Introduction:
A. Let’s start with a Peanuts cartoon about relationships.
1. Lucy says to Snoopy: “There are times when you really bug me, but I must admit there are also times when I feel like giving you a big hug.”
2. Snoopy replies: “That’s the way I am…huggable and buggable.”
B. And how true is that for all of us - there are parts of us, our personalities and behaviors, that at times cause people to want to hug us, but at other times it causes them to want to do something else to us.
1. Years ago, there was a poster that read: “Involvement with people is always a very delicate thing…It requires real maturity to become involved and not get all messed up.”
2. Relationships can be complicated and require a lot of maturity, patience, love, and forgiveness.
C. Today in our study from the book of Colossians, we will notice that Paul moves from some general principles about the peace of Christ ruling, the word of Christ dwelling, and doing everything in the name of Jesus, to instructions about specific relationships.
1. Paul wants us to understand that God’s reign and God’s influence in our lives should impact our relationships.
2. As we look at these three specific relationships, we will notice some important principles.
3. First, we will notice that there are different roles in some relationships.
a. There are defined roles for husbands and wives, parents and children, and masters and slaves (or employers and employees).
b. Let’s keep in mind that we are talking about roles, not about rulers.
c. And let’s keep in mind that each person has equal value and certain rights, regardless of their roles.
4. Second, we will also notice that there is a reciprocal quality to godly and healthy relationships.
a. In other words, the relationship goes both ways, it isn’t just about one person in the relationship.
b. The relationship between husbands and wives, parents and children, and master and slave shouldn’t be just about one side of the relationship or one person in the relationship.
c. There should be a mutual concern and a symbiotic relationship.
d. This was a radical idea for the 1st century because women, children and slaves had very low status and rights.
e. In this way Christianity elevated the status of women and children and put in motion the end of slavery.
D. With that background and foundation in mind, let’s explore Paul’s instructions for these pairs of relationships.
1. Let’s go in the order of the pairs as Paul presented them and also in the order of the persons in the pairs: wives and husbands, children and parents, and slaves and masters.
2. I don’t know why Paul didn’t begin by addressing the leader of each of the pairs (Husbands, parents, and masters), but chose to begin by addressing the followers or the ones who are subject to the leaders (wives, children, slaves).
3. Logically, I would have thought that Paul would begin by addressing the lead role in the relationship, but maybe he didn’t because the follower role is a hard role, but for different reasons than then difficulty of being in the leader role (both roles are hard in different ways).
I. God’s Model for Marriage (Col. 3:18-19)
A. Paul wrote: 18 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them. (Col. 3:18-19)
1. We notice that the one duty that Paul requires of wives is submission.
2. I know that this might be a challenging pill to swallow in our time and culture, regardless of how we define submission, but I think it is important to have a proper definition.
3. Please understand that submission is not obedience or slavery.
4. Notice that Paul didn’t say: “wives obey your husbands,” but Paul did say: “children obey your parents” and “slaves obey your masters.”
5. So, there is a difference between submission and obedience, although obedience is one way to express our submission.
B. Submission literally means “to arrange under rank” – it recognizes different roles of authority, or leadership.
1. Our God is a God of order and if God had not put in place some chain of authority, then there would be chaos and confusion.
2. Submission is a military term that recognizes roles and authority.
3. It doesn’t have anything to do with value, inferiority, or ability.
4. In the military, you can have a private (who is new to the military), who is technically much smarter than the sergeant or general they are serving under.
5. In the same way, many a wife has a higher IQ than her husband and yet in her role as wife lives in submission to her husband’s headship.
C. We notice that Paul said that a wife’s submission to her husband is guided by “what is fitting in the Lord.”
1. Submission is an acknowledgement of God’s will and design, and demonstrates her submission to God and her trust in the Lord.
2. A wife’s submission to her husband is reflected in her recognition that he has the God-given role as leader and in her role as helper, she encourages his leadership and doesn’t seek to rule over him.
a. That doesn’t mean that a wife always agrees with her husband, but that she shares her disagreement with respect and sensitivity.
3. Ultimately, all of us are to live in submission to the Lord as we play the roles God has ordained for us and as we carry out God’s commands.
4. We notice that God the Son, came to earth and submitted Himself to God the Father as He carried out His role as the Savior of the world.
D. Let’s turn our attention to Paul’s instruction for husbands: “Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them.” (3:19)
1. We notice that Paul’s instruction for husbands has two parts – one is positive (something to do) and one is negative (something not to do).
2. The positive command is for the husband to love his wife.
a. The Greek word for love used here is agape – the sacrificial love that God has for all of us.
b. There are different Greek words for love that are not used here that include brotherly love, family love, and romantic love.
c. All of those kinds of love are helpful to marriage, but the one commanded is a sacrificial love that does what is best for the other person.
d. In the parallel passage in Ephesians 5, Paul clarified what a husband’s love for his wife should be like when he compared the husband’s love for his wife, like Christ’s love for His bride, the church.
e. A husband should love his wife like Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
f. A husband’s love for his wife should be demonstrated in more than words or gifts (although wives like words and gifts), but in acts of sacrifice and concern for his wife’s happiness and welfare.
3. Paul contrasted the positive command of love with the negative command against bitterness.
a. Perhaps a better translation of the Greek word “bitterness” in the CSB is “harshness.”
b. To be harsh means to be offensive, demeaning, or overpowering.
c. God has created all of us with feelings, but in some respects, God has given the female sex a greater emotional sensitivity.
d. In 1 Peter 3:7, when Peter commanded husbands to treat their wives with respect as the weaker partner, I think he was acknowledging God’s special design of women’s emotional sensitivity.
e. That’s why husbands who truly love their wives will treat them with gentleness, tenderness and patience.
E. Ultimately, when husbands love their wives in God’s way and wives submit to their husbands in God’s way, then their marriage experiences the beautiful reciprocal and symbiotic relationship that God created us for.
II. God’s Principles for Families (Col. 3:20-21)
A. Paul wrote: 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they won’t become discouraged. (Col. 3:20-21)
1. Often the natural result of marriage is the bearing of children.
a. And how fortunate are those children who are born into Christian homes where there is a godly and happy marriage.
b. Being a parent is one of the greatest privileges in life, but it is also one of the greatest responsibilities and hardest challenges.
2. A great deal is said in our day about the rights of children and we believe that children do have rights.
a. One of those rights is the right to be born, although some might disagree with that.
b. Another right is the right to be brought up in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).
c. Unfortunately, too many children in the world are kept from that right because they are born into an atheistic family or an atheistic culture.
B. Paul points to an important responsibility that children have and it is the responsibility to obey their parents.
1. The verb “obey” is written in the present tense, which indicates that the action is to be continual and habitual, not something that is a one and done situation – “I obeyed my parents once and now I don’t have to anymore.”
2. To obey means to have a readiness to hear and carry out the instructions of a parent.
3. The child who does not learn to obey his or her parent is not likely to learn to obey any authority.
a. That child will likely defy their teachers, the police, their employers, and even their God.
b. The tragic breakdown of authority in our society reflects the breakdown of authority in the home.
4. With God’s help, parents must establish their authority and try to teach their children to obey it.
5. In this passage in Colossians, Paul said two things about the obedience children owe their parents.
a. First, their obedience is to be in everything – unless a parent is telling their child to break God’s law or civil law, then a child should be trying to obey their parents.
b. Second, Paul said their obedience pleases the Lord – it makes God happy.
1. When children disobey their parents, then God is not happy, because disobeying parents is disobedience to God as well.
6. In the parallel passage on this subject in Ephesians 6:3, Paul adds that when a child obeys their parents it goes well with them and they have long life on the earth.
a. Parents’ rules for their kids are designed for their children’s safety and wellbeing.
b. The child who disobeys their parents will experience trouble and maybe tragedy.
c. They may find out the hard way why their parent told them not to play with fire, or not to run in the street, or not to hang out with disrespectful, rebellious people.
C. Paul’s command for parents in this symbiotic relationship with their children is “do not exasperate your children, so that they won’t become discouraged.” (Col. 3:21)
1. The word for “fathers” in this verse can be translated “parents” as it is in Hebrews 11:23.
2. The teaching certainly applies to fathers, but is also applies to mothers.
3. What does Paul mean by saying don’t exasperate or embitter your children?
4. It means for parents to not show unreasonable exercise of authority; not to have rules for rules sake rather than for good reasons.
a. Firm discipline is necessary at times, but must be done lovingly and wisely.
5. Not exasperating or embittering includes not slipping into fault-finding or excessive nagging.
6. The reason to avoid these behaviors is to keep your children from becoming discouraged.
a. Parents who are so exacting, demanding or severe can cause their children to conclude that it is impossible to please their parents, so why try?
b. These children will “lose heart” or “give up” or fail to have a positive, hopeful view of themselves.
7. Someone suggested these four things a parent can do to discourage their child:
a. First, ignore them.
b. Second, indulge them.
c. Third, insult them.
d. Fourth, intimidate them.
8. How can parents encourage their children?
a. Spend time with your children.
b. Listen to your children.
c. Speak words of love and encouragement; along with instruction and correction.
d. Pray for your children.
9. For children, home should be the happiest and best place in the world for them.
a. It should be a place of encouragement, strength, and refuge, but also a place where they learn how to behave through instruction and discipline.
b. What children need to find in their parent is a loving heart, a watchful eye, a listening ear, a helping hand, and a wise tongue.
D. Ultimately, when parents carry out God’s instructions for them and children carry out God’s instructions for them, then their familiy experiences the beautiful reciprocal and symbiotic relationship that God created us for.
III. God’s Way in the Workplace (Col. 3:22-4:1)
A. Paul wrote: 22 Slaves, obey your human masters in everything. Don’t work only while being watched, as people-pleasers, but work wholeheartedly, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, do it from the heart, as something done for the Lord and not for people, 24 knowing that you will receive the reward of an inheritance from the Lord. You serve the Lord Christ. 25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for whatever wrong he has done, and there is no favoritism. 1 Masters, deal with your slaves justly and fairly, since you know that you too have a Master in heaven. (Col. 3:22-4:1)
1. Slavery was an established institution in the 1st century and about half of the people in the Roman Empire were slaves or indentured servants.
2. Much of the slavery was by choice and not racially motivated.
3. Many of the slaves of that day were well-educated people who carried great responsibilities.
4. We notice that Paul did not call for an overthrow of the master/slave relationship, but sought to regulate that relationship with high ethical treatment for both sides.
5. Our best application of these verses for today is in the relationship between employer and employees.
B. Paul’s instructions for employees was to work submissively (obedience) and to work sincerely (wholeheartedly).
1. The employees obedience and wholehearted work was to be done all the time, not just when the boss was watching.
2. Have you ever worked with someone who only worked when the boss was watching?
3. This is one of the modern challenges for people who no longer go to an office, but are allowed to work from their home.
4. I read a funny story about a foreman who had a glass eye who was in charge of supervising a group of superstitious laborers.
a. He was frustrated because they were lazy and only worked when he was watching them.
b. When he wasn’t present, they just sat around and didn’t work.
c. One day, he took out his glass eye and set it on a fence post and said he would be watching them while he was gone.
d. That seemed to work for a little while, but then he came back and caught them sitting around.
e. He looked over and saw that someone had put a hat over his eye on the fence post.
4. The Christian employee should also work spiritually, understanding that God is their ultimate boss and that pleasing the Lord is the most important thing and knowing that God sees and knows everything.
5. In most cases, if we are working in a way that pleases God, then we will also be pleasing to our earthly boss.
C. Paul’s instruction to bosses is to treat their employees justly and fairly.
1. The golden rule, that says to “treat others as we want to be treated,” is a good guide.
2. Justice and fairness should include bosses having the right attitudes and expectations towards employees and also having consideration and proper compensation for them.
3. Bosses and employees are people and people make mistakes and have feelings and have good days and bad days, but people also have intrinsic value that should be respected.
4. Paul also reminds earthly bosses that they have a heavenly boss as well – God is watching.
5. The Christian boss must keep in mind that they are trying to please their heavenly boss by the way they treat their employees.
D. So, again, we notice this reciprocal and symbiotic relationship that there ought to be between employers and employees – both benefit the most from each other when both of them treat each other in a way that pleases God.
Conclusion:
A. As we wrap up this practical section of Colossians, we can conclude that the key to having relationships that work is the rightful place of Jesus as Lord of our lives.
1. If Christ is allowed to be Lord of our lives, then our relationships will be more blessed.
2. The husband who has Jesus as his Lord will lovingly sacrifice for his wife.
3. The wife who has Jesus as her Lord will lovingly submit to her husband.
4. The parent who has Jesus as their Lord will lovingly encourage and not discourage their child.
5. The child who has Jesus as their Lord will lovingly obey their parent.
6. The boss who has Jesus as their Lord will treat their employee justly and fairly.
7. The employee who has Jesus as their Lord will work submissively, sincerely, and spiritually.
B. Is Jesus Lord of your life today?
1. Are you following Jesus as Lord in all of your relationships?
2. Following Jesus as Lord not only leads to eternal life, but leads to abundant and successful life.
3. Rejecting Jesus as Lord not only leads to eternal condemnation, but will likely lead to earthly trouble and heartache.
4. Let’s humbly follow Jesus as Lord in all things – especially our relationships.
Resources:
Colossians, by Warren Wiersbe, in The Bible Exposition Commentary, Victory Books, 1989
Colossians, by David E. Garland, in the NIV Application Commentary, Zondervan, 1998
Colossians, by Owen D. Olbricht, in the Truth for Today Commentary, Resource Publications, 2005
Relationships that Word, Sermon by Keith Walker, SermonCentral.com
