How To Identify And Overcome Difficult People
* Remember that you can overcome any difficult person through the strength, wisdom and enabling given to you through Christ.
Once you confidently express your faith God’s ability to help you overcome any problem person you are well on your way to conquering feelings of anger, fear or resentment.
Paul wrote, "At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed... And I was delivered from the lion’s mouth. the LOrd will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom." (2 Tim. 4:16-18)
Ask the Lord for the renewal of your assurance that you can be an overcome through His grace, faith and empowerment.
Refuse to give in to worry, doubt or anger when adversity comes to you through a wide variety of difficult people:
(Some of the following characteristics of difficult people were adapted from Muriel Solomons excellent book: Working With Difficult People, Prentice Hall Publishers)
Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good. (Rom. 12:21)
A. Whiners - This person starts their every day with negative complaints. Morning is their time to rise and whine. Whiners love to rise but they refuse to shine. The theme of a whiner is , "It isn’t fair!" Whiners love to wallow in feelings of self-pity because they have the mistaken perception that everyone else gets all the breaks in life.
B. Martyrs - This individual loves to tell everyone, "No one ever appreciates me." When they are not feeling good, martyrs let everyone know how much they are suffering, stressed out or struggling to keep their head above water.
C. Cynics - Sarcasm is their favorite way to communicate. Often they complain that nothing will ever change so they enjoy telling others, "Why should we even try?" Cynics usually do not make much of a difference in life because they are trapped in the misperception that the odds are stacked against them. However, they love to pretend that they are morally, intellectually and even spiritual superior to others.
D. Perfectionsits - These individuals are extremely hard to please. No matter what other people do to try to make them happy, they are never satisfied. Perfectionists are extremely hard to be around because they insist that nothing is ever good enough as it should be. Perfectionistic parents usually say to their children, "Can’t you do it any better than that?"
E. Arguers - These individuals love to verbally joust with those around them. If someone will take a positive position on an issue, they will jump to the negative side just for the sheer joy of having someone to debate. Arguers feel that they somehow justify their existence when they have made other people have to think of the opposite side of every topic. Many radio talk show hosts fall into this category because a good argument is always the fuel for their fire.
F. Dominators - These people love to take control of other people. By positioning themselves into offices of authority, dominators are often obsessed with controlling the affairs of peoples’ lives. Fidel Castro and Saddam Hussein are classic dominators who are are addicted to control, authority and power.
G. Apathetic - These people have such an indifferent attitude that their neutrality is a mask for their lack of concern for what is really important. Apathetic people are often lazy, complacent and led more by fear than by their faith in God, His word and the promises of scripture.
H. Over-Reactors - These people tend to exaggerate their difficulties or their successes. Seldom are these individuals willing to face up to the fact that hardships are not as bad as they seem or as difficult as they might appear.
I. Legalists - These people try to find their security in close attention to the finest aspects of rules, regulations and policies. Afraid that someone might take advantage of a situation, the legalists are constantly on patrol to make sure people are held accountable to all kinds of laws while often forgetting the spirit of love, order and goodness in which the law was written.
J. Spiritualists - These individual try to find a spiritual excuse or reason for every problem. Unfortunately, many well meaning people find themselves failing to own up to their own responsibilities because they over-spiritualize situations.
K. Humanists - Some people tend to think that most problems in life can be solved if people were merely more humanitarian and civl toward one another. These individuals fail to realize that there are great limits to what human being can do in a world created and controlled by a Sovereign God.
L. Traditionalists - These individuals are not happy with the present because they prefer the way things were done in the past. Instead of adapting to their present circumstances, the traditionalists cry, "If only things were like they used to be in the past."
M. Immature - These individuals refuse to grow up in faith, love, wisdom, knowledge, emotionally, socially, spiritually or financially. Refusing to accept responsibility for their present predicaments, these people are often like children in their perceptions and responses to problems.
N. Simpletons - These individual tend to see things merely in black and white terms instead of taking into account all the complexities of every situation. Preferring not to be hassled, simpletons refuse to learn all that is necessary to be truly competent in areas essential for daily problem solving.
O. Cliquish - These individuals prefer the company, opinions and interactions only of their clique. Instead, of learning how to be opened minded to diversity of personalities, backgrounds or perspectives, cliquish people refuse to look beyond the boundaries of their prejudices.
P. Bureaucrats - These folks are only happy when they working in the comforts of bureaucratic procedures, policies and processes. Not willing to stray beyond what is officially sanctioned by policy, these individuals hesitate to risk any disapproval from other bureaucrats.
Q. Low - Self Imagers - These insecure people will go to great lengths to cover up their own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. Instead of being willing to find their competence in Christ, they do all kinds of things to cover up for their feelings of inferiority.
R. Tyrants These people treat others in a high-handed, arrogant and condescending manner. Often they are harsh, dictatorial and demanding about what they feel is right. Obsessed with control, these individuals are usually very difficult to be around because they are not comfortable unless they feel they have a big measure of authority.
S. Bullies These folks are habitually cruel and enjoy making others fear them. By threatening others they feel a sense of power at the expense of peoples sense of security about their present and future well-being.
T. Sadists These folks take please in cause others difficulties.
U. Time Bombs These individuals have a difficult time keeping control of their anger. They often erupt with temper tantrums that scare other people.
V. Tacklers These people enjoy attacking others personally while they argue for the issues that they embrace.
W. Enviers These individuals jealousy begrudge others the credit they deserve and consistently show resentment, bitterness and anger.
X. Intimidators These people gain support by implying they can cause pain, discomfort or harm to others.
Y. Hotheads These scrappers enjoy starting arguments because they feel that is the best way to control their circumstances.
Z. Revengers These people resent others for the way they think they have been mis-treated.
AA. Snipers These attackers spill their venom while undercover. By disguising their jabs with jokes, prayer requests or information sharing, they are usurpers of authority.
BB. Fame Claimers These individuals pridefully assume credit for others good work.
CC. Blockers These individuals enjoy advancing their own ideas while obstructing the ones they have not originated.
DD. Hagglers These individuals enjoy making their points in petty, noisy, and irritating ways.
EE. Battering Rams These individuals like to crush their opposition by forcing their views upon others regardless of the effects.
FF. Believers These folks believe they alone are right. They unreasonably expect most people to agree with their point of view.
GG. Zealots These fanatics commit themselves to projects, ideas or people without weighing all vital considerations.
HH. Competitors - These individuals feel that it is essential to surpass others by exhibiting their superiority. It is common for them to turn the simplest contest into a rivalry.
II. Rule Benders These folks like to cut corners and have little problems with skirting the borders of what is acceptable.
JJ. Clansmen These individuals and groups exert power by banding together in a clique. Often the individuals in these cliques are not well versed in the groups beliefs and values.
KK. Commanders These individuals are very bossy, loud and dictatorial. They are not adverse to sacrificing peoples feelings for their advantage. Even when they do not have authority, they try to order other people around.
LL. Hypocrites These individuals are two-faced double-dealers who try to misrepresent or mislead others.
MM. Renegers These individuals often go back on their promises since they seldom intend to keep to their commitments
NN. Forked Tongues These folks send others ambiguous, unclear and mixed messages. By using deviation, obfuscation and prevarication they often act as two-faced politicians.
OO. Brain-pickers These individuals exploit other peoples ideas. They are skilled at stealing credit and profiting from other peoples accomplishments.
PP. Back-stabbers These folks are nice to people in public, but they are very critical of folks when they are not in their presence.
QQ. Underminers These people enjoy undercutting others efforts and try to set their associates up for a fall.
RR. Foxes They are sly, cunning and wheeler-dealers who are often out to outsmart others for their own self-angrantizement.
SS. Bluffers They fakers show skill in misleading others. They usually do not know and will not check out the facts, truth or well-researched ideas about reality.
TT. Instigators These troublemakers like to stir up trouble with their co-workers and provoke people to actions for their own advantage.
UU. Connivers These folks enjoy implying consent and blame others when their wrongful actions backfire.
VV. Camouflagers These individuals carry their hidden agendas into every interaction. They employ the art and science of telling half-truths and omitting essential facts.
WW. Slave Drivers These people are overly ambitious and demand unreasonable rate and effort from their people.
XX. Plotters These individuals conspire secretly and clam up when others join them
YY. Imposers These folks take unfair advantage of others time, talents and good nature
ZZ. Duck and Divers These individuals plan with others, but then they leave them holding the bag to face the consequences of joint decisions.
AAA. Operators These folks use their considerable charming gifts of conversation to convince others to do their bidding.
BBB. Bootlickers These individuals are highly skilled in the art and science of fawning all over others to try to win their favor. Known for their abilities to endear themselves to powerful people, bootlickers will go to great extremes to get what they want or say what influential people want to hear.
CCC. Rumor Mongers These folks tend to spread rumors in ways that give them the delight of sharing special information about others. By gossiping, these individuals spread unverified facts of questionable origin.
DDD. Clods These insensitive people are generally inconsiderate bosses who like to ride roughshod over other peoples feelings for their own advantage.
EEE. Ridiculers These individuals belittle people with a taunting wit that tries to cover up their selfish and insecure feelings
FFF. Condescenders These individuals patronize and talk down to people while acting like they are doing others a favor by spending time with them.
GGG. Interrupters These rude individuals are skilled at breaking into discussions, bursting into meetings or pestering others to gain attention.
HHH. Left-handed complimenters These individuals start by praising others, but end up qualifying their kind remarks with subtle put-downs.
III. Snoops These people are unduly inquisitive. They like to pry into others affairs when it is really not any of their business.
JJJ. Snippy Talkers These individuals make cutting, impertinent remarks toward others because of feelings of anger, fear or misconceptions.
KKK. Defiers These individuals are insubordinate and disrespectfully oppose most establishing policies, procedures and people in power.
LLL. Needlers These people use their sharp-pointed humor to provoke and goad others and their people to respond in some way.
MMM. Brush-Offs These people curtly dismiss others without being sensitive to feelings. They are too busy to answer questions or supply others with what they need
NNN. Neglectors These indifferent people are apathetic toward those in need and exhibit an uncaring attitude toward inconveniencing others.
OOO. Yakitty-Yakkers These folks make a habit out of troubling others with their idle, excessive idle chatter that usually interferes with the responsibilities of many
PPP. Show-Offs These individuals are conceited and aloof because they feel arrogant, high-minded and somehow superior to others. By being ostentatious they gain some sense of self-justification for their superiority complex.
QQQ. Inflators These exaggerators of their own importance like to win others admiration or attention by blowing failures or successes out of proportion.
RRR. One-Uppers These individuals feel a need to top whatever others say and do by dishing out something better.
SSS. Know-It-Alls These smart alecks, arrogantly boast of knowing everything about just about anything
TTT. Pulley-Operators These individuals believe that by pushing others down verbally they can elevate themselves.
UUU. Empire-Builders These individuals are climbers who do not mind stepping on others to get to the top. They tend to limit their interest in others by what people can do to advance their projects
VVV. Prima-Donnas These folks are temperamental workers who demand to be be given special treatment.
WWW. Slipshods These careless people are generally complacent, lazy and apathetic about the quality of their work, words and relationships. Unconcerned, slipshods are often apathetic about how their negligence will affect others.
XXX. Magnifiers They tend to blow minor tasks out of proportion to make themselves appear more important than they really are
YYY. Stallers These individuals purposely delay the progress of work for their own advantage. Stallers think that if they just stall long enough the main problems will somehow go away
ZZZ. Over-Committers - These nice people sincerely want to do what is best and have a hard time saying no to requests. Generally, these people have difficulty finding time to follow through in what they have committed themselves to.
AAAA. Chameleons These individuals are changeable, indecisive and continue to waver on their decisions, relationships and effectiveness
BBBB. Socializers These individuals put off work while they hop from one task, relationship or viewpoint to another
CCCC. Perfectionists These folks tend to keep polishing the apple even when it does not need it. They often get so obsessed with doing things perfectly that they tend to not see the forest (microscopic problems) for the trees (Macroscopic issues).
DDDD. Dawdlers These people tend to waste a lot of time, energy and efficiency because they are not that committed to progress, effectiveness and productivity.
EEEE. Clockwatchers These folks tend to try to get away without working and have an its not my job indifference about service
FFFF. Duds These ineffective people tend to put off asking for the assistance they need and consequently delay many.
GGGG. Rebels These people tend to use delay tactics to get even with others that they disagree with.
HHHH. Comma Counters These stubborn pedantic individuals demand perfection even on the non-essential or insignificant matters.
IIII. Inflexibles These iron-willed bosses usually wont listen or stick tenaciously to their own ideas especially in the face of pressure and opposition.
JJJJ. Pig Heads These individuals hold to their course of action blindly, stupidly and stubbornly regardless of the truth
KKKK. Killjoys These folks tend to give others moral and official reasons why it is wrong to enjoy their work, relationships or ministries.
LLLL. Chapter and Versers These Pharisaical type people know and quote other people every company rule and regulation and policy. Proceduralists at heart, these individuals are more concerned about filling out a form than accomplishing a goal.
MMMM. Stiff Necks These folks are inflexible, arrogant and coworkers with others who say they always did things in a certain way. They hate change.
NNNN. Silent Screw-Ups These people need help, but are generally too proud and stubborn to ask for it.
OOOO. Unyielders These people wont give an inch because they are afraid of losing control, authority or power. Because they have a hard time relaxing, these individuals usually create a very tense atmosphere in most groups they are involved with.
PPPP. Clingers These individuals tend to commit themselves to inadequately thought through ideas, but refuse to let go.
QQQQ. Icebergs These individuals are unsociable, aloof and disinterested in exchanging thoughts with others for fear of having to change or alter their views.
RRRR. Clams These folks are unresponsive and refuse to tell others why they are silent about essential issues.
SSSS. Evaders These individuals generally refuse to discuss issues they do not like and refuse to tell you why.
TTTT. Skeptics These suspicious people tend to question everything and everyone for all kinds of reasons. They prefer to look for some proof before opening up to discussions with others
UUUU. Withholders These individuals hold back from telling others what information they know about and need.
VVVV. Glarer-starers These folks tend to silently express their anger through fixed and hostile looks and other types of frigid body language
WWWW. Grinners These individuals hesitate to voice any objections because they fear being rejected. They are skilled at hiding behind a grin when provoked or challenged.
XXXX. Tongue-tieds These individuals are inarticulate or shy. They cannot seem to verbalize their thoughts since they need communication skills and training, but usually refuse to get help.
YYYY. Guilt-Ladlers These people manage to make others feel guilty regardless of the reasons, situations or personal problems represented in the group.
ZZZZ. Nit-Pickers These individuals are petty bickerers who like to find fault with inconsequential matters, issues or circumstances
AAAAA. Hanging Judges These evaluators like to blame and shame peole before gathering all of the facts in an impartial manner.
BBBBB. Meat Grinders These individuals tend to be overly candid and frank. Their cutting criticisms rip other peoples feelings to shreds.
CCCCC. Squawkers These chronic complainers are some of the most difficult people to be around. They grumble because they do not like their circumstances or themselves.
DDDDD. Super-Sensitives These individuals are extremely touchy and take every comment as a personal affront.
EEEEE. Wise-Crackers These people enjoy throwing out flip, witty and sarcastic comments about other peoples flaws.
FFFFF. Wet Blankets These people are very negative and make a habit of throwing cold water on every idea.
GGGGG. Blame-Shifters These people blame others for their own blunders, mis-perceptions and selfish desires.
HHHHH. Whiners These individuals are adult crybabies. They like to voice continual protests over the unimportant or non-essentials.
IIIII. Self-Beraters They tend to put themselves down and believe that whatever went wrong was probably their fault.
JJJJJ. Martyrs These individuals tend to complain about how they have sacrificed when other people have not really asked them for their assistance.
Conclusion:When I was research head of General Motors and wanted a problem solved, I’d place a table outside the meeting room with a sign: Leave slide rules here. If I didn’t do that, I’d find someone reaching for his slide rule. Then he’d be on his feet saying, "Boss, you can’t do it."
Charles F. Kettering in Bits & Pieces, Dec, 1991, p. 24.
