HEALING THROUGH GRIEF
By: C. Mason Davis
Today’s Scripture
John 14:1-3; "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me". Remembering God's promises can help mourners and give them a new perspective during a trial.”
Perhaps some of you have lost someone near and dear to your heart, or perhaps you lost something. Losing anything can cause you to experience grief and sometimes depression. People close to you may eventually tell you to get over your grief and move on with their life. They speak of grief as if it were a bad and damaging emotion. While living depressed isn’t a good thing, living through grief is good, especially as a life lesson. Those who say to stop grieving have either never experienced grief, or in their minds, are just trying to be helpful. Too much of that kind of help isn’t good. The grieving person can start to avoid that person or worse, can fall into depression because of the guilt laid upon them by the person telling them to get over their grief.
Healing from grief for most people won’t ever be completely healed. Over time, it may lessen, but grief for the lost won’t ever be over because there will be reminders, anniversaries, thoughts, and memories that dredge up the wounds caused by grief. This is normal. It’s okay to feel this way because grieving means that you really loved and now you’re really missing what’s lost.
Experiencing healing through grief often emphasizes that God is present with those who are suffering and that grief can be a path to spiritual growth, leading to a deeper understanding of God and hope for eternal life. This is meant to encourage you to embrace grief healthily, find comfort in faith and community, and trust in God's promise of eventual joy, even while acknowledging the pain of loss or disappointment.
When you lose someone dear to you, that passing can leave you shocked, feeling numb, hopeless, scared, and devastated. Many of you may still feel some of these issues long after the loss and often wonder if you’ll ever get relief. I’m sure that most of you can remember the moment you heard the devastating news. I’m sure that many of you are still trying to convince yourselves that is was more like a bad dream or could have been anything other than reality. When the truth finally sets in, your initial reaction is to distract yourself at all times. You throw yourself into your work, family, and other projects just to stay busy so you can keep your mind on anything else. There is a reality to escapism from your grief, your problems, and any kind of issue that you’re trying to forget, but no matter how far you run, your grief will always be waiting on you.
It might be years later and you’re still dealing with the grief, the issues, and the problems that don’t seem to be getting any easier, but keep causing you to become more and more discouraged on a daily basis. No matter how depressed you become over time, it will get easier. But just understand that you won’t ever return to the way you were before, and that’s okay. But there is healing when you are no longer in denial. You won’t be as depressed or feel the need to escape from anything negative that happens as you’ve been at rock bottom in life, or so it seems. It can and will get easier in time. Perhaps you’ll learn that your grief amplifies the obstacles you have faced, are facing, or will face. When life happens and challenges arise, you can almost hear an audible voice of Satan whispering, “Don’t forget that the someone you lost is still dead, too.” That is just how Satan tries to keep you under his thumb once he has your attention.
We serve an empathetic God. He feels our pain, and He grieves alongside us. We see it in John 11:35 which simply says; “Jesus wept.” We don’t serve a God who knows only joy. We serve a God who walked the earth and felt pain just as intensely as we do.
So, is it possible to heal from grief? For some, yes. Healing begins with facing reality and remembering that God is with you. Healing is a journey, so be patient and give yourself peace of mind. God’s presence will provide you with grace and will teach you as He leads you through your suffering.
Dealing with your own grief will teach you how to be a better friend when tragedy strikes the people you love. It’s hard to know what to say. We want to be there for our grieving friends, but we don’t want to say the wrong things. Instead, we need to learn to be more empathetic to show that we too, have walked a mile in their shoes, and to let them know that we are available for them when they need a sympathetic ear. When we try to help we often talk too much rather than listen. We think we know how to heal them. We try too hard to say the magic words that’ll make everything better for them.
Being healed through grief often focuses on finding hope in suffering by God's presence, and the potential for spiritual growth that comes from honest grief. Honest grief means that you’re not just wailing and crying to attract attention and sympathy. It also emphasizes that while grief is painful, it is not a hopeless experience that is permanent, and that God works through it to bring about spiritual transformation and deeper faith. Matthew 11:28-30; “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” The core message is that believers can find hope and healing in the midst of sorrow, not that grief itself is the mechanism of salvation, but rather that it can point to our need for a Savior. Key reasons include the promise of eternal life, God's closeness to the brokenhearted, and the idea that grief can be a pathway to a more profound reliance on God's salvation and comfort.
Grief is a healthy, God-Given process that emphasizes that grieving is a natural human response to disappointment or loss and is not a sign of a lack of faith, even though we sometimes lose faith or blame God for what troubles us. But Psalm 73:26 tells us; “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” So, we shouldn’t blame God for our loss, but thank him that we had the time with the departed one that we were able to have. I realize that taking this path is much more difficult than to lay blame and live in a state of mourning. It is when we live in grief and mourning that we turn to hate. It’s especially at times like these that we must turn to God. Philippians 4:13; “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Healing through grief is often presented as a communal experience. Grief is not meant to be handled in isolation. Community and shared sorrow are presented as vital for healing, as believers are called to bear one another's burdens.
Believers are encouraged to share their burdens and accept support from friends and their faith community. It’s why we have funerals, celebrations of life, and grave side services upon losing a loved one. We are encouraged to support one another, as sharing sorrow is seen as the beginning of healing. A personal experience with grief, and God's comfort through it, can give believers the credibility and compassion to comfort others facing similar struggles by turning personal pain into a ministry. Matthew 5:4 that says; “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” This verse offers a framework for understanding that even in sadness, there can be comfort and a higher purpose.
Grief can be the focus of how God uses suffering to draw people closer to Him by providing comfort, hope, and spiritual growth through the experiences of loss or issues that cause us to grieve. Romans 8:18; “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” But a relationship with Christ provides a foundation of hope and that God's presence is especially felt during times of grief, as He is "close to the brokenhearted." Even when God seems distant, He is actually very close to the grieving, as stated in Psalm 34:18; “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” This closeness offers a source of comfort that can help believers endure hardships without feeling alone. He does not abandon people in their pain. Psalm 147:3; “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” The Holy Spirit is often referred to as the "Comforter." The Biblical term, “comforter," refers to one who is called alongside to help," highlighting the Spirit's role as a helper, counselor, and advocate. Jesus promised to send the Holy Spirit to provide this comfort and guidance after his departure.
The idea that "joy comes with the morning" is what what encourages perseverance through weeping. John 16:22; “So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.” Jesus himself wept at the tomb of Lazarus, showing that God grieves with us and that expressing deep emotion is not wrong. John 11 is the story which depicts Jesus as a man who understands grief and shows how he grieves after the death of his friend. There are other biblical examples of grief and loss, such as David's grief over Absalom's death or the lamentations in the book of Lamentations.
There is a healthy way to grieve, but there’s also an unhealthy grief. Grieving is distinguished between a healthy, embraced grief and an unhealthy, repressed grief. A good way can be a life lesson that is also a character building event when dealing with pain and suffering. Time has proven that times of affliction can be a catalyst for spiritual growth, offering "bitter nutrients" that strengthen faith in ways that cannot be achieved during times of ease. Psalm 119:71 says; "It is good for me that I have been afflicted; That I might learn thy statutes." But to deny grief can lead to negative consequences such as: making bad choices, anger issues, depression, hate, denial, and developing a quitter’s mentality, all of which lessens one’s quality of life significantly.
Anyone who has experienced a reason to grieve knows that it is real and necessary. Some emphasize that it is important to acknowledge and process grief rather than suppress it. We must be honest with God about feelings of anger, pain, and confusion. This act of bringing our pain to Him is a way to allow God to work through the process with us and will lead to healing. It says in 1 Peter 5:7; “Casting all your anxieties on him, because he careth about you.” So, talk to Him often through prayer, asking Him for His blessings of healing and acceptance of your circumstances. If we don’t find some way to breathe during our grief and depression, everything negative will just build up until it becomes too much to hold within, so we just explode like a ticking time bomb. Suppressing your grief or sadness can only end with negative outcomes. Grief is an appropriate response to loss in a fallen world. Whether it be loss of a person, a pet, a job, your health, or quality of life. We all grieve as a matter of bad results. Even painful experiences work together for the good of those who love God. God uses pain to help prepare people for an eternal glory that will make all of our troubles seem insignificant.
The suffering can become a catalyst for spiritual transformation and a more profound understanding of God's love and mercy. God does have a purpose for allowing us to suffer at times. It states in Romans 8:28 states; “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” The gospel itself is an offering of hope and comfort to those who are suffering. While the pain of grief is real, Christians focus on the hope of eternal life and the promise that one day, there will be no more death, sorrow, or pain. Revelation 21:4 states; “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” This hope helps believers grieve differently from "those who feel that they have no hope or faith."
I myself, have experienced a lot of the “bad” side of grief from having to deal with a lot of loss and disappointment in my life. From losing my father when I was 16 to alcohol and smoking, losing my wife and adopted daughter at 25, my oldest brother who was only 44 to agent orange caused cancer, another brother when he was 53, then losing my mother when she was 84 back in 2011, have all caused me immense grief. I was only 26 when my wife and her daughter died in a car accident. But my grief didn’t end with losing very important people because I’ve always had dogs who have been like my children. In a way, losing my dogs have had more effect on me because of their unwavering, uncondition love we shared for each other. Another reason I’ve grieved so much from losing my furkids is that I was able to quickly get another, not as a replacement, but as a distraction from my loss. Having dogs constantly keeps the one’s I’ve lost at the forefront of my mind for many reasons. When I’ve lost people, they’re unreplaceable whereas dogs are a constant in my life. My mother, wife, daughter, and others are not constants.
After having lost my wife and daughter I went through a very dark period in my life. I blamed myself mostly, but also went through times when I blamed God in my grief. But over time and going through more and more grief, I’ve been able to learn to adjust myself and my feelings to a place that allows me to cope. Don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days when I cry and mourn over my losses, but in a way afterwards, I feel cleansed and revived.
Let’s all remember that there’s hope in the Resurrection. The hope found in Jesus Christ is the ultimate answer to grief. A central tenet is the Christian hope in the resurrection and eternal life through Jesus Christ. This hope is not a denial of pain but a belief in eternal life and God's promises, which provides a framework for processing loss and encouraging others as it prevents believers from grieving without hope, as those who have died in Christ will be reunited with their loved ones in the future. And it is this that I pray for all of us. Amen.
