In John 21:15-19, before Jesus ascended to heaven, He had an important discussion with Peter about love. The purpose of this discussion was to get Peter to reflect on and examine his love for Christ. It was also to give Peter, and by extension, you and me, a better understanding of what true love really is.
Today, we'll be looking at 5 key elements of true love as seen in the discussion between Jesus and Peter:
1. True love is putting God above everything and everyone else.
Jesus asked Peter, "Do you love Me more than these?" The question was to get Peter to reflect on what and who is the most important person in his life. What or who comes first in life? Is His love for God more than his love for all the other things in his life? Is the love he has for Christ more than the love he has for the people in his life, his career, business, resources, etc.?
Is Your Love for Me More Than Your Love for Fishing?
What are the “more than these” Jesus wanted to be sure that Peter’s love for Him was greater than the love Peter had for fishing? Jesus was asking Peter, “Do you love me more than you love fishing?”
In Matthew 4:18-20, when Jesus first called Peter, it was with so much zeal and passion that Peter left his net, his fishing, his business, and his livelihood to follow Jesus. Now, after Jesus had been crucified and had risen, Peter had returned to fishing (John 21:3). So Jesus was asking him, " Do you still have that same love and passion you once displayed that you could leave your net to follow Me, or has fishing now taken My place in your life?”
This is the same question God poses to us every time we say we love Him, sing songs that we love Him. He is asking, " Do we love Him more than our career, business, and money? Do we place Him far above our career, business, source of livelihood, and money? Which comes first in order of priority in our lives: is it God, or is it our education, career, business, and money?” True love is putting God first, giving Him the priority seat in our lives.
Is Your Love for Me More Than Your Love for the Privileges You Enjoy?
Jesus was also asking Peter, “Do you love me more than the things you take pride in?” In Matthew 26:35, when Jesus told Peter that he would deny Him three times, Peter boasted, "Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You." Again, in Mark 14:29, Peter is seen boasting, saying, "Even if all are made to stumble, yet I will not be." For Peter to have boasted in this way, it showed that at this stage in his life, he saw himself as better than the other disciples. He had spiritual pride. Probably because he was one of the three Jesus always selected to accompany Him on important Ministerial assignments and spiritual experiences, like bringing back to life the daughter of Jairus, the synagogue leader (Mark 5:35-43), the transfiguration of Jesus, and the call to join Jesus in prayer at Gethsemane before Jesus was crucified. Peter belonged to Jesus' inner circle; Peter had a special bond of friendship with Jesus. Peter was also the only man after Christ who had walked on water, even if it was for just a few minutes.
So, Jesus was asking Peter, "Do you really love Me, or is it benefits, privileges, and honor that come from belonging to My inner circle you love? Imagine if it were in our own day that Peter had walked on water, how people who idolize men and women of God would idolize him, how people would be flocking to see him for special prayers and counsel. Jesus was asking Peter,
"Do you love Me more than the title of a super disciple, apostle, Pastor, etc.? Do you love Me more than titles, more than honorarium and special offerings and seeds and gifts people give to servants of God? If there's no special title, position, seat, recognition, privileges, honor, and blessings attached to your service to Me, would you still love and follow Me wholeheartedly and dedicatedly?
We can easily and unconsciously take pride in our spiritual level, career success, skills, gifts, talents, family background – that if we are not careful, these things can stand in the way of our loving God the way He wants; they can make us boastful and puffed up. True love doesn't boast; it isn't puffed up; it isn't proud (1 Corinthians 13:4). If these things are in us, it shows that the love of God has not been perfected in our hearts; as to love God is to acknowledge God's grace and strength as the real source of our accomplishments and achievements in life, not our human abilities and wisdom.
Is Your Love for Me More Than Your Love for Food?
Jesus was also asking Peter, “Do you love Me More Than Food?” The question to Peter, "Do you love me more than these?" came just after Jesus had asked His disciples if they had eaten, and they said they had no food, then He invited them to have breakfast with Him (John 21:5, 13). When Peter kept saying that he loves Jesus, Jesus wanted to be sure that it wasn't his stomach talking, but he was speaking from his heart. Jesus was asking, " Do you really love Me, or is the food you enjoy when you are with Me that you love?
Jesus had identified in His ministry those who were following Him just for food. In John 6:26, He said, “Most assuredly, I say to you, you seek Me, not because you saw the signs, but because you ate of the loaves and were filled.”
There are some people who you have to use food to motivate them to come to church, worship God, and serve God. The day they hear they are sharing food, they will turn out in large numbers. But if there's no food, no welfare package, you won't see them.
Some people can't fast, not because they are elderly or have health issues, but because they can't be separated from food for a day or a few hours. Esau lost his birthright because of food; he lost the position of family head, the blessing due to the firstborn son, because of food (Genesis 25:29-34). May food not make us lose things of value and blessings God wants to release into our lives.
Do you love Me More Than You Love Breakthroughs and Miracles?
Jesus wanted Peter to be sure that the love he claimed he had for Jesus was more than his love for breakthroughs and miracles.
Peter had just witnessed a breakthrough when Jesus asked him, “Do you love Me More than these?” In John 21:6, Jesus told Peter and his disciples to cast their net on the right side, and when they did this, they caught a multitude of fish. A multitude of fish means there was an abundance; there was a breakthrough. So, Jesus was asking Peter do you love Me more than this breakthrough you have just received? After the breakthrough, would you still love Me, follow Me, and serve Me? Some people come to God seeking a breakthrough; once they get their breakthrough, they disappear from God's presence. That is not true love. Jesus was also asking Peter if you don't see breakthroughs of this nature, would you still love Me, follow Me, and serve Me?
These are questions we all need to sincerely ask ourselves. Do we truly love God, or are we just coming to Him for breakthroughs and miracles? Breakthroughs and miracles are good; we all need them, and they showcase the power and majesty of God. But breakthroughs and miracles can't be the foundation on which our relationship and love for God is built, or our relationship and love for God will crash once there's no breakthrough or miracle to testify about.
If we say we love God, then it means we love Him more than we love the things we want to get from Him.
Do you love Me More Than You Love Your Phone?
In Peter's days, there were no phones. If that were the case, it would have been part of the things Jesus would have been referring to when He asked Peter do you love Me more than these. Many of us go everywhere with our phones, we check them multiple times during the day, we can't do without our phones, and we feel incomplete if our phones are not with us. Matthew 6:33 says, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness..." But what many people seek and reach for first thing in the morning is their phones. They seek their phones first before they seek God in prayer and worship. They seek their phones first before they even say thank You, Lord, for making me see this new day. If we truly love God, we will put Him first before our phones, before our career, business, and money. We would place Him far above the things we take pride in, far above food, breakthroughs, and the other relationships in our lives.
2. True love Goes Beyond Words
Note that every time Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him and Peter answered that He did, there was an action Jesus pointed Peter to - feed my lambs, tend my sheep, feed my sheep. LOVE REQUIRES ACTION! 1 John 3:18 tells us to love not just with words and tongue, but in deed and in truth. We are to have actions that show that we truly love. So, when Jesus pointed Peter to an action to do anytime, he said He loved Jesus. Jesus was saying don't just love with words, love is not genuine and complete if there are no actions to back it up. Yes, it's good to say the words I love You to God and to others. God Himself tells us He loves us in many Bible passages. In Jeremiah 31:3, for example, He says He has loved us with an everlasting love. But God doesn't just say the words; He has actions that are evidence or proof of His love for us. 1 John 3:16 says, “By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” This is how we know what love is: we know what true love is because God’s love for us is deep, unconditional, and sacrificial. His love for us goes beyond words; it is not just a feeling. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” For God so loved the world that He did something, He took action, He gave up His only begotten Son for us.
If our love for God and people is just words that are not backed by actions, we need to question the love we have in our hearts. We need to sincerely ask ourselves, "Do we truly love God and other people, or are we just saying that we do? Is our love empty words without substance?
3. True Love responds with the appropriate action
We have established that true love goes beyond words - there must be actions that are evidence of your love. But for the action, the act of love to be meaningful and impactful, it must be appropriate for the level of the person you are showing love to.
When Jesus asked Peter 3 times if he loved Him, the first time Jesus said feed my lambs (John 21:15), the second time He said tend my sheep (John 21:16), and the third time He said feed my sheep (John 21:17).
Jesus was in essence saying that what lambs need is different from what sheep need. A lamb is a young sheep, a young believer, or a new convert. They need to be fed, cared for, nurtured, and protected. The sheep, which represent older and more mature believers in the faith, need both tending and feeding. What a strong, mature believer can handle, a new believer or young convert may not have the capability and capacity to handle.
True love is recognizing and appreciating the level of each person and giving each person the acts of love appropriate, suitable, and fitting for someone at that level.
You can't feed a newborn baby chicken or beef. Chicken and beef are not bad things, but in this instance, it is a bad thing to give because it is not appropriate and suitable food for a newborn baby.
Romans 14:16 says, “Don't let your good be evil spoken of.” The act or expression of love you are showing someone in itself can be a good thing, but when it is given to someone who doesn't have the spiritual, physical, emotional, or financial capacity and maturity to handle that thing, your good can be evil spoken of.
Physical touch is an expression of love. But if it is two single people expressing this form of love to one another, it is not an action that is suitable for people at this level because it can lead them to sin against God (Song of Solomon 2:7). Physical touch is an act of love suitable and appropriate for married people.
What about the love, reverence, respect, honor, worship, adoration, service, and commitment we give God? Is it appropriate for the One who is the Creator of the heavens and earth, the one who is the King of kings and Lord of lords? The One who gave up His all for our salvation? Some people fear and respect their parents, boss, President more than God. They give greater and higher honor to them than they do to God. This was what God was complaining about in Malachi 1:6. That what He was given was not appropriate for One whose power and greatness are incomparable to everyone else.
4) True love means giving priority to the things that deeply concern the person you love
Jesus told Peter if you love Me, you will be concerned about and care about My lambs and sheep. The lambs and sheep Jesus spoke to Peter about are those that make up the body of Christ. So, Jesus was telling Peter that if you love Me, you will love My body, you will make the body of Christ a priority.
Many of us say we love Jesus, but the things we do to His body don't show that we love Him. When there are wounds in His body - when Jesus' lambs and sheep have wounds, are going through emotional and physical pain, do we ignore their wounds? Are we indifferent to their wounds? Do we judge, condemn, and harshly criticize them for their wounds? Do we use hurtful words on them that worsen their wounds instead of looking for ways to bandage and soothe their wounds?
When the body is weak, when Jesus' lambs and sheep are weak either spiritually, physically, financially, or are weak in parenting, or have weak marriages, do we judge and condemn them, or do we look for ways to strengthen, support, and help the weak lambs and sheep to become strong?
If we truly love Jesus, then His body will be of priority concern to us. As 1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us, we would be doing things to comfort, encourage, build up, help, grow, and make strong the lambs and sheep that make up the body of Christ. As Galatians 6:2 instructs us, we would be carrying the burdens, we would be helping to find solutions to the problems of the lambs and sheep that make up the body of Christ, not doing things to worsen their problems.
We can't claim to love God that we can't see, when we don't love His lambs and sheep, when we don't love our sisters and brothers in the Lord that we see regularly (1 John 4:20).
No matter how many times in a day we say we love God, or sing about our love for Him, it isn't true, genuine, and authentic love if we don't love, take care of, and give priority to Jesus' body.
5) True love grows and flows from following Jesus closely
Jesus concluded His discussion on love with Peter with these words: "Follow Me" (John 21:19). This was the exact thing Jesus told Peter when they first met, when Jesus called Him to be His disciple (Matthew 4:19). At the start of their relationship, Jesus told Peter to follow Me. When He came to reinstate Peter after Peter denied Jesus 3 times, Jesus told Peter, " Follow Me.
It is as we closely follow Jesus daily and continuously that true love grows in us and flows through us to others. You can't experience true love if you are not following Jesus closely. You can't give true love if you haven't experienced true love. You don't experience true love by watching and copying the love that exists between your parents, no matter how good it is. True love can't be found in Hollywood, Nollywood, or Bollywood films. True love is not what you learn from Mills and Boon and other romantic novels. If that's the love we know, it is a poor reflection of the love of God. It is in Christ and from developing and maintaining a close relationship with Him, following Him closely, daily and continuously, that we experience and understand what true love is.
Peter experienced true love by following Jesus. Peter denied Jesus 3 times, he ran away and deserted Jesus before His crucifixion when Jesus needed Him most. He was sleeping instead of praying when Jesus asked him to pray for Him, when Jesus needed his support. If it were you and me in Jesus' shoes, what would we have done to Peter? The natural, human response would be that anytime Peter's name comes up, we would say forget that guy, he is very unreliable. For a friend who wasn't faithful and trustworthy at a crucial time in our lives, a colleague or business partner who wasn't faithful and trustworthy at a crucial time in our business, the natural human response would be to replace such a person. But after Peter wasn't faithful and trustworthy at a crucial time when Jesus needed Him, Jesus didn't replace him; he reinstated him. He committed more work and responsibilities into his hands. It was this rare and true kind of love Peter experienced that strengthened and encouraged him to be more dedicated and sold out to the work of God after Jesus ascended to heaven. It was this sincere and rare love Peter experienced that made him ready to go to any extent for Christ, even to the point of dying in a way similar to how Jesus died. It was because of this deep and genuine love Peter experienced from following Jesus that he was able to say in 1 Peter 4:8, "And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins."
You need to personally experience the love of Christ before you can understand what true love is. Peter had firsthand personal experience of the love of Christ. It was this love that covered a multitude of sins, weaknesses, and shortcomings that Jesus saw in Peter.
The love of Christ is not ordinary; it's not a natural love. It's a love we must desire and pray for.
It is only Jesus who is the source of this kind of love that can put it in us. The prayer to experience and have true love is found in Ephesians 3:17-19. Go ahead and pray:
• Lord Jesus, dwell in my heart through faith.
• Lord Jesus, help me to be rooted and grounded in your love.
• Lord Jesus, help me to comprehend, with other believers, what is the width, length, depth, and height of Your love for me. Let Your love be deeply rooted in me and entrenched in my heart.
• Lord Jesus, let me know the love of Christ which passes knowledge so that I may be filled with the fullness of God, so that I can express and radiate Your love everywhere I go and, in all times, and in all situations. This I pray in Jesus’ name. Amen!
