This is a video of my grandson Matthew. He is eager to touch the brownie plate.
He’s in his own little world and very interested in what's on the plate, but his Mom won’t let him touch it (to not get baby goo on the food and because it’s a dessert far too high in sugar for him at his age of 10 months).
When Mom takes away the plate of goodies, he starts to cry, but then when he realizes that others are there watching and expressing compassion and understanding, that calms him down. I’m not alone. Others get me.
Watch video again, advance to still of Matthew
Something about the reaction and his sudden awareness of the presence and understanding of others helped him here to regulate his emotions. Pause
It didn’t help that shortly after this his big brother who was almost 4 was allowed by his Mom to take a brownie, and the Matthew gave the classic (hand out - what’s this...injustice). I love that little insight into his growing character.
A character in the Bible who is one of my favourite people in Scripture is Peter.
He is a complicated man in a complicated world, struggling to make sense of his world, and struggling to sort himself out, while making a whole lot of blunders that I find eerily and wonderfully reminiscent of my own life.
Anyone here have a blunder-free life? I can’t relate.
Anyway, Peter had a shoe size that fit perfectly into his mouth and frequently did.
He was always over-promising and under-delivering, not by way of policy, not intending to do this…
Rather he spent a great deal of time learning about himself and putting himself out there, warts and all.
One of the more serious blunders that Peter made actually happened right around this time of year, just before what we know as Good Friday.
He had traveled with Jesus for about three years and had witnessed Jesus being who he was, someone who loved people profoundly,
one who preferred the company of people who knew they were messed up rather than people who thought they had it all together.
He had witnessed Jesus performing multiple impossible healings and liberations and what we would call miracles.
So with that great confidence in Jesus, he at one point, just the night before Jesus was arrested, responded to Jesus saying that all of His disciples would fall away on account of Him, .
Jesus says: Matthew 26:31 “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: “‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’..33 Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.” 34 “Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” 35 But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.”
A short while later Jesus has been arrested and 3 times people come up to him and identify him as being connected to Jesus. The third time Peter begins to call down curses and he swears to them and no uncertain terms “I don’t know the man”.
Anyone recall what happens next? Well, immediately a rooster crowed, and then Peter remembered what Jesus had said and he goes outside and he weeps bitterly.
After this, Peter doesn’t know what to do with himself, so he goes back to the thing that he knew before he met Jesus, which was fishing.
Days later, after Jesus is crucified and is resurrected, Jesus appears to Peter and the other disciples.
Like I said, Peter is fishing and then Jesus stands by the shore and calls out to them, “friends, haven’t you any fish?“ “No”, they say
Jesus tells him to toss the net on the other side of the boat that they’re using and they find a massive amount of fish.
Then a while later they are sitting with Jesus having breakfast, and they all recognize that it is Jesus. This is not the first time they have seen him after the resurrection.
John 21:15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”16 Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”: Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
17 The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.
That’s a small segment of Scripture that gives us insight into Peter. Peter’s grief at his betrayal of Jesus was deep.
His embarrassment at having asserted that he would never abandon Jesus, and then shortly afterward doing just that - let’s just say that added to Peter’s deep grief.
Many things contribute to grief; grief is many things. It is a complex emotion that includes guilt and shame and regret. “If only I had done this”;
“if only I hadn’t trusted that person”; “if only I had trusted this person instead; “if only, if only”.
And grief is very sneaky. a sound, a scent, a song, a smile...can quickly become tears. Grief looks different on everyone.
And perhaps weirdly, bittersweetly, enmeshed in grief is sometimes joy, the joy of remembering something good or someone that used to be… but that is no longer.
Peter had sat with his own complicated grief for days.
And even after Jesus restored Simon, even commissioning him to “feed my sheep” as Jesus said, in other words to take care of others,
Peter had to process his grief. To sort through the fog in his mind, the layers of emotion and guilt and self-recrimination, self-judging in his heart.
He had to embrace the future that was being offered to him, the gift that was being given to him; he had to come to except the forgiveness that Jesus handed him.
If he had chosen to not grieve, to not sort through his pain, the trauma that he experienced, which was all wrapped up in his betrayal of Jesus - Jesus excruciating crucifixion, the deep emptiness and pointlessness that he felt, and this perhaps on top of hurtful childhood experiences that we don’t know about, Peter would have, most likely, remained in his trauma.
And because of that he may well have not been able to see or hear or appreciate the gift, the future that was being offered to him.
So, Peter is one of my favourite characters in the Bible. I relate to him on many levels, and I find this particular scene as recorded in the gospels, speaks to my soul as well.
After this, in the book of acts, we see and hear from Peter a great deal. Turns out that he, with help from others, does sort himself out and he does embrace the future that was offered to him.
The trauma he experienced did not disappear from his personal history, but because he grieved, because he wept bitterly, because he was willing to engage with Jesus, that trauma did not define him.
Rather, it became merely a compass point on his journey, a pin drop on the map of the rest of his life, a life which was far greater than he could’ve ever imagined.
So as we, here in this group, continue to think about grief, and grow in our understanding of how we can grieve our trauma in a healthy way, may we each embrace the future beyond the trauma, the future where we are free from the clutches of our trauma, free to run, to dance, to sing for joy.
