GODLY GRANDPARENTS Based on Ruth 4:13-17
By Pastor Glenn Pease
Among the many things that makes man unique in creation is the presence of, and the influence of, grandparents. F. W. Boreham many years ago pointed out that in the vegetable world, "The bursting buds of spring push off the last lingering leaves of the previous season, and thus decline to have anything to do with the generation that preceded them, to say nothing of the generation before that. Among animals and birds a certain filial affection is sometimes found for fathers and mothers, but of the grandfather and grandmother never a trace. But a man is so much greater than either a tree or a beast that a special factor is introduced into his training. He comes under the influence not only of teachers and tutors, of fathers and mothers, but grandfathers and grandmothers as well."
The impact of grandpas and grandmas in history is beyond calculation. Most of the famous people of the Bible from Adam and Eve on were grandparents. Often the grandparents played a key role, if not the major role, in the way history went. Hezekiah was one of the best kings God's people ever had, but his father was Ahaz, and he was one of the worst they ever had. But his grandfather was Jotham, and he did that which was right in the eyes of the Lord. Hezekiah took after his grandfather rather than his father, and the result was victory for the kingdom of God.
Because of the powerful influence of grandparents there is always hope even if one generation goes astray, because the next generation can be brought back, and in that lies the glory of grandparents. They often bridge the gap between parents and children, and they make major differences in the course of history. The relationship of grandparents and grandchildren is so unique because it is so full of hope and expectation. This explains the mystery of how a boy who is not good enough for your daughter can father such marvelous children. And it explains why the girl unworthy of your son can bear such brilliant beings as your grandchildren.
It is a strange question to ask, but the book of Ruth makes us ask it: Is a baby on the day of its birth more a child or a grandchild? In other words, who is to be more congratulated, the parents or the grandparents? For some reason the book of Ruth votes for the grandparents, and it makes this passage one of the most powerful exaltations of a grandmother you will find anywhere in human literature. It is almost as if the goal of this book was to come to a happy ending with grandma Naomi holding grandson Obed in her lap, and everybody singing her praises.
Note how suddenly the story of Ruth and Boaz comes to an end. Their romance has dominated the stage for most of the book, but their wedding and 9 months of pregnancy, and their whole life together is wrapped up rapidly in verse 13. When Ruth gave birth to that baby boy, she and Boaz left the stage, and the spotlight focuses on grandma Naomi for the closing scenes of the story. There is not one more scene about the parents, for the star now is grandma. All of the praise and rejoicing now revolve around her. Naomi has a kinsman- redeemer. Naomi has a comfort for her old age. Naomi has a grandson, and they say she has a son.
This radical removal of the parents, and this thrusting of grandma and grandchild front and center is a powerful revelation of just how important a role grandparents play in the life of a child, or should we say, can play, or should play? Every person in the blood line from Adam to Christ was a grandparent. The genealogy that ends this book is a list of people all of whom became grandparents. Obad, the baby of Ruth, was the grandfather of King David. What a delight it would be to know more about these grandparents, but the book ends with a special emphasis on grandparents, and with such a deliberate focus on Naomi that I do not know of anywhere in the Bible where you can find a better text for grandparents day.
Someone may point out that Naomi was not Ruth's mother, but her mother-in-law, and so technically she was not the grandmother, but just the opposite is the case. This first child of Ruth and Boaz was to preserve the name and inheritance of Ruth's first husband and Naomi's son Mahlon. It was equivalent to Mahlon's son, and thus, technically it was her grandson. But who cares? Who cares about the grandparents of George Washington, or Lincoln, or any other famous man or woman? Apparently God cares, for the book or Ruth only exists because all of these people were grandparents and great grandparents of David, the great king of God's people. God is into genealogies and roots. And so God is into grandparents. God has so made life that grandparents play a major role of what happens in history, and it is because of their special love and influence on grandchildren.
So great is this influence that even parents who fail their children can become such successful grandparents that the family tree is healed, and restored as one that bears fruit for the kingdom of God. There are many ways in which the role of grandparents is superior to the role of parents. We can't cover all that is precious about the grandparent-grandchild relationship, but we can look at the two R's of this relationship suggested by our text. These can instruct and inspire us to make the best of this great blessing God has given, not to animals, not to angels, but to man. The first R is-
I. ROOTS.
The book of Ruth exists to trace the roots of David the king of Israel, and there is no way to do this apart from getting into the lives of grandparents. This is true for all of us. It was true for the only man in all of history who had two letters written to him which became a part of God's Word to the world. Those two letters are I and II Timothy. One of the things we know about Timothy is that his Christian faith had its roots in his grandmother. Paul tells it clearly in II Tim. 1:5, "I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and I am persuaded, now lives in you.
Paul made a major point of the roots of his faith, for the fact is, what the grandparents were makes a big difference in the majority of lives. There are millions of ungodly grandparents who make their grandchildren like them, but Christian grandparents do the same, and give the faith of their grandchildren deep roots, it is hard for me to imagine that I would be the Christian I am without the influence of my grandmother. My father ran away from home at 18, and he became a cowboy. He roamed all over the country with rodeos, and was far from being a godly man in his youth. My parents did not go to church when I was growing up, and I never remember any instruction in the things of the Bible in my home.
It was my grandmother who read her Bible, who prayed, and who gave me a comic book Bible when I was a child. That book changed my life, for it made me fall in love with the Bible stories at a early age. It was my grandmother who would argue and defend the Bible, and the Christian way of life, at family reunions where her own skeptical sons, who were my uncles, would challenge her faith. I can't begin to measure the impact of that one woman in my life. She never led me to the Lord, but she gave my Christian faith its roots. When I became a part of the family of God, I already had family in that family.
The older I get the more I realize how important roots are, for had I not had the roots I had, I do not know where I might be in my relationship to Christ. My mother's mother did not have the spiritual impact on me as did my father's mother. But my German Lutheran grandmother still gave me roots. I belonged to a greater family of people than just mom and dad, and that is important for establishing identity.
Margaret Mead, the noted anthropologist, has said a lot of controversial things, but you will find no authorities debating her statement in her article Grandparents and Educators. In it she said, "Somehow we have to get the older people, grandparents, widows and widowers, spinsters and bachelors, back close to children if we are to restore a sense of community, a knowledge of the past, and a sense of future to today's children."
Rootless people are the result, at least in part, of being ripped away from the influence of their grandparents. Grandparents can be just that, parents who are grand. They do not have to be the disciplinarians of life, and so they are more free to be the teachers of values. They have opportunities to talk and share in ways that parents often do not have, or do not take advantage of, because they do not see from the same perspective as do grandparents. Leo Tolstoy said, from birth to the 5th year is an eternity, but from 5 to old age is a step. It is a gift to be there for the one to 5 period of their life in order to be the place of refuge and an oasis in the hard land of growing up.
Grandparents are often the key to a child's self-esteem. Children are difficult and life is complex, and often parents give most of their energy to discipline, and only a fraction to love. This is where the grandparents can add the ingredient that makes the family balanced. In troubled families they are even more important. Dr. R. Loften Hudson of the American Association For Marriage And Family Therapy tells of one of his clients who was working through her emotional problems. He asked, "Who was the biggest influence in your growing up? I don't know who the significant others were in your life with your father gone most of the time, and your mother running around and getting drunk. Who did you look up to?"
"That's easy," she replied. "It was my grandfather and grandmother. I didn't spend much time with them because my mother hated them. They were daddies parents. But the loved me and told me so." Dr. Hudson said, "How could they have influenced you much when you seldom saw them?" She responded, "Oh, but they believed in me. They made me believe in myself. I remember once my grandfather talked to me and said 'Ellie, I want to tell you something. You don't have to let your parents problems ruin you. There is something great in you. There is not telling what you can become. The world out there needs you.' I shall never forget that speech. He made me believe in myself."
There is a powerful influence of even a rare opportunity to build up your grandchildren's self-esteem. Don't sell yourself short. You can be the key, with even a few brief words, to the encouragement of your grandchildren. Grandparents provide the opportunity for grandchildren to develop roots, and establish an identity that is not limited to the present, which may be far from ideal. Grandparents can help them have roots that reveal a larger picture in which they are a part. The next R we want to look at is-
II. RENEWAL.
The grandchild- grandparent relationship is a two way street. The child has as great an impact on the adult as the adult on the child. In verse 15 the women say of baby Obed, "He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age." This little guy was to be to Naomi all that Geritol is today, and more. There is something about a grandchild that can change the whole psychology of life, and bring hope and joy to the forefront. Pro. 17:6 records this universal reality: "Children's children are a crown to the aged." Your children may have kept you poor, but their children will make you rich. They renew your spirit, and give you a whole new role in the world of loving, lifting, and serving.
Until this scene where Naomi becomes a grandmother her life has been one trial after another. Life has been a burden, and she has suffered sorrow and grief beyond the average. She has suffered the loss of her husband and two sons. She has had to endure the life of poverty and despair. She has had to bear the responsibility of caring for Ruth, and trying to get her established in a home of her own. Naomi has had little joy in this story until this closing scene where she is grandmother. Now it is almost a heavenly scene. All tears are wiped away, and there is a spirit of praise and joy, for now her whole future looks bright, for she has a grandson.
The event of being a grandmother has changed the whole psychology of her mind, and she is in a state of renewal. Dr. Lewis A. Coffin in his book The Grandmother Conspiracy wrote, "As soon as a person becomes a grandparent he or she undergoes a radical personality change-stern fathers become cooing grandfathers: harpie-type mothers melt and crawl on the floor, sing lullabies, and cram cookies and cookies and cookies down their sweet little grandchildren's throats, take them to the ice-cream store, bake cakes and pies for them, and stand back admiringly as the little ones swell, tweet their obese little checks approvingly, and raise a terrible hue and cry if anyone tries to interfere."
They often become a problem to their children because they allow the grandchildren to do what they forbid. My grandson Jason is a jumper. He loved to climb up on things and jump to me. Once I let him stand on the roof of the car and jump off to me. It was pure pleasure for both of us, but my daughter almost flipped when she saw it. A child was injured near her by climbing on the car, and she was teaching Jason never to climb up on a car. And here I was having fun with him doing the very thing he was not to do. I let our grandchildren bounce on our bed, and play with my tape recorder, and who knows how many others thing they are forbidden to do by their parents. The point is, there is a different psychology between grandparents and grandchildren then between parents and children.
Grandparents have changed from when they were parents. They now value relationship with a child higher than things, and so they risk more for the sake of relationship. My parents would never let me drink coffee. They said it would stunt my growth. But grandma always let me have coffee. Of course, it was one part coffee for each one thousand parts of milk, but I always felt like it was a big deal to get my glass of coffee with the big people.
The reason grandparents tend to spoil grandchildren is because of this renewal in the minds of the grandparents. They are so grateful for the new joy and pleasure of life that they say thanks by being over indulgent. This makes the grandparent-grandchild relationship one which is dominated by the positive, and it is one of fun. The fun is mutual, for most grandparents get more laughs from their grandchildren than they do from comedians. I can't imagine being with my grandchildren for an hour without some laughter at the cute or ridiculous things they say.
One little girls said, "I am sorry grandma I scratched my arm on your cat." Another little girl who was taken to a theatre for the first time tickled her grandfather by whispering, "Grandpa what channel is this?" For renewing and refreshing fun I'll take grandchildren over the comics. It is not all fun, of course. I had to watch my grandson fall out of the swing, and almost fall from the monkey bars. I watched him stumble and almost bash his head into the concrete. He missed catching a frisbee which hit his lip and it swelled up for a while. There is a price to pay for the laughs you get. Someone said, "Children are always a handicap to grown ups who want to lead a dull life." The beauty of being a grandparent is that the price is so minimal compared to that of parents who must endure childishness 24 hours a day.
One of the reasons grandparents are often more fun than parents is because they have more time. Parents are so loaded down with responsibility that they do not have the time for fun with their children. A 9 year old girl has written this description of a grandmother, and it has become a classic.
"A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own,
So she likes other people's little girls. A grandfather is a
man grandmother. He goes for walks with the boys and
they talk about fishing and tractors and like that.
Grandmas don't have to do anything except be there.
They're old, so they shouldn't play hard or run. It is
enough if they drive us to the market where the pretend
horse is and have lots of dimes ready. Or if they take us
for walks, they should slow down past things like pretty
leaves or caterpillars. They should never ever say 'hurry
up.'
Usually they are fat, but not too fat to tie kids shoes.
They wear glasses and funny underwear. They can take
their teeth out and gums off.
It is better if they don't typewrite or play cards except
with us. They don't have to be smart, only answer questions
like why dogs hate cats and how come God isn't married.
They don't talk baby talk like visitors do, because it is hard
to understand. When they read to us they don't skip, or
mind if it is the same story again.
Everybody should try to have one, especially if you don't
have television, because grandmas are the only grown ups
who have got time.
Time is one of the treasures of life that grandparents have learned to use more wisely. Dale Evans Rogers has written a lot about her 16 grandchildren, and her advise is, if you want to establish a warm bond with your grandchildren, get rid of the parents. That is, be alone with your grandchildren. It will be a time of learning, growth, and renewal for both generations. She wrote, "One of our grandchildren was spending the weekend with Roy and me, and I was clowning around with her in the kitchen. Suddenly she put her hands on her hips, cocked her head to one side, and stared at me. I knew one of the those piercing statements that children are prone to make was forthcoming. A child has not learned the art of tact, and frequently her remarks unveil a trait or weakness in us adults that we'd rather not have exposed. This time, however, her comments were welcome. She said, 'Why, grandma, you have fun. I thought grandmas were too old to have fun!' Lord, help us grandparents to be young at heart with the young."
But lets not leave grandpas out, or older grandchildren either. One of their older granddaughters who graduated from the Bible Institute of Los Angeles wanted Roy to take her hunting as a graduation gift. It was very unusual in that she had never had an interest in hunting, but Roy took her, and a week later he got this letter from her.
Dear Grandpa Roy,
I want to thank you so much for the "bestest" present I've
ever gotten. Beside the excitement of learning to shoot a gun,
watching the dogs work and later even cooking a pheasant, my
most favorite part was being with you, just you without a crowd.
I guess I enjoy being comfortable when you feel comfortable. I
wish I would have caught on to the fact that you're a neat
grandpa about 20 years ago, when I was hiding in closet from
you! I couldn't think of adequate words to thank you so I
drew this picture for you, because I want you to know there is
something about a grandpa that no one else can copy. Spending
time together with you meant more to me than any other present
you could buy. I really felt loved...and love is the most precious
gift I can think of to give to anyone.
I love you, Grandpa.
Time alone together with grandchildren is one of the most fun, educational, and influential experiences of life. Grandparents can learn plenty too. One grandmother wrote, "I've been an artist for 40 years. My grandson has taught me a new way to paint. I always thought I had to set aside a whole day, decide on my subject, study it, get equipment and paints together, then spend the rest of my time-uninterrupted-until my picture was completed.
My grandson, age 4, comes bursting in, exclaims, 'Maw Maw, let's paint a picture!' He works on the back ground, but tells me what he wants me to paint as the main idea. At Christmas, it was Santa Claus. Sometimes its monsters. In 10 minutes we have completed an entire picture-colorful, exciting-satisfying to both of us."
The relationship of grandparents and grandchildren is like the period of courtship, whereas that of parents and children is more like that of marriage. The first is more dominated by fun, and the second by responsibility, and that is a major reason why there is a different psychology at work. One little girl said, "Grandparents are like this. When you tell them you want to do something, they will say that is what they want to do. They will even say it when they don't exactly mean it. But after they do it with you, they will have fun anyway. This can be a problem for parents. Judith Viorst tells of getting her children back from a fun filled week with the grandparents. She writes, "After 7 days of paradise my children returned to plain, ordinary, grumpy, preoccupied me. The reentry problem was shattering. The kids kept asking what wonderful plans and pleasures I had arranged for them today. And I kept telling them I wasn't their social director. It was only after considerable scolding and weeping that we all finally got use to each other again."
It is one of the paradoxes of life that after great fun there is weeping and wailing because it cannot last forever. It is a price worth paying, however, for it deepens the roots, and opens channels of renewal, and that is what the grandparent-grandchild relationship is all about. The evidence is enormous that grandparents are key people in the lives of most children. Grandparents are one of God's major weapons to keep His plan unfolding and progressing. We see it in David's heritage in Ruth, but the stories are endless, and they are going on today in the lives of millions.
In China a grandmother took her sick grandson to a mission hospital in Canton, and not only was the child healed, but she became a Christian. She returned to her village and shared Christ with another grandmother. She prayed with her for her sick grandchild, who was also healed. That whole family became Christians, and one son became a Baptist pastor. The baby who was healed grew up to be a medical doctor, and his son grew up to become the president of the Baptist World Alliance. He was David Y. K. Wong. It was all because of a grandma who cared.
Godly grandparents have such a powerful impact on the lives of grandchildren that one is not far from the mark to say that the church and the Sunday School, and all other arms of the kingdom of God are supplements to the influence of grandparents. They change the course of history, and no matter how rotten a generation becomes, there is always hope for renewal because the next generation can be turned toward righteousness by the grandparents. Eight year old Ann Johnson wrote this poem which expresses the influence of millions of grandparents on their grandchildren.
My grandma likes to play with God,
They have a kind of game.
She plants the garden full of seeds,
He sends the sun and rain.
She likes to sit and talk with God,
And knows He is right there.
She prays about the whole wide world,
Then leaves us in His care.
May God help all us to be aware of the importance of our role as godly grandparents.
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