and evenings at Ben's and Brady's baseball games. I know I would have more time to do ministry if I were single. Paul is pointing out a very practical truth. However, there are a couple of mistakes that have been made in applying this truth. 1) Some assume that all pastors and other church leaders must be single. That, of course, has been the rule in the Roman Catholic Church for centuries. There is nothing in this chapter or anywhere else in the Bible which requires that, however. Paul is clear that celibacy is a good thing, but it is not for everybody. In Chapter 9:5, he refers to the fact that the other apostles all had wives, including James and Peter who were main leaders in the church. We know Peter was married because Jesus healed his mother-in-law who was suffering from a fever. Requiring celibacy of pastors and other church workers is not biblical and, in my opinion, not wise.
Protestants, however, are prone to make another mistake with this text and assume that all pastors should be married. If we think that, we are really ignoring what the text says. Yet, I have seen a number of surveys done of congregations which are looking for a new pastor, and it seems that it's always 75% or more of the people in the church who say they prefer a married pastor to a single one. When I received my first degree from Bethel Seminary in 1983, one of the reasons I thought the Lord wanted me to continue my education was because I realized that most churches would not be interested in having me as their pastor since I was still single at that time. There is an unfortunate discrimination against single people in ministry. Paul teaches that if anything, a single fellow should be able to do a better job as a pastor than someone who is married. Now, I know some of you can come up with all sorts of reasons why that is not the case, but I don't think we should argue with what the Bible clearly teaches. There are some single people who have been used by God in tremendous ways in ministry, even in protestant churches. John Stott, an Anglican pastor from London, is probably one of the ten most influential Christian leaders of the last century, and he was never married. Bill Gothard, though I don't agree with him in some things, has also been used by the Lord in great ways, even though he has never been married. When the time comes that this congregation is looking for another pastor, I don't think it will be anytime soon, but someday you will be, and when that happens, don't rule out someone because they are not married.
The most important implication of this passage, though, is that those of you who are single need to be committed to serving the Lord. If you have never married, or if you are widowed or divorced, you do indeed have some opportunities that those of us who are married don't have. Now, I know you still lead very busy lives. But, please make sure that all the discretionary time you have, when you are not working, sleeping, etc. is not used up on recreation, entertainment and social activities. Use some of that time to serve the Lord, either here at church or in some other ministry. Many of you folks who are not married are already doing that, and I'm very grateful for that, but I know a few of you really are not. Surveys say that single adults spend more time watching television than those who are married. I don't know if that is true of Christian singles, but if it is true of you, I suggest you cut down on some of that television time and devote it to ministry. If you don't think you have any gifts and abilities that can be used to serve the Lord, or if you don't see any opportunities to be involved in ministry, make sure you talk to me. I know I can help you figure out some better ways to use your time than watching television or playing computer games.
The third lesson we find in our text, perhaps the most important one for many of us, is that we need to be content in the situation we are in. Those of you who are single need to be content; those of us who are married need to be content. Paul puts it this way in 7:17 Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. He repeats that thought with various examples through 7:24 Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to. And then in 7:25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord,... This does not mean that Paul's writing is not inspired by God's Spirit and thus not God's Word. No, he simply means that there are no commands which Jesus gave while He was on earth that apply in this situation. Paul still writes under the inspiration and with the authority of God's Spirit. He continues, 7:26-28 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. Now, when Paul says that those who marry will face many troubles, he is not making a general statement. He really does think marriage is a good thing. Again, if you doubt that, just read Ephesians 5:22 and following verses. Because of what he calls in verse 26 "the present crisis," he thinks staying single is a good thing. What is the present crisis to which he is referring? Bible scholars have been trying to figure that out for a long time. Some suggest he is talking about the seven-year great tribulation which will precede the return of Jesus Christ to the earth. But, if that were the case, no Christian should have ever gotten married in the past 2000 years, since the Lord's return is certainly much closer today than it was in Paul's time. Others have suggested he is talking about a time of great persecution, but history doesn't have any record of this in that area at that time which would have fit with what Paul is saying. The best guess is that Paul was probably talking about a severe famine which did occur sometimes in that part of the world. Paul gives very practical advice. It is easier to feed one mouth than two, and if kids come along it makes it that much more difficult. If someone is married, he certainly didn't want to get divorced. It might be wise, however, for those who are not married to postpone any wedding plans until that present crisis subsides.
What does this have to do with us living in the 21st Century? It is a reminder to us to be content. It is funny how many people really do assume that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. They think that way about their job, their location, their church, and even marriage. So many single people think all their problems would be solved if they could just find a spouse. Some folks who are married tend to envy those who are not, because they think the single life offers so much more freedom. Others want to be married, they just wish they were not married to the person they are. It is all foolish. We need to learn to be content in the situation where God has called us to be. That is the true path to happiness. As someone said, "Success is having what you want, happiness is wanting what you have." A big part of contentment is being able to see the positive aspects of whatever situation we happen to be in. Bible commentator Matthew Henry was able to do that, even after being robbed. He wrote this in his diary: "Let me be thankful... *first, because I was never robbed before; *second, because although they took my wallet, they did not take my life; *third, because although they took all my money, it was not much; *fourth, because it was I who was robbed, not I who robbed."
Friends, I hope you don't ever get robbed, but I encourage you to have the attitude in other aspects of life. If you are married, you should be thankful every day that God has provided you with your spouse. No, he or she is not perfect, but you probably are not either, and your partner is indeed a gift from the Lord. If you are not married, there is nothing wrong with keeping your eyes open for "Mister or Miss Right." But, you should be thankful that for at least today, God has called you to be single. If that is the situation God wants you to be in, it's a great situation in which to be. We need to learn to be content.
Friends, people who are married and people who are single do face different circumstances and problems in life. But one thing is the same, whether married or single, we each need to trust and obey the Lord in whatever situation we find ourselves. May the Lord help us to do that in the week ahead.
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