THE TRUTH ABOUT DIVORCE
© 3-2000 by Mark Beaird
Text: Matthew 19:1-12
Recently, the Fox network broadcast a show "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-millionaire?" In spite of the remote possibility of good intentions, it showed just how lightly some people in America take the institution of marriage. After all, some thought, if it doesn't work out they could just get a divorce-or in this case an annulment. Thankfully the show bombed! Maybe our society is not as jaded as it would seem at times. Evidently many still hold marriage in high esteem. Certainly, anyone who has been through the heartbreak of a divorce knows that marriage is not a game.
As we look at this passage of scripture in Matthew chapter 19, it reminds us that there has always been questions and controversy concerning the subject of divorce, that's probably why the Pharisees brought it up-it was a "hot potato" type of a subject.
Things haven't changed. It's still a controversial topic in our society and in the church world today. Though widely experienced and generally commonplace, it is still a subject that most Christians don't want to talk about. If you say there are many acceptable reasons for divorce-you're a liberal and a compromiser. If you say that there are virtually no acceptable reasons for divorce-you're branded conservative and hard-hearted.
So there we have it. Everybody taking sides in the debate. But what about the people involved? You know, the ones going through it. Has anyone stopped to consider that "who is right" and "who is wrong" in the debate is of very little concern to those who are watching their lives and families fall apart.
I'm not going to attempt to answer everyone's questions today on the subject of divorce. Instead, I want us to look at several overlooked truths about divorce.
I. DIVORCE IS A DEPARTURE FROM GOD'S PLAN.
A. God's plan for our lives is one of happiness and fulfillment.
It's important to remember that God wishes His people to prosper and be blessed as our soul prospers. He is the Author of every good and perfect gift; so it would stand to reason that our home breaking up would never be a part of His plan.
B. God is, of course, displeased when we depart from His plan.
When we look at scripture, we do not see God condemning divorced people but rather His displeasure in people departing from His plan for their lives.
n According to Matthew 19:5 it was God's plan from the beginning that, "A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
And in verse 8 Jesus continued, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
When Christ does not have full control of both people in a marriage then heartache can result. And heartache was never in the plan of God.
C. We should never look at divorce as "God-ordained."
Divorce is usually the result of one or both of the parties involved failing to live up to the marital contract. It would be nice if we could make some people behave themselves, as Christ would want-but we can't.
Many times one person wants the divorce and the other does not. One is unconcerned about the others' feeling and the will of God while the other party is trying to "work things out."
When all fails, divorce is often the result. It may even be for the good of one of those involved; God may even allow it. But never seek to justify a divorce on the grounds that God wants it to happen!
II. DIVORCE IS A DEVASTATING EXPERIENCE FOR ALL INVOLVED.
A. Divorce is not a game with those experiencing it.
n It's been said that, "You cannot divorce without ripping up the oneness of a person's being." -- Hardin Boyer, Leadership, Vol. 4, no.3.
n "A divorce is like an amputation: You survive, but there's less of you." -- Margaret Atwood, Marriage Partnership, Vol. 7, no. 4.
n Billy Graham writes, "Divorce is an easy escape, many think. But ... the guilt and loneliness they experience can be even more tragic than living with their problem."
-Edythe Draper, Draper's Book of Quotations for the Christian World (Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 1992). Entries 2919-2922.
B. The devastation can continue for years to come in the lives of
our children.
n In her book Second Chances, published in 1989…California psychologist Judith S. Wallerstein reports that divorce is devastating to children. She studied one hundred children for more than a decade and concluded that almost half were afflicted with anger, anxiety, and low self-esteem when they entered adult life.
-- Robert C. Shannon, 1000 Windows, (Cincinnati, Ohio: Standard Publishing Company, 1997).
C. The destruction comes in such a way that the hurt is often the result of things never expected.
For instance, a couple may be primarily concerned with surviving the legal battle only to realize latter that their emotions have been damaged far worse than their bank account.
n A mighty tree stood high upon the mountain. It survived the hail, the heavy snows, the storms, the bitter cold of many years. Then finally it was felled by an attack of little beetles. And so it is with marriage.
--James S. Hewett, Illustrations Unlimited (Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 1988), p. 334.
However…
III. DIVORCE DOES NOT DESTROY A PERSONS VALUE.
A. Our value as human beings is based on the fact that we were created in the image of God.
Christian or not, God loves each one and considers everyone valuable enough to die for.
B. Our value as a child of God is that we are the works of His hands.
n Ephesians 2:10 tells us, "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (NIV)
C. Sin, heartache and troubles may cause great hurt-but our value remains.
Some people who have been divorced have said, upon reentering the social scene that they felt like damaged goods or a failure that no one would want. That's not the way God sees them!
Besides, if we get right down to it, we could all qualify for damaged goods.
n Paul wrote in Romans 3:22-24, "This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." (NIV) italics added
CONCLUSION
Is there any hope? Yes!
n Pollster Louis Harris has written, "The idea that half of American marriages are doomed is one of the most specious pieces of statistical nonsense ever perpetuated in modern times."
It all began when the Census Bureau noted that during one year, there were 2.4 million marriages and 1.2 million divorces. Someone did the math without calculating the 54 million marriages already in existence, and presto, a ridiculous but quotable statistic was born.
Harris concludes, "Only one out of eight marriages will end in divorce. In any single year, only about 2 percent of existing marriages will break up."
-- J. Allan Petersen in Better Families. "To Verify," Leadership.
· For those who are contemplating marriage-there is a great deal of hope for a happy marriage when both are united in Christ.
· For those who are married-contemplating a divorce-if there is hope the marriage can be saved-try!
· For those who are divorced or have been divorced-put it behind you and go on for God!
Those who are divorced should see their value in the sight of God. The church likewise should see the value of the divorced people in its congregation.
Those who are hurting from a divorce must forgive and go forward with God's grace and help.
