Statistics tell us that 37% of adults over 18 are single. During the average persons life a significant portion of their life will be spent as a single÷typically the first 25 years of life is spent as a single and perhaps for the last 10-15 of their lives.
In spite of this many people take a dim view of those who are single: holding up marriage as an ideal.
The reasons for a person being single can be exceedingly complex.
For instance some are single for the following reasons:
1. Like their independence
2. Shyness 3. Caring for aging parents 4. Consider selves to old for marriage
5. Career is their priority 6. A past divorce
7. The marriages of those around me donât look that great
8. The death of a spouse
9. I donât have enough money on hand to pursue a potential spouse
10. Basically selfish person and my singleness enable me to look after my own happiness
11. This is Godâs will for my life
12. My singleness has freed me up for certain kinds of Christian service
As you and I consider the scriptures this morning, we are going to consider some scriptural reasons for remaining single.
The Bible speaks highly of marriage and just as highly of a person remaining single and unmarried.
An error of many parents is to push their kids towards marriage; whether it be by downgrading people who are not married or by continually pushing them to produce grandchildren for them.
Every Christian parent needs to teach their children about the benefits of being married and of the benefits of beingsingle. I propose to you that every Christian parent needs to make the case to their children regarding their being single, just as strongly as they would make the case for their being married.
I Corinthians 7 is the biggest text in the scriptures that concerns the topic of singleness. LETS READ THIS TEXT TOGETHER
Todayâs discussion of ch. 7 will not so much consist of an exhaustive study of any one phrase or verse. Instead, we are going to survey together the principles that come from this text regarding singleness.
A number of years before the writing of this chapter, the apostle Paul had spent 1.5 years founding the church of Corinth. He in a way was a spiritual father to them, yet for him they had at times precious little respect. It seems that they often contested his instructions to them in respect to how a follower of Jesus Christ is supposed to live. Hence at times in the books of Corinthians Paul is quite blunt and forceful.
We have this chapter and a number of other similar ones because the Corinthian church had a great problem in the area of relationships and sex. The city of Corinth was known for its immorality and for the temple of Aphrodite÷with its 1000 temple prostitutes who plied the streets at night. Because of all their problems in the area of sex and relationships Paul spent much time writing to them regarding the topic.
As you and I consider the text today we must understand very clearly that Paul is not against marriage. He is pro marriage as a simple reading of the text would indicate. However our focus is going to consider what he has to say about being single.
1. SINGLENESS IS A GOOD STATE TO BE IN
-repeatedly Paul makes this point
Note v.1 "It is good for a man not to marry"
Note v.8 "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried as I am"
Note v.25-26 as he addresses virgins "I think that it is good for you to remain as you are"
For something to be good it means that there is something favorable and attractive to it. There is value in being single.
Shortly we are going to considers reasons for why singleness is a good state to be in, but first consider how many negative messages in life you have heard regarding the state of singleness. This principle contradicts them all: Singleness is a good state to be in. God loves and blesses singles.
2. THOSE WHO ARE MARRIED ARE NOT TO LIVE AS SINGLES v.1-7
Celibacy: not involving oneself sexually with another person is to be the mark of every non married or singleperson.
Married couples are not be to celibate, except for short periods of time where both parties have agreed to refrain for matters of intense prayer.
In the Corinthian church there was a group of marriedâs who thought themselves more spiritual if they refrained from sexual relations with their spouses.
Their minds and understanding of scripture had become quite twisted. From the teachings of Jesus they had learned that in Heaven there will be no more marriage or giving in marriage. So one of their goals became to try to have relationships that would match relationships in Heaven: so some stopped behaving as married couples ought to.
Paulâs point: Sex is for marriage. Abstaining from sex is only for those who are single.
Another thing the Corinthians started to do was to dissolve their marriages. Some were divorcing for many of the very same reasons people do today, others were divorcing on the grounds that since there is no marriage in Heaven, there shouldnât be any marriage here öif you wanted to be really spiritual. Others were getting divorced because they had non Christian spouses. This leads to our 3rd principle
3. MARRIED PEOPLE SHOUDNâT BE LOOKING FOR WAYS OUT OF THEIR MARRIAGES SO THAT ULTIMATELY THEY CAN BE SINGLE.
-50% of marriages today end in divorce, way more than 50% of people who live together first and then marry divorce
-the Bible says that God hates divorce (Malachi) and that his standard is that marriage is for life.
-while it is agreed that adultery or desertion by a non Christian spouse can end a marriage, far to many people divorce for other reasons.
Far to many people divorce, not necessarily for the reason "I want to be single" but in the end thatâs what they end up.
As Christians we need to pour ourselves into our marriages so that the fabric of our marriages stays strong and increases in strength.
At school I learned that in marriage there is to be 3 Câs : Communication, Conflict resolution skills, Christ. The most important person in any marriage is Jesus.
We shouldnât be looking for ways out!
4. SINGLENESS IS A GIFT v.8
None of Godâs gifts are bad, they are all good.
Paul had the gift of singleness. Some people dread the thought that perhaps they have been gifted with singleness. I remember that as a teenager, and I was definitely single, that at times my friend and I would tease each other with "Perhaps you have the gift of singleness" line.
The reality is that God gifts different people with different gifts. Godâs gifts are given so that others will in some way benefit. There have been many great men and women to whom God has gifted with singleness who have done great things for God and their brothers and sisters in Christ.
Not every person is gifted with the gift of singleness but for every person their will be points of singleness in their lives. If you are single and you donât have the gift you must learn to be content and to rest upon the grace and strength of Christ.
For the scripture says:
"I can do all things through him who strengthens me" Phil. 4:13
"My grace is sufficient for thee" II Cor. 12
"I have learned the secret of being content in every and any situation" Phil. 4:12
When, and if its Godâs time for a person be married He will make it happen. Many a discontented and impatient person has made the mistake of marrying the wrong person. If marriage is on your heart and doesnât contradict with Godâs calling for your life then you need the courage to stay single until God works it out. To many people end up with a lemon because they didnât wait for Godâs best.
In the 1950âs a marriage counselor named Walter Trobisch wrote that we must be about "learning to live a fulfilled life with unfulfilled desires". The reality is there will always be things are unfulfilled in our lives no matter what state we find ourselves in. The calling in Christ is to learn to live a fulfilled life in Him.
5. Verses 8-9 are a little bit strange. Paul writes to us that WIDOWERS, WIDOWS, AND THE UNMARRIED IN GENERAL (whether it be by an allowable divorce or whether they be virgins) will find it a blessing to remain single ---THIS POINT WE MUST NOT FORGET---- but then comes the word BUT··
We all know that the fruit of the Spirit is self control and that through Christ we can do all things, and yet it almost seems that Paul says that there are some whose interest in sex is so great that for them to stay out of sin that it would be better for them to marry.
The key here is that Paul in no way abandons a call for sexual purity and in no way does he compromise that the scriptures teach us that we can have victory over all temptations. What he does do is recognize that for some it will be much easier for them to be sexually pure in a married state. There are some it seems who need to be married. Sex is for marriage alone and if you want the one flesh experience the Bible says "Get married"
In v.39-40 Paul again touches on the topic of widows and marriage. Again he argues for singleness when he says ofthe woman who does not remarry "she is happier if she stays as she is"
Throughout this whole chapter Paul is found to be making a case for singleness. In v.25-38 he zones in on those who are virgins. In spite of the rampant immorality in Corinth there were still people who were virgins- who had remained sexually pure.
In v.25-38 Paul presents to us an obviously well thought out argument for a virgin remaining a virgin and single.
Earlier I had promised that I would present reasons for why singleness is a good state to be in.
REASON #1 Already we have addressed that perhaps that might be Godâs gift and calling to you
REASON #2 The troubles that precede the return of Jesus Christ. The troubles that are a part of living in the last days
In v.26 Paul speaks of "this present crisis", in v.28 he speaks of those who are married facing many troubles that he would rather see them spared from" In v.29 he clarifies his meaning by saying "What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short" and then in v. 31 he says "For this world in itâs present form is passing away"
In part each of these verses touches upon the soon coming of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, whose coming the Bible teaches us will be preceeded by all sorts of tribulations and troubles. These troubles seem to be part of Paulâs focus.
In Matthew 24 Jesus warns us of the troubles, evils and persecutions that will take place and be rampant in the last days. Paul says these are a reason to for virgins to consider remaining single--- for once one is married and then has children then in times of trouble there is more than one to protect and be concerned for.
Paulâs call for all us as Christians is to bear in mind the shortness of the days that remain. This world in its present form and the things of it are passing away.
We need to live with a sense that the things that make up our experiences here are not forever. They are passing away. Ecclesiastes 3 speaks of their being a time for all things. Well the time for all things of this life are coming to a close: for signs of Jesusâ return multiply and as Jesus says in Rev. 22 "Behold I come quickly" and what is to be our prayer "Come, Lord Jesus"
Before one gets married one must take into account according to v.28 that their will be troubles, challenges, burdens that are unique to married couples, previously married couples, and other non virgins, that virgins will not have to face. When it comes to marriage a marriage takes a lot of hard work, prayer, patience, forgiveness and commitment. Virgins must consider whether they are up to the challenge. People today spend a lot of time planning weddings but not enough time planning marriages.
There are other challenges that virgins will never face: widowhood, divorce, child rearing, etc.
Q Are you up to the challenge?
Before a person gets married one ought to consider the circumstances and the current atmosphere of the day.
Here in North American culture we are somewhat blind to the multiplication of the signs of Jesusâ imminent coming. Itâs almost as if we live in some sort of dream world. We find it hard to fathom Paulâs teaching here that there is a crisis and that the time is short for us.
Q If we were Christians living in the Sudan right now÷would we necessarily be thinking of getting married÷considering the oppressive and murderous climate towards Christians there?
REASON #3 for being single: The unmarried are concerned for the Lordâs affairs and how they can please the Lord.
For those who remain unmarried there is the glorious prospect of being able to devote yourself in an undivided wayto the Lord.
When a person marries ones attention and interests are divided. A man or woman is rightfully concerned with how they can please and make their spouse happy. This is good and of the Lord but for those who remain unmarried they have the opportunity to give themselves fully to the Lord.
History has recorded for us in every age that their have been courageous men and women who have remained single for Christ. : Corrie Ten Boom as an example. C.S Lewis remained single until his middle 60âs., Charles Wesley for many years until he got married against advice and endured through a horrible marriage.
Perhaps you are here today and this is your calling: Remaining single for Christ
Just a few weeks ago I met a Christian lady who had a ring on her left hand with a cross at its center. She explained to me that she considered herself married to Christ. I also remember that when I was in Bible college that their was a very sweet and beautiful girl who had a similar ring and convictions.
As Paul says here in v.34 "An unmarried woman or virgins aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit"
This is a beautiful thing that Paul commends.
Such a vow and commitment must not be entered into lightly. Consider what I Timothy 5:11-12 says of this matter. "As for younger widows, do not put them on the widows list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry. Thus they bring judgment on themselves, because they have broken their first pledge"
Again: If your are thinking a making such a good commitment do not do so lightly.
CONCLUSION
It is a good thing to marry, it is equally good to remain single. Singleness is a good state to be in.
To our children the Bibleâs case for remaining single must be made
Parents: donât push your children towards marriage
For you who are widowed or divorced: hear the Bibleâs case and call for remaining as you are: single.
Those who are married are not to live as singles
Married people shouldnât be looking for ways out of their marriages so that they can be single again
Singleness is a gift from God.
If you are single and donât want to be, you must learn to be content in every and any situation
Singleness isnât for everybody. Some need to be married
The troubles that come with being married is a reason to remain single
The fact that the end is near and that this world is passing away is a reason to remain single
The prospect and joy of being able to fully devote yourself to the Lord is a reason to remain single.
Quote for outline regarding the transitoryness of the things of this world.
"Build your nest upon no tree here; for you see God hath sold the forest to Death, and every tree whereon we would rest is ready to be cut down, to the end we may flee and mount up, and build upon the Rock, and dwell in the holes of the Rock. Set not your heart on the flowers of this world; for they all have a canker in them. Prize the Rose of Sharon and the Lily of the Valley more than all; for he changeth not. Live nearer to Christ than to saints, so that when they are taken from you, you may have him to lean on still." Rutherford
